TW: MENTIONS OF SA, PEDOPHILIA, CHILD ABUSE
This might be a little choppy but please bare with me.
To begin, I have a family member who molested/raped their younger family member when she was under/around the age of three. Nobody will ever get into any specifics about it and he never faced any harsh consequences as my family has wanted to keep all of this very hush hush and secretive.
Cut to now, I have a daughter of my own, around that same age.
My grandparents regularly would go live in Florida for 6+ months out of the year and had offered to have myself and my daughter move into the basement so we could have a place to stay and we could take care of their house. Yet strangely after they offered I didn’t hear back from them for a bit and then I find out through family gossip that instead they had moved my pedo family member into their basement.
Apparently he was just better than me in their eyes. He had told them he had a full time job, was in full time school, and I looked like a failure compared to him as Im a single mom with no village and many serious health issues/chronic pain/chronic health conditions etc.
Of course my grandparents never confirmed if he was telling the truth, turns out he’s just an alcoholic who plays video games all day and all night. Yet he’s still not been kicked out and is able to stay there and drink and play video games with no rent or bills to pay and my grandparents buy him food too.
Okay now comes the main drama.
After finding this out I set a very clear and non negotiable boundary that my daughter not go visit that house anymore which means my grandparents would not be able to see her as my grandfather’s health is rapidly declining and my grandmother is not a fan of driving. This alone already caused some huge fights and falling outs. Eventually I agreed to bring her over ONLY if he is not anywhere near the home and I was supervising and if he were to come back then my daughter and I would leave and I made this very clear. Even if he was in the home I was told he wasn’t even allowed upstairs but still I wasnt going to take a risk.
So you can only imagine how shocked I was when I went to what was supposed to just be a nice relaxing holiday lunch with my mother, sister, and grandparents AND HE WAS SITTING AT THE TABLE LIKE NOTHING WAS WRONG!! LIKE HE WAS THE KING OF THE HOUSE!!!
So I mayyyy have overreacted but I start yelling “what the hell is he doing here!!?!” and left out the front door IMMEDIATELY thank God I hadn’t brought my child inside yet. I start causing a scene because I WANT him to hear me I WANT him to feel shame and embarrassment and disgust for himself.
I was asking why they are now letting the pedophile roam freely in their home ESPECIALLY when they KNEW I was bringing over my daughter and they KNOW my hard non negotiable boundaries. Yet instead of getting upset with him and telling him to leave my grandmother yelled at me for the first time in my life and told me to “sit down be quiet”, my grandfather wouldnt talk or look at me and still hasn’t reached out to me. My own mother tried to start a physical altercation with me because I won’t stop calling him what he is, A PEDOPHILE!!!!
HIT ME AS MUCH AS YOU WANT IT DOESNT CHANGE THAT HE MOLESTED A BABY!!!! A CHILD!!!
I LEFT with my child because I refuse to put her in ANY questionable situation. All I could think of was him possibly seeing her and then getting off on it later. It makes me SICK!!! The whole situation is sick. My grandparents are now just letting him have free reign of the whole house and now the entire family is upset with ME saying I RUINED the holiday with my “dramatics.”
You know what ruins holidays?? PEDOPHILES!!!
So now my relationship with my mother is really confusing because as we have never had a really close relationship she has never tried to get physical with me until that day, my relationship with my grandparents is back to being not good after I spent YEARS trying to heal wounds my grandfather gave me throughout my childhood and to forgive him. Now my grandfather is dying and I just can’t figure out why they would rather protect and enable this lowlife piece of shit good for nothing doing nothing with his life lying pedophile and keep him in their lives vs having their first grand child and first and ONLY great grandchild in their lives. Because now they have lost access and privilege to us coming to see them because I will not bend or break my boundary of keeping my child away from a KNOWN child predator who preys on children her age. I refuse. I will not keep family secrets when the secret could mean a child is put in a situation that could turn out extremely badly.
I am very passionate about this as I was groomed and abused beginning as a young child and I’m doing all I can so that my daughter will never know the horrors I had to endure for so long. To me, blood does not equal family. I will not be quiet just to make people comfortable. These dirty secrets END with me.
So, AITAH for calling a pedophile what he is and keeping my daughter away from him even if that means destroying the majority of my relationships with my family in the process?
Tl;dr family member is a pedophile and my family who is enabling and protecting him are angry that I won’t let my young daugnter around him and that I have made it publicly known what he did to a child and I refuse to let it be a dirty family secret for any longer
Comments
NTA: Putting your daughter as a priority should be any parents priority. You’re a good person, OP.
