TL;DR! My gf is looking at other men after many conversations and refuses to stop staring it’s not what’s actually happening. Am I being insecure, or is this in fact not a healthy behaviour for a happy relationship?
Hi all,
I (28M) have been dating my girlfriend (24F) for almost 2 years. It’s been a largely fulfilling relationship, but not without its challenges (as can be expected in any relationship).
Something I noted early on in our relationship is that my gf would openly stare at other men when we’re out together. Initially, I would ask
“what are you looking at over there” and she would respond ‘oh l’m just people watching.
But, I started to notice that the lingering stares or continuously glancing at other men was becoming a pattern and it seemed clear from my perspective that she is in fact checking out
I eventually broached the conversation more directly, saying that l’d noticed this behaviour and it bothered me because I didn’t treat her that way and it made me feel disrespected. She responded saying “sorry, I didn’t notice I was doing that, l’ll try be more active aware of it.” But, it continued after a while. One day I couldn’t hold back when we were out together when I noticed what looked like obvious staring. So, I confronted her and she blew up on me saying I didn’t trust her and that my insecurities are affecting our relationship and asked why I would I date her if I thought she was checking out other men.
This led me to feel like I could never bring this conversation up again because it’ll affect our relationship. I’ve never experienced this sort of behaviour in previous relationships, so I don’t know how to deal with this.
Do you think this really is just my insecurity, is this common in most relationships and something that I just need to learn to let go of?
Or, is this a red flag? I feel like this behaviour will never change so I either need to leave the relationship or learn to deal with it.
What are your thoughts?