We are together for 6 years now. About 2 years ago my husband cheated on me and got severe STD he can’t get rid of till today.
He claims to be unable to work normally due to this. So we agreed I would be providing and he would take care of the chores so I can focus on working.
On top of that he has sui*adal thoughts and in always says he won’t live for much longer.
Long story short after 2 years of discussions we have this:
– he doesn’t work regularly, while I work 2 jobs. I am paying for life and his medications (which is super expensive)
– he doesn’t do chores unless I constantly remind him. He doesn’t clean much since we have a cleaning lady come once a week. And even in between I have to tidy things up cause he “doesn’t see it”
– he doesn’t cook as promised so I have to cook for myself. He claims it is cause I don’t like what he cooks. He literally cooks pasta and puts a block of cheese next to it calling it dinner. When I confronted about it saying I am not that hard to please food wise it just takes googling a recipe he laughed it off
– since he “won’t live for much longer” he doesn’t care about future investments and things like that. So I have to handle it myself
After dealing with all that I developed multiple health conditions most of which are hormonal with no cure protocols and even pre-cancer. On top, I got severe depression disorder which I am taking meds for. I have no energy whatsoever after handling all the affairs and work.
When I got my diagnosis he claimed it’s less severe than his and doesn’t seem to care much. Due to this I started therapy and in the process I realised we are completely different as people: I like active rest with doing something fun and he likes to only walk, watch movies or play computer games.
Him being in a negative state all the time and lashing out on me doesn’t help either. With that being said he does not want to go to therapy or take antidepressants.
Sometimes I even suspect his health isn’t that bad and he is just using it as excuse. Him being hypochondriac doesn’t help with that.
At this point I am thinking about ending the relationship. Any advice?
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So he made up for cheating by having you be a bangmaid that financially provides for him.
Coolcoolcool.
Is this the behaviour of someone that respects and loves you? Would you EVER treat him this way?
My advice is time travel and leave him 2 years ago.
End the relationship. He is far too comfortable watching you break your back while he cheats, games and watches TV, no wonder you’re depressed. If he wants help he can get official help, not expect you to take on the role of parent. You are not responsible for him and life is too short to be this miserable.
The best time to leave was 2 years ago, the second best time is 2day
Why are you married to someone who doesn’t even like you?
This is in no way meant to demean you and sorry that I can’t think of a better way of saying this, but it sounds like you have issues of your own that you need to work through for you to stay with someone who cheated on you and then you essentially become their servant. It just signals to me that you dont think you deserve better that its taken you this long to consider leaving the situation. Divorce him and then throw yourself into therapy asap so you can avoid being taken advantage of by someone to this degree in the future.
Girl. Put your crown on straight and dump his ass. What are doing?? You know the answer. Get the hell out of there!!
Yup, end it
Do not put up with another day of this total disrespect. Do not waste another day. Do you want this to be the rest of your whole life? Because nothing you have written here suggests he is going to change one iota.
Okay, so the only STIs that aren’t curable are herpes and HIV. HPV isn’t, but it’s not painful and wouldn’t cause him to not be able to work normally, and most of the time, leaves the body within 2 years.
So let’s assume herpes, because HIV doesn’t hurt, either. What is he doing for it? Is he on meds? Has he seen a specialist? Even in worst case scenarios, if he has nerve issues, they can treat that. Some people have more success than others with nerve treatment, but if it’s that severe, he should get disability, right?
Most people would have left after he cheated and got the STI. While herpes isn’t 100% preventable with a condom, it does help a lot, so did he have unprotected sex when he cheated? That would make me leave.
Is he in therapy for the depression, or is he just living like this?
I think you should talk to your counselor about it and if you want to leave, it’s certainly valid.
Guy here
I’m sorry OP but this doesn’t make sense
HE cheats on you and rather than actually apologise to you suddenly you have to work yourself into a grave and pay for HIS medication for an STD that has rendered him unemployed?
Even STDs such as HIV can be managed effectively on medication, sounds like he’s being dramatic and playing on your emotions
You need to work on your self esteem, LEAVE HIM and learn to love yourself
Truthfully it doesn’t sound like he has any redeeming qualities, Let the woman he cheated with take care of him and go and live your life as you deserve to be happy
Leave today!! He is showing you in every way but verbal that he doesn’t care about you
Girl pls leave him. RUN. Love yourself, please.
Please get off the Cross, We need the wood. Sheesh! Why are you doing this to yourself?
Time to leave him.
Go back in time and leave after he cheated. If you can’t do that, leave now.
Nope. Look, you have ONE fucking chance at this “life” and way too many people waste their 20’s doing stupid shit looking for “love”, chasing this Hallmark card idea of a knight in shining armor, a house, couple kids and maybe a pet.
“We” haven’t really experienced that shit since the 50’s and even then it was a shitshow, they just didn’t have the internet to complain on…
Recoup the last six years for yourself. Make yourself happy…because if you aren’t happy and they aren’t “happy”, no one is happy.
If your mental/physical health is taking a toll over a boy that can’t wipe his ass, it’s time to go. Put yourself back together, take some time for yourself and put together a plan, that revolves around YOU. Don’t date. Don’t do stupid shit. Start small with your goals and work up from there.
You need to leave. He is making a fool of you. Which std is causing him to be incapable of work? I find it hard to believe! Unless he has late stages of aids and is seriously unwell, it’s likely a way to get around you. You are literally his doormat. Please leave! Put yourself first and work on your self esteem/self respect. He has no right to behave this way.
I promise you will spend less money if you live alone and just buy one of those meal prep services. He will figure out the STD stuff or he won’t. I do admire his ability to guilt you into supporting the MF who cheated on you and could have also exposed you to his STD. Oh no consequences subreddit has a great contender in his situation.
If you want permission to leave him, I give it.