I (27M) started seeing this girl (24F) about a month ago and honestly when we’re together it’s really great. She’s funny, warm super engaging like we have really good chemistry in person, but when it comes to texting it’s a totally different story. I’ll message her something thoughtful or try to keep a conversation going and she either takes forever to reply or just hits me with a dry “haha” or “lol” which really pisses me off. I figured maybe she’s just not a big texter, but then I’ll see her active on socials, posting stories of her playing games like hanging out so clearly she’s got free time which just makes it feel worse.
I’m not trying to come off clingy or anything I just want to feel like she actually wants to talk to me when we’re not together. I don’t expect long paragraphs like I’d be happy with a simple and normal conversation instead of a just haha lol nice ok like these are the only words that she uses when she texts with me. Am I thinking this too much here or is this something I should bring up?
TL;DR: she’s awesome in person and very dry when it comes to texting
Comments
Posting pictures and videos is different than texting. Having free time doesn’t mean anything. Some people genuinely suck at texting but they’re wonderful if you get them on the phone or in person.
Call her instead of texting.
Bro, you can’t expect her to orbit you and text 24/7 that shit is exhausting, eventually you may even feel exhausted trying to keep that up. Texting all the time is unhealthy anyways.
Honestly, I hate texting .I sound rude there but people who met me physically find me humble.call her instead.
Attraction grows in space. Possibly she is just tired of texting all the time. If you ask about making plans and such, does she respond? That’s the important part. Not that she engages in the conversation about who would win an a fight between a pickle and a tomato.
r/EntitledPeople
Have you tried phone calls? Then you can skip the “guess the tone” step that comes with texting.
texting sucks – it’s good for one-word responses and quick check-ins, not much else
“honey, do you need me to pick up x at the grocery store”
“what’s your ETA”
“did you make it home OK?”
anything other than that, I prefer to communicate via voice – who the f*** wants to spend all their time staring into a little screen typing inefficiently to have a conversation
Some people just don’t like texting. You may be reading into it too much. If their lack of colorful texts “are really pissing you off”, then you’re being too clingy for a relationship that young.
This may be mind blowing for someone in your age group. But some people are not big on texting. It just doesn’t matter that much.
The question you need an answer to: do her text habits vary with other people? Does she text them all the time, and just not you? You need to know if she is treating your texts differently than others.
If she doesn’t text anyone much. It’s not a big deal.
One month in and you ARE being needy and clingy. Chill out man.
To use a phrase from a recent post, are you a “makes me feel secure” guy, or a “gives me butterflies” guy?
Now, obviously, I only have your side, but this tells me she’s not interested in you the same way you are in her. Low effort, pulling someone’s tongue to speak, especially if they do write other things, is in my experience a sing of you’re not worth the effort in her eyes.
She’s awesome in person because it’s a transactional relationship, and it’s much more awkward to be rude in person than to dismiss you through text.
You sound exhausting to be with. Let a girl have her fun with her private time and you do you as well. Not everyone is glued to their phone and ready to respond to texts immediately. Its only been a month, let the relationship breathe and have time for yourself. Don’t pressure a new connection, it won’t end well.
Sorry, but if someone criticizes me because I don’t like texting, that’s a red flag for me.
I usually reply like that too when I’m not interested in the other person.
I despise texting for what its worth. Would rather a call in the evening and catch up then (provided you dont live together, generally speaking).
Texts are just for wee quick msgs here and there.
Maybe your texts are just uninspiring?
Call her on the phone
I text this way 90% of the time but am very engaging during in person conversation.
It’s possible she’s just the same way.
Weird
OP, your the red flag at the moment.
As a 27 year old man who is deeply concerned about a younger FEMALE love interests weak text abilities.
This screams, “You are not yet mature enough for a relationship”
You’re going to embarrass yourself. This is concerning.
It’s the opposite with me. I hate texting and am pretty bad at it, my gf loves regular texts and check ups. We’ve talked about it, and she understands it, I do put more effort into texts now, but basically we just save the actual talks to calls or in-person.
