I’ve always felt my girlfriend didn’t respect me but last night was a big red flag.
While lying next to her in bed reading she is complaining about the news on her phone but then the conversation takes a turn to her talking about her father who she says is a real beta male and that’s why she can be such a b-word sometimes (her words). She’s seen people walk all over her father throughout her life.
She then says that I’m a beta male as well just like my own father and then proceeds to say but that’s better for her because she can get whatever she wants. I was like wtf. I didn’t really know what to say but I was fuming about it.
It’s to the point where I almost don’t even care about her anymore. All attraction and respect for her has gone out the window. Not sure if I’m overreacting but I’m so insulted. And to say it about my father too. Just crazy.
Anyway, we don’t live together but she has a key to my place so I’m taking the day away from her to meet with friends and kind of think about everything.
I wanted to get this off my chest to just transfer some of this anger out of me by writing it down.
AITAH for letting this affect me this much? Am I overreacting here?
Comments
Change your locks and break up with her.
NTA. That’s very disrespectful and not how partners should talk to or even think of each other. She should be building you up, not tearing you down. And that she brought your dad into it is the icing on the cake. Honestly, even the fact that she seriously subscribed to this “beta male” philosophy is toxic and a red flag. I’d be planning to change your locks.
Sounds like she’s been emasculating men her whole life. Good for u not being another one of them.
Leave her, she sounds like she is a real b-word (her words) and if she’s able to comfortably talk disrespectfully about you and your family at her big age, it’s only going to get worse as time goes on.
Edit: Also NTA obviously
Dude just break up with her and say go find alpha male you can shack up with, bye
NTA
You’re dodging a bullet, dude…she did you a favor by showing her true colors before you got married or had kids. Dump her ass.
> that’s better for her because she can get whatever she wants.
Dude, she’s just admitted to being with you purely so she can manipulate you.
NTA, YWBTA if you stay with her and end up in a loveless marriage for years.
Time to change the locks, she is an asshole.
NTA. Friend, if she’s pushing 40 and believes this alpha-beta male nonesense that’s already a thing of its own, But for her to admit that she likes it so she can use you?!!? She’s practically begging to be broken up with. Wake up and break up.
You would be for allowing her to continue to treat you so poorly. Time to get your key back
38 year olds are seriously using idiotic internet terms like “beta male” during pillow talk? You’ve stayed with someone you seem to have already disliked before this conversation took place? You need the internet to confirm that a good girlfriend doesn’t insult your family and tell you she likes to manipulate you?
I give up. ETA, I guess.
I would feel the same. NTA
NTA
That’s such a weird thing to bring up randomly and a rude thing to say to your partner. I would cut my losses and break up with her and get your key back it’s bot even worth it to fight about it.
Your girlfriend is stupid. Are you willing to procreate with such terrible genetic material?
NTA. This is the type of woman that will cheat on you. Run away, fast.
People that use terms like beta and alpha are losers that generally buy into toxic forms of masculinity.
She just told you she has no respect for you and that she’s a toxic asshole.
Change your locks, be done with her. NTA
She doesn’t even deserve a text imho
You’re completely right to be insulted. When people show you who they really are, believe them. Any person that is outwardly disrespectful like that to you AND your father, doesn’t give a fuck. She fucked around. Now let her find out. Watching her try and open the door after you change the locks would be a very alpha move 😂😂
An alpha would have dumped her ass on the spot.
that was a direct challenge to you.
You’re both 38 years old and both too old for this kind of bullshit.
1/ Why does being called a beta bother you so much?
2/ Separately, she needs to grow up
Yall both listen to too many Rogan podcasts
NTA and she probably got lots of issues from her own past. Whether you want to endure them is your decision.
You might even react along the lines of “I’m planning to upgrade myself to alpha and will start by ending this relationship”.
Not overreacting. She’s going to get a shock when nothing she says is going to impress her “beta male” ex.
If she tries some “It was just a test, I didn’t mean it” crap, laugh in her face, then dump her for “testing” you.
My gods, the shameless, shitty arrogance of this (extremely bad word).
NTA
She literally told you she plans to walk all over you. And that’s what she likes about you.
NTA. No one should allow anyone to talk to them any type of way and treat you with disrespect. She doesn’t love or respect you.
NTA. But gonna say you reacted just as beta male would react . Its ok not everyone is alfa
Get rid of her. Obviously she doesn’t respect you at all and her mask came off and she told you what she really thinks. Pack her stuff up into boxes and when she enters get your key back and don’t help her at all carry any boxes. Tell her you’re practicing being Alpha 😉🤗❤️
If it was meant to be funny, she doesn’t know shhhhttt.
It’s some FAFO words. She may not care. Say bye and don’t look back. People throw around words but to add the “so she can get whatever she wants” so it’s good for her????
