Org: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Z7ZtABHI17
Update1: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/QizOboRzQC
Well I officially can’t trust my mom. My mom planned for us to drive up to our family cabin next week. She knew I originally canceled because my ah “father” was gonna be there. So I thought she understood that I would no go there if he was there. She planned us to leave and drive monday/Tuesday be there for the week and then drive back the 30th/31st.
My bf is in town and was excited to get to go to my favorite place with me. It’s the one place I feel safe. My ex husband was abusive. I’m stuck in a state 20+ hours away from my home with him and have 3 people I can truly call friends. My ex was never there with me. He doesn’t know where it is. He can’t get there.
My bf took my mom and I out to dinner. And on the way I found out my “father” was still going to be at the cabin. She wasn’t planning on telling me. She was gonna have me drive myself, her, my bf and my 2 kids 20 hours to the cabin and just not tell me that he was gonna be there still. I feel completely betrayed. I know exactly what would have happened when I got pissed he was there. I’d be told to “not make a big deal” to “get over it” to “be the bigger person” the same shit I was told every time I tried to stand up for myself when he abused me growing up.
Comments
Give her notice to move out and go NC with her. Do not give her any more chances unless she’s been in therapy for 6+ months
NTA! Your mom is a fricking enabler.
“Not make a big deal” – Abusing your child since birth IS a big deal, if it’s not, you’re an abuser, which is what your parents are.
“Get over it” – You can’t get over trauma like that, and getting over it doesn’t mean enable abuse. They want you to enable your abuse and ignore the problem just to spare the abuser from the consequences of his actions.
“Be the bigger person” – You were the VICTIM AND THE CHILD, if anyone has to be the bigger person is your father, who was the ADULT and who ABUSED you, and it’s obvious your mother is also an abuser by enabling him and betraying you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, OP, you don’t deserve it. Your mom betrayed your trust and would have put your kids and yourself in danger with him, again. She doesn’t care. Give her her 30 day notice so she knows she has one month to leave the house and go No Contact.
You have an absolute right to control who sees your minor children.
You told her what would happen if she tried to do this.
Well she gaslit you that he was not going to be there.
Then you found out he was there. Better go no contact with her. Make her move out of your house and don’t let her back in your life or your kids’lives.
STAND YOUR GROUND!!!! STOP PLAYING YOUR MOMS GAMES.
Your mother should be dead to you.
Find a new safe place. YOUR HOME.
Without her.
Your “family” is not family. They are tormentors too.
She’s a toxic as he is.
Ghost them all including your mother. She isn’t a victim. She’s a perpetrator.
She would have your kids go through this because she needs to look like a victim.
NTA
Updateme.
Woman you need a kick in the butt to get you moving. Why are you still catering to your mom?
DO NOT FAIL YOUR KIDS THE SAME WAY YOUR MOM FAILED YOU!!
Get your mom out of your and your kids’ lives.
So basically, you need to go NC. And realize your mother and “father” belong together. They are 2 shitpeas in a shitpod. Your mother is also torturing you. Her torture is more sly and making it look like an oops or mistake. It’s not as “in your face” as your “fathers.” Thr difference is , you keep making excuses for her and holding onto the hope that she’ll change and finally choose you. She hasn’t chosen you in 20+ years and she isn’t going to choose you now. Realize that because all of this mental and emotional warfare she is playing with you is going to start affecting your children. You are going to stay so upset, so distracted and emotionally exhausted from that woman that your kids will notice, ask questions you don’t want to answer. Or you’ll be so aggravated and irritated with your mom that you’ll take that out of your kids even if you don’t mean to or even realize it’s happened. Crazy thing about kids, they notice everything and hear even more. Choose peace for yourself first and foremost. Then, choose peace for your children. That means cutting all contact with your “mother” and anyone who defends her.
Updateme
Updateme