My in-laws are staying at our home for a few days to help my husband with our 7-month-old while I’m away on a trip. They live a few hours away, so whenever they visit, they stay overnight.
Here’s the issue: we have one camera in our home. It’s in the living room, facing the front door. It’s placed on a bookshelf across from the door — mostly because that’s where it could be plugged in and still catch that angle. It also happens to capture part of our couch, the baby’s play area, and where our dogs hang out.
It’s not hidden or secret — it was a gift from a friend when we bought our house before we even had the baby, and it’s been in that same spot ever since. It’s never been an issue — until recently.
Ever since our baby was born, my father-in-law has developed this habit of unplugging or turning the camera around whenever he’s visiting. It’s happened three or four times now.
This most recent time, I was out of town and got a notification that the camera had gone offline. I texted my husband to check on the Wi-Fi, especially since there had been a storm. He checked, and then told me his dad had unplugged it again. My husband plugged it back in — but then he turned it around himself, which really threw me off.
I told him that I felt it was disrespectful. This is our home, and if they had any issue with the camera, they should ask us — not just start unplugging it. I explained that the camera gives me peace of mind while I’m away — especially with a baby and two dogs — and that sometimes I check it just to see home if I’m missing them or want to make sure everything’s okay.
He told me (for the first time ever) that he now doesn’t like the camera either… even though he helped me decide where to place it in the first place.
Here’s the part that really frustrated me: his parents have a camera in their home facing their front door as well. I pointed out that I would never walk into their house and unplug or move their camera without permission — so why is it okay for them to do that in ours? My husband didn’t really have an answer.
I’m feeling weird about the whole thing. It’s not like I’m watching the camera constantly — I barely check it — but I don’t like the idea of someone coming into our space and deciding what’s acceptable in our home without asking. It also makes me wonder what’s going on that they don’t want seen.
That said, I don’t want to start unnecessary drama with my in-laws or put my husband in a tough spot — but I also don’t think I’m being unreasonable.
Would love some advice on how to approach this. I feel like I’m crazy and being unreasonable for being this upset. Should I say something directly? Or let it go?
Comments
This is extremely bizarre. Why do either of them have a problem with something that’s good for security (or knowing if there was an intruder)?
You’re definitely not the crazy one here. I’d be inclined to think there’s some other reason they don’t want the camera facing the door.
I’d do it too. Its not like he’s a stranger, he’s literally family. So, that definitely makes a difference, which i think you’re ignoring in favor of treating him like anyone else. Nobody likes a camera on them when their sitting around. I turn my own off too, and I live alone.
Hate to escalate this and sound paranoid but maybe it’s time invest in a “hidden” camera father and son don’t know about to see what exactly is going on.
NTA.
Honestly, it’s really suspicious that someone would come into your home, where they watch your child, and turn your camera off.
ESH/NAH I can see how it would be weird to be watched when you’re staying with someone, especially if they didn’t say something to you about it in advance but it’s also not okay to just move or unplug it. I think your husband should just ask him about it and if they’re uncomfortable then you guys should turn it off until they leave
Im sorry but i think it’s weird how prevalent cameras INSIDE the home pointed living areas has become. I pet sit and i’ve always been told it’s okay to unplug cameras while inside the house. No one likes to feel like they are being monitored 24/7.
AI. Dashes to the moon and back and awkward length paragraphs. No need to float every 3 sentences separately. Also the account isn’t even a day old. And humans don’t act this way, there’s now reason FIL would turn it around. Lack of motive. Also the lack of explanation as to why your “husband” (if he’s even real) didn’t shoot down the idea of getting a camera in the first place. Nice try, bot.
YTA – you say it’s disrespectful for your in-laws to unplug the camera in your house but isn’t it disrespectful to ask them to come help out but yet you have a camera on them?!?!
YTA
I have 2 thoughts…
Go to their house. Unplug their camera. See how they respond.
A new baby and suddenly no one is ok with the camera? Are you a control freak mom and they’re worried about being watched/corrected constantly? When my husband went back after paternity leave sometimes I’d get random texts and I could tell he was peeking in. While that is unsettling and puts you on edge a little, it’s your home and your baby. You’re allowed to have a camera. They should not unplug it.
Maybe they just don’t like being recorded when they are relaxing in quiet. It is really weird and creepy trying to kick back and read a book or watch tv but know at any time, your DIL could be spying on you because she doesn’t trust you in her house. Respect goes both ways; they deserve to be able to relax without being spied on too. If you rarely look at it as you claim, it shouldn’t be a big deal to turn it off while they are there. YTA.
Get an actual hidden cam. Grandpa is up to something, why else would he unplug it?
Don’t tell your hubby either.