Ice cold see you later. You’ll geel about 7000% times better about yourself.
“Run Forest Run”
I would learn from the experience however.
Search up “How to maintain ones personal boundaries”
Unfortunately there are people like your gf that interpret kindness as weakness and then they exploit you.
Show her how little of a beta you are and show her the door! Have some respect for yourself!
NTA. I honestly lose respect for anyone he describes people as alpha or beta, it’s absolute bullshit.
Your girlfriend has just openly said she thinks you’re weak and she can use you to get whatever she wants. She isn’t the one for you.
As a woman who has been married to her partner for 37 years ( dated 2 years before marriage), HELL no,you are NOT the asshol#. Your girlfriend
( hopefully ex) is a GIANT AH!
What a horrible thing to say to you.
The Great news is you haven’t married her. Change the locks on your apartment and block her.
I’m so sorry OP, some people are
Asshats.. Like your (hopefully) Ex is.
Stand firm.! Do NOT let her tears or , please help with my bills, get to you.
She is not worthy of you.❤️
Anyone seriously using this alpha/beta crap (and it is crap: not even true of wolves) is waving a big red flag. Don’t think about it. Just change the locks.
The whole alpha and beta thing is very silly in my opinion because a marriage or relationship should be a partnership! If one of you is in charge of the other, or thinks they are, it’s not a proper relationship. She has made it clear she thinks of you as an underling she can boss around, and your family she thinks bizarrely the same. NTA, Partners should respect each other.
Gotta be honest bro. The fact that you didn’t immediately kick her out after insulting both you AND your father = very beta. Lol but I’m gonna say NTA. BUT you’re being an asshole to yourself for not putting your foot down. This is a conundrum. Maybe this is the kind of thing she was talking about 😬
I often tell my husband ways he is like my dad- but I have a good dad! Strong, quiet, respectful. You’re NTA. And the fact that you didn’t blow up on her means you are like that too.
Holy shit. I’m 34, and my husband is I guess what creeps would call a beta. He’s not a man’s man, he’s a beautiful, kind, respectful man who would do anything for anyone and isn’t so wrapped up in his stupid masculine insecurity that he actually is human first and a wonderful partner. Wouldn’t have anyone else.
I used to think it was incel bullshit, when men would say women want dudes that treat them like shit. But I guess that’s true sometimes? Pathetic. Dump her, and go find one of the nice ones and let her find the dickhead she apparently wants who won’t let her get what she wants.
Beta male puts all her belongs back on beta dads doorstep whilst she’s at work sends photo of him f**King gourgous escorted telling her locks change life’s change thanks for releasing my alpha male spirit don’t come back scanning g tinder as it txt
Disqualified for even grouping people into such categories. “Beta male” is gross.
Basically admitted to lady red pill.
I’d be as done as if a dude uttered the words “trad wife.”
Let me guess, she drinks every day
Do not prove them right by staying together after this!
You will only be TA if you choose to stay.
You won the lottery when she leaves for work or goes out grab trash bags and dump everything outside at the curb for her to pick up and change your locks best 100 dollars you’ll ever spend.
Never ever let that manipulator near your life ever again. Not only does she not respect you she’s the worst type of woman, who outed herself like an imbecile. Possibly get a restraining order. (Women who use terms like beta males towards their partners are usually socio/psychopathic).
I completely see your point. She put you and your dad down in front of you and had no self-awareness about how what she was saying was an incredible put down and how that would hurt you. Your feelings about her not respecting you indicate a pattern that has caused a discomfort within you but her actions last night were actually a great thing, it crystallized that discomfort validated what you had been feeling all along. I love the fact that your anger is bubbling over, you know what you have to do, I hope you take action and show her that you’re not a beta male.
nope. the foundation of a relationship is trust, honesty and RESPECT. if shes not seeing you as an equal in this relationship, time to go. it will only magnify over time, and shes basically projecting some resentment.
I apologize. I believe this could be fake. Why? OP
has only been on Reddit for like 51 or 52 days. No previous post and no comments at all.🤷♀️🤷♀️ It screams,
Karma farming to me. IF not, I apologize to OP. IF it’s real, This is not a lifelong partner or husband material. Way too many red flags 🚩.
Don’t date ANYONE who uses terms like alpha or beta male unironically.
If you let her stay…you will then be a Beta male my friend.
Sounds like you already know the answer.. NTA
Prove that you’re not.
NTA. Prove her right or prove her wrong, that’s the option you have now. If you stay you prove her right.
Do yourself a favor and dump her. She doesn’t care about you and will at best use you and then dump you.
She’ll be right if you don’t stand up for yourself and leave her.
