I (30 M) and my recently serious GF (29) went to our first out of state visit to her parents. We were both very excited and generally speaking I was on good speaking to terms with them (we spoke on video chat a few times and they seemed vey nice). This is America, we live in Chicago and they live in smaller town in Midwest. We both definitely came from different backgrounds. My parents were academics and religion was just never a thing we participated in, we discussed it obviously, but we were all some form of atheist or agnostic, but I was raised to be very respectful of other’s beliefs. My GF did mention her parents were religious, but she is basically lapsed and doesn’t go to church, or pray, just Christian in name as far as I can tell.
So, to the event…everything was going great honestly, I had a great rapport with both of her parents, lots of laughs and good story telling. We finally have a really nice sit down dinner her mom made, which was delicious, but her Dad (And I completely understand that he was trying to be nice and offer me what he understood to be a show of respect) asked me to lead prayer before dinner. I kind of just stuttered in place as I didn’t expect it. But finally got my thoughts together and replied, “Mr. Jeffthekillershark’s Gf’s Dad I appreciate the the sentiment and I thank you for it, but I believe it be disingenuous of me to lead a prayer in a faith I don’t genuinely hold. And I’d hate to disrespect your beliefs. Again, thank you and I mean no disrespect.” Disrespect was definitely taken by both her parents, and the night basically derailed spectacularly from that point on, they were polite, but totally shut down and the mood shift was palpable. Since then, my Gf’s siblings have been commenting about it on social media and basically calling me an asshole, and saying I should have just faked it and done it.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I turned down saying dinner prayer for my Gf’s dad and her family and clearly her dad think I’m a huge asshole for trying to respect their faith.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Sure, losing sleep at night you could come up with better words. But you made a good effort and did nothing wrong. Too bad it didn’t go well. But that’s not because you did anything wrong.
My mum once tried to make my ex say a prayer at dinner, I knew he wouldn’t be comfortable so I jumped in and volunteered to do it instead.
Your girlfriend should have stood up for you imo
NTA. You were completely honest and transparent. As a parent, I would have respected that.
You took the most polite and considerate way of going about it by showing your respect to their beliefs while also not faking your way to appease it. You did nothing wrong, I guess it’s just a difference in opinion that your gfs siblings thought it was disrespectful. It is very clear that your gfs parents would like for you to share their religious beliefs, and you respectfully shut that down.
Down the line, however, expect tensions on this matter, though, and good luck to your relationship with your partner. NTA.
NTA at all. You were perfectly polite and respectful and it’s bizarre to me that they would have wanted you to fake it – and then to go on social media and complain? What would they possibly say?
NTA. You were honest and trying to be as respectful as possible. You weren’t offended at the request, nor offensive in declining to lead the prayer, so their reaction is a little OTT in my opinion. It’s not as if you or your gf ever represented you as a member of that faith so why would they take offense at your not participating in it? “Faking it” as the siblings have suggested would have been far more disrespectful. Respect works both ways – you respect their faith, they need to respect your lack thereof.
NTA. Them shoving their faith down your throat was the real disrespect in your situation.
NTA, but your girlfriend kind of is for not telling her parents that putting you on the spot like this would make you uncomfortable, and her siblings definitely are for making shitty judgmental comments about it on social media. Very Christian of them to publicly call you out and tell you to “just fake it”.
Unfortunately your girlfriend’s family will be entirely focused on your religious views from this point on, so be ready for that.
OMG, I had an ex-bf whose family prayed at dinner…no problem, I grew up saying Grace. But they way they said “Grace” was almost like a sermon with multiple “amens” (lol, I kept thinking it was the end).
Ultimately, I politely listened with my eyes closed and said “amen” at the final “amen”…
WELL, apparently his father noticed that I didn’t “amen” enough and asked me why!
Awkward af…
Anyway, I think it’s very awkward and rude to ask someone you’ve just met to pray at YOUR dinner table. Also, does he know if you even pray before you eat?!
No, NTA
NTA at all
I absolutely hate when people put others on the spot like this
My husbands uncle tries to do it every holiday and he has to find a way to respectfully decline every time
It’s exhausting
NTA I can’t see what they would take offense about, unless they’re offended by your lack of belief, in which case I wonder why your gf didn’t tell them about it ahead of time
Not the asshole. Pretending to pray to a god you don’t believe would have been disrespectful.
