I’ve been with my wife 5 years now and as I’m getting a little older my hairline is beginning to thin ever so slightly. While discussing it my wife asked me when my father really started to lose hair because she wanted to be “mentally ready” for it. I replied asking when her mother really started to gain weight because I wanted to be mentally ready for it. As we all know that did not go over well. I just simply asked what the difference in her asking about his hairline and me asking about her weight was. AITAH?
AITAH for bringing up my in-laws weight when my dad’s hairline was brought up?
r/AITAH
Comments
I mean, you were already discussing your receding hairline lol
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For the record. Hair loss is determined on the MATERNIAL side. Meaning, when did your maternal grandfather begin to lose his hair.
Yta
I think you’re both wrong here. Why does your wife need to be “mentally ready” for a receding hairline. Even though you were talking about it, it was a pretty mean question. Your follow up question was equally mean, but in the moment I get it.
Dude the difference is you were already discussing this and when she added to the conversation you were already having you brought up her weight and made a snide comment about how she looks. You just called your wife fat. Read that out loud. Go apologize to your wife.
ESH. I can’t imagine saying either thing to my spouse or his saying it to me.
YTA. What else would you expect from that response? Your response was just mean.
ESH- you both sound petty and vain… grow up more before having kids.
ESH. You’re both wrong here.
You are both TAH. I imagine she knows your hairline bothers you and she wants to be “mentally ready”? That’s mean.
And weight is hereditary. I mean you have some control over it but typically, put two generations together for family pics and you aren’t going to have a whale and a minnow.
ESH. Your wife asked a shitty question (what does she need to be mentally prepared for? Also – hair loss goes through the maternal side). You responded with an equally shitty question. You both need to apologize to each other.
ESH lmao how old are you guys???
You brought up your hairline as a negative then you brought up her mother’s weight as a negative.
You created this situation.
No you’re not, she married you for you not for how much hair you have – didn’t she? If she has to mentally prepare for it then it obviously bothers her. I love your reply to her – nice one.
Flew a bit close to the sun…lmao
NTA
Your wife is a hypocrite and it sounds like she’s going to be a bigger one someday.
ESH (but it’s complicated).
She fired first — in a petty, shallow way over something you cannot control.
You fired back — over something that is loaded with a HELLUVA lot more social and emotional baggage for women.
You both need lessons in kindness, maturity and empathy.
Hair loss genetics is a tricky one. It is actually influenced by BOTH parental genes and not JUST maternal as is always suggested.
But NTA if it’s good for the gander it’s good for the goose. Picking on your hair is as bad as picking on her weight, the fact she doesn’t see issue with that is the problem.
YTA there are some things you can’t help at all like a a thinning hairline or when your hair goes gray, you were already talking about it and your wife asked her question possibly to help you since your clearly insecure about it and in response you called your wife fat. Where in your mind did you think that was going to end well for you?
YTA
ESH. She should not have said that. Now while you were within your right to slap back with your question.. two wrongs don’t make a right.
ESH, clearly these topics are trigger points to the two of you, and you need to agree not to throw these insecurities in the other person’s face moving forward.
You’re both kinda awful tbh. Responding to an insult with an insult is immature.
NTA she got what she asked for. Your response was hilarious!!
You both are: her for that question and you for not rising above.
NTA
Gotta think about historical hairline of mom’s dad as well as your dad. They both play a role.
Wife was being mean by trying to point out that she needs to prepare herself for your hair loss. Totally uncalled for. She started it. Your response was essentially defensive. She needs to get over herself.
I’d rather the two of you only looked at one another with eyes blinded by love, but, since your wife felt comfortable going there, remind her… “What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.”
You are officially my internet hero for the day. Maybe even the week.
NTA.
NTA I love it! blast her again next time, both barrels
ESH. The cure for meanness isn’t more meanness. You both seem to need to grow up a bit before trying to have mature adult conversations.
Maybe NTA. The wife started it by saying she needed to be “mentally ready” for an aging aesthetic in her spouse like her looks aren’t going to go.
