I’m 26, my girlfriend is 23 (almost 24). We’ve been together for about a year and live together in a studio. I work full-time for the government, and she works 4/5th as a bookkeeper. She doesn’t like her job and doesn’t want to work full-time, which I’m okay with — plus, she doesn’t have EU-nationality, so switching jobs is complicated (her employer would need to apply for a work permit).
Since she earns less and doesn’t have much savings, we’ve split household finances unevenly:
- I pay €720 of the rent, she pays €200.
- I pay all the bills.
- We split groceries about 50/50.
Given this imbalance, I asked if she could handle the household cleaning on her day off (every Friday). It’s a small studio, so realistically it can be cleaned in 3 hours. She got offended and told me that cleaning should be done together. I explained that I’ll still do my share overall, but since she works less, earns less, and is home all Friday, it makes sense that she would take the lead on this.
On top of that, I’ve noticed that when we clean, I always have to take the initiative, and she’ll “help” — but only once I’ve started.
How do you think I should handle this situation going forward?
Comments
Tell her to pay half the rent then you’ll use the remaining money for a cleaner. Or she can do a couple of hours cleaning HER HOME,
Definitely take initiative and do it together. On Fridays. Don’t make a nuisance out of it.
It’s not unrealistic to expect there to be balance in the financial and physical contributions to the household IF there is a discussion to determine what is a fair contribution for everyone. If you two haven’t had that discussion, then you should. Identify what a fair financial contribution to the household and what a fair contribution to household chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc).
It IS unreasonable for you to dictate that she uses her day off to do these chores. Rather, there should be a discussion of what chores need to be done and create a schedule for who is doing them. It is up to each individual to decide when they do them. As long as the choresare being done.
Set some expalectations of her responsibilities to the household as well as yours (because YOU need to be contributing to chores too).
OP, order the card game Fair Play that helps you two divide tasks fairly, in a light-hearted way.
Start cleaning but don’t actually do it. 😉
So you pay 75% of all the bills, and you wonder if it’s reasonable to ask her to clean the house on her day off because she doesn’t even want to work full time. I’m not going to lie, as soon as she complained she would be out with her bags, I’d rather pay 25% more and not be used by someone else. It’s crazy that you even have to ask, take it the other way around : imagine if you paid roughly 25% of everything, and your partner pays 75%. I’d be over the moon having someone take care of me like that, I’d clean whatever she wants and give her head whenever she asks