Depends, what does your dad consider a loser? It’s subjective, your dad may think that anyone that’s not blue collar, boots, high visibility shirts are losers, or he may think that those guys are losers.
That being said, a “good” man is someone who’s going to listen to you and expect you to listen back. He’ll respect your boundaries while also setting his own and expecting you to hold them. He’ll communicate about problems and feelings and any issues he may have. He’ll respect you and expect respect in return. He’ll be independent and expect you to maintain some yourself. Likewise, he’ll be able to take care of himself – and want to – and expect you to do the same. These are all kinds the big, broad things.
Really, it’s easier to tell you what to look for if we know the kind of guys you’ve been going for previously, so we know what your idea of “loser” is. But yeah.
In general – a good man is honest, respectful, loyal, and willing to step in and help you when needed.
But I think everyone has a slightly different definition too. For me, a good man is someone with emotional intelligence and is mature. We all have different values in partners that align with our beliefs and what our goals are, so the definition is really up to you. Your dad may have a completely different definition too.
Someone could have a great career, work out and is generally healthy, and is financially stable but still be emotionally unavailable. To me that’s not a good man, but maybe to someone else he is because he seems well put together.
I have no idea what criteria your father is using.
As a father my criteria would be that you have emotional support in a relationship where you are a team. I see a lot of women pour themselves into emotionally unavailable men, and/or goals and priorities are way out of sync.
As a partner… you both have to be able to speak and be heard. There’s a balance you have to pay attention to.
Aside from that… become venture capitalists or live in a cardboard box. As long as you are happy I give not a fuck.
My man respects me and our relationship and expects the same from me. He is loving and caring and attentive and expects reciprocation. He does what he says and is consistent in his values and ethics.
A man with a backbone, has conviction, never backs out over the slightest inconvenience, takes responsibility. He doesn’t say “I don’t owe you or anyone anything,” and he doesn’t run or ghost.
If you can nail down what good is, and nail down what good for a women or you or their partner would be. Then you could nail down for yourself what a good man is.
Some people require a lot from their partners and others require less.
I don’t just mean in materials.
I mean in attention
I mean in capabilities
All sorts of things and in general being good.
Sometimes people require bad behavior from their partners in good sport in the bed room to truly be a good man for them
So a good man could be a contradiction of sorts.
But for me
Outside of being for anyone else
A good man is someone who is being their truest self with no masks.
Doing things as they are and holding compassion as a virtue.
Uh, i would say someone who respects and actually likes you. Someone who is kind and vibes with you, where you feel good and safe. Someone who you can trust and laugh with. A man who can take accountability and is responsible.
A good partner is someone who makes you feel valued and valuable. They want to communicate. You grow together – not just as partners, but also as people. Supporting each other is acceptable, received well, and appreciated.
The big fights you have are about real things. Not an endless series of blowing things out of proportion and lashing out because of stress. Real things that you can see someone being reasonably hurt by. No matter how worked up they get, you feel safe. You feel safe turning your back and walking away to cool down. When the dust settles, you seek each other out to clear the air, express why it hurt, and take accountability for your parts. You find resolution in words and actions.
Most importantly – you put in the same amount of work. Not always at the same time… just a mostly equitable distribution of emotional labor and practical effort. Maybe you take turns driving to see each other, or he always drives but you always plan the dates. Someone who prefers doing the chores you hate, and hates the ones you don’t mind, is a bonus.
Look for men who encourage you to pursue your interests and dreams.
Look for men who do their own laundry.
Look for men who are kind.
Look for men who have a vision for the future that is similar to yours.
Look for men who don’t use physical force or emotional manipulation to get their way.
Look for men to listen to you and appreciate your perspective even if it’s different from theirs
Look for men who speak respectfully of the women in their lives, including ex girlfriends. If they talk about conflict with women they love or loved, they explain it in a way that makes you understand the woman’s perspective
Doesn’t push, knows when to bring up hard topics (after a good sleep, a snack, when you’re alone, when both are ready etc) so I guess he has self control, really. A good man knows when to speak up for justice and when to be quiet to comfort. A good man puts in his efforts, for himself, his family, his future. A good man leads with love and sets the foundation for the house to live in peace, not chaos.
