Me[19M] and my gf[19F] both say we want to make this relationship work, but it feels like we’re stuck and i don’t know how to keep going

Me (19m) and my gf(19f) have been dating for about 6 months… she is my first relationship and i am her second. In the beginning, we were a lot closer and overall more affectionate, and it felt like we were both really into each other. over time, i feel like something started to shift. she became more distant, less emotionally and physically available, and i started feeling confused and more hurt.

In the beginning she opened up and explained that she’s autistic and has ADD and gets overstimulated easily, especially when it comes to physical contact and emotional demands. i totally get that it must be overwhelming for her sometimes, and i want to respect her space and needs. i’ve tried to adjust, and i’ve apologized when i did or said things that crossed boundaries, even unintentionally.

but what’s hard is that she says she wants to make this relationship work, yet she rarely follows through in a way i can feel. she’ll agree to communicate more, or to be a bit more emotionally present, but then goes quiet for hours or days, barely replies, or acts cold. meanwhile, i’m the kind of person who needs affection and small emotional check-ins to feel loved. i’ve told her this multible times gently, and not in a demanding way… that i’m just someone who connects through touch and presence and that i would like her to make an effort, which she has been doing but it feels lacking to be honest…

and yeah, i’ve made mistakes. i said some things playfully (like that her eye bags were kinda hot or that her room being messy turned me on), which she told me later really hurt her because she’s insecure about those things. She also told me that it feels like i only am dating her for her body and not her heart… because i really get turned on when she is with me but honestly i can’t control it… i didn’t realize how serious this all was and i’ve told her i’m sorry which i really am but like it also hurts me that she thinks i only want her sexually because i have always waited till she was ready to do it, yes when we did it i made mistakes for like maybe asking for a blowjob a second time when she already said no… but i never pressured her into having sex with me…

she’s also said she wants a more casual kind of relationship, and i’ve tried to slow down emotionally but i feel myself longin for her to just react to my messages… she says she wants to make it work, and i’m left wondering what we’re working toward. i want closeness, but i feel like i’m always the one reaching out, always the one adjusting, always the one wondering if she even still wants this… for example after we had a talk about our needs i have asked her today to give me an answer for an certain time so i also can react to her message (i am going on vacation so i need to spend time on getting packed) and she did… she only said she would like to make this work (like i said earlier) but then when i asked her if she has any feelings or thougths about how i reacted to her list or if she feels anything what i said is unfair or just about anything i get no response…. even though it is now 6 hours later… litterly one of the problems we just talked about and then i see her online on instagram, like huh… i get thoughts like does she even care or what am i to her…

i am probably overreacting but it hurts. Since i am with her these last 6 months i have been crying for the first time in forever… idk why but she hurts me with her actions way more than it should even… i feel like this mainly comes because i have i think a few mental illnesses because of my childhood and my parents… i have been to therapy but it didn’t work because even then i was like being monitored… so i said nothing… i have seen my mother trying to kill herself, i have tried to kill myself multible times in different ways… my father and mother also are neurodivergent so like probably what i said there is also something miss with me… the one thing that i do know is that i need her emotions, like i want her to care…

what’s confusing too is that she says she gets overstimulated from physical affection, but i see her cuddle her cat for long periods. and yeah, i get that animals and people are different, but for me, it still hurts to feel rejected while watching her be super affectionate with a pet. especially because in the first few months, we cuddled a lot more. it feels like i lost something that used to be there.

i’ve asked her how she really feels, and she just says “i want to make it work.” i want that too but i need more than just the words. i need effort, something to show that she actually wants this too… and i don’t want to be unfair either because i know she’s struggling with things she may not fully understand herself yet. and she’s said it’s hard for her to talk about emotions or express things. i respect that but i’m hurting too, and i don’t know if we can keep going like this.

tl;dr: me [19M] and my gf [19F] have really different emotional and physical needs. she’s autistic and has ADD, so closeness and affection can be overwhelming for her. i respect that and i’m trying, but i need emotional connection and small things like cuddling or messages to feel loved. she says she wants to make it work, but barely follows through and often goes silent. i’ve made mistakes too and i’ve apologized for the ways i hurt her, but i don’t know how to move forward if we keep missing each other like this. i love her, but i feel lost.

how do you move forward in a relationship where you both care for each other but seem to have different emotional needs?