My girlfriend (21F) and I (21M) have been dating for about 7 months now. Up until recently I have truly felt as if I have met my soulmate. We are compatible in all facets of our relationship and we were even planning on moving in together soon. Getting to the point, last night I had some school assignments that I had to get done but I had forgotten my laptop at my apartment, so I asked to use hers. She politely agreed and gave it to me and shortly after went to bed. I started my assignments and opened up Google doc to transfer some info when I spotted some strange files in her section, my ears immediately began burning and I clicked away but my noseiness was too much. I opened it and it was a letter detailing her first love who did not reciprocate feelings for her. I thought I was her first love! She goes on describing how she’s never felt this way about anyone before and how she wishes he felt the same. I get to the end of the letter and at the end she signs it off wishing him well, by name. It’s her best friend. He is supposed to come stay with her in the next few weeks for her birthday and I don’t know what to do, the letter is from literally a week before we started dating.
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she is DEFINITELY still in love with him. talking from experience, a girl definitely shouldnt have a guy best friend while being in a relationship because it will typically end one of them catching feelings, her writing that letter proves my point exactly. and HES STAYING WITH HER? yeah… some stuff is definitely going down. id say confront her because cheating is bound to happen
You mean hes still.planning on coming?
Come clean and admit you saw the letter, and let her explain it. Make no judgements until she does.
I will say this is a place where there are no good options, so coming clean is the best of a lot of bad choices, and probably the only one where you two might move forward. Try and give her the benefit of the doubt if you can, keep a calm disposition. She’s more likely to be forward if you’re eerily calm.
Giving her the benefit of the doubt, it’s likely she felt this way and wants to be honest with her friend, but was embarrassed by it and so never said, “Actually, you Current BF are not my first love.” I could understand her not wanting to have that conversation.
Also, it’s good to create different profiles on your computer so you can log in and do your work without having access to her files. I did that with my ex. It wasn’t that I had anything to hide, but we both valued privacy and had enough trust that we never needed to look at each other’s files or messages.
The letter is seven months old, her feelings may have changed. I agree that you need to admit what you did.
You will always be #2
Walk away from this relationship if you respect yourself.
personally, if i was over the other guy, or atleast trying to get over him, id have deleted it ages ago. sorry:(
I mean, you shouldn’t have snooped. But how old is the letter? You have a few options but none of them are great, you can ask her about the letter but run the risk of getting dumped for snooping. You can dump her but you will be ending your relationship off assumptions and snooping. You can ignore it and let it drive you crazy. I’d go with the first one. Be honest and tell her you found and read it and let the chips fall where they may.
It’s a letter from before you were dating it’s not even worth asking about. If and that’s if you make it ask her in 10 years
Otherwise get over it
INFO: How long was the letter written?
YTA. You snooped and shouldn’t have. Additionally, people have a history and it helps to define them. Who she is hasn’t changed. You either trust her or you don’t. Obviously you don’t because you snooped. You have work to do on yourself.
Something from before you dated? Seems about as relevant as any feelings you used to have.
Ideally you’d care enough about her feelings to empathize and ask her to tell her about her feelings and how she thinks it might affect her during his visit.
Ask if there’s anything you can do to make it easier for her. You know, like you love her and support the ones you love through hard times. Like you’d want.
Or get jealous and leave. One requires effort and genuine concern for her. The other, for you.
Lots of people get their heart broken by their first love, move on, fall in love with new people, and there’s no problem. Happens all the time.
I dated someone when I was a teenager and thought she was my first love. She broke my heart. Lots of crying and thinking I’d never recover. Then I met my actual first love, who reciprocated love to me, and I realized my other “first love” was just me being ridiculous. And inexperienced. I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
It’s a little sticky that they’re still best friends. And yeah there’s the possibility that maybe she hasn’t moved on and she’s lying to you and he has suddenly decided he loves her and wants to get with her. That would really suck. But that’s life and love. Life is messy. Love is risky. But there’s also a decent chance none of that shit in your paranoid jealous head is at all going to happen.
You broke trust big time by snooping into her past. She trusted you with her laptop. You need to be honest and be honest not to try to get more info out of her about her feelings. You need to be honest because you did something wrong and you need to make amends.
People are dogging you out but personally you just saved yourself think about it, the guy she’s in love with is supposed to come stay with her in a couple of weeks? I don’t think it’s a coincidence you found it now timing is everything. Personally ignore the bs comments if she respected you a guy wouldn’t be coming to stay with her especially one she’s in love with id get out now
Ahh it’s always funny seeing the comments
It’s always dangerous territory getting to see inside a loved ones inner thoughts. Tread lightly and accept that you are much more on the side of needing to apologize than she. Good luck