I’ve come from a DV marriage at 20 years old, now 25. I questioned my hatred towards men, but I truly love them. There’s an episode with Richard reeves on Theo Von’s podcast about how we’ve set women up for success to be equals. But while women can now drive, get bank accounts, divorce and vote, we haven’t rewritten the script for men to success through a new society. It really changed how I viewed it all. I love equality, I love being a woman. But I’m also heart broken by the rise in men’s suicide and purposelessness. 85% of youth in US prisons come from fatherless homes. Around the same percentage for men in adult prisons didn’t grow up with a father or a father figure. Boys in fatherless homes are more likely to experience poverty, education difficulties and behavioural problems. Where fatherless girls are upwards 4-8x more likely to face teenage pregnancy and SA. I only say this because it’s better to be single than get stuck in a bad loop, make bad choices and get hurt. Look for a guy that has a healthy relationship with both his parents. Or at least has healed from hurt.
There are good men out there, usually they’re over 25 when their frontal lobe is fully formed lol. I emphasize working on yourself, set goals, set expectations and write a list of a man you would find worthy of your love. Even ask your dad about qualities he’d respect in a man for you. Don’t settle, be picky. Your dad wants the best for you and by telling you his opinion, he’s hoping you change something up. Maybe ask yourself why you’re attracted to “losers?” Where are you meeting said “losers?” Do you not think you’re good enough to have a high quality guy? Are your insecurities hindering you from being a full, honest and true version of yourself? Hope you find a good one! They’re out there!
You can also think from different perspective. What would a loser be like? Perhaps no job and no willing to work, drugs or alcohol problem, disrespectful, a-hole, rude, no goals in life, selfish, messy etc. So opposite of that could be a “good man”. Usually trustworthy, working, clear goals/ ambitions/ future plans, lives at least some what healthy, has common sense, treats you and others right and so on.
He looks like someone who has a job, his own vehicle (usually a pickup), tucks his shirt in, prays before he eats, helps those in need. That sort of stuff.
Doesn’t lie or steal and do that kind of shitty shit.
No drugs 🚫. Shit is never normal or right and a house never a home if there’s substances at play.
You genuinely truly actually have fun together without forcing it.
What everyone else said… Plus:
Is real with you… That includes telling you when you’re making bad choices and having healthy boundaries!!! Overly permissive does not equal a healthy relationship! It usually means “I give up”.
Complete honesty – the truth, delivered respectfully, even when it hurts. I have massive respect for a man that doesn’t blow smoke up my ass and just tell me what I want to hear. Compliments are much more genuine and meaningful when you know that he would kindly state the opposite, if it were true. If I ask for critique, please be truthful!
Not a stubborn ass about routine medical care – it’s incredibly annoying to have to fight someone constantly to go get a filling at the dentist instead of endlessly complaining about a bad tooth that hurts. This applies to all areas of life – good men take action and call on the skills of others when it’s appropriate, rather than calling on others for sympathy.
Oh, and if he doesn’t snore, put that man at the top of your list! You’re going to have much better chances at a lifetime of happiness if you aren’t sleep deprived!
Comments
good man is respectful, doesn’t enable disrespect from outside interference.
A good man has a backbone.
Depends, what does your dad consider a loser? It’s subjective, your dad may think that anyone that’s not blue collar, boots, high visibility shirts are losers, or he may think that those guys are losers.
A good man would probably be largely determined by you, not others. In general, I believe a good man is respectful, kind, independent, and honest.
Part of what “good” is will be specific to you.
That being said, a “good” man is someone who’s going to listen to you and expect you to listen back. He’ll respect your boundaries while also setting his own and expecting you to hold them. He’ll communicate about problems and feelings and any issues he may have. He’ll respect you and expect respect in return. He’ll be independent and expect you to maintain some yourself. Likewise, he’ll be able to take care of himself – and want to – and expect you to do the same. These are all kinds the big, broad things.
