So starting this of I (21F) have Pcos and was getting a laprascopy to check for endometriosis as it runs in my family. Luckily I didn’t have it but still have the stitches and everything healing. So I got the surgery last Monday and first and second day was at my In Laws house as I have a bad habit of getting up and cleaning when I can’t or shouldn’t. The problem is while I was there I was given no help almost at all and expected to get up every hour to walk laps around the main area of the house twice. Not including getting up to go to the bathroom or getting myself food. I also wasn’t allowed to stay in the guest bedroom past 9am I had to be on the couch. So while I was there my MIL was caring for my niece in the other room who is a year and a half but just left me to my own devices on caring for myself. Which I got jumped on by both the cat and their little dog who is about ten pounds. So by day two I just said I wanted to go home. Over the next few days I was getting better but day five I leaned down to pick up some of my husband’s clothes cause I almost tripped over them. Causing me to later find my stitches having dried blood around them which is in my belly button so it wasn’t hard to tell. They still have been bleeding but I’m not catching when but it really hurts to move too much and so I spent today laying down. Most days I get up amd pace cause it’s my routine. The problem was today I was supposed to go to church but I didn’t cause I wasn’t able to sleep and the stitches kept hurting extremely bad. Later in the day after my husband got home my MIL texted this:
MIL: Hey how are you doing?
ME:Still hurting but mostly just extremely tired. One of my stitches had dried blood so I didn’t wanna accidentally open them or anything
MIL:At this point, it shouldn’t matter. Your insides should be practically healed. I’ve had similar procedures in the past and was up and doing everything that I needed to be doing within a day or two. It shouldn’t be taking you this long to heal. Is it red, extremely hot around it or does it have puss coming out of it?
ME:No pus just and not hot just slightly bleeding for some reason
MIL:It does not help to just lay around. You have to get up and get moving. I know you can do this. You are stronger than you know. When you feel weak, ask God to give you the strength and energy that you need in order to be the person that He created you to be.
END
So after my husband said that she was just worried that I’m not healing and that she is right and I need to get up and move but now I’m upset about it and have to go to work tomorrow as my first day back. I work at a gym but am not allowed by my doctor to pick up anything heavier than a jug of milk. I won’t get my stitches out till a week from Tuesday so I need to be careful not to rip them.
So am I the asshole for getting upset and just not going cause I was hurting or is she right?
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So starting this of I (21F) have Pcos and was getting a laprascopy to check for endometriosis as it runs in my family. Luckily I didn’t have it but still have the stitches and everything healing. So I got the surgery last Monday and first and second day was at my In Laws house as I have a bad habit of getting up and cleaning when I can’t or shouldn’t. The problem is while I was there I was given no help almost at all and expected to get up every hour to walk laps around the main area of the house twice. Not including getting up to go to the bathroom or getting myself food. I also wasn’t allowed to stay in the guest bedroom past 9am I had to be on the couch. So while I was there my MIL was caring for my niece in the other room who is a year and a half but just left me to my own devices on caring for myself. Which I got jumped on by both the cat and their little dog who is about ten pounds. So by day two I just said I wanted to go home. Over the next few days I was getting better but day five I leaned down to pick up some of my husband’s clothes cause I almost tripped over them. Causing me to later find my stitches having dried blood around them which is in my belly button so it wasn’t hard to tell. They still have been bleeding but I’m not catching when but it really hurts to move too much and so I spent today laying down. Most days I get up amd pace cause it’s my routine. The problem was today I was supposed to go to church but I didn’t cause I wasn’t able to sleep and the stitches kept hurting extremely bad. Later in the day after my husband got home my MIL texted this:
MIL: Hey how are you doing?
ME:Still hurting but mostly just extremely tired. One of my stitches had dried blood so I didn’t wanna accidentally open them or anything
MIL:At this point, it shouldn’t matter. Your insides should be practically healed. I’ve had similar procedures in the past and was up and doing everything that I needed to be doing within a day or two. It shouldn’t be taking you this long to heal. Is it red, extremely hot around it or does it have puss coming out of it?
ME:No pus just and not hot just slightly bleeding for some reason
MIL:It does not help to just lay around. You have to get up and get moving. I know you can do this. You are stronger than you know. When you feel weak, ask God to give you the strength and energy that you need in order to be the person that He created you to be.
END
So after my husband said that she was just worried that I’m not healing and that she is right and I need to get up and move but now I’m upset about it and have to go to work tomorrow as my first day back. I work at a gym but am not allowed by my doctor to pick up anything heavier than a jug of milk. I won’t get my stitches out till a week from Tuesday so I need to be careful not to rip them.
So am I the asshole for getting upset and just not going cause I was hurting or is she right?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Basically due to me not showing up everyone was worried and I got angry and in an argument with my husband about it due to her comparing her to me as she does this a lot as she is constantly in pain from arthritis which I don’t hold against her because I have early onset arthritis. But this is causing me and my husband to fight as she keeps saying I need to be better and at this point I’m starting to think I am just overreacting on the fact. I just want to know if I need to apologize to my husband about his mom in case I’m in the wrong for snapping about it
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
I hope everything goes well with your healing…sadly, you married a mama’s boy which is by far your bigger problem.