NTA. If I were asked to lead a prayer for a religion I’m not a part of, I would be uncomfortable to. I think you handled it very respectfully, especially when being put in the spotlight like that.
NTA and what weird stance her sibs have taken! As a practicing Christian myself, I would have been grateful for your honesty. Plus, they seriously missed an opportunity to show you the love and connection that should be a tenement of Christian faith. We are supposed to set an example, not be the AH.
Pretending to be religious to please other people is a dangerous path to go down. That said I have reached a place in my life where honesty for me means accepting the gifts and hospitality I am offered with a different kind of grace than a younger me might have. today I know who I am and i am far more comfortable about that so i don’t need to be quite as loud about it, i could genuinely say ‘i give thanks 🙏 for the opportunity to have this lovely meal in good company with a grateful heart amen – and mean it without feeling i had betrayed myself or others nor been dishonest.
NTA. You response was very well articulated and very respectful. I’m genuinely impressed. I would have stuttered a “umm no thanks, you go ahead”. Good on you. If your GF’s family is offended that’s not on you, that’s on them and you shouldn’t feel bad about it or made to feel bad about it. They should respect your non-beliefs as much as you respect their beliefs. Works both ways!
NTA and your GF should be defending you right now to her family. Many american christians take people not being christian as an offense to their own beliefs. Non-belief is seen as an attack. This is absolutely whack and ridiculous, of course, but what can ya do? I think you handled it with respect and kindness. No need to deny or invisible-ize your own identity to soothe their need for conformity.
In such situations, it is easier to say “never did this before”, and if they insist, just read from the paper of whatever will be provided. I know a lot of ppl disagree because “you need to stand your ground” etc, but for me this is equal to a New Year celebration: you participate even if you don’t believe in Santa. For sure this is applicable only if the activity does not offend you.
Nope that was a perfect reply- honest, respectful and reasonable, a way to acknowledge the sentiment but politely decline the ask.
They don’t like that you don’t share their belief system, there was no way for you to win this
NTA
NTA you ripped that religious bandaid off instantly, otherwise you’d have been continuing that lie until they met someone from your family who’d presumably correct them, causing more hurt and more issues
Why your gf hadn’t already set that expectation is another question, ask the siblings what their book says about those who lie? Are they sure they want to be the serpents in this situation convincing you to deceive?
NTA. Faking it might have been the ideal way to smooth things over, but it’s not your fault that you got put on the spot like that. This feels like a situation where people just had significantly different expectations and preferences, and where neither were adequately prepared for the other’s.
If they continue to treat this as a slight, beyond just the night where they were thrown off their expectations, then they’ll end up being the assholes. And her siblings harassing you over it absolutely makes them the asshole as well.
My parents are religious and they would never make the assumption a guest would feel comfortable leading prayer. It feels disrespectful and presumptuous on the parent’s part. They made you feel uncomfortable and then had the gall to be offended. I would consider carefully whether you want to invest in this family. When you’re in a long term partnership with a person, their family will be your life and they can wreck considerable havoc if they aren’t good people.
NTA you handled this way better than I did. I did the whole “thanks Jesus for the food. YUMMY AMEN” and then started eating. 🤗
NTA Those people would rather you pretend than be honest and ethical. Speaks volumes.
NTA.
You don’t fit in the mold, this was the test to see if you can do traditions without ruining the whole experience of being a “family that prays together” and you stuck to your beliefs.
I would feel very uncomfortable in your shoes OP as well. Leading the family prayer even as a catholic is tiring, annoying, and you have no idea how these people pray.
Because it turns out all Christian’s have different ways of praying and they go to different churches.
It be one thing if you went to church with them all the time but you don’t. Extremely weird and unsettling, and personally I would go ahead and call this relationship in.
NTA, it’s very awkward to be asked something like that and your GF should have spoken to them beforehand. It would have been more awkward to see you stuttering trying to come up with things to say and would have seemed disingenuous like you said.
Nta
Nicer than me.
I would have said “rub-a-dub thanks for the grub bub amen”
NTA. Your girlfriend should have warned you before dinner that they say a prayer before meals.