I’d say bring up how it makes you feel and try to understand her PoV too, thats what my gf did and it really helped her feel better and it helped me identify and work on a problem I wasn’t even aware of.
There’s always going to be something. You said “she’s awesome”, that should be enough.
Also you are coming off like a very clingy person. Not a good look. Chill out or you will blow it. I know from experience.
Alright, so no one else here is saying it.
This looks like a classic case of Anxious/Avoidant dynamic from Attachment theory.
It doesn’t mean she’s disinterested, but rather than your texting is putting pressure on her. That would explain your chemistry in person but her lackluster response online. The more you push for reassurance, the more she pulls away. Let her come to you in her own time, and focus on the face to face interactions. That’s just how it is when dealing with Avoidants, unfortunately.
Avoidants tend to invest slower in relationships because they’re scared of commitment, intimacy, vulnerability.
It’s either that or she’s enjoying your company but sees this as more of a casual fun thing than something more serious.
OP, I highly suggest looking into Attachment theory. You seem to be leaning towards Anxious, and this isn’t as simple as “just don’t be needy”. The way you’ve been raised, the experiences you’ve had in life, all contribute to this current need to find reassurance from her, to know that she still wants to talk to you.
Avoidants like her like to take things more chill. Less heavy. You have to match her pace, especially on text. That’s just how it is unfortunately. You have to be aware of what she’s actually thinking and feeling, which is more of “I like this connection…on MY terms.”
Have you tried just talking to her about it? Contrary to what others are saying here, really it just comes down to sharing with her where you’re coming from, without making her feel blame, communication is key.
I’m cool in person and don’t fucking text me too.
As someone who is terrible at texting and responding to texts, I can safely say if my wife had judged me over my texting performance I wouldn’t be married.
If you have a great time in person then why possibly kill a relationship because she can’t text? Life happens in person, not over a phone.
I’m a great conversationalist in person and would just prefer that. I make plans via text or phone. I don’t talk for hours on the phone. If it’s texting, I may make small talk or make plans. I’m in the time and place I’m in and dedicate myself to that. If you’re not in that time and space, I’m not going to drop what I’m doing to spend time having a text or phone conversation with you. Is it urgent? Yes? Call me. No? Leave me tf alone, I’m busy, even if I’m busy doing nothing. I’ve been with my wife for 20 years and she gets it, though it did take some time for her to understand. She still tries to call me just to chat and I’m super quiet and unengaged…she just lets me go and calls someone else. She doesn’t take it personal or feel like I don’t love her. Main thing is to communicate with her and just ask. She may be the same way, or she may prefer a phone call over a text, just don’t read too much into it. Also be honest with yourself. If she doesn’t want to be super engaged when you all aren’t together and you do have a major issue with it, be willing to move on. Don’t be clingy and weird and try to force her to be what you want her to be. Either be cool with it or move along to find the girl that will engage with you the way you want.
Some people are just rubbish at texting. My thoughts here are that how she is in person is much more important than how she is over text. Look at it this way, would you rather her be great when it comes to texting and dry as hell when you see her in person, or what you have now?
Maybe just put the phone down, sounds to me like you’re potentially at risk of ruining a good thing over nothing at all.
Depends on how frequently you text and what you say exactly, as for how she’s responding via text? If you’re saying lots of crap talk that’s hard to reply to, then par that off. She’s thinking Zzzz.
You’re a month in and you’re already getting this from her. I’d take it she’s not that interested, she’s possibly seeing other guys and cares more about stories rather than texting you – leave her be if that’s the case and don’t take it to heart.
If I were you, I’d stop texting her completely and see if she texts you. Depending on what she says and how much she says, will be a clear vision how interested she is.
Yeah sounds like she lives her life IRL instead of being glued to her phone all the time. I think that’s a very attractive quality.
If you feel like you need the hourly contact then it’s something you’ll want to work on independently before sabotaging your next relationship.
Some people aren’t tuned in to text messages or phone calls… If texting isn’t her thing, then don’t press it.
You’re the problem here, by a long shot. Stop being such a phone addicted dork and learn to communicate like an adult. Take a lesson from your younger but much more mature girlfriend.