Anyone who uses terms like “beta or alpha” male (or whatever the heck the female equivalent would be too for that matter) shouldn’t be in a relationship.
Do your self a favor and move on. You deserve someone who respects you as a person and is a decent human being. Your current gf ain’t it.
Wow, to say to someone’s face “I don’t love you, I love what you do for me” is some bold brash sociopathic behaviour, no matter how good you thought things may have been, it’s time to leave and find someone who respects you, as there’s no love without respect and there’s fuck all respect to say that to your face.
Bro, you know it can’t go on like this. She can apologize but it wouldn’t change what she thought.
You’re both 38…. Who the fuck uses terms like that when they’re 38…..
Whattt? Ditch the bitch. Investing your time in someone who doesn’t respect you is a waste. Someone out there will see you as a treasure, which you are!
“I’ve always felt my gf didn’t respect me”
….”now that she’s confirmed it, what do i do?”
You should have dumped this bitch a long time ago
Too many women in the world to stress over this one. Tell her to go find whatever alpha she’s looking for.
I think you know what you need to do to show her how wrong and dumb she is.
NTA but what are you going to do about it? If you stay with her, you prove her point!
Ok and you didn’t say or do anything at all? You’re proving her point.
NTA dick move by you’re gf also bold as fuck of her to just come out and say “I have little to no respect for you and am mostly with you because I can use you without having to care how you feel because you’ll always want me anyways”
Honestly you should really think about what you want moving forward, 38 isn’t too old but you’re also not so young that you should be wasting your time on someone who doesn’t treat you right.
Change that lock bro
Become the alpha then and leave her. That’s what she wants after all. As a side note, there is no coming back from words like that. They will be with you forever, and the relationship is completely ruined.
If you’re not even attracted to her anymore, break up.
You don’t deserve to be negged — which is exactly what this is. She gave you a rare moment of insight that she’s with you so she can be domineering. NTA
So she says she can manipulate you. Is she right? Are you a push over? I can’t see why anyone wants a girlfriend like that…. She doesn’t sound like she cares about you.
It seems her father picked the wrong partners like you have… talk to your friends and if they’re good people will convince you to leave her.
She has no respect.
ESH. Y’all are both damn near 40. Why are y’all giving any of your energy to this alpha/beta shit? And taking it at all seriously? Grow up.
Good move. Removing her key was an alpha move. What she said was disrespectful.
Sounds like your lack of a reaction is only fueling her belief that you are a beta male.
You can either do nothing (confirms her assumptions) or stand up for yourself.
A few options for standing up for yourself would be to confront her, break-up with her or both.
You’re NTA here and for your partner to say that to you sounds like she’s been walking over you for a while.
NTA, whatever she does or say when you ask for your key back, do not let her convince you if you do not want to be manipulated or disrepected your whole time with her.
That alfa beta shit is so stupid already, that she ranks people like that in her life is a red flag enough, but she just insulted you and admitted thinking you were below her, and that she was willing to abuse her twisted image of your relationship to always get what she wants. In short she declared you a push over and admitted wanted to abuse your will to make her happy. You will not find a louder admittance that that.
Stand for yourself, whatever “regret” or “remorse or whatever she shows, do not let her in again, move on, and you’ll find someday someone who appreciates you for who you are
I sighed in relief when I read girlfriend and not wife. You’ve won in life, my friend. God loves you.
Game Over.
No trust, no couple.
She essentially trapped herself. Break up with her show that she was wrong.
First off your gf is sexist.
However, if I am following the story, you said that you did not say anything back to defend yourself, or to even communicate how that made you feel.
I don’t know you obv, and I’m certainly not defending her, but is it possible that that’s the type of thing she was talking about?
She just showed you who she is—believe her and leave.
Updateme
Lmao wtf this alpha/beta thing is so fucking out of hand
Beta male also means she will want you to raise kids of alpha males. So yeah
NTA it’s not the alpha nor beta designation that matters (alpha is toxic af right now anyway), it’s the stupid assumption she can manipulate you to her shrivelled hearts content. Ditch the b1tch (btw female here).
You need a new gf. I don’t care if it was true you are a pushover thats not how you speak to someone about it. I don’t even care how long you’ve been together but her words were completely horrible and should be addressed as you tell her you’re going to go find a better match for your beta self. Dude there is no coming back from what she said. It was completely disrespectful. You have to save a little of your self respect and dump this woman that doesn’t see you as a real man.
Anyone would be upset and I agree you should change your locks
Eh, I mean she’s kind of right if you didn’t say anything to her when she said it.
Prove to yourself that you’re not and dump her if you’ve lost all attraction and feelings for her.
