The title itself might sound stupid but I am struggling. In every single relationship I have previously been in, I have not struggled with showing my partner support (or at least I wasn’t told that I did) but my current partner says I don’t show her I care, I don’t show enough support or care. There’s a couple other major issues but I could use help here, how do you show your partner you care? How do you show your partner they matter? I know its a lot of umbrella stuff but like how do you help your partner feel special?
How do you show your partner you care? What are some simple ways to show affection, care or support for your partner?
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If she says she doesn’t feel cared for believe her. Show love her way or someone else will.
Ask her what makes her feel see whether it’s words, time, touch, or small acts because effort only counts when it lands where it matters
Sometimes it’s not grand gestures, it’s listening without fixing, remembering the little things, and showing up even when it’s inconvenient.
Learn their love language. Some need words, others need actions, time, or touch. Loving someone their way makes all the difference.
Small, everyday things matter. Making them coffee, sending a sweet text, remembering their favorite snack, consistency beats grand gestures.
Support can mean being present, not solving, just listening without judgment goes a long way.
Keep trying, keep learning. The fact that you are reflecting and asking for help means you care more than you know. That’s a solid foundation.
First of all, find out what her love language is. You can do all the right things but if none of them are her love language-it won’t fulfill her. For example, imagine your partner’s love language is words of affirmation. You can do all the acts of service you can handle (do dishes, clean up, make dinner etc) but it won’t hit like if you told her how wonderful you think she is and how much you love her. The opposite is true too. If her love language is acts of service, you can praise her to the heavens but she’ll be like “he/she must not love me because he never helps out”. Learn someone love language and you know how to make them happy and feel special.
People feel love differently. Try asking small things listening through full gestures kind words can go a long way you’re already on the right track by caring enough to ask
It’s different for everyone. I like words and physical and partner mainly likes time spent and food. I taught him to always hug when we arrive or depart and ask questions, we try to make dinner together if time allows. I have the benefit of him being able to help me with things like the car or garden. I know he loves me now it just took a bit balancing.
Remembering details is a really big one. and then bring it up in covos later. Also the small things like simple gm gn texts and do things according to her love language.
Hey there. I understand your struggle and you should know that it isn’t something bad or strange.
What you can do is ask yourself- What does my partner do to make me feel loved, special and cared for? You can try to reciprocate her ways without pushing yourself too much to the point of acting or faking it.
Share your inner turmoil sincerely with her- say your partner that you care and love them but just struggle expressing it and if there’s a reason to your struggle then explain it.
You should try listening to her, understanding her, helping her, and supporting her more.
Surprise her with sudden affectionate gestures such as gifting her something she wanted or something you think that she might like, give her soft soothing touches, make her feel protected, give her sudden kisses and compliments. Take her on dates or late night drives and just spoil her.
Catching your partner off guard by doing something romantic is a nice thing, unless your partner says that they dislike it of course.
You don’t have to make a big fuss to show her that she matters, that she’s special. Your sincerity and your intention is what truly matters.
Small and constant acts of unsolicited kindness.
Ask her and if she can’t tell you then she’s just drama.
Do the dishes
If you’re a guy, start by not using the term ‘partner’. You show her care by being a man in whom she could look up to. Next, give her the opportunity to miss you. After that, surprise her. Tell her to do wear something sexy and take her out. The complaints about ‘support’ will go away.
So I generally show my spouse i care by doing little things. Ill make his lunch sometimes. Ill snuggle him when he sleeps or let him lay on me with his head on my chest. Quality time together. Ill even get him little stuff I see when im out, even if its just his favorite candy and a drink. Just little things to show him I love him. Oh I also do the cute little basket trend thing for him during the holidays. Gift giving is my love language.
Go on google, search the : 5 love languages. It’s a quick read but it shows you all the variety of ways to show people you love them. There is a book and even one for children. Its a game changer!!!
It depends on your wife or girlfriend. For some women, it is touch. She wants to be held. Some want to vent, and that’s it. Some women want your opinion about something. Just listen to her, and if you do not understand, tell her. Do something fun with her. Something she likes to do or watch..
