Location: New Hampshire, US
My best friend (35F) suffered a pulmonary embolism, was down for 28 minutes, wasn’t expected to recover from coma. She beat the odds, but is almost wholly immobile, with blurred eyesight and very very limited speech. When this happened, her mother said that she wanted the doctors to let her die. She did nothing to help her return home (this happened while she was traveling).
Her other family members got her back home, and got her a bed at a top tier rehab facility in MA. But her mom has been sabotaging her care constantly, with so many examples I could write a novel. Every person who knows my friend is adamant that she wouldn’t have ever wanted her mom involved in her care. She herself, when she first woke up, was very consistent with who she wanted making medical decisions for her. But once she was back in the state and her mom was at her bedside her mom wore her down more and more until she finally caved and started telling staff to allow her mom handle her medical stuff.
My friend was doing great in inpatient care. She was putting weight on her feet with assistance. She was able to carry a conversation. She was moving her arms and legs. Now, a year later, and since discharged prematurely due to her mom being an absolute menace to the staff, my friend’s feet are deformed, she’s gained nearly 100lbs, she cannot move herself at all, and she cant form next to any words because she can’t seem to move her mouth. She had to get rushed to the ER in November because she clotted again and her mom didn’t even call the ambulance—one of the home care people did even though my friend was in distress before they had shown up.
The other family members attempted for her brother to file for guardianship, but the attorney assigned to my friend said that she was competent and therefore the attorney representing the brother said that they wouldn’t win. The brother dropped the case.
Since dropping the case, the mother, now knowing there’s no eyes on her, has cancelled all my friend’s appointments. The mom says that her in person care ended in June and they “opted to switch to outpatient because maybe they have equipment they can use with her,” but then said that the soonest she can next go to physical therapy is JANUARY 2026. She did mention there’s another place that could see her in August, but “those appointments are 45 minutes and I don’t see what they can accomplish in 45 minutes so it’s not worth it.” The woman is a textbook narcissist, who knows better than the best doctors in the world. She hasn’t worked in several years, doesn’t have friends, doesn’t drive, didn’t even file for unemployment and so likely doesn’t even have any of her own money at this point.
My friend cannot safely advocate for herself in any of the discussions around her care. Her mom has a history of being verbally abusive, has threatened her father with a kitchen knife, and the list goes on and on. As her best friend from childhood, I’ve heard the stories and witnessed some of the behavior. Of course my friend, now completely dependent and scared, is going to consent to whatever her mom says and wants. It’s not safe for her to say anything otherwise.
The courts know all of this, have detailed information about all of it, and yet they allowed the case to be dropped. We’re at a loss about what to do, if there’s anything we can do.
We did call APS way back before we went the guardianship route (around November of last year) and they did a home visit but otherwise didn’t do anything else. And now because of the attempted guardianship, her brother doesn’t feel safe to visit anymore—so there’s nobody else putting eyes on her except me, and I can only visit every couple of months because I am out of state.
This woman got a second chance at life and her mom is robbing her of it. What can we do?