There was nothing wrong with him asking you to lead the prayer, and it was absolutely nothing wrong when you politely declined and you did so graciously. Turns out he’s a bully, and your girlfriend sat right there while they treated you badly for the rest of the meal. This is what the rest of your life is going to be like. So you can either in the relationship or you can sit her down and tell her that you’re not going to be treated badly by her parents and that you expect her to step up and let them know that or that you don’t want to go over there anymore. She needs to grow a spine or not.. and there’s your answer for whether to stay in the relationship or not.
NTA. I am Christian and it is people like this that make us look bad. You were respectful and they should have been too and responded with a respectful remark and a smile and moved on. Rather than continue to show their neighbor kindness, they showed judgement and even quietly ostracized you.
Please know that not all Christians are like this. You did fine. They did not.
You handled this very well. The same cannot be said of her parents, as is typical of people who like to make a spectacle and contest of “praying.”
It’s now up to your gf to decide whether to stand up to her parents and defend you or concede to their demands and try to force you into their beliefs. It’s good this is happening now so you do t waste too much time on the relationship of agnostic/atheist/realist views are a deal breaker for her.
NTA.
Dad set you up with a test. Sometimes you pass, sometimes you fail. You failed HIS test, but you stood up for your beliefs (in a very respectful manner too), and in response your GF is slamming you, so she failed your test of her.
She’s picking them over you in a pretty important situation for Midwesterners. You have some hard choices ahead of you OP.
NTA. He put you on the spot. Obnoxious.
I think you handled it well.
Why are these fine religious Christian folks calling you an asshole on social media?
NTA. You were respectful. But I’m curious as to why your gf either let them believe you were religious and would be comfortable leading a prayer, or why she didn’t jump in and ask her parents not to put you on the spot. Something tells me she’s more religious than she’s let on.
This is Meet the Parents… but with realistic anxiety and no comic relief.
NtA , But…. there was a much better way to say what you said. Don’t talk about your beliefs. That wasn’t the time or place. If you really weren’t comfortable say something to the extent of “I’d rather not. I’d prefer to observe for now, but thank you for the opportunity.”
NTA. You very respectfully declined. Her family aren’t acting very Christian-like. But…please understand her parents will probably not approve of a marriage between their daughter and an agnostic/atheist.
“Good bread, good meat, good God, let’s eat!” would have been my response. But then again, I have no respect for religion, so there’s that.
NTA, btw.
NTA but you lack some social graces. It’s not so much that you should have faked it, more so that you could’ve said “I’m honored to be offered to lead the blessing. May this bounty bring us nutritional value & May we all have peace. Amen.”
It’s like the author Robert Heinlein wrote, “when the locals rub blue mud on their bellies, blend in.”
I describe myself as a fledgling Buddhist. I believe there’s good in all people, just most are good for fertilizer.
NTA.
“Rub a dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Let’s eat!”
Nta but I’m interested in what your gf thinks of all of this?
NTA no one should force their religious stuff on you. You responded well enough I think. But religious folks are a mixed bag. Some understand not everyone believes and some are shocked not everyone believes 🤷🏻♀️
Feels like you could have winged something that would get you out of the moment and not offended. “I want to say how grateful to be here and give thanks for the welcome and wish great health for everyone at this table.” Done, look up, let them say amen.
Stand up for yourself is a good thing. Many American evangelicals use that as manipulation.
It would have been cool if you knew in advance about the request and then you could have prepared a nice agnostic recitation of gratitude. “Thank you Earth for the rich soil which grows our food, thank you farmers and ranchers for growing the food, thank you GF’s mother for lovingly preparing the food, and thank you GF’s family for welcoming me into your home.”
NTA
Here’s my standby: in the name of the father, son and Holy Ghost. Whoever eats the fastest gets the most.
Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub.
Someone funny prayer I heard before dinner.
“We thank you for this graces that we are about to recieve from our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ and his Prophet Mohammed…
amen. Chow- chow!”
One more.
Bless those people who want to eat but got nothing to eat . Bless those people who have plenty to eat but don’t want to eat.
And Bless us who are about to eat. Amen!
