So I started becoming friends with this guy back in December of 24. We were really close for a couple months, dated a little, but he was super clingy and obsessive and had some serious mental issues that at the end of the day I did not feel comfortable being around and ended the relashionship.
He was a super sweet guy but was never himself around anybody else, a lot of secrets and things about himself he didn’t express. Didn’t really have any friends or family, I was kinda all he had on a personal level, im not a judgmental person and definitely got the vibe I was the only person that really got to see certain sides of him, so I felt really bad ending the relashionship, but it had gotten to a point I was genuinely scared he was going to kill me.
Over the last couple months I had been slowly trying to boundary my way out of his life, as even just being friends had became scary. The last time I talked to him after him leaving me alone for a while I tried to make sure he understood I still had boundaries in place. He said something along the lines of “so you hate me and want me dead, I’ll just say goodbye forever, goodluck” that was 2 weeks ago.
Last week he shot himself in the head. I feel like its my fault…? I was kinda all he had and jumped ship…. I was scared he was going to kill me…. he might would have if I would have sticked around… or maybe he wouldn’t have killed himself if I was there to stop him again…
I’ve been scared of him for so long, but I also loved him at a time. I dont know how to feel. My brain won’t stop. Idk what to do.
Comments
it was his choice, not ur fault.. u r not responsible for his actions.. feeling guilt during grief is pretty normal tbh, maybe consider talking to a therapist, could help u process all this..
Firstly,
This isn’t your fault.
His life wasn’t yours.
You didn’t create the life he’s lived. You were a moment in time for him
It seems he put your mind and body into a full fight
You knew he was not safe to be with. You knew it wasn’t your fault even then.
You set boundaries for your safety and he weaponized those by pulling on your emotions.
He disrespected your boundaries by saying something that he knew, would make you change your mind.
But you didn’t because you knew he wasn’t safe.
Your intuitions kept you safe honey.
Don’t punish yourself for the loss because it seems his path wasn’t made by anything you had done.
You have the freedom to step away from anyone. Especially when your safety is involved.
You are going to go through a lot of emotions and feelings. This is a lot to process for anyone.
Please, consider therapy to vent all the different emotions and feelings and thoughts
Regardless of who he was, i apologize for the loss and the weight it’s brought you.
Keep your head up and stay connected with people.
Don’t stay in your head
Stay strong 💕
That is not your fault. He clearly has done issues, possibly borderline personality disorder, and suicide was clearly something he’d been considering for some time.
You need to remember that you are seeing such a minute fraction of his life. It sounds like a life full of traumas, depression and social challenges. You breaking up with him (whether for your safety or not) is not a reason for a person to kill themselves. Especially when you knew him less than 7 months.
Childhood traumas we can’t get past, crippling anxiety, chronic depression, these are all issues he likely carried with him everywhere his whole life, and THEY are ultimately what did him in.
His health and stability were not your responsibility. His death is not your fault.
Every person is somewhat responsible of being mentally stable for their own sake before entering relationship. First for them and then for their partner. It was not your fault – it would’ve happen with or without you, it was just a ticking bomb waiting to explode. You maybe helped in a way to set it up faster but you did not plant it.
Why did you think he was going to kill you? What did he do to make you think that?
It’s not your fault. It’s his fault.
You are right, he would very likely be alive today if you got back together, and you would be living in fear and misery, you don’t deserve that and you know it, it’s why you broke up in the first place.
And furthermore, he didn’t just do this to end himself, he did this to hurt you one last time, Won’t tell you not to feel sad about this, but you can mitigate some of the pain with hatred for doing this to you. He had his problems but he had no right to abuse you like however he did in your relationship that made you fear for your life and he certainly had no right to this one final act of psychological abuse.
It’s always boys fault bla bla bla
I’m soooo sorry this has happened to you. I would talk to a therapist for sure if you don’t already. They will help you navigate your emotions even though you know in your heart that you did the right thing. Maybe he wouldn’t have killed himself but he could’ve killed you because the truth is you were in DANGER and you can’t save the one putting you in it. I’m sorry this is so hard but there was nothing you could do but save yourself and you did, AND, it’s ok to have guilt about that even if it’s not real. You are a human who feels things and this would be hard for anyone in your position. sending you love and i’m sorry you had this experience. you did the right thing
He needed therapy and professional help that your were not equipped or educated to be able to provide for him. Furthermore, the kind of help he needed cannot be given by someone he’s in love with.
You did the right thing by aiming to protect yourself, he did not because he didn’t seek out help to the degree he needed it. We all need to protect ourselves first and foremost.
He was unstable and as such, wanted to leave you with a burden because you refused to allow him to manipulate you and/or encroach on your time & space.
He knew himself best, and decided he was ill-equipped for this world. Respect his judgment.
Post in suicide bereavement. You’ll get more help there. Sorry. Mom killed herself it helps to read other people’s stories.
How can someone be super sweet but your afraid he was gonna kill you??
The fact you were scared he may kill you and then he shot himself means he almost certainly would have killed you
Consider this a dodged bullet literally because if he’s suicidal he could’ve taken you with him.
I mean thats super good then, he was just a dickhead who wanted to pin everything on you.
All this says is that you were right the entire time. You followed your instincts and they led you to safety. Imagine if you had stayed with a guy who has the mental capacity to shoot himself in the head?
Good job.
First of all not only is this not your fault but I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I hope you’re getting some genuine support from people IRL.
Secondly, I think it’s worth considering that it’s very likely he would have killed himself anyways at some point, mental issues don’t just go away because you’re with someone. At the end of the day, it’s a decision he made himself.
I think your fear for your own safety is something to take into account as well. You definitely shouldn’t have stuck around and possibly be killed. And if he killed you, he probably would still kill himself anyways. PLEASE don’t beat yourself up or blame yourself for the suicide. ❤️