Long story short, bf and i have been together for over a year. Currently going through some financial strain because his contract ended so I’m supporting the both of us while he looks for a job. I havent seen my mom in years because of covid and lack of money. My family lives across the world so its hard to see them because flights are so expensive. My mom offered to buy me a flight to see her and she would cover all expenses. Upon telling my bf this, he got upset and told me how awful it is I wont be spending the holidays with him and how its going to take forever to meet my mom and ask permission to marry me. To which i replied, well we’re both broke and my mom is using her credit card to buy me a ticket so see her after so many years. My prior partners have never had an issue with me going back to see my family as they know i get very homesick – which my current bf knows ive been struggling with these days – and could use some time off from my country. I guess im looking for advice on how to navigate this? Everytime i bring it up he gets very upset and it just makes me want to not go even though i want to see her as its been years. I feel that hes not hearing me out or seeing how important this trip would be to me as I only get one mom in my life and shes getting older so her traveling to see me wouldnt be as easy. Im afraid that this tension especially once she buys me a ticket would lead to a breakup seeing how hes been acting
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Go see your mom.
You are an adult, you don’t need his permission to do this. A supportive partner would be helping you dig your suitcase out of storage instead of whining about spending time with your mother, who you have not seen in years.
Go see your mom. If he breaks up with you over it then he wasn’t the one for you. There are plenty of decent men out there but you only have one mom.
is it more important to you to spend time with your mother who you have known for 26 years, or spend time with your boyfriend who you’ve known for 1 year?
in my opinion your bf sounds possessive. he doesn’t see the point in visiting your mother unless it’s for the purpose of him asking her permission to marry you. he does not care about you being homesick or needing to visit your family.
his financial worries are valid, but it sounds like these issues are wayyyy more than financial.
Go see your mom.
He does not get a say and you do not need his permission, if he breaks up, he is doing you a favour because he is not the one.
Break up then. I’ll be damned if a man keeps me from my mom.
Your mom brought you into this world and fed you ‘, took care of you, and loved you unconditionally. I am a mom and there’s no love stronger than a mother’s love for her child. Some women hurt their children and do awlful things. These are not mothers. Your mother misses you and is paying to see her child. No man ever would keep me from my mom! Ever! He doesn’t love you at all and definitely doesn’t respect the bond between a mother and her child, and doesn’t respect you. If something happened to your mother and you never got to see her again, you would never forgive yourself or him. His say in this doesn’t matter! GO SEE YOUR MOTHER! He will get over it! If not, he does not deserve you period! And, he says it will be a while before he can see your mom to ask to marry you? 😆 If I were your mom knowing he’s acting like this because you want to come see me,. I would be calling him saying Hell No! Don’t ask me to marry my daughter! You’re selfish and not a family man.
Go see your Mum. Don’t let more time go by without seeing her.
A good partner would understand and encourage you to go. If your BF isn’t doing this, what does that tell you?
He’s not your dad. He doesn’t get to “not let” you do this. You’re acquiescing to a bf of 1 year (!) over seeing your actual mother. A good partner would take you to the airport, give you a kiss and wish you well, not kvetch about not spending the holidays together (we are adults! we can handle a holiday on our own and we won’t die!)
What gets me is how his concerns somehow outweigh the significance of you reconnecting with your mom after all these years… Like, he’s worried about “never meeting her” or whatever but doesn’t that assume she’s gonna live forever?
You are supporting him, you write. I think this may be the reason he does not want you to go, because he would have to fend for himself while you are away. Your mum is ready to go into debt to see you. You maybe could afford to go if you did not have to support your bf. Think about that. This is not the man you deserve. Please consider your options very carefully. Your mum misses you, and you miss her. FaceTiming is not a good enough substitute. Your bf does not have the right to prevent you from seeing your mum. What else is he saying you cannot do?
“Let”?
Your boyfriend doesn’t get to make these decisions for you. If this leads to a breakup, that’s the trash taking itself out.
If traveling to see your mom, as you should, results in a breakup, consider yourself fortunate. You should break up with your boyfriend regardless; he is selfish and controlling. You deserve better.
The good news is, you’re making so many mistakes here it would take me all day to list them. It’s good news because you have the power to fix all this.
Never, ever support a bf of one year. You still have a lot to learn about him, and he needs to prove to you he can handle adversity. Job losses are awful, but they’re part of adult life. The longer this has gone on, the worse it is.
The trip issue is just as bad, because of his immaturity and selfishness. It even sounds controlling. Of course you want to see your mom! Stop justifying this to him and simply announce you’re going.
Better yet, take a good hard look at this relationship. You’ve got some red flags staring you in the fact, and it’s not a good idea to ignore them.
If you are dating someone and use the term, “he won’t let me…..” break up with them. Go see your mom.
You’re right. You do only get one mom, but you can get plenty of other boyfriends. Go see your mom.
Go see your mom. She won’t be around forever and you will regret giving up this chance. Anyone who would try to forbid you that or break up with you over it is a bad partner. He wants you isolated and cut off from your family so you’re dependent on him- that is not healthy. Anyone who loved you would understand how hard it is to be far from your family and encourage you to spend time with them when you get the chance.
Out he goes.
And you go see your mom
Ewwwww you are a grown woman and do not need any sort of permission to go see your own mother. He sounds like a whiny child.
Mom trumps insecure and controlling bf. Every time. Do not cancel your trip home on ypur bfs account. It’s extremely selfish of him to even ask you not to go.