Was it a dick comment? Sure. But she lobbed the first shot across the bow. Now she’s butthurt because you brought receipts. Maybe she should be more mentally ready next time.
You sound like a pathetic, vindictive man.
I hope your wife figures that out. She deserves better.
A spouse asking you when someone in your family started to lose their hair is okay. Especially if you are going to have children.
And believe me, kids will ask this same question. I hope you don’t destroy them by your response.
Sounds like your wife is the AH with that comment ..and all you did was throw some AH back at her as an example of what an AH shes being. Fuck all that. Throw shade at me about my hairline and make me feel bad, then I’m dragging your moms fat ass into the convo.
NTA
She shouldn’t have started, you wouldn’t have needed to finish.
YES YOU ATH! – Actually – Both of you are AH and need to stop being 3yr olds.
ESH. Do you even LIKE each other?
NTA. She insulted you over something men cannot control. You insulted her over something everyone can control.
ESH you’re both dicks.
This is hilarious
Grow up
NTA – she asked a super insensitive question and you illustrated that perfectly with your response.
NTA.
I’m seriously impressed.
You either sleep with one eye open or you have steel coated balls.
As a woman I probably shouldn’t be saying this, but I don’t do sexism and she launched the first missile.
Tell her that hair restoration treatments are way cheaper than Ozempic.
Then run. Really fast. Run like Forrest Gump.
I obviously know that this isn’t even remotely helpful but I enjoyed writing it anyway.
For the record: everyone gets old, most lose their hair, most will get fat. Accept that now and get over it.
ESH BUT WHAT YOU SAID WAS NECESSARY, thats hilarious assuming that you aren’t both having a serious convi. DONT ask if you can’t laugh at your own genetics smh
Ask your wife how it’s different. She’s the one with the gall to ask a crazy question first. Personally, I admire your snappy, catty comeback. Not that that will get you anywhere, but nice apples to apples response.
Both petty
Why stop there? No asking about ED or vaginal dryness?
You both suck. Do you even like each other?
NTA
She was deliberately insulting. If she can’t take it she shouldn’t dish it out.
So, technically ESH. You could have addressed the issue without attacking her back, but you were trying to make a point that those 2 are the same thing. She was asking for it whether she realized it or not. Hers was an incredibly inappropriate, rude comment that came out of nowhere. Yours was an emotionally-triggered attack response that was simply a reaction to her. Hers was premeditated and she should have known better to make a comment like that. Doesn’t make you right, but your response was at least more understandable.
One time my daughter was all excited for a date with a rich guy. They had a nice dinner. Then he brought her home, and looking around at her pictures, he asked if she had any of her mother. Flat out told her he wanted to make sure her mom wasn’t fat.
First date with rich guy was last date with rich guy.
I think that’s a hilarious come back 👏🏻
Also that’s not how that works, the question is when did your Mom’s father start losing his hair, because iirc the gene for male pattern baldness is carried on the X chromosome
ESH I never liked tit for tat when you’re in a relationship. Because it just seems so mean and unnecessary. And if you have to have that kind of relationship, why be in it? Hopefully you guys will get a good discussion out of this.
I’m going with ESH but I actually found this really funny. I read it to my husband and we both laughed.
ESH You both need to learn to be kinder to each other. This world is hard enough. Your marriage shouldn’t be a battle field. Your spouse is supposed to be your safe space. I can’t imagine making either comment.
NTA.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
She is TA.
She started this. You just matched her energy.
NTA
Lol. Ask stupid questions, get even more questions. My dad has a receding hairline and at 60 I still have more hair than him.
ESH in this context. She was rude, but you were petty and rude right back. You could have called her out without going for a low blow. If you’re not in a place to seek couples therapy, highly recommend looking into the free resources on line for the gottman institute. They have a lot of info that helps develop healthier and stronger partnerships/marriages/domestic partners/whatever you call your relationship…
I will admit I’ve asked my husband when his dad started losing hair (he is not bald but he’s got that baby bird looking things going on)… But not to be an ass about it. More bc.. I’m really looking forward to the next 50 years with this guy and wondering what he might look like as we keep getting older.