Really, it’s easier to tell you what to look for if we know the kind of guys you’ve been going for previously, so we know what your idea of “loser” is. But yeah.
Hard working, respectful to others, courteous, and honest
In general – a good man is honest, respectful, loyal, and willing to step in and help you when needed.
But I think everyone has a slightly different definition too. For me, a good man is someone with emotional intelligence and is mature. We all have different values in partners that align with our beliefs and what our goals are, so the definition is really up to you. Your dad may have a completely different definition too.
Someone could have a great career, work out and is generally healthy, and is financially stable but still be emotionally unavailable. To me that’s not a good man, but maybe to someone else he is because he seems well put together.
How does your father treat your mother? Do they have a strong relationship?
Would you want a man to treat you the way your father treats your mother?
What do you want? That’s the only real question.
I have no idea what criteria your father is using.
As a father my criteria would be that you have emotional support in a relationship where you are a team. I see a lot of women pour themselves into emotionally unavailable men, and/or goals and priorities are way out of sync.
As a partner… you both have to be able to speak and be heard. There’s a balance you have to pay attention to.
Aside from that… become venture capitalists or live in a cardboard box. As long as you are happy I give not a fuck.
He doesn’t view you as a flesh of meat with sex as a reward prize for pretending to care about you.
He is genuine and sincere in his affection towards you.
He communicates as best as he can, and does so respectfully.
He works on his flaws and takes accountability; he isn’t perfect, but he is always trying to be better.
To be a”good man” in the western world, you need to be a good provider and an absolute psychological and emotional masochist.
My man respects me and our relationship and expects the same from me. He is loving and caring and attentive and expects reciprocation. He does what he says and is consistent in his values and ethics.
Sounds like dad thinks it should be a man just like him.
Someone who is like your dad
A man with a backbone, has conviction, never backs out over the slightest inconvenience, takes responsibility. He doesn’t say “I don’t owe you or anyone anything,” and he doesn’t run or ghost.
If you can nail down what good is, and nail down what good for a women or you or their partner would be. Then you could nail down for yourself what a good man is.
Some people require a lot from their partners and others require less.
I don’t just mean in materials.
I mean in attention
I mean in capabilities
All sorts of things and in general being good.
Sometimes people require bad behavior from their partners in good sport in the bed room to truly be a good man for them
So a good man could be a contradiction of sorts.
But for me
Outside of being for anyone else
A good man is someone who is being their truest self with no masks.
Doing things as they are and holding compassion as a virtue.
Uh, i would say someone who respects and actually likes you. Someone who is kind and vibes with you, where you feel good and safe. Someone who you can trust and laugh with. A man who can take accountability and is responsible.
A good partner is someone who makes you feel valued and valuable. They want to communicate. You grow together – not just as partners, but also as people. Supporting each other is acceptable, received well, and appreciated.
The big fights you have are about real things. Not an endless series of blowing things out of proportion and lashing out because of stress. Real things that you can see someone being reasonably hurt by. No matter how worked up they get, you feel safe. You feel safe turning your back and walking away to cool down. When the dust settles, you seek each other out to clear the air, express why it hurt, and take accountability for your parts. You find resolution in words and actions.
Most importantly – you put in the same amount of work. Not always at the same time… just a mostly equitable distribution of emotional labor and practical effort. Maybe you take turns driving to see each other, or he always drives but you always plan the dates. Someone who prefers doing the chores you hate, and hates the ones you don’t mind, is a bonus.
a good man is the one who cares about his family and makes choices that show it.
Look for men who encourage you to pursue your interests and dreams.
Look for men who do their own laundry.
Look for men who are kind.
Look for men who have a vision for the future that is similar to yours.
Look for men who don’t use physical force or emotional manipulation to get their way.
