I (21F) let my mom borrow $8000 at the start of the year. For context, I didn’t have a good relationship with my mom after I left home when I was 19. We exchanged a lot of words and I cut her off. Last year I got my Cows and Plows, which is a large sum of money for Indigenous Peoples. Shortly after my mom reached out after months and asked for $8000. She claimed she was on the verge of losing the house and she (and her boyfriend) were behind bills. Mind you, they couldn’t afford the house after nearly all the kids grew up and moved out. I caved in and gave her the money, signing legal IOU papers to make sure she paid me back. I felt bad because my little brother is still living with her. She was supposed to start paying me back in March. Nothing. In April, only $300 when the minimum agreement was $500. May and June, nothing at all. She told me to not tell anyone and no one knew of their financial struggle. But here I find out that she was borrowing money from nearly everyone she could—my siblings, aunts, uncles, and I think my grandma as well. I gave her the largest amount. I also learned that her boyfriend, who was seemingly always out of the job did have a job… rating movies online in exchange for bitcoin. He was borrowing money to keep unlocking the next level in this bitcoin website.
And now, I was considering taking her to small claims court and my sister, although she means well, told my mom that even tho I didn’t want her to. My mom texted me just today and started saying a bunch of awful things to me. Telling me I’m a disgrace and that I will never amount to anything, so on and so forth. And I also learned that they stole money from my older brother while he was in the hospital. She threatened to charge me with harassment even tho she was the one that reached out to say all these things to me. Small claims court was the last resort, but would it have been too much? AITA for wanting my money back?
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I (21F) let my mom borrow $8000 at the start of the year. For context, I didn’t have a good relationship with my mom after I left home when I was 19. We exchanged a lot of words and I cut her off. Last year I got my Cows and Plows, which is a large sum of money for Indigenous Peoples. Shortly after my mom reached out after months and asked for $8000. She claimed she was on the verge of losing the house and she (and her boyfriend) were behind bills. Mind you, they couldn’t afford the house after nearly all the kids grew up and moved out. I caved in and gave her the money, signing legal IOU papers to make sure she paid me back. I felt bad because my little brother is still living with her. She was supposed to start paying me back in March. Nothing. In April, only $300 when the minimum agreement was $500. May and June, nothing at all. She told me to not tell anyone and no one knew of their financial struggle. But here I find out that she was borrowing money from nearly everyone she could—my siblings, aunts, uncles, and I think my grandma as well. I gave her the largest amount. I also learned that her boyfriend, who was seemingly always out of the job did have a job… rating movies online in exchange for bitcoin. He was borrowing money to keep unlocking the next level in this bitcoin website.
And now, I was considering taking her to small claims court and my sister, although she means well, told my mom that even tho I didn’t want her to. My mom texted me just today and started saying a bunch of awful things to me. Telling me I’m a disgrace and that I will never amount to anything, so on and so forth. And I also learned that they stole money from my older brother while he was in the hospital. She threatened to charge me with harassment even tho she was the one that reached out to say all these things to me. Small claims court was the last resort, but would it have been too much? AITA for wanting my money back?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because my mom is in a vulnerable spot, although it is of her own doing and she is emotionally unstable and neglectful, I feel bad and I feel like I’m too harsh
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, but this has to be a lesson in letting anyone in your family borrow money. More likely than not, you won’t see it again.
NTA, but your never getting that money. Even if you did win in court they’ll never be able to produce it. Call it a loss and cut her out of your life
Of course you’re NTA! I’m not even sure why you’re asking that question.
Your mother is CLEARLY the AH, & you definitely should take her to Small Claims Court. Then cut her completely out of your life. I’d suggest that the rest of your family do the same thing, but you can’t save everyone . . . only yourself.
Also, maybe start seeing a therapist (if you aren’t already), so you can start to heal your mother wound & so you can start to see for yourself that you’re not a “disgrace” for standing up for yourself. You owe her nothing! And she’s lashing out at you because she clearly knows that she’s the f-up. Not you.
Good luck!
Few lessons here. First NTA.
Second: money and and family and friends is a really tricky thing
Thirdly: never lend money you can’t afford to loose. Basically don’t expect it back.
You tried to do the right thing with your mom. But now you know. Please know your mom is, or appears to be toxic. Keep this in mind as you get older. It’s hard to know that our parents suck, but sometimes that’s the truth.
