Me (30F) and my boyfriend (31M) are visiting his parents for a few days. They live in our old house (important). The only bathroom has two doors: one inside with no lock, and one that leads outside with a lock. The only way to know someone’s in there is by the light or knocking.
Day 1: He walked in on me while I was on the toilet. I said I wasn’t okay with that—he said nothing.
Day 2: He turned on the bathroom light and stayed a while. I waited. He left, came back, and left again but didn’t turn off the light. I assumed he was still in there. After 15 minutes, I knocked—no answer. I opened the door, saying “coming in,” and found it empty. I told him I’d been waiting. He got mad, saying I should’ve told him I needed to go and should’ve known he left. I just went in. I really had to go, and I was on my period, so it’d take longer.
Two minutes later, he opened the outside door again. I said, “Can you knock? This makes me uncomfortable.” He got annoyed and said I should be done already, no one can see in, and there’s nothing to worry about. I said it still made me uncomfortable. He yelled, “There’s a lock for a reason!” and left. I locked the door to change. Two minutes later, he pounded on it. I jumped, dropped something, and said calmly, “Two minutes.” He yelled again that I was making a fuss. Then he went around and opened the door on me again. I was already sobbing, so I left.
Later, he texted, “Have fun at the beach. Sorry for “opening”the door on you. I’d have opened it no matter who was in there.”
Incident #3: We were feeding our dogs in the bathroom (his mom’s dogs fight with ours). I was changing my top and told him. While I was still undressed, he called his mom to come in. I said “whoa!” and he said, “Oh, you’re not done?” Later, while chatting, I said I had to pee. He opened the inside door—his mom and stepdad were right there. I just said his name and “really?”
Day 3: I told him I was going to the bathroom. He came to the outside door again. I said, “This isn’t working.” I’d: 1) turn on the light, 2) close the door, 3) lock it. He said, “Whatever works for you.”
This morning, I clearly said I was going. I did all three steps. Three minutes in, he knocked. I said, “Busy.” He started opening it. I repeated “busy” louder. He paused—then stuck his head in. I said, “WTF? I said busy.” He said, “You’re clothed and not on the toilet, what’s the problem?” I said, “It’s about boundaries. I’ve asked you not to do this.” He said, “You used to leave the door open all the time.” I said, “We lived here alone back then. Even then I asked you to stop opening the back door on me.” I asked how he’d feel if I did the same at my parents’. He said, “I’d just rotate myself.” I said, “Well, I can’t. I care if people see me, and that should be enough.”
So, Reddit—AITA for asking my boyfriend of 3 years not to open the bathroom door on me at his parents’ house? Am i complaining for nothing here since nothing did happened ?
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Me (30F) and my boyfriend (31M) are visiting his parents for a few days. They live in our old house (important). The only bathroom has two doors: one inside with no lock, and one that leads outside with a lock. The only way to know someone’s in there is by the light or knocking.
Day 1: He walked in on me while I was on the toilet. I said I wasn’t okay with that—he said nothing.
Day 2: He turned on the bathroom light and stayed a while. I waited. He left, came back, and left again but didn’t turn off the light. I assumed he was still in there. After 15 minutes, I knocked—no answer. I opened the door, saying “coming in,” and found it empty. I told him I’d been waiting. He got mad, saying I should’ve told him I needed to go and should’ve known he left. I just went in. I really had to go, and I was on my period, so it’d take longer.
Two minutes later, he opened the outside door again. I said, “Can you knock? This makes me uncomfortable.” He got annoyed and said I should be done already, no one can see in, and there’s nothing to worry about. I said it still made me uncomfortable. He yelled, “There’s a lock for a reason!” and left. I locked the door to change. Two minutes later, he pounded on it. I jumped, dropped something, and said calmly, “Two minutes.” He yelled again that I was making a fuss. Then he went around and opened the door on me again. I was already sobbing, so I left.
Later, he texted, “Have fun at the beach. Sorry for “opening”the door on you. I’d have opened it no matter who was in there.”
Incident #3: We were feeding our dogs in the bathroom (his mom’s dogs fight with ours). I was changing my top and told him. While I was still undressed, he called his mom to come in. I said “whoa!” and he said, “Oh, you’re not done?” Later, while chatting, I said I had to pee. He opened the inside door—his mom and stepdad were right there. I just said his name and “really?”
Day 3: I told him I was going to the bathroom. He came to the outside door again. I said, “This isn’t working.” I’d: 1) turn on the light, 2) close the door, 3) lock it. He said, “Whatever works for you.”
This morning, I clearly said I was going. I did all three steps. Three minutes in, he knocked. I said, “Busy.” He started opening it. I repeated “busy” louder. He paused—then stuck his head in. I said, “WTF? I said busy.” He said, “You’re clothed and not on the toilet, what’s the problem?” I said, “It’s about boundaries. I’ve asked you not to do this.” He said, “You used to leave the door open all the time.” I said, “We lived here alone back then. Even then I asked you to stop opening the back door on me.” I asked how he’d feel if I did the same at my parents’. He said, “I’d just rotate myself.” I said, “Well, I can’t. I care if people see me, and that should be enough.”
So, Reddit—AITA for asking my boyfriend of 3 years not to open the bathroom door on me at his parents’ house? Am i complaining for nothing here since nothing did happened ?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA and this persistence is extreme. He just does it and does and does it regardless of what you say. Why have you put up with this guy for three years? So dismissive, disrespectful, add more words like that.
I’m not sure if your boyfriend is an asshole or just a clueless idiot. Either way though, NTA.