NTA. If you fake it at the beginning, you’re stuck either keeping that up indefinitely or later admitting that the prayer was insincere.
NTA. I refuse to pretend on something like this. It’s just unethical.
NTA. Maybe, and it’s a long shot. Maybe they felt bad themselves for misunderstanding and putting you in that situation? If they had a level of awareness they may have been embarrassed to have caused you discomfort while hosting.
Jeff, use this:
For what we are about to eat, may we be truly thankful for Christ’s sake. Amen.
My parents taught me that when I was really young.
Dear god thank you for this food and good company. I am grateful to be here.
This is the prayer I give when people ask me to do the same and I am 1000% not a believer in anything.
NTA – “faking” a prayer would fundamentally be so much more offensive and disrespectful. It speaks volumes about someone’s ‘faith’ that they’re more upset you wouldn’t pretend to humour them than that you politely decline…
NTA! I usually go with the standard “Good food, great meats, good God, lets eat.” I never get asked again. 😀
NTA! They should not have asked, and they should have accepted your very polite refusal.
NTA. Your girlfriend didn’t speak up at all? Surely she knows you aren’t religious and wouldn’t love this.
I think that was a very polite way to decline the offer. Not sure why your GF’s siblings are in your grill about it.
If they are going to be mad at a polite decline, might as well lean into it.
“DARK LORD, THANK YOU FOR THIS GENEROUS AND NUTRITIOUS BOUNTY! THE NEXT SOUL HARVEST IN YOUR HONOR WILL BE A GREAT AND BLOODY ONE!”
NTA, the father should not at least asked if you would be comfortable leading the prayer before putting you on the spot. Doesn’t matter if you are religious or not. There are people feel its an honor to lead the prayer and other that avoid it.
As someone deeply religious nta
NTA. They should have not done this to you on the spot. Your girlfriend should have stepped in to help you as well. This happened to me with an ex. Staunch religious family (which I knew they were). We all went out for dinner the one night with some friends of the parents. The sister brought her boyfriend too. My family sounds like yours. My ex’s father says before we eat, we will say grace then says “the person who is newest at our table will say grace” then looks at me.
At this point my ex and I had only been together 4 or 5 months. I had never said grace in my life. The fuck?! It felt like seconds turned into minutes and I was stumbling words to try say something like you did. My ex tried to say he will say it on my behalf and the dad was saying “no she has to” and then the sister says “wait my boyfriend is newer than her” (they got together like a month after me and my ex lmao). The dad said “oh right that’s true, ha ha next time your turn” to me and the staunch religious boyfriend said grace.
My ex apologised and said he forgot about that rule lol could have given me a heads up there bud.
There was no next time my turn lmao and thank fuck for that.
Ignore and block them on social media. It will hurt to see what they are posting about you. You don’t owe them anything.
I don’t think this was a show of respect.
I think it was a test. And in his eyes, you failed.
And your girlfriend should have prevented this from happening.
100% NTA.
NTA – your response was perfect. I say this as someone who comes from a praying family, I am horrified that they would even ask you to pray out loud knowing you don’t hold the same beliefs, are a guest in their house and on a first time visit! Did their daughter not step in and help the situation? I would never ask my child’s partners to pray out loud even if they held the same beliefs and practices as our family. How awkward and I am sorry that happened to you.
NTA, but he wasn’t honoring you. People who ask guests to lead prayers are enforcing the dominance of their religion by basically saying everyone must either actually belong to it or pretend to, and you’re resisting the dominance display. You would have been judged for how well you could perform a certain brand of religious masculinity and you stopped them from being able to do that too. So yeah, everyone was upset, not because you didn’t demur politely but because you refused to play the game. You should probably talk to GF to see what her thoughts are on this because this is going to continue to be an issue and you’ll want to be in the same page.
NTA
They assumed you were a member of their sect.
You’re not, and you were polite.
You couldn’t have declined in any way that wouldn’t set them off. Different words, eg “Thanks, but no thanks,” would 𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 have deferred their bad reaction til after dinner.
I mention this on the off chance someone is telling you that there were ways to avoid their discomfort. There weren’t. There aren’t.
I’m an atheist Jew, and it’s my experience and observation that it’s impossible to avoid offending some brands of Christian.
