This is messy, but I need an outside perspective.
I (27F) lost my dad quick to cancer in 2022. We had a complicated relationship, but I was his only biological child and was named the sole beneficiary in his will. He had been divorced from my ex-stepmom, we will call her “Renee” for almost ten years when he passed. Despite the divorce, she still received $20k from his will he made right before he died. The rest of his estate — what little was left — came to me.
Here’s where it gets dark.
The very next day after he died, my former stepsister (Renee’s daughter) took to Facebook and wrote a long, emotionally charged post accusing my dad of sexual misconduct toward her when she was younger. I was blindsided. it was a lot to process, and the timing felt intentionally public and explosive. I didn’t say anything publicly because I felt it wasn’t my story to address — but the situation left me conflicted. (Yes according to them, my ex step mom stayed with my dad after knowing he was sexually assaulting my former step sister for years, and we should over look that detail apparently)
(Context: my dad was married to this woman and the alleged misconduct happened for yearrrrsss before I was born. My dad cheated on Renee with my mom but Renee stayed with him even though I was born and was a good step mom for many years)
Now two and a half years later, (while I’m two months postpartum may I add) Renee reached out to me privately. Not to talk about grief or process the situation, or my newborn baby but to ask for more money. She said she “deserved” a bigger cut from the estate after “everything we went through.” She framed it like she was doing me a favor by reaching out calmly and said that if I helped her financially, she would “leave me alone.” But I was wondering why she didn’t get or ask for everything she wanted/though she deserved in the divorce years earlier.
I told her no. I told her I was sorry for whatever trauma they experienced, but I’m not responsible for fixing it with money — especially since she got $20k already and they have been estranged for years. That’s when she snapped.
She sent me a rage-filled message accusing me of siding with an abuser, denying their pain, and being greedy. She brought my dead mother into it, claiming my mom “trapped” my dad with a pregnancy. She said I’d never worked a day in my life and called me “the devil’s spawn.” She tried to rewrite history and claim she and my dad weren’t even really divorced when he died (they were — almost a decade). And she hinted she’d been “advised” to sue me.
She made it crystal clear that our past relationship meant nothing. The fact that she said, “If you help me, I’ll leave you alone” made it feel transactional and gross. It wasn’t about closure or healing. It was about squeezing money out of me, no matter the emotional wreckage.
I eventually told her I was done. That I wasn’t scared of a lawsuit. That she’d already gotten more than she was owed. And I told her not to contact me again.
Now her daughter reached out saying I’m being cold and should show more compassion — especially if the abuse allegations are true. But from where I stand, Renee weaponized her daughter’s trauma (whether real or exaggerated, I honestly don’t know) to guilt-trip me into handing over inheritance money. It felt manipulative and cruel.
So… AITA for refusing to give her any more money and cutting all ties after this?
Comments
Reminder not to downvote assholes |
Original copy of post’s text by /u/Longjumping-Rush4650:
This is messy, but I need an outside perspective.
I (27F) lost my dad quick to cancer in 2022. We had a complicated relationship, but I was his only biological child and was named the sole beneficiary in his will. He had been divorced from my ex-stepmom, we will call her “Renee” for almost ten years when he passed. Despite the divorce, she still received $20k from his will he made right before he died. The rest of his estate — what little was left — came to me.
Here’s where it gets dark.
The very next day after he died, my former stepsister (Renee’s daughter) took to Facebook and wrote a long, emotionally charged post accusing my dad of sexual misconduct toward her when she was younger. I was blindsided. it was a lot to process, and the timing felt intentionally public and explosive. I didn’t say anything publicly because I felt it wasn’t my story to address — but the situation left me conflicted. (Yes according to them, my ex step mom stayed with my dad after knowing he was sexually assaulting my former step sister for years, and we should over look that detail apparently)
Now two and a half years later, (while I’m two months postpartum may I add) Renee reached out to me privately. Not to talk about grief or process the situation, or my newborn baby but to ask for more money. She said she “deserved” a bigger cut from the estate after “everything we went through.” She framed it like she was doing me a favor by reaching out calmly and said that if I helped her financially, she would “leave me alone.” But I was wondering why she didn’t get or ask for everything she wanted/though she deserved in the divorce years earlier.
I told her no. I told her I was sorry for whatever trauma they experienced, but I’m not responsible for fixing it with money — especially since she got $20k already and they have been estranged for years. That’s when she snapped.
She sent me a rage-filled message accusing me of siding with an abuser, denying their pain, and being greedy. She brought my dead mother into it, claiming my mom “trapped” my dad with a pregnancy. She said I’d never worked a day in my life and called me “the devil’s spawn.” She tried to rewrite history and claim she and my dad weren’t even really divorced when he died (they were — almost a decade). And she hinted she’d been “advised” to sue me.
She made it crystal clear that our past relationship meant nothing. The fact that she said, “If you help me, I’ll leave you alone” made it feel transactional and gross. It wasn’t about closure or healing. It was about squeezing money out of me, no matter the emotional wreckage.
I eventually told her I was done. That I wasn’t scared of a lawsuit. That she’d already gotten more than she was owed. And I told her not to contact me again.
Now her daughter reached out saying I’m being cold and should show more compassion — especially if the abuse allegations are true. But from where I stand, Renee weaponized her daughter’s trauma (whether real or exaggerated, I honestly don’t know) to guilt-trip me into handing over inheritance money. It felt manipulative and cruel.
So… AITA for refusing to give her any more money and cutting all ties after this?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
NTA.
Your dad wrote the will, and that’s his decision.
Its not for you to entertain other claimants.
NTA. She got money, then used guilt and threats to get more. That’s manipulation, not healing. You owe her nothing
NTA – Tell them they should have taken it up with the estate when it was still operational.