Soft YTA. They should have had the maturity to talk to you. But, I can see how they would be creeped out by you watching them on camera while they are staying in your house. For an afternoon visit, they should suck it up. But overnights where they are staying in your house while you’re not there? I wouldn’t want a camera on me either.
Be grateful that your child has loving grandparents who are willing to come so far to take care of your child while you are out of town.
Totally disagree! One thing not tell in laws. Entirely different scenario to lie o husband. Breaking a big bond of trust
Next time you go to their home, unplug their camera.
They should stay in a hotel if they do not like the camera.
Hire a babysitter
Only someone with something to hide turns off a camera. He may not being doing anything criminal, but he maybe talking shit about you.
My petty self would put in a hidden camera, not even tell my husband, and wait until I’m either proven wrong or right that FIL is up to something.
Youve also got a husband problem. Is this the first time his opinions have changed because his parents thought differently?
NTA.
NTA. You’re not putting your husband in a tough spot. Your FIL is. You and your husband need to come to an agreement on whether you still both want to keep the camera or not or find some compromise. If you’re going to keep it, your husband needs to speak to his parents about not fucking unplugging it anymore.
FWIW, I understand not wanting to have a camera aimed at me while I’m walking around in what should be a private place where nobody should be able to watch me, have private conversations where I’m not being recorded, etc. But he’s still wrong to unplug it without talking to you.
Hide cameras from everyone including your husband and see if something is up. Also why does your husband need his parents to stay at your home? He can’t take care of his own kid??
How you approach this is “ don’t fck either my stuff if you don’t want me to fck with yours “. To husband – “ wtf is wrong with you? Keep up or keep out “ and soecigocally to grandpa / wtf are you trying to hide ??? You see Jo longer allowed my kid. Period. Ever. Alone.
Your father-in-law unplugged the camera, but you would be the one starting drama?!
Tell your husband to grow a pair, and stand up to his father, this is your home and he has no business unplugging your camera.
Maybe your husband is the one doing it and blaming it on his dad. Maybe he’s got a side piece that comes. You should check the recordings and see who actually moved it or turned it off.
Very questionable.
I would tell your husband to turn off the camera, go about your trip, come home and thank your in laws for helping you and your husband. When they leave, turn the camera back on and go on with life.
The biggest red flag here is that he is alone with your baby and doesn’t want you to be monitoring whatever he is doing. Don’t let him watch the baby anymore. Or fake agree to getting rid of the camera since it’s causing such issues and then set up a hidden one. Something isn’t right about this.
I used to watch my ex’s dog sometimes when his dog was going through health issues and he had a camera set up for when he was at work and I wasn’t there. Never once, not one time, did the camera bother me. It only faced the living room where the dog and I would be. I would even wave to the camera when I came in and would say, “Daddy’s watching us, say hi to daddy!” to the camera. I doubt my ex ever watched it, but it wasn’t something I even thought about.
I love the argument, I would never do that so you should never do that.
How about you ask your FIL what his concerns are about the camera then tell him your anxiety and fear about needing to feel secure. Then ask if he could accept your need for the camera to stay on. NTA but stop being controlling.
Don’t listen to these nut jobs telling you to get a hidden camera without telling your husband. I’m willing to bet that these are the people that are divorced lol. If you do it and he finds out, you’ll be receiving divorce papers too.
Could they be letting the baby cry it out and don’t want you to know? I hate to jump to the negative but after 13 yrs in EMS, 2+2 =4 all day
I would buy another camera and not say a word. Hide it when you install it. If there’s nothing to see, good your mind is at ease…but God forbid there is something- you’ve protected your child.
Are you sure it is your FIL unplugging it while you are gone and not your husband?
It’s a different generation. I personally won’t sit in someone’s home and be recorded. I don’t mind out door cameras but there’s something I find very intrusive about indoor cameras. It’s like having a neighbourhood peeping Tom but they can hear your conversations that for me is just a creepy dirty feeling.
I’m too busy laughing that he needed mummy and daddy to help him be a father – to a 7 month old.
Jesus Christ. Next thing you’ll tell us he does a great job babysitting
Are they taking the baby out of the house? There is definitely a reason they unplugged the camera. They are doing something they don’t want you to see.
NTA
NTA. It’s your home. And your husband should have your back in this. You’re not being unreasonable.
Wireless. Hidden.
NTA. You simply order them to not touch the camera or unplug it. If they can’t follow that simple rule, they must stay in a hotel. The end.
I think it’s weird because they have one, but to me it sounds like a privacy thing with the baby. I don’t know what camera system you have, but maybe they are worried that it has the ability to be hacked. That would be why they turn it around or off when the baby is there.