NTA.
Should it ever come up in another situation, you can simply say, “I am not comfortable praying publically.” and leave it at that. Even many religious people don’t lead prayers in other people’s homes.
But it sounds like you intended to be respectful. I’m sorry it went poorly.
NTA. People cannot demand respect for their beliefs, while not offering the same for beliefs of others.
Nta you couldn’t have done it in a nicer way. I wouldn’t even know how to lead a prayer. Religious people just dont respect others’ lack of religion.
This honestly screams of a GF who has not fully informed her own parents that she “does not believe in God or go to church anymore!”
I bet her parents believe that she still attends and they might even have considered you to be a “good, Christian boy” because in religious homes, you do not date someone who is not a Christian too!
So this may have been a wake up call that their darling daughter just doesn’t believe anymore and she’s dating a non-believer too! Get ready for a LOT of stressful convos with her about her parents being “disappointed” in dating you and they will nudge her to leave a find someone respectable!
Your girlfriend shoulda stepped up for you. NTA.
He didn’t ask you to lead the prayer to be nice and show respect.
He did it to embarrass you.
NTA. I’m a Christian (not church-going right now), but I don’t like to pray in public or out loud. My faith is a quiet one that I just don’t feel the need to share with others. Unfortunately, this request wasn’t out of respect for you, but instead it was a test. In my eyes, you did just fine, but in their eyes, you failed. I’m sorry!
NTA, but I’m wondering if GF’s parents know that she is Christian in name only. My guess is no.
In all honesty, I wouldn’t have any idea about how to even fake it without doing a Google search, and that might have even made things worse. NTA
NTA. You were polite and honest. Respect goes both ways – no one should be pressured to perform a religious act they don’t believe in. You handled it with way more grace than most would.
LOL gotta love how the pro-religion people in this story feel like ‘faking it’ would have been better than being honest and deferential. It’s ALWAYS ok to politely decline an invitation.
I can’t help but feel that this invitation to lead prayer was a kind of test…if they know you grew up in a non-religious setting (or if even if they didn’t) it might have been a test of how willing you’d be to ‘play along’ with their religious practices, whether you’d be willing to adhere to religious practices or say words that undermine what you actually believe as to the presence of a higher entity. I hope it was a genuine offer of inclusion, but their responses really suggest otherwise.
NTA, you did nothing wrong, but this is pretty much a MASSIVE red flag waving over your relationship, as to the types of issues you are going to have with her family moving forward. I Hope she is defending you at least, and trying to shut down the public flagging you’re now receiving, from people you’ve barely even met.
NTA. Agree with the folks saying this was a test. It could have been a genuine misunderstanding, up until the point the parents started cold-shouldering you after your VERY polite and respectful speech in declining, and the siblings started making public drama out of it all.
If it had been a misunderstanding he’d have just said, “I see, thanks for explaining, I’ll lead the prayer then” and got on with it, and then been perfectly friendly to smooth it over afterwards, which is the responsibility of a good host. If it had played out like that, I’d say there’s no AH in this story.
But it played out like it played out, so the parents are AHs, the siblings are hella AHs, and your girlfriend has at best been very naive about all this. If she makes any suggestion you should come to dinner again or try to make it up to her family, she’s an AH too.
NTA
You did the right thing.
You already showed them that you’re giving them respect for their faith.
Which is good for normal people but they don’t want this. They want you to take part in their traditions even if you don’t believe in them. Even if it’s fake their prefer that delusion instead of reality.
What do you think will happen in the future for marriage, christening baptism and so on when you won’t comply with their image?
it was insensitive of the father to ask you. i can guarantee i am a different religion than your gf’s family and i would feel offended.
and if my family were hosting we would never expect a guest at dinner for the first time to lead the table in prayer.
Shoulda just said “rubba-dub-dub thanks for the grub, yeah God!”
…
NTA
NTA, but your response was way too long and provided way too much info (and assumptions). The father probably saw it as a chance for you to show HIM respect (vice conferring an honor on you), so the additional evidence of differing world-view exasperated his disappointment.
