I’ve been with a relationship with a 23M for about nine months. Over the past few weeks, I have realized that I am asexual and no longer want a romantic relationship. I need to end the relationship, but I know my partner is very sensitive, I want to handle this conversation with as much carece and compassion as possible. I am looking for advice on how to comunícate my changing feelings and identity in a way that minimizes hurt. What are some strategies for having a difficult conversation like this with a sensitive partner?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
The best approach is honesty tbh. You trying to lighten the blow might just feel worse for you both or might open the door for guilt and manipulation. Sit him down and start with your own feelings. “I have been reflecting on my relationship with sexuality and over time I’ve concluded that I’m not interested in sex/relationships. I am sorry, I know this is difficult to hear but while I think you are a wonderful person, I am not the right fit for your needs/desires and want to end our relationship.” Answer any questions you find appropriate, wish him the best, and bounce.
Don’t linger and let him keep begging/texting you/“be friends” after you end it, either, it’ll give him false hope. Let things cool off before you talk to him again.
Be honest for sure and understand that they will need reassurance it’s not them it’s your sexuality. It’ll still hurt them unfortunately but be a listening ear if they need it.
Tell him you think he’s an amazing person and you’ll always cherish the great memories you’ve made with him, but accepting your asexuality also means accepting that you’re not compatible as a long-term couple. If you tried to stick it out, he’d feel frustrated about being denied physical contact with the woman he loved, and you’d feel perennially guilty for not being able to satisfy him in that way. You’ll both be happier with partners who are more on your same wavelength. Good luck OP, you are doing the right thing – and I hope that difficult conversation goes well!
Just be honest. “I’ve discovered I’m asexual and no longer want to be in a relationship with you. I care about you. I wish you the best, but it’s over.”