I (28F) am currently in labor and writing this between contractions because I’m that pissed off. My husband (30M) is supportive but caught in the middle.
My MIL has been making “jokes” for months about how this baby might not be her son’s. I’ve never cheated, never even given a reason to doubt me, but she keeps dropping comments like, “Well, we’ll see who he looks like!” or “There’s always a chance!” She even once laughed and said, “You know, women lie about paternity all the time.
I told my husband I was uncomfortable, and he did talk to her, but she brushed it off as “just teasing.” I started distancing myself, but now that I’m in labor, she showed up at the hospital demanding to be let in the room “because she was there when all her other grandkids were born.”
I told the nurses no. She’s not coming in. I don’t want that energy near me or my baby. She started crying and called me petty. She told my husband I’m punishing her for a joke and that I’m “keeping her grandson from her.”
Now my husband is trying to play peacemaker, saying maybe we can let her in for just a minute, and I’m holding my ground.
So Reddit… AITA for saying absolutely not?
Comments
NTA oh no, you don’t need the evil eye in your life when you’re at anything less than your best concentration. And even then you don’t want too much of it.
Absolutely NOT the asshole. You’re the patient, you’re the one in labor. And you’re absolutely right about not needing that type of energy while in labor. Stress can stall labor and you really need all of the support you can get.
Has she had paternity tests done on all her kids..seems she may be deflecting or feeling guilty 🤭
Your husband shouldn’t be playing peace maker! His mom is accusing you of being a cheater and he allows it. And it’s your delivery, not his and not hers. In no world is she entitled to being in the delivery room, even if she wasn’t being a total bitch. NTA
Tell your husband he shuts her down. She apologizes and maybe she’ll get to hold the baby after the delivery otherwise she can be banned from the hospital. If you want to be petty, tell her you’ll allow her in the delivery room if she submits a paternity test for your husband.
Absolutely NTA!!! Tell the bitch to go home and you’ll call her when you’re ready for her to meet your baby. Good luck with delivery!!
NTA!!! Do not fold, do not let her in. She dug herself into a hole and now she can suffer the consequences. Tell her to go home because she won’t be seeing your baby today, or hopefully anytime soon.
Yall rubes actually believe someone is on Reddit while in labor?
If you let her in now, it’s going to be worse….she’s already mad at you and will probably say bad things all the time!!!
Grandma is out!!!
Absolutely NTA. Until there is a positive DNA test she might just be a stranger from the street and I’m sure she understands you can’t just let anyone into the delivery room!
The only answer is “fuck that bitch”! Nta and don’t let her in during your entire stay there.
Wait are you in labor right now? Girl, under no circumstances should you let her in. I wouldn’t even let my own mother into my birth let alone MIL and I have a great relationship with both. You relax and do your thing and forget she exists until you have capacity to deal with her. She has questioned your integrity and is now demanding access to an incredibly private moment for you for a grandchild that she reckons ‘may not even be hers’. What a joke.
Go you good thing and no you are NTA. Don’t let her in! “Just for a minute” will never just be a minute anyway. Plus she can’t just show up at the hospital unannounced and demand entry if you haven’t pre-planned her being there, even if she was well meaning. Your husband needs to support YOU right now, not his mum. BYE LADY!!
NTA and your husband should’ve shut down those disrespectful jokes the moment she made one. The birth is all about what YOU need, not his witch mother.
NTA
She’s the one who told you AND her son your baby isn’t really family
She doesn’t get to walk that back now and try to play the grandparent card. Tell her “you aren’t the grandma until a DNA test says you are”
I also don’t like your husband here.
When you are in ACTIVE labor with his kid is NOT the time for him to be placating his mommy by playing peace keeper.
He needs to be on YOUR side or he can join mommy in the hallway too and wait for that DNA test too.
And maybe divorce papers, too.
I don’t normally jump to divorce, but his not standing up for you while you are in labor is a big problem.
He needs to know that is unacceptable.
Ok, so maybe this is just me but…. Why would you have anyone in the delivery room except your partner and your professional team? Who wants extended family— let alone critical or inappropriate extended family— watching them go through one of the most challenging and painful experiences of their life like it’s entertainment?!
I’m so sorry – that’s really warped. I would say that from now on it’s your life – your rules. If she doesn’t like it, she can pound sand.
NTA. She needs to learn that her words have consequences. She doesn’t deserve to be present for such an important moment when she couldn’t show you basic respect and deliberately made you uncomfortable for months.
NTA
Tell your husband to stop pushing you on this, the only pushing that should be done will be by you to bring his child into this world
Why would he tell her you are in labour with the way she has been treating you, he needs to apologize to you and make sure his mother leaves
NTA
Tell her you’ll get a paternity test when SHE does.