NTA. This isnt about a bathroom door. This is about a man who gets a kick out of stomping on your boundaries. He hears you say “no, this makes me uncomfortable” and his reaction is to do it AGAIN, but with more aggression. The yelling, pounding on the door, and the fake apology are HUGE red flags. You are not complaining, you are surviving.
NTA and this is sooooooo weird
What is the fixation this guy has on being in the bathroom with you? Is there nowhere else in the house to be except outside the door(s) of this apparently very popular bathroom?
Why are you with someone with such creepy behaviour? Is he obsessive about your whereabouts non-bathroom related?
My takeway? If you insist on being with him, NEVER stay in his parent’s house with him again. Get yourself a nice comfy hotel room with ONE key.
NTA. My ex did this shit, claimed it was “no big deal” to barge in, then escalated to hiding my birth control. Run before this gets worse…
NTA
You have a huge bf problem. This man does not respect you or your boundaries. Frankly he doesn’t respect anyone’s if he claims he would do the same to his parents. Weirdo behavior. You have communicated and enforced your boundaries continuously so at some point you have to realize he is doing this on purpose. I am trying not to jump to “leave him”, but you have done everything else up to this point. Communicated, set a clear boundary, and given him options regarding said boundary. The longer he keeps crossing this line at some point you will have to decide whether or not you are willing to put up with it.
NTA. This is so egregious I have a hard time believing it’s real. An insane lack of respect of boundaries.
If this is true, AITA is not the right question. The correct one is “should I be in this relationship?”
NTA. He is intentionally bulldozing your boundaries. It seems like a campaign, like he’s showing you that he will do whatever he wants and what your reasonable boundaries dont matter.
Dont let him wear you down. Make as big a stink as he does. Every time.
Leave if you need to.
NTA, he’s entirely disrespecting you over a perfectly reasonable request and apparently has been doing it for a while. At this point I would assume he’s doing it to mess with you or as some kind of power trip, when a women asks you to stop walking in on her when she’s in the bathroom you friggen stop walking in on her when she’s in the bathroom.
NTA. This post makes me think the bathroom issues you’re having at his parents house is the least of your relationship concerns. This gives bad bf vibes
I stopped reading when he said he’d open the door no matter who was in there. he’s a boyfriend? make him an ex, he clearly doesn’t care about giving you privacy or your comfort.
And he’s 31? Dude, this sounds like something a child would do.
NTA. But your boyfriend is for stomping all over your boundaries.
Why are you dating someone who sucks so bad?
NTA. I too like my privacy in the bathroom. The fact that he repeatedly defies your (very reasonable) requests and dismisses your objections to his actions is alarming. Also why must he always come and check on you minutes after you enter the bathroom?
He’s being controlling and it will only escalate in the future.
Your boyfriend doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. NTA but is this how you want to live the rest of your life?
NTA. Go buy yourself a door stop. Scream bloody murder if he does it again.
NTA, although your BF is! Sounds like he’s trying to wear you down, and stomp all over your boundaries. I could be wrong, but this sounds like it’s only the beginning. I would leave!
NTA. He’s not doing this in spite of the fact it makes you uncomfortable- he’s doing it because it makes you uncomfortable.
NTA he is dismissing your feelings and boundaries. this is concerning. if it was my place i would put locks on all the bathroom doors. if i am a guest in someone’s home i would go stay in a hotel.
NTA. Your boyfriend is an asshole. It’s not even about the bathroom. He purposely and repeatedly behaves in a way to purposely and repeatedly humiliate you. WTH?!
NTA.
I find myself wondering if there are other red flags. Are his parents okay with this?
I’m the kind of person who if someone walked in on me while I’m on my period, they’d have a handful of bloody mess while I say “here, hold this”
NTA. Partners should respect each other and talk through things and he’s doing neither of those things
Wait, he’s 31 and still pulling this shit????
Dump his ass.
NTA.
nta but he is. wtf does he need that is so important that he can’t wait?
He’s basically letting you know that your feelings don’t matter, your privacy doesn’t matter, your boundaries don’t matter.
What else do you need to know?
NTA. He’s doing it on purpose to make you upset at this point. Does he often put you in uncomfortable situations where he can observe your distress?
NTA! Run, it’ll only get worse!
This sounds … manipulative: like he enjoys your discomfort: and that is not partner behaviour
NTA. He is. You simply explained your preference which you are 100% entitled to have and he is ignoring it. My husband (2nd marriage) has recently decided it’s ok to walk in when I am in the bathroom, not knowing what I am doing. I could lock the door but asked him to stop instead. So, few weeks ago he starts to come in, the door was open a small crack to let steam out, and he put his fingers through the crack onto the door frame. I quickly said I’m not dressed! and he proceeded to open the door anyway. I turned and slammed the door, not seeing his fingers there. He let out a string of expletives and hasn’t tried it again to date.
He’s being oddly stubborn about it. He seems allergic to being sensitive to your feelings. Does he disregard your comfort or reasonable requests in other instances, too? Or is he just obsessed with having access to the bathroom while you’re using it?
This is way too many incidents to be unfortunate coincidences; it seems like he’s doing it on purpose. NTA.
NTA, and you need to reconcile the fact that your BF was absolutely doing this intentionally.
I mean, really. What adult doesn’t understand bathroom privacy?
OMG!! How many times does he need to be told? He has ZERO respect for you. It almost seems like he’s doing it on purpose now. How many times can it actually be an accident. We would have had a blow out fight over this by now. And I’d go stay elsewhere. Seriously. Can’t respect your natural desire for privacy around the BATHROOM? Dude bye!!