You can let this money go, but she will more than likely always ask you for more and call you names when you deny her. Or you can fight for it, possibly loose some to legal fees, and maybe never get it all back. Or you’ll get it all back and you’ll either always hear how horrible you were that you went that way when she had every intention to pay you back you just didn’t give her enough time. Or she will keep asking you for money because she did pay it back. So please know this is a her thing, not a you thing. You did nothing wrong. All you did was try to help your mom and hope for a better relationship with her. There is nothing wrong with that.
You mention that they really can’t afford the house they live in. Frankly I don’t think you’re going to see much, if any, of your $8000 she owes you. Never give money to a relative/friend as a loan, it’s going to turn into a gift. NTA.
Oh my goodness, rating movies for bitcoin is not a job. And this sounds likes a huge mess borrowing money to unlock levels. Do not loan any of these people more money. Get away from them and only take the people you can trust with you. Bless you and Godspeed.
“Do you guys still keep track of money with your own mother—counting every dollar, every favor, like love is a balance sheet? like love is a ledger and care is a loan? God have mercy. That’s not tradition—it’s spiritual bankruptcy. Be human. Be a son/daughter, not a creditor.” Please 🙏
NTA. But your money is gone. So is your mom if you’re smart.
NTA. Sue her and cut her off.
The rating movies online for Bitcoin and trying to unlock the next level sounds like a scam and they are in way too deep. As for the 8K I highly doubt that you will see it back, no matter how much paperwork you have, along with other family members being involved. You can’t collect with $0.00 to your name, unless you can garnish their wages.
Best to cut your losses, consider this an expensive lesson. Watch out for yourself and consider going zero contract with her. NOA
NTA. The financial agreement is completely separate from ‘family’. Your mother has failed to fulfill her part of the contract so it is only fair you take her to court to recover your money,
do it.
Take her to small claims court and remember never loan family members more than 20 dollars because it’s almost guaranteed you won’t get it back.
NTA. Take her to court, and take this as a lesson learned. Your mother is a user – if you manage to get anything back, count yourself lucky. She’s shown you who she is – believe her, and stay far, far away.
Lesson learned. Go to court to get your money back then walk away…
NTA. At first I thought this was more nuanced, but then I read the second paragraph. Relationships and money often don’t mix well. Someone is always getting angry or not holding up to their word. Heck, even couples fight about money.
One NDN to another… do what you gotta do. To be honest I really don’t believe you’ll see that money again. I think sometimes it’s right to focus on family, and you’ve done that… but your family ain’t focused on you. Now it’s time to focus on yourself.
Get your money back in whatever way you can. Don’t loan to them anymore. And disregard whatever they say about you handling this how you can. They’ll be defensive, but at the end of the day if they stole your money, then they’re wrong. And they should be ashamed.
She’s saying you are harassing her when she stole money from all of her kids?!
Sounds like Mum’s BF is being scammed and the whole family is funding it. Small claims court sounds like the only chance you have but still, I don’t think you’re going to get your money back.
Money and family/friends rarely go well. Unfortunately, a lesson learned.
NTA – maybe wait until little brother moves out if you legally can, then come for her!
NTA. I’m glad you got her to asign an IOU. $8k is a lot of money.
She’s gaslighting you to get you to drop this. Take her to court and go no contact, if your culture will allow it.
> I didn’t have a good relationship with my mom after I left home when I was 19. We exchanged a lot of words and I cut her off.
You know what you shouldn’t do with people you’ve cut off because you don’t have a good relationship with them?
Give them eight thousand fucking bucks, that’s what.
Good grief.
NTA – Take her to court. She uses people and takes advantage of them. Stealing is not ok. She needs to figure out her life. You likely won’t get your money but your mom will get the point that she can no longer manipulate you. You were aware of her tendencies, which is why you were smart enough to get the loan put in writing, so this must not be anything new. You sound worried about your little brother. If necessary, is there a possibility you could take in your little brother? He seems to be in a toxic environment and if possible, he could use a stable, helping hand out of it.
Get your money back, never lend her any money again, and possibly cut her off again. NTA.
Your money is long gone, sorry. Small price to pay for removing her from your life.
Your mother’s boyfriend is likely being scammed. Real jobs don’t require you to pay to work. He’s probably caught up in a scam and may be manipulating your mom — or they could even be in on it together.
NTA The boyfriend is in a task scam. There’s no such thing as paying to unlock new levels in crypto or a job. The scammers will keep taking more money from them until there is nothing left. If you are going to sue do it now while they still have something left.