I hope the labor is smooth, like MIL’s brain and husband realizes that the birth of his son isn’t the time to keep the peace. Maybe one of the L&D nurses will knock some sense into him.
Your husband needs to be on your side. He can tell her this is the consequence of HER actions. It’s NOT “just a joke” if everyone isn’t laughing.
No means No.
No is a complete sentence.
Your husband sucks
Hubby should have shut down her comments long ago. Beyond that, no one has a right to be in the delivery room besides you.
“Playing peacemaker” would be making her apologize for her hurtful and tasteless “jokes.” Some smart folks once said, it’s only a “joke” if everyone involved is laughing. Otherwise it’s just bullying. And it’s pretty gross of your husband to defend her behavior and make it sound like YOU are the one who needs to be more reasonable. 🙄 NTA. Tell mommy’s boy to “man up” and stand up for his wife, not his mommy who is clearly in the wrong.
You are putting the baby at risk by allowing toxic stress into this huge moment for them. Get her out!
Your MIL needs to go away. Your husband needs to man up and tell her to go home. You need peace and good energy around you as you labour.
I would get that tedt, stuff it in her face, and not let her near my kid afterward.
Good luck.
even if your MIL was a saint and none of this happened, being entitled enough to show up uninvited to watch you spread eagle, push a human out of your body and probably poop is WILD.
NTA! Don’t let her in!!
Your husband is absolutely not caught on n the middle, he has cowardly chosen the middle.
He owes you his undying loyalty, bit his mommy. She asked for this situation and is getting exactly what she has demanded.
Nta. You’re giving birth, not her. She obviously never learned about consequences throughout her life, not being in the delivery room due to her own actions sou ds perfectly reasonable to me. If your hubby can’t support you either, then I’d kick him out, too.
Congratulations on the baby. Keep her out and deliver the way you want to.
And once again we have a husband who does not support the wife. I don’t know why women stay married to these mom’s boys. Hold your ground you don’t want her in don’t let her in and tell your husband to shut the f up.
Focus on your sweet baby right now. Forget her and don’t let her near your baby no matter what your husband says.
NTA this is the kind of shit you see on r/JustNoMIL those aren’t “jokes” she’s making mean digs to plant doubt in your husbands mind, and he should be pissed she has the audacity to imply you cheated. I would bet that those “jokes” aren’t the only mean spirited passive aggressive bs she’s said or done to you either, and the fact that your husband wants to rugsweep for this woman is pretty telling when you and his child that you’re birthing are the one’s being insulted and should be his first and foremost priority, maybe cutting his childs umbilical chord will help him cut the one between him and his mother and man up and be a husband and father that protects the two of you like he should.
NTAH. She clearly doesn’t understand the word “boundaries.” This should be a happy (painful) happy, experience. You don’t need her feeling like she got her way just to make more insensitive coments.
NTA
She said made deliberately cruel accusations against you. The fact that she did it for a laugh doesn’t change that it was deliberately cruel. The fact she continued even after you asked her to stop means it wasn’t a joke, it was bullying.
You are not “punishing her for a joke”. You are setting a boundary against allowing someone who bullies you with deliberate cruelty from being around you during one of the most stressful and vulnerable moments of your life. Given her past behavior, who knows what cruel mockery she would throw at you during the delivery?
That said, be prepared, because now that you have defended yourself, she is going to escalate her bullying. You may need to guard your boundaries well.
Tell your husband to grow a spine or he can get out too.
My MIL was the same. She said I trapped my husband with the first. We had talked about it before I became pregnant. I was too young but it was me the second child wasn’t his apparently. He is the only one of my kids who is the spitting image of my husband.
Be strong stand up to your MIL and husband now. I should have advocated for myself years ago. This week I deleted all my in-laws from my friends list on Facebook.
NTA you’ve got this. HuGs💗
Hell NO!! He isn’t in the middle or shouldn’t be anyway. He married YOU, is having a family with YOU, and he should be completely and wholeheartedly on YOUR side. Period. Do not let her in your room.
To your husband: Grow the heck up! This is your wife in the most vulnerable and painful experience of her life, and you need to man up and take care of her! Tell your mother to go home. Now. Do not let her come into the hospital at all and tell her she has earned herself a one week timeout. IF she gets her crap together and apologizes for the comments AND disrespecting your wife, she can then meet the baby. But every tantrum will add a new week. Your job is to protect your wife and child. Also, tell her she isn’t funny, so jokes don’t work with her.
NTA..focus on contraction and delivery. 🖕her. Good luck to you.
NTA. No. Sideways calling you a heaux your entire pregnancy isn’t a damned JOKE. She would be LUCKY to see this kid ever.