You had a surgery, that’s it. You had a surgery on your mid-section and need to heal. You know your body best and know what you need to heal.
What you don’t need is a know-it-all-MIL and a he-of-no-backbone-husband. The hospital doing your surgery will have given you a plan what to do during the steps of your healing.
MIL: You need to run around the house twice to heal!
You: No, my my doc says I need to rest and take it lightly.
MIL is not right. If she comes with her old wives tales say “No, thank you.” and do what you need to do to heal properly.
NTA. MIL seems controlling and treats you like a child. Imagine telling an adult they can’t stay in the bedroom past 9am.
NTA, yes, moving is important, especially to prevent blood clots in the legs. However, you shouldn’t be bending over, scrubbing cleaning, or doing anything more rigorous than walking at this point. You’ll also need to be careful of opening things like jars, as that actually use core muscles as well.
You are definitely not entirely healed inside. It’s likely that you have a follow up appointment as well, which is generally set for about 4 to 5 weeks after surgery. Why would they wait so long to schedule a follow up if you were healed by a week?
Please rest and take good care of yourself. You can always advise your mother-in-law that you’re not soliciting input about your recovery, but that you appreciate her concern.
NTA
> When you feel weak, ask God to give you the strength and energy that you need in order to be the person that He created you to be.
Would’ve been nice to just not be created with the PCOS in the first place, too.
Just because she thinks you should be healed doesn’t mean you are. What a codependent trait that is. Yuck. Stay away from her until you’re strong enough to deal with her passive aggression. I hate it when people act like there’s a timeline for healing or grieving or anything else. It’s egomaniacal and doesn’t help the healing process.
NTA at all dude. Nah, your MIL is offside here. It’s your body, your health, and you know what’s best. Health first, always. Obvs she ain’t the doc and healing times differ from person to person. Stay strong, bro. FML she’s got no right to say jack about how you should be healing. Take care of yourself and keep it cool, alright? Ignore the noise. All the best, mate. Peace!
While your MIL is an idiot, you don’t really have a MIL problem. You have a husband problem.
NTA
Even if you didn’t have surgery, you don’t owe them a visit!
NTA. You overdo it after surgery and you risk long-term complications.
NTA. First i just wanna say that what you have been going through is so tough and im so glad it wasnt what they expected it was gunna end up after the surgery.
Second, your MIL was a little abrasive in her actions and responses. While i understand yes you do need to get up and move around after a lapro surgery, you still gotta take it easy. Not everyones bodies heal at the same rate. You deserve rest and healing. Your husband should have defended you a bit better. Maybe he doesnt fully see if from your POV .
NTA. Honestly feel like you should be going back to your doctor. You could have torn internal stitches.
Bad news, you have a husband problem. Your MIL sounds overbearing, but he’s taking her side even against medical advice. Putting your health at risk is easier than telling off his mother. That should be all you need to know about where you stand.
Good news, you also seem to have no children, so getting away should be easier.
I had a similar surgery and the hospital expected me to be up and walking as soon as the anesthetic wore off. Hell, I had two c-sections and two other open reproductive surgeries and was expected to do the same. So while your MIL was possibly pushier than she needed to be, there was no reason to be laying in bed all day because you are suppose to move frequently. You aren’t suppose to lift anything over 10 lbs but you are suppose to be moving.
I am going with ESH. You don’t have to go to church of course but nothing you posted before that about not getting “help” is outside of what I am sure your doctors told you.
You heal at your own pace, not on your MIL’s schedule. NTA
NTA.
When I hear advice like what you received from
Your MIL, I often say “thank you for loving me.” Assholes find it rude and shut up. People who genuinely care get mushy or begin to examine if they overstepped.
The rules or advice about get up and go are for folks who prioritize their comfort 24/7 and would never consider working through serious pain. These rules do not apply to you.
Over the next week or two you might find yourself more exhausted because you’re returning to work. You’ll be tired because you’ll be trying to do what you usually do. It’s okay to do less at home, rest and sleep more. You’re healing a body that does more labor than your mil understands. You and your body deserve to heal well.
As someone who has had laparoscopic surgery for endometriosis, and a hysterectomy please stop bending over. Your recovery is no joke and you have to rest or you can really hurt yourself.
Where is your husband in all this?
NTA – stop engaging with MIL. She’s an idiot.
Laparoscopy surgery takes anywhere from 5-6 weeks to just heal!!! I had my gallbladder removed this way, it took me almost 3 weeks to just stand up straight, it was extremely painful, take your time!!!
Sorry I didn’t realise you were 12 and needed to be talked to like a child. I would have said fuck off. Mind your business and leave me alone. For a year if possible
NTA. Is your MIL a surgeon? No? She can ___ off with her unsolicited advice then
NTA why the fuck did she have you doing laps???
Follow your doctor’s instructions. Just murmur along to your MIL. Stay home and resting as much as you can.
NTA but I’d get your stitches checked by a doctor.
You need to go home. And you need to tell your husband that if he can’t stand up to his mother to protect your safety, then you have a serious problem in your marriage. NTA.
Ask MIL where her medical degree was from.