I’ve been together with my gf for almost 9 months now and so far it’s gone great. However, what happened today really makes me doubt it all.
I’ll keep it short. I’ve been going through a rough couple days recently and struggling with some panic attacks. I work offshore and I’m only able to talk with my gf over text and phonecalls/facetime. She’s been super busy the last couple days, but we have an agreement that if I ever have such a bad day that it’s unbearable, she will drop everything she is doing and call me if I ask for it.
Today was the first time I had to use that «emergency button», but when I did she said that she was about to fall asleep and would have to call me tomorrow instead. It honestly broke me to pieces and I feel really hurt and betrayed.
Am I crazy for feeling this way or is she completely in the wrong here? What should I say to try repairing this or is it even fixable?
TL;DR I feel my gf betrayed me and I don’t know what to do in order to fix the relationship or if it’s even fixable?
Comments
You sound pretty annoying ngl. She isn’t obligated to be your therapist 24/7 or at all.
Honestly, sounds like you need to see a therapist (not trying to sound insulting or condescending at all here). You can’t just have your partner at your beck and call and willing to drop everything because you don’t feel good. If work is that bad that you’re having panic attacks then maybe you need to change profession so that you have better access to immediate support.
It’s perfectly normal to be upset and feel betrayed. You made an agreement with her to be there for you when you needed emotional support. There are a number of factors to consider before pulling the plug on the relationship. I assume it would have been okay if she had said i will call you back in a half hour? Does she have a job that requires her to be up early in the morning? Was this very late at night past her normal bedtime? Those could be mitigating factors.
You indicated it was the first time, so she can’t complain that you overuse the system. However, since it was the first time, she may not have had the same expectations you had. If this line of support is critical to your mental health and she completely understood the importance of the support and understood your expectations, then this might end your relationship because you will feel you can’t rely on her when you need her. This is going to require a serious conversation with her to try to work things out. You will need to approach the conversation in a non accusatory way. Let her explain why she acted the way she did. After this conversation, only you will be able to decide if this is a relationship killer. Good luck. I hope you can work things out or make a decision to end the relationship within a reasonable amount of time so things don’t get dragged out too long. That would only end up hurting both of you.
OK, so I reckon I might end up being unpopular here, but I don’t think you are in the wrong or overreacting.
Your girlfriend isn’t responsible for being there 24/7, but that’s not what you are asking her. You are asking that if there is ever an extreme situation where you need help, that she is there. That is not only reasonable but healthy and expected in a relationship.
I dont talk to some of my friends every day or week, and I can’t always respond when they are struggling, but if there is ever a situation where they truly need me, I don’t care what’s going on with me, they get my undivided attention in that moment. If it’s an emergency happening every couple of days, then it’s different. But you said this is the first time you used the button. So it’s not every day, or often, it truly is an occasional emergency.
She should have been there for you. You are not overreacting. If she truly ignored your agreement the one time you use your emergency button, then I genuinely would struggle to trust her again.
I believe you need to talk to a therapist, first to help with your mental health struggles, and two, to discuss this incident, and three, to ensure you are not relying on someone who has just shown you can’t fully trust them.
Only you know if you can rebuild the trust in the relationship with her, but I believe you need to discuss this with her and a therapist to try and figure it out.