Congrats that you’re about to welcome your baby into the world!
NTA
DO NOT let MIL in the room! Tell your husband if he doesn’t realize how INSULTING it is for his mother to question his wife’s integrity and if he dares to suggest she get to come in again he can wait outside with her! You don’t need drama when you’re about to birth his child!
He better realize where his family priorities should lie. He left home and got married and made a baby, time to start acting like it!
Awwwww mean ole’ Mr. Consequences of One’s Own Actions… in action.
NTA. She “joked” over and over and over and you asked her to stop and she wouldn’t. This is what happens when you insist upon having your own way with others’ emotions and boundaries.
“I’m writing this between contractions”
Ya, that sounds believable and totally not rage bait 🤦
I think you should let your fake mother-in-law come see you give birth to your fake baby.
There is no middle ground. Keep her out. She’ll bring you no peace.
NTA.
NTA.
You have a husbAnd problem. That HE is willing to entertain her even being in the HOSPITAL after her bad behavior makes him an arsehole!!! He needs to tell her to GTFOH and if she can begin to act like a decent thoughtful human being, HE will consider letting her see the baby,and that starts with her knocking off this paternity test/cheater BS.
NTA. What has your husband been doing the whole time she has been making those “jokes”?
Stick your ground. Tell your husband to stick up to his mom and then just ignore any communication from her and no more talking about her. I’m sorry you have to deal with this while you’re in labor.
Absolutely NTA.
MIL isn’t a grandparent until a DNA result according to her, and I’d not be rushing for a DNA test until little one is an adult .
And labour and delivery isn’t a spectator sport. You look after you mama. She can go kick rocks.
NTA, but your husband should be handling his entiled mother by himself without bothering you. The fact he even asked you to compromise says he’s a weak ass Mama’s Boy, and it’s gross.
Let him and her read this thread and see what Reddit thinks of them. Maybe they’ll finally get it.
NTA. Tell Hubby he is out next. YOU are the ONLY person with a say in that labor/delivery room. I’d make her wait until you are 100 % ready to introduce the baby to her. It isn’t her right, it is a privilege. Good luck to you! Congratulations 🎉
NTA she can’t have it both ways. Does she think this is her grandkid or not? You’re doing great OP and don’t give in to her tantrum. You got this!
NTAH you choose who you are comfortable with being in the room for this. NOBODY else has even 1% say on this. Tell your husband to shut this down and handle it and not to say anything else about it to you. His Mom sucks and he needs to handle her and stop letting her be your problem.
NTA, and if he wants to take both sides, he can go stand in the hall, too.
She would not see my kid until it was at least a year old.
NTA. I say this all the time, it is not about your intentions of your words, it’s how they are received. Your hubby told her it made you uncomfortable, which gave her the opportunity to apologize, but instead she doubled down. So these are her consequences to pay. Hopefully she’ll learn her lesson and stop making these ‘jokes.’ I hope your labor goes well and you and baby are safe and healthy.
How do you have the time to post on Reddit when you’re in labor, to the point that you’re in the delivery room? Fake Fake Fake.
NTA. Don’t let her in. She’s not even sure the baby is related to her. Please don’t let her see your vagina.
NTA you’re in labour, you don’t need anything or anybody distracting you from giving birth. Unneeded stress at this time will be detrimental to not just you but your baby.
You might also consider kicking your husband out of the delivery room if he keeps trying to play peacemaker (i.e. siding against you). Seriously. Labour is dangerous enough without having to deal with unneeded stress.
Why are you letting eithr in the room? Your husband hasn’t had your back and shut her shit down.
Op definitely no you will regret it if you put your mil need first before us. She’s selfish for crying and making this labor about her. Also if u give in she will think it’s okay to cry in future and you will give in
NTA.
MIL is being a rude asshole. I would actually do the paternity test so that I could throw the positive result into her face, every day, for the rest of her life. I’m evil like that.
Really, your husband should have shot that down immediately. You’re pregnant and don’t need the stress. It’s dangerous for you AND the baby, her grandchild.
Good luck on your delivery, put MIL out of your mind, she’s not worth the aggro.
See how MIL has managed to make this all about herself, complete with dramatics
This is a husband problem. He should have shut this down long ago. NTA.
Nope if she speaks that nasty on an innocent child and already writing him/her off before they have a chance to even be born and just simply not even give them a chance … don’t give her one . A long talk and apology when the time is right . You don’t need all that stress and bad juju and negative energy . Baby’s can pick up on that and how you feel. She can boo hoo in the corner. She can keep that same energy she had when she opened her mouth and said that about your innocent baby . Imagine how she’s going to treat the baby after birth. She pretty much told you before you even gave birth. You’re not wrong she is