In future, perhaps try a “No, thank you,” or “That’s a gracious offer, but I am unable to do so. Please, show me how it’s done properly.” Something like that where you set a boundary, don’t explain (therefore, they cannot pick apart your explanation), but maybe turn the hospitality/respect back towards them in a positive way.
YTA.
This is just a social convention in rural areas of the US.
Reddit probably going to go insane because of neckbeard atheists, but in the actual real world, this is a total YTA.
NTA, been in a similar situation with semi-liberal Midwest Catholics who were annoyed at my lack of religiosity and asked me to become a Catholic.
Yes, YTA. It wasn’t gonna hurt your disbeliefs or magically turn you in to a believer, they where having a an attention with you and you dismissing their beliefs at their home was in deed very disrespectful of you.
As we said in Spanish: a donde fueres haz lo que vieres.
Tell the parents and siblings to get fucked.
Were you an asshole? Absolutely not.
While being respectful, you still clearly insulted them though.
There have been times I’ve had dinner with people who practice a different religion than my own. I just go with the flow for the sake of politeness though?
If you could think quickly enough on your feet to come up with what you said, you probably could have come up with “ok GF dad, Father, thank you for bringing all of us together, for this wonderful day, for this amazing dinner, and for bringing GF into my life, amen”
There are plenty of times in life where you’re not wrong, but not being wrong doesn’t change the situation or opinions of others. If you’re serious about this girl, this might be a hard first parent meeting to overcome
NTA at all. I grew up Catholic, not by choice, and resisted the whole way through. Finally put my foot down when I got to high school and said I don’t believe in this so I’m not participating. Didn’t take communion again and would only go to church for a wedding or funeral. They got over it eventually.
My in-laws…well, they’re another story. Very religious. Cannot fathom how I could’ve left the church. Almost attempted a hostage situation one visit and wanted to drag us to a midnight mass after dinner even though I explicitly stated pretty much what you said, verbatim. Multiple times since I first met them. MIL is a drama queen and says “so when’s the next time you’ll be at church, my funeral?” and I said, “let’s hope not, I have other weddings and funerals coming up soon!” She didn’t like that very much 😂
As the saying goes, there’s no hate like Christian love. Let your girlfriend handle her parents.
I’ve always thought it was rude to put a guest in the spot this way. Your response was a hell of a lot more respectful than their response to it.
YTA
From the moment you said “My parents were academics” you pretty much lost me. My primary physician is a Christian, so I’m not sure what you meant by that. Educated people just inherently don’t believe in the flying spaghetti monster? What planet are you from?
Also, I don’t know what type of sheltered life you lived that you thought you could sit at a Christian’s dinner table and tell them you don’t believe in God. Especially in such a contentious moment. Think about it for a second… Based on what you know (or don’t know) about their religion and how you feel about what they believe, what inside you expected them to receive what you said in a completely rational non-emotional headspace?
Maybe take this as a learning experience how to talk to someone who, like basically every human in recorded history, believes in some type of deity beyond the realm of the known world. “I’m sorry Mr. Jeffthekillershark’s GF’s Dad, but my parents never taught me how to lead a prayer.” And if you really wanted to impress them, maybe ask for some help. “You wanna take this one and I’ll try to learn from it for next time?”
But seriously, like… Think about what you said to those people.
“No, Mr. and Mrs. Jeffthekillershark’s GF’s parents, I don’t think I’ll ever be asking your daughter to marry me. I believe marriage is a form of patriarchal property contract. It is a socio-legal framework engineered to sanctify the commodification of women.”
“I apologize, but I won’t be exchanging any currency with you for these items in my cart. I don’t believe in the value of money.”
“Sorry, I don’t think I’m qualified to talk about Neil Armstrong. I believe the moon landing was faked.”
You’re not going to change their mind about their beliefs — full stop. So, maybe pick your battles more carefully. If this is a family that “says Grace” before each meal you have likely ostracized yourself forever. Is that what you aimed to accomplish by telling them you’re not a believer?
NTA. I think the parents knew beforehand about their religious beliefs and the dad wanted to see just how strongly the OP held them. When OP declined the test, the dad crossed him off the list for his daughter. The GF will likely never dispute with her bully dad.
The father’s reply should have been, “Thanks for your honest and respectful answer.” Then he should have said the prayer and thanked God for his daughter finding someone with good morals.
