My friend let’s say Mia and i have been friends sience we were 8years old. We are now in our 20s.
We are vey close.
I started dating my boyfriend about a year ago.
He is literally the man of my dreams and we have the perfect relationship.
A few months ago, me and Mia went to a bar. i asked Mia if my bf could come whit us, and she said no. I understood it completely, bc it was meant to be girls night. So i just said okay and we continued the night.
We made a promise that we won’t leave each other, bc we were there alone.
We had fun together…until…Mia saw a man she found attractive. Mia went to talk to the man, and i followed her. The man had a friend and i had the smallest smalltalk whit him, while waiting for Mia to do what she had to do. (She got his ig or something)
We left and went dancing. But Mia wanted to go back to the man again and again. It stared to be a little annoying, so i thought about leaving the bar. Mia didn’t want me to leave, and she said to me ”you should go talk to that man more, go sit next to him! Go! I think he is interested in you” I just sat there whit my eyes and mouth wide open. She knew very clearly that i was in a relationship…i got up and said i was going home now, so i did.
After that, i thought i had overreacted or made that up in my head or smth, so i didn’t talk to her about it.
Maybe a 4weeks ago. Me, my bf, Mia and few other friends went to a club.
The others went to the bathroom and it was just me and Mia.
My old friend Omar, walked past me and i just said hi. (Me and him once liked each other as teenagers.)
Mia went after him and i sat at the table.
(She also knew who Omar was).
After a few minutes Mia came back laughing.
I asked her what happend, and she asked me not to be angry. Then she told me what she said to Omar. ” I asked him to come hit on you” i said ”WHAT!” And she continued ”And he just said but she has a boyfriend, and i said so” Mia just laughed while telling the converstation. And i just ”laughed” too. I don’t know why the hell i didn’t say anyting in the situation, and it bothers me now.
The next day, i asked her why the hell she did that. And she just said she didn’t remember. And what can i say to that?
I told my bf the whole story and of course he was shocked.
Last weekend Mia asked me to go out whit her.
I was unsure about going, bc of what happened. And i talked to my bf about it and he didn’t like the idea. He said it would be disrespectful and make him feel insecure if i went. And i agreed.
I told Mia about our convo and i said that things need to chage so we could remain friends. She wasn’t happy. She said it was unfair to accuse her of things she doesn’t remember doing. And that i am bad friend if i let a man come between our friendship.
What would you do in this situation?
Thanks for reading <3
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My friend let’s say Mia and i have been friends sience we were 8years old. We are now in our 20s.
We are vey close.
I started dating my boyfriend about a year ago.
He is literally the man of my dreams and we have the perfect relationship.
A few months ago, me and Mia went to a bar. i asked Mia if my bf could come whit us, and she said no. I understood it completely, bc it was meant to be girls night. So i just said okay and we continued the night.
We made a promise that we won’t leave each other, bc we were there alone.
We had fun together…until…Mia saw a man she found attractive. Mia went to talk to the man, and i followed her. The man had a friend and i had the smallest smalltalk whit him, while waiting for Mia to do what she had to do. (She got his ig or something)
We left and went dancing. But Mia wanted to go back to the man again and again. It stared to be a little annoying, so i thought about leaving the bar. Mia didn’t want me to leave, and she said to me ”you should go talk to that man more, go sit next to him! Go! I think he is interested in you” I just sat there whit my eyes and mouth wide open. She knew very clearly that i was in a relationship…i got up and said i was going home now, so i did.
After that, i thought i had overreacted or made that up in my head or smth, so i didn’t talk to her about it.
Maybe a 4weeks ago. Me, my bf, Mia and few other friends went to a club.
The others went to the bathroom and it was just me and Mia.
My old friend Omar, walked past me and i just said hi. (Me and him once liked each other as teenagers.)
Mia went after him and i sat at the table.
(She also knew who Omar was).
After a few minutes Mia came back laughing.