I didn’t read the entire post.
Protecting your daughter is you primary focus above all else and any consequences.
Didn’t even have to finish reading (not an insult) NTA.
You have a family now, they’re your main priority, you protect your fucking family – it’s a no brainer.
NTA at all, fuck this lowlife piece of shit, and fuck your family for deciding to keep it under wraps. I will never have sympathy for these monsters, there’s a secret 10th circle of hell awaiting them, call the police and stay very far away.
NTA
NTA. Fuck that. Protect your child.
You set a very reasonable boundary that he wasn’t to be there so that your child could visit her grandma and grandpa. They were too selfish to adhere to that boundary. That’s on them.
NTA, you’ve been MORE than reasonable in this situation.
I did the same NTA
If “I don’t allow known SA perpetrators and pedos around my young daughter” isn’t a reasonable enough boundary for your mother and grandparents to respect, they can find other family. NTA
NTA: good work protecting your child. Your family are the AH here and its concerning they dont see whats wrong with this
NTA.
No. First, tell your grandfather old or not, you won’t be silenced about a pervert and if he wants to stick his head in the sand that’s fine. You won’t and you won’t have your kid around them. Yes, your grandfather is dying but that gives license for put your child in harm and letting him know that?
Second girl you tell your mother she touch you again its jail for her. Hell I’d try to press charges and go beyond NC with her and your grandparents. You did nothing wrong, sometimes it takes one to start a movement and you are by constantly reminding them they are backing a pedophile which makes them one also. You child is your first priority so damn everyone else. Now what did your sis have to say?
Didn’t read anything but the title and the answer is no.
I dont understand how your family thinks you did something wrong. NTA
Like either your family doesn’t believe he’s a pedophile or don’t care that he is.
no
Nta. Anyone who doesn’t react like you did doesn’t need to be in your life. I’d be the same exact way. I don’t get how people can want a pedo around them at all. Disgusting wastes of space all of them
No. Protect your daughter.
Read the first paragraph…that’s not your family. End of.
Also, because they are not your family, I feel everyone should know what they covered up.
No. You have one job. Protect your daughter at all costs.
I would go further and file a police report on the historical SA of a minor (not sure if this a thing in states). This person is a threat to the community and needs to be on the register.
You did good, mama bear.
NTA. You did everything exactly as one should.
Sorry your family sucks.
Protect your child at all cost ! Report him so he is on a registry and not allowed around any children also they will be known for their favoritism to a pedo . Seriously! Piss on them ! I know several other families that have that same mentality and it didn’t stop me from calling them out ! Let them say whatever they want about you.. as i said in my altercations with those types, I have been called worse by way better people! Good job! Good mom !
NTA
Fuck them for trying to rugsweep and act like you’re the problem here. You’re doing the right thing by protecting your child.
I know you said he never faced any consequences, but I’d be tempted to see if he should be on a registry & if the local police know.
You know damn well you are not the asshole here. Never let them make you think otherwise.
NTA
You are all your daughter has. You have an obligation & responsibility to her to keep her safe. You have no obligation or responsibility to the rest of your family. You were 100% correct & justified. Anyone who supports a child rapist isn’t safe around children.
Okay I’m sorry I’m not going to be able to read the post but just from the title alone of course you’re not an a**. Protect kids!!!!
How is exposing your daughter to a pedophile holding your family together? Answer me that.
Keep your daughter safe and damn those who don’t like it.
NTA
Most people who are the victims of CSA were abused by someone given access to their home by the adults in their lives. Pedophiles are very good at isolating children and molesting them even when there are large crowds of other adults. The only way you can be sure your daughter will be safe is if he is never around her for any amount of time.
Your family is prioritizing the predator’s comfort over the safety of your child.
Nta. Protecting your daughter and yourself is your most important responsibility.
Yeah. No family members should get pictures from you anymore.
NTA. Read the full story, but didn’t need it tbh. I’m not putting any child in my care in that kind of potential danger let alone one I spawned.
Don’t even bother with those people if they value this good for nothing low life over both of your safety. My only advice would be to make sure your child is set to go with a trusted adult in any wills etc. That way if anything ever were to happen you don’t chance her ending up with any of these creeps (knock on wood you live a long healthy life though).
Nta
Obviously NTAH. Serious question: you don’t seem close to any members of your family and have serious issues with all of them, even beyond this issue, so what is the concern of just not having them in your life anymore? Are you financially dependent on them? Doesn’t seem worth it to just hope for a good relationship in the future for you and your daughter with them if there’s no good foundation there and then having this on top of it.