It is extremely suspicious that this only started after baby was born. What are they trying to hide? I’d be worried about the baby’s safety. It doesn’t make sense. NTA, this behavior is scary to me.
Updateme
NTA. I see it as a package deal. I invite you, you invite yourself and UNLESS you ask for something different than usual don’t mess with MY house. The security system, thermostat, ice maker setting, etc are mine and I wouldn’t go into your house and mess with yours. If I feel the need to mess with something or accidentally do I’ll inform you asap.
I find in home cameras weird and intrusive. I get you want to see your baby but not everyone wants to feel watched all the time.
Be honest with your fil, he can take it. Politely explain that he’s only allowed to help your husband with your child if he’s willing to be on camera. If he isn’t able to honor that simple request, you’re more than willing to pay someone to do it properly.
I’d put a lock box over the cord and outlet.
You have a baby now. No one should be attempting to hide what they are doing with your child in YOUR HOME. I hate to say it, but this is inappropriate at best, and pervert behavior at worst. Maybe phrasing that way will piss off your family, but I don’t think you are overreacting in the slightest. People with nothing to hide do not behave this way.
NTA go to their house and unplug their camera. Also tell your hubby “its funny you NOW mention you have a problem with OUR camera but you placed it there, and your parents have one in the same spot. So either one of you guys have something to hide or you will LEAVE IT ALONE when they have one in the same spot.”
I wouldn’t move that camera. Ever. Tell your husband “if you turn it off, i can only take that as an admission of your guilt for doing the wrong thing or knowingly doing something that is wrong. So either man up, or get out”
NTA honestly my mind would go down a dark path thinking why would he be unplugging the cameras and turning it away. Is he doing something he doesn’t want y’all to see? Is he potentially being abusive? Idk id be very worried. There should be no reason for him to unplug or move the camera.
Show your husband this thread
I hate the cameras. We have 6 of them. I hate the gps tracking apps my wife and kids use but I caved and did the findmy bullshit. When my wife told me it makes her feel safer when I travel for work and she’s alone with our kids I got it. When she said she worries about me as a black man traveling in the rural deep South visiting my manufacturing customers/partners for days on end I got it.
I can’t fucking stand any of it but i suck it up because I have nothing to hide and it gives her peace of mind.
Btw I second fucking with their cameras the next time you are there.
Are they watching the baby while your husband works?
I’d be instantly suspicious of this. When I told my mom about the camera I have, she made a point to make sure the lens was always clean so that I could see better when I’d check in (because I live on a dusty road).
Anyone in their right minds should be able to see how this isn’t the proper way to act, even if there isn’t anything nefarious going on.
I’m extra salty with your husband for replacing his spine with jello when you need him to stay firm.
I think it is strange when people have cameras in their home like that. I am not comfortable with you recording me without my explicit permission. Your house, your rules, but I won’t visit. So NTA I guess
U dont want to start drama whilst theyre the one starting it.
NTA. I was gonna say place another hidden security camera, buuuut why do you have to be discreet in your own house. Shape up ur husband.
Time for another couple cameras. Ones that no one can see. And, they record.
It’s fishy when there’s changes without explanation.
NTA – there was no issue before, why one now??
I’d be worried about what he’s doing to your child while unsurveilled; kiddy fiddlers are usually male relatives.
I would find it very creepy to be in a house with live cameras inside. It would make me very uncomfortable, but I do agree. They should’ve talked to you and asked you to turn them off while they were visiting.
It’s time for a hidden nanny cam. I’m not even sure you should tell your husband. This is really suspect. If FIL had always done this, it wouldn’t be. But it only started since the baby. Which is exactly when you’d most access the camera!!!
Get another camera and hide it if you can.
There are cameras that look like iphone chargers, used one to catch someone stealing from me once
You could always put in one of those nanny cams but do it when your husband isn’t around. Then you can see if there’s a reason for them not wanting it on when they’re there as well as your husband.
If you talk to your in-laws, explain to them why you like the camera left the way it is, as you did here. If they argue it, remind them they also have a camera in a similar place and you wouldn’t unplug or turn it around without their permission, that you hope they understand why you’d like it to be left the way it is because it gives you peace of mind regarding your baby and the dogs, as well as home security. Try not to make it about them… and hope for the best. 🤞🤞
NTA. While I find cameras inside a casual residence strange, and would personally want to turn one around too if I were visiting family, that’s rude to do without asking, let alone unplugging it. When there’s babies or pets in the home, it’s basically a babymonitor situation where the awkward is worth it to know what’s up or what’s happened if something goes wrong.
It IS strange that it’s suddenly a problem once you’ve gone on a trip and can’t actively protest what they’re doing. Are there any house rules your in-laws have turned their noses up at before? Any tensions with other family members that they could be talking about, and maybe don’t want others knowing? Any recent fights, scuffles, or arguments between yourself and your in-laws, or you and your husband, other than the camera issue?