Perhaps you guys should’ve waited until you were adults to get married?
That goes under the heading of “don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.”
YTA. Sounds like she was making a (hurtful) joke about something that was already being discussed. You came out of left field and called her mom fat.
ESH. Dick move, dude. Just because she started it doesn’t mean you need to match her energy. Both of you are assholes, her for asking about your hairline and you (especially) for asking about her weight. Go find a therapist before both your insecurities ruin your marriage.
NTA. Tell her men get the baldness gene from their mothers. So dad’s hair loss timeline has nothing to do with yours.
NTA
NTA she shouldn’t of talked shit first. You were only giving her a taste of her own medicine.
Sucks when meds taste bad.
NTA
NTA – It’s always interesting to me how often people who make these sort of “harmless jokes” completely lose it when someone matches their energy.
That being said, I personally would have explained to her how it wasn’t funny to you because you’re sort of touchy with regard to your hair loss. If she apologized for stepping over the line, then no harm or foul … until she did it again.
ESH, but I can see why you answered the way you did, however it doesn’t make it right on either of you.
I asked my husband to dye his beard dark when it went gray. He was looking for a job and I didn’t want age discrimination to be a factor, plus I liked that he looked younger. Job more though.
He told me to change my hair color because he didn’t want to be married to the old gray lady.
He got a job, now the beard is full gray. Don’t care. He’s making bank.
If she can’t take it, she shouldn’t dish it out.
NTA
NTA. If they can dish it out, they should be able to take it.
YTA. Yes, your wife could have worded her statement better, but she might just really like tour hair and want to know how much longer it will be featured in your family photos. You chose to take this more personally than it needed to be, and chose an immature response. At any point you could have said she was making you feel insecure and why did she feel the need to be “mentally ready” for a normal sign of aging, but you chose to insult her mom and insinuate that your wife would become fat.
Also, hair loss is more genetic than weight gain (hence why I think her question was less personal than you took it) and there is less stigma associated with male hair loss than there is with women gaining weight.
One is hereditary and one you have control over. Also the androgen receptor (AR) gene, is located on the X chromosome, which men inherit from their mothers.
However, other genes on both the X chromosome and other chromosomes (autosomes) also play a role, and these can be inherited from either parent but overall her question is largely immaterial.
NTA because your wife knew she was hurtful with that comment, she just didn’t expect to be hurt. Sucks for her.
EHS but ur wrong. There is a difference, one is genetic,the other isnt. If she didnt say it in a rude way, id say she did nothing wrong but getting mentally prepared is just mean even if its true.
Lets be real here,apearance matters and a bald man isnt everyones cup of tea,while she can stay in shape,there isnt a full proof solution for hair loss so it is indeed different.
NTA.
Thank you 👍 that was the greatest comeback. I’m still LMAO
NTA
You discussed your hairline with her. She did not discuss her weight with you.
Why is no mentioning that balding is on the X chromosome? The question isn’t when did his dad start balding, but when his maternal grandfather did. Either way, duck move.
There’s nothing you can do about hair loss in most circumstances, so that seems like a mean-spirited jab.
And her weight gain will start after child birth or if you don’t have children, it will be during perimenopause. So you better get mentally prepared for that, LOL
Of course not. She opened the door, you just walked through it. On top of that, she can do something about her weight whereas you can’t do anything about a receding hairline.
Mildly ESH because you know that you both said crappy things, but your wife is uninformed. Male pattern baldness comes from the maternal grandfather, not the father. In any event it seems like she had it coming and was more of a AH than you were and your comment was understandable.
YTA. Sounds like your wife was trying to make light of it. You weren’t. Next time be an adult and tell her that your feelings are hurt, and do it without making a crappy comments.
You done fk’d up. Nope you dig yourself a hole. You went in for the jugular
NTA and wow.. she’s pretty shallow. Imagine if you became ill and lost your hair?
Good comeback, by the way. She had it coming.