Is it time for me (29f) to move on from 4 year relationship w/ boyfriend(29m)?

Hi! Using my throw away for this. I (29f) have been dating my boyfriend (29m) for 4 years. We moved in together very quickly and have been in the same place ever since.

A few years ago, I brought up getting engaged. I wasn’t expecting for him to say right away, but I figured having a conversation about it to let him know that’s what I want for the future would be a good idea. When I asked, he said within 6months, so I had that idea in my head. 6 months came and went, no ring, no talk of a proposal. I would continually ask and he would brush the conversation off, say of course I want to get married to you, blah blah blah.

Fast forward to now, we were in the process of buying a house. His parents are moving and again, over the past few years, the plan was to buy their house, which they were offering for lower than market value to help us while the interest rates are high. I have been invested in this house for the past 2.5 years, we have made plans, even got pre approved for a mortgage to help prepare since they officially are moving in the next few months. A few days ago, I brought it up, and he abruptly told me that he no longer wanted the house because it’s going to be too hard to live there without his family, and how he is going to have nobody when they leave. While I understand this is sad, I am extremely upset that he decided this without including me in these plans. There was no thought of me, his partner of 4 years, and how this will affect me as well.

I have been very understanding, and even a conversation about how he was feeling would have made things better. No discussion, no thought of how this is a joint decision, he decided I don’t want it so we’re gonna stay in this apartment (that I hate) until we can find a new house. I am so blindsided and I can’t even look at him the same anymore. When I try to talk to him about this and how I’m very hurt that he didn’t include my in this decision, he just starts crying that this is hard for him and that he is going to have to no one here anymore (which also feels like a slap in the face to me?). I try to redirect the conversation back to the fact that he made a very big decision without me, and try giving him examples that do not include his family, but he is just not getting it.

The thing that has been weighing heavy on me is that this man will never commit to me. First, it was the engagement. He pushed it off for so long, so by the time we started the house buying process, he said well let’s focus on the house and then we can talk about it once that’s all settled. Now, we are about to commit to a house, and he pulls out of it out of no where. This has brought up other conversations as well. Of course, I have asked him about kids over the years and he never said he didn’t want them, but I decided to ask again. He said “maybe eventually in the future.” I’ve also asked him continuously over the past few days to sit and actually think about what he wants in life. When I follow up and ask him if he’s thought about anything he says “thought about what?”

I know this is pretty obvious, I should leave this man and never look back, but it’s heartbreaking. I thought I was going to marry this man, have a life, kids, a home. Our relationship has been amazing, and he is my best friend, but I am also 29. Unfortunately, I don’t have my whole life to wait around for him to figure out what he wants. I want kids, and I can’t give him years to think about what he may want in the future. Am I going crazy over this? Is this worth even trying to fix? My head is telling me no, but obviously there are feelings and years invested that make this so hard 🙁

TLDR: my boyfriend can’t commit to me and made a huge decision without consulting with me.