If you struggle to remember details I know it can be kinda considered creepy but I keep notes on my partner’s and close friends and family. Just things they like, favorite snacks, restaurants, coffee shops and bars along with what they most commonly order there. Favorite movies, animals, you get the picture. If they stop and look at something in the mall an extra couple of seconds I take a picture of it. For some people it’s hard to memorize these details but it’s made a huge difference in my relationships. People just want to feel seen. I believe in you!! Good luck
It really doesn’t matter what we do, have you asked your partner? Don’t make it accusatory. Ask if you can both make lists of things that are meaningful. Think about the five love languages as a category. Even if gifts are really low for one of you, maybe grabbing a candy bar at the store is actually a really sweet gesture, you just don’t want a big performative item. Maybe physical touch is lower for one of you but a back massage with absolutely no expectations of sexual intimacy after makes you feel really loved and supported. Simply asking and co creating lists is an act of caring. Also allow these things to evolve. Check in every few months and see how you both feel. Use the list as both a literally – I feel cared when you load and unload the dishwasher while I’m out with my girlfriends – to more conceptually “when you support me spending time doing things I enjoy and I come home to a clean house it makes me feel supported”. If you solely go off the list things feel formulaic and forced but used as an inspiration it can be really connection building.
I don’t have an answer for you but I think it’s sweet that you find it important enough to ask people on the internet for advice. It’s very sweet.
Snacks.
Any time you go shopping, pick something up for them like their favourite juice of sweet and your golden. Just showing you are thinking of them doing mundane things makes a huge difference.
For instance, my husband did the big shop and brought me back the crisps I like, knowing full well I would eat them while we watched a movie later that night.
This is a reverse one but if I’m ever feeling down she brews some hot tea for me
Honestly, the most simple you can do is just say, “Thank you,” on the things your partner does every day. Don’t ever take your partner for granted and show your gratitude. Thank you for doing the dishes today, thank you for taking time to make dinner, thank you for cleaning the kitchen, and thank you for getting things done around especially since today has been exhausting for me. I think having this habit helps you remember all the small things your partner does to make it easier for you and them to live together. You make them feel good about it and if they’re a great partner, they’ll reciprocate back the similar gratitude and make you feel appreciated in the relationship too.
Every person is different. The best way to know is to communicate. People sometimes take that as asking their partner questions, or the words they use when they’re making a request. What they miss is communication is 50% listening. No questions, no words, just turning your ears on and your mouth off. Giving someone your undivided attention.
No idea if that relates to you, but feeling heard is something everyone craves. Suits every person, and every relationship. Best of luck.
I saw you said you have memory issues, I’m sorry you deal with that. But what I think you should do to combat that is take pictures of the things she likes.. make a note in your phone of things she tells you. Write everything down. Read them, study them. Work on it. Schedule dates like real ones and pick out the restaurant yourself just tell her to get ready what day and time. Tell her she looks beautiful compliment the things she does. If she cleans, tell her the house looks amazing. If she is wearing new clothes tell her they look amazing. LOOK AT HER. Observe what she’s doing. See what she’s wearing. Notice when she changes something. When she talks to you look at her. Actively show interest and listen.
Now onto yourself. Do things to yourself FOR HER. Wear cologne. Brush your hair and teeth. Make yourself look good for her. Romance her. Do what you did to get her, to KEEP HER. Many men get he girl they want and just stop trying to get her because they have her (not saying this is the case I don’t know you guys, just suggesting) but think about what you’d do if she wasn’t yours but you wanted her. That’s how you keep a woman happy. If you keep a woman wanting you, finding herself wanting to be around you, and make her feel loved/valued your life will be a breeze.
Also, don’t be combative with her. Just pause, don’t add to the fire. Listen, picture yourself as her and think about how you’d feel and what you’d want. Be selfless and mindful.
I’m rooting for you!
My ex was like you. He couldn’t read the room. I tried so hard to guide him in things. Eventually, he just stopped trying. You must really love her.