I’m (17m) the family fuck up if you ask anyone in my family, including my parents, my siblings and their spouses. They always saw me as that. And I am clumsy and struggle with co-ordination, etc. But three years ago we found out why when I was diagnosed with dyspraxia. Suddenly all the struggles I had made sense but my parents made it into the biggest negative because they saw it as confirmation that I’d never go anywhere in life.
The guys in our family are all physically active guys who work construction. That’s expected for all the guys. I always knew it could never be me and they always thought until my diagnosis that they could shame me into doing better. Once my diagnosis was official they didn’t see me as being worth the effort of that even.
Every time I hurt myself as a kid they were on me for not paying attention or not listening. When school sent home emails and stuff that my handwriting was awful or that I couldn’t follow certain instructions well. Or when I got hurt at school using scissors or something. They were always so angry and they’d punish me and tell me I needed to do better. If I said I tried my best they didn’t believe me and they’d say all you had to do was see the mess that I wrote or drew or cut out.
I was 7 or 8 when someone first suggested I might have dyspraxia and my parents rejected the idea and said I was just being careless. They kept getting angry about the mistakes I’d make or my lack of coordination.
My siblings loved to make fun of me for that stuff too. I also had problems with speech sometimes and that was another thing my parents would accuse me of being too lazy to get right and my siblings would mock me relentlessly for.
More than once I was told I’d never be good at anything or for anything. I was told nobody would trust me to tell them the time because I could find a way to fuck it up. My siblings loved calling me the family fuck up and they said I embarrassed everyone. That even our grandparents wanted as little as possible to do with me. Oh, and when I got my diagnosis they said I was too stupid to walk in a straight line or use scissors and said I should change my name to Ralph Wiggum.
In the last few years my parents have become grandparents to six kids. Now that some of them are a little older and my siblings with kids miss being able to go out with their spouses on weekends, they want a babysitter and even for family get togethers they’d like someone to babysit. Everyone said since I was the youngest I could do it. But that pissed me off and I said no. They didn’t expect it and told me it wasn’t my decision and I said it isn’t theirs either. I said to get someone other than the family fuck up to babysit since I could never be good for anything. My parents told me I was being given a chance to prove myself and I should if I believe I’m capable of being more than a burden.
I said they were out of luck because I’m just too Ralph Wiggum for that. My parents didn’t get it. My siblings were like you can’t take a joke. Everyone’s mad but I think they’re all a little too afraid to force the babysitting now.
AITA?
Comments
YTA
Young kid, painful post. Obviously traumatic family relations in the past. Parents are not wrong, it is an opportunity for you, not exactly to prove yourself, but to find your measure. It is not at all acceptable for anyone to call you a fuck up or say those things. Utterly unacceptable. To some extent, I don’t even believe your post because some of those things are so extreme. In any event, you are articulate and you’ll be out of there soon.
Obviously you can’t be trusted to walk and chew gum, why would they think you can baby sit, especially for free… I mean ER visits are expensive, how are you supposed to afford them if your not getting paid…
NTA, oh and ask your school about occupation or vocational rehab training, they can probably get you into a career other than construction
NTA/ESH
Only saying ESH because it sounds like your resentment is festering to the point you might be an asshole in response. Not saying they were right for how they treated you, but maybe wanna get your feelings about it in check so it doesn’t grow into something unhealthy.
What a horrible family…
NTA. They can’t spend years mocking you and being cruel to then turn around and expect favours.
NTA. Stand your ground.
NTA. I wouldn’t feel any different than you in the same circumstances. I would have basically said the same thing you did, maybe even a little more crass. Good luck in your future endeavors.
NTA. They have never been there for you or supported you in any capacity. You don’t owe them anything. They aren’t family, they are monsters. Focus your time on saving money and getting the hell away from them.
NTA. At 17 you should be asked to babysit and set a decent price you are willing to do it for. If you are interested, find the going rate and don’t offer discounts.
It sounds like you know your career path and are working on getting there. Its up to you in how much you want to work with your family in getting them to understand how their treatment affected you or just give up and grey rock them until you no longer have to spend time with them.
I would be tempted to maliciously comply, offer to babysit for 40 per hour and then be the fun relative who let’s them eat sugar for dinner, watch movies and go to bed 10 seconds before their parents come home. Leaving a mess behind because you don’t know where it is supposed to go!!
NTA. Stand your ground, and when you’re able to get away from those people, run and don’t look back.
NTA get away from them as soon as you’re 18! You deserve better!
It sounds like you have honestly been Abused your whole life and Mocked for having what I can tell to be a disability. It impacts you so much like you are drunk 24/7 (from what it sounds like to me. Prolly much worse) and they chose every opportunity to make you feel less than for it.
They deserve nothing from you.
I hope you get all the help you need to be able to get away from all of them and their childish,negative, and damaging behavior.
You deserved better your entire life.
NTA. NTA. NTA.
I was born with Severe polyarticular rheumatoid arthritis. My mother did everything in their power to still treat me like a “normal” kid. That I would find my own limits and how to listen to my own body.