I’m probably that person.
Well, maybe she just likes live interaction better than texting
What’s her profession? My wife had the same gripe about me when we were dating. I explained to her how I’m constantly on text communications at a rapid fire pace for work (high stress environment), and I’d rather just be in person and disconnect from my phone.
Assume she’s got a life. Sounds like she gives you plenty of quality time when you’re together. You’ll burn her out with constant texting.
Another thing, let her miss you rather than constant pestering. Your texting is heavily deceitful considering the underlying reason you’re sending them. You bombard her with text and probably stalk her on her social media.
Listen, if you’ve gotta ‘TRY’ not to come off clingy you’ll always fail. Get a life that revolves around bettering yourself, becoming competent, finding hobbies, etc.
Women don’t want a man with such a low confidence level that they run ‘checks text’ using low quality chit chat on them. If she’s into you, she’ll pursue you. Though, if you saturate her ‘time’ with your insecure ‘does she want to talk to me when I’m not around?’ crap, she won’t, and soon enough, even if you are.
Everyone’s on your back but honestly unless she’s the rare person who’s “not big on texting” I’d expect more thoughtful texts than a damn “lol”
Don’t let anyone handwave that away. There’s a huge ocean between not being big on texting and texting one word replies. At least give me a damn sentence
Maybe she hates wasting time texting? I know I was with my wife before we moved in together, talk when we are together, don’t text me I don’t want to have to have my phone in my hand
Use your phone to set up dates only. Seduce your woman with your presence.
No texting/calling.
Main thing is responding/following up to plans. If she’s taking a long time to respond to actual plans, that is not a good sign, no matter how engaging she is during the dates. Does she get there on time? Does she offer to pay for you? Does she ask questions about you?
Otherwise, she’s probably just not into texting. I used to be a big texter, but it’s gotten tiring to type out long messages, lol.
I hate texting and I’m always misplacing my phone.
The less you text the more you have to talk about in person.
This is super easy.
Texting is not talking. If you want to speak to her – call her.
If she reply short on text – just do the same to her.
Ex was the same probably not really that interested
Some people don’t like texting.
Match and mirror plus phones are there to set up dates not to talk nonstop. Talk in person text less. Plus create a life that you enjoy so much that you don’t have time to text. Plus the less you text the woman in your life the more they go wild. But it all start with having a fun life you like and not to do it on purpose
Becarful who your wife is friends with
Maybe she can’t read
My GF is from a different country.
While we were apart we were fighting regularly over texts. It was terrible.
While we were together we were perfect.
The question if we should move together was not easy.
But we went through with it and i don‘t regret it.
We are TERRIBLE at communicating over texts. But we know that now and try to avoid it as much as possible.
Or if we do text we just keep it as short as possible.
Texting is not a measurement for relationships!
Is she still studying for a course or something?
Cause I’m talking to this girl rn who takes a while in texting as well. When I first reached out to her recently we had already exchanged deep conversations about ourselves. Only thing is that she takes a while to reach back for every other reply. She then explains how she’s always busy with her studies in IT Tech. We haven’t met yet but told her whenever she’s free that she’d be willing to see me.
You reek of desperation
Can’t wait for the “I was needy and clingy and gross and now I don’t understand why I’m single!!!” Post
Jumping to that conclusion is not a good look…
I’m 41 and been married for 8 years. She sounds like a keeper. Call her and ask her to do something random like buy some Takis and eat them at a park after dinner. Don’t be a texty texter. Live in the moments.
Texting isn’t real. Don’t try to force it to be.
Make a phone call.
You are willing to toss what sounds like a great relationship because she doesn’t text to your standards??? Texting any which way isn’t a normal conversation.
Move on now.
When I met my ex at first I straight up thought she didn’t like me because no matter how much effort I put into texting her she’d be completely dry and boring. Then she randomly sent me a video of her in the shower one morning and we started calling, hanging out, and eventually dating. Never seen anything like it – before or after her
I suck at texting because texting sucks, talk to her face.