TL;DR: My boyfriend (20M) promised months ago he’d come to my graduation (I’m 21F), saying it’s a once in a lifetime thing and he’d cancel work to be there.
He later got invited on a last minute boys trip that clashed with it, and asked for my permission to go but said he’d fly out two days later so he can still attend. I said it’s fine as I didn’t want him to miss out on a fun experience especially if he would travel out later than them. A few days later his tone changed. He asked if there was even a point in still coming due to limited seating and said earlier flights were expensive, which really hurt. I told him not to come if it felt like an inconvenience. He changed his mind when he realised I was upset and booked the later flight explaining that his tone was off as he was exhausted from work and promising that he does want to come. I believed him as he showed me he booked the flight to arrive later than everyone else.
But today he told me he no longer can attend because his parents didn’t feel it was safe for him to fly out and arrive there alone. He said he felt cornered by them and that he is really upset. I do believe he is but i’m still pissed especially after some miscommunication where he made it sound like he would just lie to them and stay with me, just to then clarify he meant stay with me the night before my grad.
Now I feel hurt and disappointed as it means a lot to me. I don’t want to resent him, but it feels like he chose a replaceable trip he can do anytime over something I’ll only experience once. Am I wrong for being upset even though I said he can go? I feel like it’s more the principal of it all the hurts the most and if I initially knew him travelling would mean he was going to miss it I wouldn’t have supported it.
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You are not wrong for being upset and I think you now know where it fall in his priorities:
Why don’t his parents think it would be dangerous for him to fly alone? Is he 6yo?
The most important part of a promise is kinda the keeping it part.
Like, the foregoing of other things is sort of the point.
This doesnt sound like a good guy.
You should be very upset. He broke a rather easy promise to keep. If he is treating you like this now, imagine later.
Having said that. You are both still children. You have a decade to grow up. Dont assume this relationship will last. In fact, it better thst it doesnt. Not because of this situation, but bevause both of you need a lot more relationship and life experience to know what type of partner you really want and who you even are. Both of you are going to change a lot in your 20s.
I hate to be that person but dump him. Graduation is a big deal…. Even if he didn’t promise you he’d go that is such a big life event and he should’ve been there to support you. His priorities are off and you deserve someone who puts you first. You are not wrong at all for feeling upset.
He’s told you where you are in his life priorities.
His parents are a convenient excuse.
I’d break up over this.
I would bet money he’s using his parents as an excuse to go on that boys trip. He’s a coward and a liar.
He’s 20, how is it unsafe for him to travel alone? Where on earth do you live? In a war zone?
I think he’s just making excuses tbh.
If I am graduating from something, and my girlfriend has something that she would rather do than attend my graduation, then I would never want her to sacrifice her first choice to attend my graduation.
He’s immature. How boring is that?