I, Now 26m have my own very small general services “business” and do my own tattoos. I now DoorDash on the side (tho It gives me very high anxiety so we will see about that).. All jobs that I can pick my own hours for and choose for how my body feels that day. 🙏🏾🙏🏾
No matter your struggles.. I genuinely hope you can find something and someone (if that’s your thing) that makes you happy and takes you away from all that.
NTA. And I need the people in the comments saying “EHS” to reread the post. This boy has been suffering with his family’s ableism for more than a decade. He could have gotten help sooner if his parents weren’t AH. And now the siblings want a free sitter, it falls on him? Okay, let’s entertain the parents’ idea for a moment. You prove you’re “not a fuck up” (you never were btw), then what? They are not going to all of sudden appreciate you. If anything, they will become more entitled to free sitting.
“They didn’t expect it and said it was not my decision”
Look at that. They’re already entitled.
Once again, NTA. Wish you the best 🙂
NTA
Tell them if they say it isn’t your choice to babysit, you will make sure their kids know that their parents are abusive and explain to them, every time you are left alone with them, what emotional abuse is and why their parents and grandparents are abusive and should not be respected. You will make sure their kids know to tell a teacher if their parents ever treat them the way you were treated, and you will give them the number of CPS.
And if they freak out, then “geeze, why are you so sensitive? Can’t you take a joke? I am only as serious about telling them you are abusive as you were when you were making fun of me”
NTA
They’ve bullied you for years and delayed getting a diagnosis because it was easier to use you as a punching bag. And even now, knowing why you have the issues you do, they continue bullying you.
So, no, you are not available to babysit them, much less for free. They can ask someone they didn’t bully for years to babysit. You shouldn’t have to “prove” yourself either. Maybe they should “prove” themselves and show they are more than just bullies.
I see you’re 17. Talk with your teachers and guidance counselors to find a career path that will work for you and a college, preferably far from home. Once you’re independent, go NC with the whole lot.
NTA
Tell them all, “nope, you treated me like shit, mocked me for my illness, told me that I would be no goid for anything and now you want me to do you favours? Not a chance. That ship sailed a long time ago. As soon as I’m able to support myself, I’m leaving and going no contact with all of you”
Awwww 😭 this is so sad 🫂 I’m so sorry you experienced this. Your family are monsters who abused you, degraded you, humiliated you, and now they’re acting like you should behave like supply to prove yourself 🙄 disgusting behaviour. They’re toxic horrible people. Stand your ground and say no. If the force it on you, fuck it up on purpose, like give them lots of sweets and ice cream for dinner, let them watch dumb shit, I mean, keep it to a level that’s not dangerous, of course, but fuck it up. Bake with them! Throw flour around, leave the kitchen a state, then go 🤷🏾♀️ Ralph wiggle does it again, hurk durk oh doh 💁🏾♀️
Nta. No one should be forced ro baby sit to begin with.
But just a fyi. I have dyspraxia. I also studied the martial arts for over 20 years, won mutiple state and national tournaments, and have thought about teaching martial arts before. And I do teach my kids. Yeah having dyspraxia does make it harder. But you can work around it. Also work in very physical demanding jobs over the years. True I do come home with more injuries then most do.
NTA so you are too stupid to walk in a straight line but can be trusted with 6 young children? Yeay no. They don’t get to bully you and turn around and demand you help them out
Start making an escape plan to get away from these toxic ahs and i do include your parents in that
Updateme
NTA – Why aren’t the grandparents watching/playing with them? That’s their job. Not yours. If they (2 adults who have raised children) can’t handle it, how are you supposed to?
If they do manage to stick you, make sure everyone gets extra caffeine to go with their sugar rush. 🙄
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I have dyspraxia and the family joke is I can fall over walking on a flat floor. I also have aspergers so my focus is all over the place. Something I love I can do for hours without even noticing the time. Something that bores me I can’t get past the first page.
I had family support though which made a world of difference, you don’t. All you can do is go off and be magnificent wherever your interests take you, and leave them in the dust. I don’t blame you for not agreeing to babysit, I find children exhausting even though I’m good with them.
You might have to grit your teeth until you go to college, but once you are free you can go low or no contact with them. See them for holidays every year or two and enjoy being treated like a person not a problem. I’m sure if you are successful they will be more than happy to spend your money though.
Updateme
NTA. If they ever leave you alone with the kids call the police. I’m not kidding, make them face consequences for their shite behavior. Fingers crossed you get a scholarship to college so you can be free of these assholes forever!
NTA it’s not an opportunity to prove yourself and your parents must think your a moron for not seeing through the bs.
NTA. They’re only acknowledging you because they want your labor. You’re not a fuckup and it’s insane that anyone would label a 17 year old (or younger child) that way. You don’t have to prove yourself to people who are only barely decent to you when they want something.
NTA, do not babysit. It’s time to learn more about dyspraxia and realize that you need to forge your own path. You are not a f up. Start working towards your dreams and leave your repulsive family behind.
Never babysit for them. If they think you can’t do anything right then how could you be trusted to watch small children. Absolutely not. Fuck them.
You’re 17 OP, start working on your exit plan now. If you can, get a part time job and start saving for when you can move out, go to school, trade school, military, whatever you can do to get away from them. Good luck, at least you (and a lot of people on the internet) know you can do it.