NTA. But you did mess up socially by not providing a ‘white lie’. It’s not cool to pretend to pray generally, but most Christianity is an open practice, in fact most mainstream American Christians operate on the idea that their practice is not only open but actively encourage outsiders to participate. By refusing to participate by saying you’re an outsider you fundamentally undermined the premise of their religious culture which is that their religion is True and Universal. This is why American Jews and folks from many different Native American/First Nations/American Indian traditions spend so much time explaining the concept of a closed practice and why is offensive to hold a “Christian Seder” or play around with dream catchers (🤮) and why you as a well educated liberal person don’t want to overstep in someone else’s religious practice.
You’re NTA but next time, feign being shy or do one of those ‘no, you, oh I couldn’t take this honor’ or if you don’t think you could convincingly play shy, say something generic like ‘I’m grateful to be welcomed into your home, for happy times with family and friends, and thankful for this abundance’ where to whom you are thankful is not made clear grammatically.
NTA They should respect your opinions on religion too. Faking it is disrespectful, you were totally right in your response.
Nah, GF shouldn’t expect you to fake it. It is fine to decline, but not great to provide such a long reason as to why, especially when verbalizing that you don’t believe in their faith. The latter part is a bit of an insult, I’m sorry to say.
It’s understandable that the parents did not realize you are Christian. It would have been nice if the girlfriend stepped up to the plate and just announced she’ll do it instead. Or, if possible, you nudged her to lead the prayer.
NTA buuuuuuuut, you could have just read the room and instead said something pleasant along the lines of this being his home and he the head of household so it would be out of line/tradition for him to say grace in the home. I’m from the DEEEEP south. These people are very religious Protestant around here. That kind of remark would have gone a long way to gaining you more respect from the guy. I hold similar beliefs as you do from that perspective NTA but I know the kind of people you are dealing with. Hindsight is 20/20 but my suggestion probably would have been better. Of course, he could have insisted in a show of humbleness/welcome (doubtful). But if he did, my suggestion probably would have made the situation worse. Basically, we folk are damnned if we do and damned if we don’t when dealing with certain religious mindsets
NTA.
I think your response was great, honest and respectful! Personally, how do you even fake a prayer if you don’t otherwise pray? I wouldn’t know what would even be expected of me in such a situation.
Perhaps these siblings need a practice in empathy, and consider the following scenario: They are at an event hosted by people with other belief. They get asked this. Do they know how it’s performed, what would be expected by them and would they be comfortable with it? Probably not. Maybe they need to think about this situation in that way in order to understand.
There are so many movies where this happens and the guy just fakes it hilariously.
NTA, maybe you could have worded it better. But I wouldn’t been know how to do a prayer without sounding like Ben Stiller in Meet the Parents
NTA at all. Christians expect everyone to share and respect their beliefs while they respect no one else.
NTA. He wasn’t showing you respect. It was a test. You failed (in his mind) and are not worthy of his child. From this point forward, everything will hinge on the fact that you “don’t believe in god” or that you are less than human for not ascribing to their religion.
Good for you for being respectful to them and standing for yourself at the same time.
Best fortune to you.
Soft YTA. Just say you don’t know any Z
ESH, but mostly you and your gf.
She should have prepped her parents by telling them that you don’t lead blessings. You were rude in your delivery of your decline of saying blessing.
Her parents for not being more receptive, even though it was you who killed the mood. The siblings for continuing to bash you for your belief system.
NRA. You did what was the right thing for you. I feel your GF should have stepped in there when you were sputtering, but you are not wrong for being respectfully honest. GF should have either prepped you or her parents or both before the incident even happened.
They didn’t like the fact that you are not a hypocrite. Religion is based on hypocrisy. You did what any good atheist would do. NTA.
“Sorry I don’t know the prayer” would’ve been much easier.
I would not have even gone that far. I would have just said, no, thank you. I defer to you. Or something. But you’re NTA. You were extremely respectful. Religious people are wack.
Through the teeth, over the tongue, watch out stomach here it comes.
NTA, but religion never fails to bring shit to the world
> And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others
NTA…
If you had just faked it and done, wouldn’t you literally be taking the Lords name in vain?