For context, I am 22F and I am in a relationship, however my boyfriend and I don’t live together just yet and he also works full time.
Just found out I’m pregnant and I work full time with no maternity leave. What do I do?
r/Advice
For context, I am 22F and I am in a relationship, however my boyfriend and I don’t live together just yet and he also works full time.
Comments
Looks like your boyfriend will be getting an extra part time job and stockpiling the extra money in the bank. He will be working tons of hours, but he is going to need to provide for his family.
Can you take six weeks unpaid?
What’s the job?
How far along are you? How much do you make? Do you want to keep the baby or are you not ready?
You should take a deep breath and tell your boyfriend if you haven’t already.
What is your employer willing to offer you for maternity leave? They have to be somewhat reasonable and accommodating or you will need to find something else – having the kid is just step one, they’ll have appointments and get sick and have minor surgeries, do you have any sick time in your package?
Think long and hard is this right for you or not. Look realistically at finances, living situation, childcare,future plans etc.
You have a several options.
If you wish to become unpregnant, you’ll need to look at your states’ cutoff and potentially book travel.
If you wish to have a kiddo and keep them, you may be able to keep your job using Family and Medical Leave Act (if you’ve been with the employer for a year / 1250 hrs). FMLA is unpaid, up to 12 weeks. Some employers also offer short term disability. The HR boards will be better able to help there.
If you wish to have a kiddo and not keep them, there’s adoption. Newborns generally have the best chances of finding homes (but the system is flawed).
Wishing you the best of luck with whatever you decide.
Make a doctor appt so you know exactly how far along you are and how much time you have to make a decision on whether to keep the baby. Talk to a trusted friend for family member and decide what YOU, JUST YOU, specifically, ALONE, want to do. That’s the first step.
Here’s the reality of the situation: If you aren’t ready to have this baby and raise it totally on your own, you shouldn’t have it.
Dad might stick around, he might not, he might stick around for a while and then leave… You don’t know, and regrettably there’s no way to know for sure… So you need to make the decision based 100% on whether or not you want this baby, and you need to put 0% of that on whether dad sticks around… Cuz if he does, great, but if he doesn’t you’re gonna be stuck with a baby… That’s reality.
When you figure out what YOU want to do, THEN you can talk to your boyfriend… But I really do recommend figuring out what YOU want first.
It’s okay to not want a baby… It’s okay to be scared… It’s okay to not know what to do… But now is the time to figure out what you’re GOING to do…
I don’t want you to wake up one day and be a single mom that resents her kid. I don’t want you to think you have a happy family only to be left alone because dad got scared. I don’t want you to wonder how you ended up where you are one day… because that’s a very lonely feeling. Decide what YOU want, and go from there.
This is one situation in which it’s perfectly okay to be selfish… This is your life.
Don’t panic and do anything you will regret in your 30’s onwards.
Quickly look for any job near you with better benefits
This happened to me when I was an adjunct professor with no benefits. My ex-husband refused to get a second job. I signed a contract to teach 2 online courses so I at least didn’t have to physically go into work. I never got a true maternity leave, sadly. You at least have time to prepare for the situation and try to find a way to save up or find a second job or a remote job for you.
Start saving for maternity leave you have 8-9 months to get it. Scrimp and save and sell stuff. You can always take from your 401k. You need 2-3 months saved for all your expenses. Daycare starts taking babies at 6 weeks. You can also get a second job for a few months. Do whatever it takes. Don’t rely on your bf. Figure it out you have time.
FMLA exists for this reason
Also consider the feasibility of budgeting around $1000-1500/month for childcare and that you need to get on a waitlist immediately. Most places have a 6-12 month waitlist. You may qualify for vouchers but you have to be working to get them in many states which can be a catch 22 with returning to the workforce.
What country?
If USA, you qualify for FMLA if you have been there for a year before the birth. Doesn’t always get you paid, though.
Otherwise, start saving, and BF needs to start saving because you may be out of work for a little while.
Wait how is that you don’t have a maternity leave??? ¿What kind of barbaric country is that?
In my home country they give you 3 months pre and 3 months post
And in the country I live they give your 40 days pre and 40 days post
Whether you’re ready or not to be a parent, please see a Dr immediately. Don’t get trapped by a short term relationship
I hope you make this decision yourself and dont let society or anyone else influence you. There is no right or wrong choice here.
If you do end up keeping it, many US states have mandated paid family leave if your ER doesnt have their own program (or if your ER doesnt meet the minimum requirements for a good enough program). For example, CO has FAMLI leave, as long as you’ve made at least 2.5k in the last 5 quarters, you can apply for 12 weeks of bonding leave and take it continuously or intermittently (be out fully for 12 weeks or take some days/hours off from your regular schedule). Its paid but most likely not your full pay. Its for any parent to take, not just the birth mother. If you’ve worked at your job for at least 6 months you have job protection, but you could even apply for it your first day of work on the job. You can google states with paid family leave and read more about yours if its an option.
Wait, I thought maternity leave was mandatory by law??