I ended things with my ex a year ago, and have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. My ex, during this time, has refused to move on and basically has repeatedly sent me flirty texts until I blocked him, as well as hitting on me in person, blatantly in front of my boyfriend too. I’ve told him multiple times that I am not interested and that I love my new boyfriend, but he has persisted.
This has led to my boyfriend wanting to fight him for ‘disrespecting you and I and our relationship’. I always told him that this wasn’t a good idea, because violence isn’t the answer, but the real reason is half that and also half because I know my ex would beat him in a fight: my ex trains in the gym a lot and also does multiple martial arts, whereas my boyfriend isn’t really into fitness and is very skinny.
He finally told me last week that he is going to fight my ex at a party they’ll both be at that Saturday (this past saturday). I begged him not to, and told him bluntly that he will lose and make himself look bad. He responded saying that he’s a lot bigger than my ex (he’s quite tall and my ex is average height) so he’ll be fine. I repeatedly warned him, but he brushed it off.
Lo and behold, exactly what I said happened, and he ended up losing, although he wasn’t hurt too badly aside from his ego. He came to me upset and expected sympathy, but I just felt irritated and said that I had told him exactly that this would happen, and he chose not to listen. He’s angry at me for being unsupportive, but I feel like I tried to warn him.
AITA?
Comments
LOL how old are u guys?
Why would you put him in a position that this would even be a issue?
ESH.
Your ex sounds like he has a restraining order coming his way, plus the fact he assaulted your boyfriend.
You sound far too dismissive of the fact your boyfriend has been beaten up and that your ex still pursues you directly in front of your current boyfriend.
Your boyfriend needs to pick his battles and realise that life is not a movie where he needs to defend your honour against your evil ex by fighting him.
YTA, but the biggest asshole here is obviously your ex. I just think there are better responses than ‘I told you so’. That doesn’t mean your boyfriend isn’t a moron.
NTA – You tried to warn him and it was completely on him for ignoring it. I hope this doesn’t give your ex some new found confidence in pursuing you.
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You’re all TA. Your ex for obvious reasons. You for letting it happen. Your bf for thinking violence is the answer and thinking height makes up for skill and then getting embarrassed
YTA
I think you’re fine. You repeatedly warned him not to and he went ahead anyway. If I tell you five times to not put your hand in the fire and you go ahead and do it, it ain’t my problem.
NTA…. He fucked around, he found out. ass whoopins are needed more today than ever.
The fact you’re so casual over your ex still sending you messages while you’re in a new relationship would make me exit the relationship pronto.
Yes
Also ESH
Y’all kind of got what you deserved, though, so….
NTA you told him not to do it, and he didn’t listen. I don’t think he did this for you at all, imo he felt threatened and wanted to prove himself. He didn’t care how you felt about it. You have the right to be upset with him. I was in a similar situation with my ex not leaving me alone and my current boyfriend was super supportive about it. He asked me what I wanted to do and he let me handle it. He listened to me and what I wanted! If he had gone off on his own and tried to physically fight him I would have been embarrassed.
The way that you’ve been so casual about the fact that you’re boyfriend was beaten up by your ex (who’s constantly flirting with you) and the way that you’re now considering breaking up with your current bf. And the language that you’ve used to big up your ex’s body physique whilst downplaying your bf’s physique.
Be honest with yourself. You enjoyed the fact that your current bf was beaten up by your ex.
I don’t know but I just feel bad for the BF. How could he fall for the OP?
What is going on in these comments. NTA he was a little child having a tantrum and you didn’t want to pander to that and I can’t belive people like the ones in the comments saying thing like beta and defending your honor are real people and not badly written cliche soapy characters
Great you gave him the Ole supportive i told you so. I think you enjoyed it.
Are you guys, like, 15?
NTA
He didn’t fight for you, but for his own ego. You told him he shouldn’t fight, you insisted on this point, yet he still did it ? You can’t say you’re doing something for someone when said someone told you not to (especially multiple times). Also, he’s a moron for thinking his size would make it an easy fight
NTA. It was all about his ego and look what a big man I am. No matter how tough you think you are there’s always someone who will put you on your backside.
I’m gonna go with soft YTA. While you did warn him, if it were me, I would be more sympathetic to my bf for wanting to beat up my ex. Even if he lost, I would reassure him that while what he did was brave and showed his commitment to the relationship, it wasn’t necessary. And in the future the ex should be ignored and the best revenge is being happy while the ex is forgotten.
ESH.
Lol, how old are y’all? This is so childish. You shouldn’t be spending time around your ex if he’s like this, and your boyfriend isn’t a samurai living by a code of honour. And your ex is a disrespectful asshole.
The sensible and logical thing to do here would’ve been to completely disengage from your ex, gone no contact and not gone to things he was at, and spent time together as a couple not worrying about a third party.
NTA.
Tell your current BF that if he ever disregards your feelings and wishes again that he’ll become an ex BF as well.
This was a situation between you and your ex, and your current BF should have respected your decision to stay out of it. He ignored you and you need to rip him apart (figuratively) for it. Remind him that you’re already dealing with disrespect from your ex BF, you shouldn’t have to deal with it from your current BF as well.
You indeed warned him and did nothing wrong. However, are you at ease being with a man who solves his problems by fighting physically? As you told him, violence never solves anything. What will happen the day your boyfriend will have a problem with you? He will fight physically with you too?
ESH
Why are you putting on a restraining order and preventing it all
Ur ex is crazy
Ur bf should have helped u put a restraining order instead
You have been with your bf for 6 months and your methods of trying to get this ex to stop harassing you haven’t worked, I get that you are upset that your bf didn’t listen to you but I don’t know of any partner that would wait around for 6 months while another person harasses their partner, not saying he went about things the right way but in his own way was trying to help, defend you, himself, your relationship
People make mistakes and his was starting a fight although from some of your responses I get the impression your view on this may have been different had your bf won that fight
Your bf is stupid for fighting him but I don’t understand why you him and your ex is even around each other for him to fight him
Pretty obvious you are all still young, I’d be severely concerned if we were talking about adults.
That aside I honestly can’t see anyone lookkng good in this situation. Your ex is a stalking/harassing creep, your boyfriend is violent, and you still stay with him ?!
Technically about your question NTA despite it being cold indeed, but he had it coming. But the overall scenario for me is a ESH situation. You should genuinely consider distancing yourself from both of them. What your boyfriend did isn’t heroic or cute, it’s concerning and creepy. All of you need a lot growing up to so still.
Saw in your comments everyone is in high school. Definitely NTA and sometimes dudes have to learn lessons the hard way. At any age if someone works out and trains in one of the fighting arts regularly then he’s more likely to win over an opponent who doesn’t fight regularly or work out.
If I were you I would be more preoccupied with why you keep choosing losers.
He just lost a fight to your ex and you tell him something to hurt his ego even more you might as well have stayed with the ex your bf will always feel like a beta now
You are all teenagers, right ?
All trashy lol
No but if you are in highschool you need your parents to talk with the school and the guys parents etc
And yes, friends… This is one of the reasons why violence is never the solution (unless your life is at risk) which is not the case.
I think the best thing would have been to cut contact with him without further ado.