I’m 25F and have been with my boyfriend, Liam, for about nine months. Things were great until I noticed he was acting distant and secretive with his phone.
One day I saw a message from my best friend, Maddie, on his phone. When I asked them, both denied anything was going on.
Later I found proof they had been meeting up without telling me. It crushed me. I ended things with both of them.
Maddie begged me not to tell anyone, warning it would cause drama and break up the friend group. Liam wanted another chance.
I told a few close friends what happened because I didn’t want to disappear without explanation. Now some say I’m the problem for not keeping it quiet.
So, Am I the asshole here or what?
Comments
You didn’t break the group Maddie did now she’s trying to guilt trip you. Let the group know the reality.
NTA
Fuck them
NTA
NTA. It wasnt you who broke their reputation, their own acts did it
NTA, OP. That moment when my sister admitted to liking my crush? Brutal, but hiding it would’ve made things worse, sooooo don’t let Maddie guilt-trip ya
NTA
The general rule is you are free to share information that involves you directly, as this situation did here. You were simply sharing why you were no longer associating with Liam and Maddie. They don’t have any moral authority to tell you not to share what happened to you and why you are making the choices you are making.
Compare your situation to the hypothetical situation where Maddie and Liam were cheating on another friend instead of cheating on you. Then you would need to respect your friend’s privacy and not share about why your friend was making the decisions she was making without her permission.
Another general rule is that it is never the teller of a true thing who is responsible for the consequences from the disclosure of the facts, it is the person responsible for the facts (not the teller) that is responsible for the consequences. People seem to get this one wrong all the time, especially in cases of abuse where people are like, “oh if you hadn’t told about the abuse u wouldn’t have split up the family” when it of course is the responsiblity of the abuser, not the teller.
Cheating doesn’t deserve privacy. NTA
You can tell anyone you want about what’s happened in your life. Including this.
Fake profile? Throw away account? AI?
NTA, whoever said you’re the problem isn’t a friend.. see if they’re saying the same when she betrays them.
Maddie is trying to avoid accountability. Instead of realizing how shitty her actions are and to try to apologize and earn your trust back she was more worried about protecting her image. Typical narcissist of today.
How the hell are you the asshole?! YOU didn’t cheat. Fuck what they want.
I’d rent a fucking billboard.
NTA! You did no wrong thing. Your ex and Maddie betrayed you. Don`t give them second chances, cause you deserve better friend and better boyfriend.
Yta she isnt your best friend. Women will always stab you in the back for their benefit. You just found out.
NTA How long were you best friends with the hoe? Had she ever displayed hoe like tendencies before?
You aren’t the cheater/side chick. They made the mess.
Nah, girl, you’re not the AH. They wanted to cheat and lie and keep their social reputations squeaky clean? Actions have consequences. If they didn’t want drama, maybe they shouldn’t have created it.
NTA. Why did you think that listening to a pair of lying traitors was the way to go? They didn’t want you to say anything because they didn’t want anyone to know they’re assholes. Tell everyone. If there is drama and the friend group splits, it is on them.
Who’s telling you you’re the problem? Gonna keep being friends with someone that says that about you?
The people who said you should have stayed quiet already knew about the cheating. So fuck them, Maddie and Liam.
NTA
Tell everyone. Not just some people
You don’t owe he grace. She a skank and should be treated as one.
They deserve to be put on blast for their actions. They betrayed your trust, caused drama, and broke up the friend group, anyone who tells you otherwise is gaslighting you.
This is fake.
NTA. Maddie fucked around and found out (so did your bf). She’s just like any other cheater who doesn’t like the consequences. The ones telling you you should’ve have stayed quiet are just as bad as she is and luckily they showed their true colours! All of them are scummy…
You are definitely NTA!! Maddie and Liam sure are though. As well as anyone else in this so-called friend group who would put the blame on you. Time for some new friends!! And to be single for a while!
NTA
Why would any sane person believe you’re the problem for outing two pieces of shit?
NTA. You owe them NOTHING. And anyone in the friend group who thinks you should have stayed quiet probably knew about and helped cover up the cheating to begin with. They’re just worried that now they’ll be found out.
You don’t owe either of them any favours, he’s a cheater and your so called friend should be outed as a bully, trying to guilt trip you into keeping quiet. Also it seems like the rest of the group are enabling her/their behaviour so none are worth your time. Good luck to you
I would have told everybody, they don’t get to keep it a secret, just because they are despicable people. NTA
NTA. Their actions broke up the friend group.
Nope. Just tells you who your real friends are. NTA
NTA.
You were twice betrayed. You have a right to set the story straight before they can twist the narrative.
She caused the drama. NTA.
NTA
If people in your friend group are blaming you, they might have known about it before you did.
Nta
She was not your friend and anyone who tells you you’re the problem for confiding in your friends doesn’t understand the meaning of friendship. Nta
NTA you deserve to give an explanation for why you aren’t there. You don’t owe them anything and if they really cared for you none of this would have happened.
Nope the problem. Your friend is the problem. She was never your friend
NTA and I hope she sleeps with the bf of any girls that had a problem with you revealing she’s a snake.
NTA. You are fully entitled to tell the truth as to why you broke up.
Liam is an ass hole and a dick for cheating and for me there is no such thing as a second chance for cheating. Most cheaters will do it again.
As for your “ best friend” Maddie she broke up a relationship by her actions and of course people need to know she is a piece of crap. If one of your friends get their relationship broken by her and they found out you knew what she has done to you in the past and you kept it secret,you will lose a lot more friends.
UpdateMe!
NTA
You didn’t do anything wrong. Cheaters don’t deserve to have their secrets (the cheating) kept in order to keep their fake good reputations on display.
Shine a light on that ish.
You are most definitely not the problem. No one should ever stay silent with things like this. Tell your truth to whoever you want to. NTA.
Who is telling you that you are the asshole?
Tell your former best friend that he still doesn’t want her and is being you to come back.
Those people who are not on your side are not your friends and never were.
NTA. They cheated. People are going to ask why you broke up. You didn’t do a social media slander event. And besides. Secrets don’t remain secrets forever. They probably are getting together and didn’t want to look suspicious. And honestly, your friends should know there is a snake in the group.
Don’t do things you don’t want people to know you did. Easiest way to not get told on.
Edit to add: I have to wonder how many of your “friends” knew she was cheating. If they are giving you crap about it, then I’d be wonder what other secrets they are holding onto to. Why are YOU the bad person?