Look for men to listen to you and appreciate your perspective even if it’s different from theirs
Look for men who speak respectfully of the women in their lives, including ex girlfriends. If they talk about conflict with women they love or loved, they explain it in a way that makes you understand the woman’s perspective
Look for men who have hobbies and friends
Sorry, can’t attach selfies on reddit for some reason 🙁
Doesn’t push, knows when to bring up hard topics (after a good sleep, a snack, when you’re alone, when both are ready etc) so I guess he has self control, really. A good man knows when to speak up for justice and when to be quiet to comfort. A good man puts in his efforts, for himself, his family, his future. A good man leads with love and sets the foundation for the house to live in peace, not chaos.
I’ve come from a DV marriage at 20 years old, now 25. I questioned my hatred towards men, but I truly love them. There’s an episode with Richard reeves on Theo Von’s podcast about how we’ve set women up for success to be equals. But while women can now drive, get bank accounts, divorce and vote, we haven’t rewritten the script for men to success through a new society. It really changed how I viewed it all. I love equality, I love being a woman. But I’m also heart broken by the rise in men’s suicide and purposelessness. 85% of youth in US prisons come from fatherless homes. Around the same percentage for men in adult prisons didn’t grow up with a father or a father figure. Boys in fatherless homes are more likely to experience poverty, education difficulties and behavioural problems. Where fatherless girls are upwards 4-8x more likely to face teenage pregnancy and SA. I only say this because it’s better to be single than get stuck in a bad loop, make bad choices and get hurt. Look for a guy that has a healthy relationship with both his parents. Or at least has healed from hurt.
There are good men out there, usually they’re over 25 when their frontal lobe is fully formed lol. I emphasize working on yourself, set goals, set expectations and write a list of a man you would find worthy of your love. Even ask your dad about qualities he’d respect in a man for you. Don’t settle, be picky. Your dad wants the best for you and by telling you his opinion, he’s hoping you change something up. Maybe ask yourself why you’re attracted to “losers?” Where are you meeting said “losers?” Do you not think you’re good enough to have a high quality guy? Are your insecurities hindering you from being a full, honest and true version of yourself? Hope you find a good one! They’re out there!
Women seem to define a good man as one who obeys them and satisfies all of their expectations
hahah how many is that?
Good isn’t the ideal.
People should have the partner they deserve.
You can also think from different perspective. What would a loser be like? Perhaps no job and no willing to work, drugs or alcohol problem, disrespectful, a-hole, rude, no goals in life, selfish, messy etc. So opposite of that could be a “good man”. Usually trustworthy, working, clear goals/ ambitions/ future plans, lives at least some what healthy, has common sense, treats you and others right and so on.
Good of heart, broad of shoulders, dumb of ass.
He looks like someone who has a job, his own vehicle (usually a pickup), tucks his shirt in, prays before he eats, helps those in need. That sort of stuff.
A good man cares about the way you feel. That stops him from doing most dirtbag things that bad boyfriends do
Doesn’t lie or steal and do that kind of shitty shit.
No drugs 🚫. Shit is never normal or right and a house never a home if there’s substances at play.
You genuinely truly actually have fun together without forcing it.
What everyone else said… Plus:
Is real with you… That includes telling you when you’re making bad choices and having healthy boundaries!!! Overly permissive does not equal a healthy relationship! It usually means “I give up”.
Complete honesty – the truth, delivered respectfully, even when it hurts. I have massive respect for a man that doesn’t blow smoke up my ass and just tell me what I want to hear. Compliments are much more genuine and meaningful when you know that he would kindly state the opposite, if it were true. If I ask for critique, please be truthful!
Not a stubborn ass about routine medical care – it’s incredibly annoying to have to fight someone constantly to go get a filling at the dentist instead of endlessly complaining about a bad tooth that hurts. This applies to all areas of life – good men take action and call on the skills of others when it’s appropriate, rather than calling on others for sympathy.
Oh, and if he doesn’t snore, put that man at the top of your list! You’re going to have much better chances at a lifetime of happiness if you aren’t sleep deprived!