I turned 37 last week and all of a sudden something snapped in me. It settled with me that I’m no longer young. Like at all. And that I’m lost in this life.
For context, I moved to a new country when I turned 30 and started my life from scratch. No friends, no job. Before moving, I left a 5-year common law marriage. As fresh of a start as it gets.
My therapist says that I’m doing well by all metrics. I have a small business that makes me good money and gives me a ton of free time. I have a house, no debts, no harmful habits, no serious health issues, tons of hobbies. I travel the world at least once a year, ride motorcycles, and study for a pilot’s license. I’ve dated many women throughout this time, but nothing lasted and my last relationship ended this January. At the same time I feel that I’ve lost something that will never come back, and it weighs me down so much that I dream about it.
I guess part of the problem is that my teens and 20s were not the most carefree times. I grew up in an abusive household and couldn’t wait until I left home. I did that when I was 17, but then in my 20s I developed a severe case of IBS that made my life hell for the better part of that decade. I finally learned a way to deal with it a couple of years ago. And now I’m realizing that my youth and potential are all gone, and it’s as if I missed something crucial in my life. I never managed to create a family or get a stable and boring job. I used to have one in my 20s and hated it with all my heart.
One of my hobbies is studying Japanese and I go to a weekly Japanese-English language exchange gathering. Yesterday was that day and we all ended up in a bar socializing with each other. I realized how out of place I was since everyone was in their early 20s. And though I could relate to them, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that I wasn’t accepted by the crowd.
I guess all of this is just ranting and venting. But I also want to ask if some of you have felt a similar way, and how it worked for you in the end.
Comments
When I turned 37, everything changed. I started walking into rooms and forgetting why I was born. I bend down to pick something up and consider just living down there. My knees sound like microwave popcorn. I scroll past Gen Z slang like it’s a foreign language and mutter, “Back in my day…” My friends talk about cholesterol the way we used to talk about concerts. My grandchildren are the best thing about my life (that plus my AARP membership).
P.S. I regularly tell kids to get off my lawn.
Never lose your inner child, and luckily, that’s always within reach.
And someone at 25 can be 37, and someone at 37 can be 25 – it all depends on their health. At big metro areas, families often start late – age isn’t the thing, love is.
Congratulations to you, your life is a very solid foundation. You have everything you need.
I am 37 in April and it sounds like a cliche, but it’s truth. Aging is a privilege to deny to many. I think about all the people who never made it to this age including famous people like Princess Diana and Kurt Cobain.. be happy that you’ve made it to this age and all the years you have left in front of you that were denied to so many.
In relation to things like your depression and your traumatic youth, seek out counselling or therapy .
Really hope this helps
Mushrooms. Once every 6 months should do it. You’re welcome.
Honestly it sounds like you have a great life but without a meaningful long-term partner even the greatest life(on paper) can seem meaningless. Dating around can be fun and can sort of delay the urge to settle down but leads to this if you drag it out. The anxiety you’re experiencing most likely stems from feeling like you’re ten years behind the usual time to find a real life partner.
If you agree that that’s the thing you’re missing then rest assured you aren’t too old, not by a long shot. Focus on finding a partner and not just a girlfriend and be clear about those intentions early with the women you do meet. Make sure you’re aligned on intentions before they know too much about you or you risk an endless amount of shallow relationships.
Avoid and if possible remove the triggers. Do stuff that makes you happy and gives you peace. And get your heart rate going with cardio if some kind. Also, passion flower tablets each morning take the edge off a bit for me.