What about any baby-specific traditions your in-laws may be wanting to do? Have they mentioned, or do you know of any that they’ve been told ‘no’ to? I wouldn’t jump to making any accusations, but nothing good can really be going on here. They are at least shit-talking or leaving baby too long and don’t want to get caught. You mentioned they don’t care for SIL’s strict parenting- could they be doing this so you CAN’T be strict about what they do with baby, because you won’t know? You should insist they stay in a hotel from now on if they can’t respect your home without a simple discussion first.
This was 10+ years ago, and I was stuck having my MIL watch my kiddo for a good month. She had made comments about a medical issue my son had and “being able to fix it.” I bought a camera that was hidden in a clock radio. It worked just like a clock radio, but had a pinhole camera.
I didn’t even tell my husband about it until she left. I just used it to pop in and see her doing her thing. Back then, you could get hidden cameras in all sorts of things like outlets, smoke detectors, toys, etc. I’m sure they’re easier to set up and way better all these years later! Get one, set it up and keep your peace of mind.
Very disrespectful! Someone touches my cameras and it would be a bad day . Tell him either respect your home or stay at their own home.
I can totally understand that it makes you uncomfortable – the idea that someone came into your home and turned off /meddled with your cameras w/o permission. We had an incident when caregiver for an elderly relative did that. During interviews, she was told the cameras are there, and said she was fine with them. One week later, she showed up at work, and turned them around to face blank wall, so we could no longer see what was happening in the apartment. When confronted about it, she claimed we should be able to trust her after just the first week, so no cameras were needed, and threw a tantrum – and then I fired her.
Let the down votes begin!!
My knee jerk reaction to reading baby and FiL unplugging a camera – is he a molester?? Probably not.
So anyone touching my household belongings needs to ask first. Ask him why he does that. And the suggestion to call MiL when it happens sounds like a good idea. Or the decoy option someone mentioned
Now you get some hidden nannycams without telling your husband. This is sus as hell.
Second camera hubby doesn’t know about
If you get a hidden camera, keep the other camera too.
Then tell your FIL if the the camera (the original one) gets unplugged again, they will no longer be allowed to stay in your home. They can stay at hotels or air B & B’s, and visit, but staying overnight will no longer be an option.
And if the visit during the day, and unplug the camera, then you ask them to leave and visits are no longer at your home.
And if your husband wants to argue about this, may I suggest marriage counseling.
If that’s something he refuses, then you may need to play the 2-card game. You hand him 2 business cards, 1- is a marriage counselor, 2- is a divorce lawyer, and suggest he pick wisely.
Your child’s safety is your #1 priority, and the camera is a tool to ensure their safety. The camera also helps your mental health, because you are not stressing about your child or your animals.
Good luck.
YTA people do not like to be under surveillance real or perceived in a space that is meant to feel at home or with family. Who would’ve known….
In mine and my wife’s view. Cameras are for outside surveillance only.
U right he is wrong he being disrespectful ur home and ur husband is wuss for not handle it he in home !! Seriously???
Here’s some things to note that I didn’t clarify before:
They (my FIL snd MIL, both were there) started doing this after the baby was born, but it’s not just when they’re home alone with him. My baby was already dropped off at daycare when they unplugged it, and they were hanging out for when he needs to be picked up, so they were home alone in my home doing something they didn’t want me to see or saying something they didn’t want me to hear.
I honestly don’t care if they didn’t want to be on camera and face it away. What I do care about however is the entitlement to just do it without asking or telling me first. It’s there for multiple reasons- first being safety of emergencies. If they had the respect to come to me first, I would’ve said go for it. And this is not the first time they’ve felt like they can do whatever they feel with our home, but this does feel like the biggest disrespect to my boundaries.
My husband watched the baby when I was gone over the weekend, he just needed the help around work. He has no issue taking care of the baby, he loves it actually. They’re just filling in for my part and to keep him on routine, I.e being there for the first feeding so my husband can get ready and take him to daycare, and on top of that, daycare closes early this week so someone needs to get him and my husband can’t leave work early. We don’t have family near us, so they’re staying at the home to help with that until I can get back.
My husband didn’t turn off the camera. We share our locations with each other, and when he got it back online after work, the last video cuts off of his dad walking towards the camera.
The cameras been up since 2023, and it’s just the one in plain sight. They however have had several cameras in and around their home for safety reasons for years and it doesn’t matter if you care about being on camera or not, it stays up, they also watch it and show me videos from it all the time of anytime an animal passes by (which is often) so unlike me, they do watch their cameras.