Block them or look at legal options
NTA. She’s not grieving, she’s profiting. Block it, delete it, cure it
NTA even if the abuse allegations are true (and there is no way to verify this with your dad gone) there was a will and it was duly executed. Your father’s last wishes were for you to inherit the bulk of his estate.
Your ex-SM and ex-SS have no legal rights. You have no obligation to give them anything and the way they are pushing for money suggests that they are money hungry AHs trying to manipulate you.
Keep the money and block them.
NTA
They’re just trying to shake you down. If they wanted reparations they had plenty of time to sue him before he died.
I would hire a lawyer and get some solid advice though.
UpdateMe
Its easy to accuse dead people of misconduct when they are gone because they can’t defend themselves. For all we know your step sister made it all up.
Cutoff all contact with these folks and stay the course.
Why make these claims after he died? None of it makes sense. I would immediately block both of them and completely sever any ties – NTA
NTA. They are just after money. Document everything and go no contact unless it’s done through a lawyer. It sounds more like a scam so give them nothing.
if you’re cutting all ties, why do you care?
“I’ve been approached by ex-stepmom, apparently money will fix the alleged abuse by my dead father that they never said anything about while he was alive. Isn’t that strangely calculated?”
I’d post that on Facebook, insta, tiktok, etc, and tag them as well
i think you the one who should sue her for harrasments
NTA- she’s bluffing about the attorney, etc. This is just a money grab. Your dad made a will, which generously gave her 20k not bad for being divorced for a decade.
BLOCK them from everything. Continue with your life and congrats on your baby. They will try to ruin your peace, dont let them.
Your timeline makes no sense, this happened before you were born, so who is your mom? How was your stepmom divorced from your dad for just 10 years if this happened before you were born
No
NTA but I think you can sue her for blackmail and harrasment . She clearly said that if you give her money she will leave you alone. I will tell her that you are going to sue her and DO it don’t be a doormat.
Why are you friends with any of them on social media. Block them on everything and never have any contact with them again. Never answer a letter from them. If they call block those numbers too.
There’s an old saying, goes something like this: “Never argue with an idiot, for they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”
NTA
but it does seem strange your dad left 20k to an ex wife he had no kids with
Your Dad wasn’t married to Renee when he died and did not father Renee’s daughter.
honor your Dad’s wishes and keep your inheritance.
You owe them NOTHING, certainly not shouldering the responsibility for what your deceased father may or may not have done.
I’ve had a friend who was in a similar position with her deceased husbands ex. She gave in, and that woman just kept coming and coming for more and more she felt she was entitled to and that she could manipulate out of her as she saw my friend as ‘weak’…and an easy mark.
“If you help me, I’ll leave you alone” is a THREAT.
I personally would send a Cease and Desist’ letter (templates online) as this constitutes harassment.
If it continues, you should then get a lawyer/court involved to send a No Contact order to these vile women, and carry on your lovely life with your beautiful baby xx
NTA.
You don’t owe them anything. Even if the abuse allegations are true, you’re not the perpetrator. To me it doesn’t sound anything about healing or closure, just pure manipulation. Even if you felt that your stepsister deserved something because of the abuse, ex stepmother doesn’t deserve anything.
Block them and hire a lawyer.
The lawyer who handled the will and disbursement should write her a “cease and desist” letter. Send it registered/return receipt requested. If she contacts you again, look to the lawyer for next steps.
It sounds like they’re looking for revenge, which isn’t something they can have since the person they’re mad at is dead. The time to try and get whatever they’re looking for from him is years past.
It’s not your mess. You don’t have to clean it up.
She is a chancer. She’s hinted at speaking with a lawyer…tell her you will instruct one if you receive any paperwork. She is rewriting history….no she is lying. Thirdly, she got more them most considering she’s an ex and finally block her!
The second she said the word lawsuit, you need to cut communication 100%
Tell her she’s a B grade con artiest and it’s time to go and try and steal money from someone else.
Talk to a lawyer, and ask if you can go after her for anything, like maybe harassment. Also ask if you can get a restraining order preventing her from bothering you again.
NTA.
NTA. Please consult the lawyer about a defamation lawsuit because they are slandering a deceased man without evidence.
It’s interesting that during that 10 year period not one word was uttered by Renee or your stepsister about abuse or any wrongdoing by your father. The Will is legal and not up for debate. You owe them nothing and they have sunk to a new low to accuse a man who can’t defend himself to get money.
NTA
Your Father’s ex wife is trying to blackmail you. This isn’t even transactional – it’s probably an offence.
NTA
I’d get the 20k back by suing for slander on a dead man.
NTA, no more money and block them. Play the FB game and let ppl know your ex SM is demanding more money from you and paste her nasty messages to you too! Same with SS.
Block them.
Extortion is usually classified as a felony. Either she wants justice or money and it seems like she’s leaning towards money.
Not in the slightest!
They must buy their audacity in bulk at Costco!!
Why do people feel entitled to other people’s money?
It was his, and he dispersed it as he saw fit. Period!
The grifter already has the lion’s share and wants the crumbs too?
She is despicable and step sister accusing after he is no longer around to refute her story is diabolical.
Adults misbehaving in the past is not your burden to bear.
Ignore the guilt trip, and congratulations on your baby!
Spend YOUR money as you see fit, and do make it clear that any more threats will be met by legal action. Have a lawyer send that letter and cease all contact immediately.
Best wishes dear. Life is too short to entertain this drivel. 🙏❤️🩹🫂
Updateme
NTA don’t give them a penny or your time! Get a solicitor and see if you can send a letter or get an order to stop them harassing you!
u/bot-sleuth-bot
NTA but save all the messages and if they try to blast you online then post them.