https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/eM1lUPgs37
The police have found my missing ex. She was checked out by medical. I introduced her to the couple that want to adopt the newborn and my ex agrees that they would be perfect parents. The newborn will be going home with the couple after being cleared to leave. The couple is also going to pick the name. The adoption process is going to take awhile. For now they will have temporary guardianship over the newborn. We have already started the process. My ex and I got plenty of photos with the newborn and some with the couple. I am still no contact with my parents and told my sister that I believe her husband is a pedophile that was never convicted, she refuses to talk to me. I am working on repairing my relationship with my ex, because I still love her. I am also working on repairing my relationship with her parents.
She told me that it’s okay to share the reason she took off.
My Ex: “I called you when I started having bad contractions, but you never answered. I took that as you fully commiting to not be around for this baby and I got scared. Nobody was there. You weren’t there for me.”
I would have been there had I answered that phone call. I didn’t answer, because I was at work and I didn’t know that she was going to give birth early. I feel terrible for putting her though that.
Comments
Please start getting therapy, individual first and then couples therapy, you both would benefit so much from learning how to communicate with each other. I know pregnancy hormones can really mess with ones mind. I really wish all the best for both of you.
I’m so glad you found her!
Out of curiosity: Did the couple seem anymore open to the idea of open adoption? Sorry to harp on that. I just see firsthand the benefits of open adoption on our family.
Also, don’t beat yourself up for not answering your phone when you were at work.
NTA. You’re 22 and got thrown into a really heavy situation, and honestly, you’re handling it better than most people would. you’re protecting your kid and making thoughtful choices. Definitely not the asshole.
Please could you confirm if I got this right?
In your last post you said your ex (or your still GF?) wanted to keep the baby even knowing you were not interested in raising it (you said you would merely fulfil financial obligations). Then she has contractions and calls you but once you don’t answer, she takes it as a confirmation you don’t want to be physically involved (for the birth and raising). That shatters her mentally, she has some sort of breakdown and she disappears the SAME day she gives birth (must have been devastating both physically and emotionally) and is now found. The same day police finds her, you present her with the couple that wants to adopt the baby. And you know want to repair the relationship with her.
What I’m worried about is, that she is consenting to this adoption in an environment of pressure, and in a very short time frame. I have no idea how this legally works and if she is allowed to change her mind at all before the official adoption takes place.
Also I feel that you want the adoption to take place much more than your Ex taking the baby and you being financially responsible, even without being involved in its upbringing. You’re also telling her now that you want to have a relationship again, if I interpret this correctly – almost as if it would be a reward for her “behaving” (consenting to adoption). Please do correct me if and where I am wrong (I wish to be wrong btw).
I’m concerned for the baby’s mom, that’s all.
It’s very rare to hear how things turned out or if they had a happy ending. I say that because at 22 years old you were honest and mature enough to know that you are not the best thing for this child. Wishing you both the time, healing & recovery you both need.