A 38yr old using the term beta male is crazy lol
You overreacting because she is right. Im not trying to be a dick. I am not a beta and I can tell you that you are a beta because you didn’t let your wife know that you are not, you instead took it, and are now here on reddit trying to get something from a few humans and mostly Ai bots in an attempt to get reassurance, but you will not. You will not get what you are looking here because your issue is within yourself. Grow a set and tell you wife to get the fuck out, leave, or tell her off. Nothing else will fix how you are feeling because she did emassculate you. In no way shape or form is this an attempt by me to hurt or offend you but im a straight shooter bartender who had an alpha Chad dad who raised and abused me into a person unafraid to say the truth. Ill get downvoted hard but I hope you get to read this.
And you know she’s bragging at work about this! Well she’ll be single soon enough.
Then she’ll accuse him of being ‘dramatic.’
Break up time. She don’t respect you. You’ll never have any dignity as long as you’re with her.
Hit the eject button, change the locks, tell her to get lost, find yourself a new woman who appreciates you.
Leave now. Sounds like a manipulative POS you’ve got.
OP, your GF is too old to be this immature.
“Alpha Male” and “Beta Male” are terms recklessly tossed around by insecure idiots in need of adult supervision.
Is this break-up worthy? Take a deep breath. Then discuss this incident with her. See if she retracts her position (and apologizes) or doubles down. Then compare both her original comment and her response to your reaction to the broader context of your relationship.
If she has a history of disrespectful behavior, then channel your inner “alpha” by breaking up with her.
Go get out nta
Accusing a guy of being a “beta male” implies the existence of an “alpha male”. Congratulate your toxic internalized misogynistic and highly manipulative Ex for reinforcing sexist tropes that only help chauvinists before beating a hasty tactical retreat and thanking your lucky stars you dodged a massive bullet.
Oh – when she invariably accuses you of being a weak man for running away, remind her she’s the one who dubbed thee “beta” and say she shouldn’t be that surprised if that’s how she felt.
I’m annoyed that she is using incel language.
But, yeah. Not cool. NTA. Do what you think is going to be best for you in the long run. If that means breaking up with her, then do that.
If you stay with her, you’re indeed a beta.
Jokes aside, you need to break up with her, bro. This beta and alpha bs is a huge red flag.
NTA
“Thank you for your honesty and opening my eyes to just what a manipulative b*tch you really are. Have a good life.”
Time to go solo. Terribly disrespectful and you’ll not see any improvement or changes on her part. You’re very justified in being pissed off. What you see is what you get. You don’t love her anymore, I’d go as far as to say you now have contempt for her. Do you really need to think about this relationship being solid and what you want? I know you know the answer. As someone else here said, change the lock and have a talk. You’ve got this OP.
NTA. But you will be a fool if you stay with someone who doesn’t respect you.
She just told you se doesnt love you, she love using you .
You need to find your human, that doesnt subscribe to the alpha beta sigma crap-
NTA. You would be if you kept dating her though. This is an absolute garbage way to treat a human being. And if she made it to 38 and still believe that alpha/beta nonsense, and she is still blaming her dad for her poor behavior, that’s not just a red flag, that’s a parade of red flags.
She just told you that her plans are to walk all over you for the rest of your relationship. Change the locks, lose the girl.
Nta updateme
Just break up with her she doesn’t respect you and would likely cheat with someone “alpha” if the chance comes.
This would be like you saying she’s wh*re for not losing her virginity to you.
Break up with her, you deserve better than someone who has so little respect for you.
And by the way, it will show her you are not as “beta” as what she thought.
Dude, change your locks and end the relationship. She’s already told you that she’s simply with you because she can “get whatever she wants” because you’re a pushover.
Don’t let some now revealed non existent nostalgia or feelings allow you to stay with someone like this, get tf out of the relationship, and change the locks!
Get your key back & tell her that you want an open relationship. Keep her around for when you’re bored. Play her like she’s playing you.
NTA. She is not worth keeping around. Updateme
NTA. Time to dump her and find someone who respects you and actually likes you. She literally told you that she doesn’t.
Wow. If she wants an alpha, then she should get one. Oh.. wait.. they won’t let her walk all over them.
The whole alpha/beta thing is BS. It’s a construct built by incels, basically. Way before that even became a term. Real men are kind, loving and diligent as well as strong.
Tell her this beta male is tired of your shit so give me back my key and take this dildo (hand her one) and go fuck yourself. Then just walk away.
The Alpha / Beta thing is utterly nonsense anyway.
That you haven’t broken up with her already is kinda a beta move bruh 😬☠️
Your girlfriend sounds like a real peach.
She said the quiet part out loud.
You know what you need to do.
Well you have your answer. Not sure anything changes for you.
Anyone who uses the terms “beta” or “alpha” to describe men are massive red flags.
She sounds like the more toxic option than being alone… your call though