I asked her what happend, and she asked me not to be angry. Then she told me what she said to Omar. ” I asked him to come hit on you” i said ”WHAT!” And she continued ”And he just said but she has a boyfriend, and i said so” Mia just laughed while telling the converstation. And i just ”laughed” too. I don’t know why the hell i didn’t say anyting in the situation, and it bothers me now.
The next day, i asked her why the hell she did that. And she just said she didn’t remember. And what can i say to that?
I told my bf the whole story and of course he was shocked.
Last weekend Mia asked me to go out whit her.
I was unsure about going, bc of what happened. And i talked to my bf about it and he didn’t like the idea. He said it would be disrespectful and make him feel insecure if i went. And i agreed.
I told Mia about our convo and i said that things need to chage so we could remain friends. She wasn’t happy. She said it was unfair to accuse her of things she doesn’t remember doing. And that i am bad friend if i let a man come between our friendship.
What would you do in this situation?
Thanks for reading <3
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t go whit my friend to a bar bc my bf didn’t like that. And i might cut my friend off now. what if she is right that i am the asshole for letting a man come between our friendship. Mayde my friend just thought i wasn’t happy in my relationship and that’s why she tried to get men to hit on me. Or if she really don’t remember doing those thing.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You need to cut her off until she’s proven she’s respectful of you and your relationship. She was inappropriate at the bar and inappropriate when she had someone hit on you. While I doubt your relationship with your BF is perfect like you say, he’s your BF and a good friend would respect you enough to not send guys to hit on you, even if they don’t like your BF.
NTA
You’re not cutting her out becuase of a guy, it’s because of her, directly.
If she would respect your relationship and didn’t try hooking you up with other dudes, then there is no issue.
But don’t let your bf make the decision about going out with Mia…make it YOUR decision so Mia has nothing to blame bf about.
> And i just ”laughed” too. I don’t know why the hell i didn’t say anyting in the situation, and it bothers me now.
NTA You were in shock from the audacity of the situation, it’s normal and nothing to feel guilty about.
NTA.
She needs to learn to respect your boundaries. If you say no it’s a no.
It’s not okay to use ‘I dont remember’ as an excuse to cross your boundaries. She could atleast apologize and show you that she understands and will make an active effort not to do that again. Sorry but it sounds like you and your bestie are currently in different phases of your life. It’s okay but, you might want to give it a little bit of space and let her get out of this mindset before you start hanging out regularly again.
NTA: “it’s unfair to accuse her of things she doesn’t remember doing” is such a shitty excuse.
NTA. Just because someone doesn’t remember something doesn’t change the fact the actions were still done. She can remember going forth that’s not okay. She’s trying to avoid accountability, and she’s not entitled for you to stick around while you wait for her to do that. She didn’t let a man come between your friendship. She let disrespecting your boundaries come between your friendship, and if she can’t see that, then cutting her off is for the best.
“I don’t remember that, so you can’t be mad at me for it” is LITERALLY a manipulation move.
Is it true that if someone was beyond drunk, that you couldn’t hold them to their actions? No – there is a line of reasonable behavior, and she crossed it, and it doesn’t matter if she recalled it in the same way you do, especially since it happened TWICE!
OP, it seems you’ve a good head on your shoulders, so just stand firm with how you feel and it sounds like you’re in the right head space!
NTA
Mia repeatedly disrespected your relationship by trying to push you toward other men. Whether she “remembers” or not, her actions were inappropriate. Your boyfriend isn’t controlling, he’s reacting to valid concerns. You set a boundary, and Mia dismissed it instead of apologizing. A true friend wouldn’t put you in these situations. If she can’t respect your relationship, it’s fair to tell Mia to kick rocks.
She remembers doing it.
NTA. I have a feeling Mia DEFINITELY remembers and is trying to gaslight you or convince you that she’s innocent. I would think hard about if you want a relationship with someone who can’t respect your boundaries, or your relationship. And plus, regardless of the fact that you’re in a relationship, why is she getting guys to hit on you? Does she have any care about the possibility of it being uncomfortable for you?
Didn’t you hear? They let out all the prisoners, because “if I’m black out drunk, it doesn’t count”