Can someone please help me? I don’t want to be the reason someone hurts themselves or ends their life. I can’t stay with him. He’s not very nice to me. Please. I’m so stressed.
How do you deal with people who threaten to hurt themselves if you break up with them?
r/Advice
Comments
You don’t
That’s on them tbh. It’s 9/10 for attention and to make you feel like shit. Manipulation is crazy. Ignore them and watch, they won’t do shit
It’s just a threat they make to keep you around. Manipulation tactic 101. Been there, and he was fine. Leave them
If you genuinely fear them ending their life then call an ambulance for a wellness check 😅 I bet they won’t manipulate u like that again…
You are not responsible for someone else’s actions, even when they’re hurting. Love built on fear isn’t love, it’s control. You deserve safety, and they need help you can’t give alone. Please talk to someone you trust.
Most often, this can be manipulation. In any case, it all depends only on them. We must live and move on.
Break up w them
Everyone is responsible for their own behavior.
You are not in control of or responsible for anyone else’s behavior other than your own.
I have found over many decades that people often need to learn the consequences of their own actions.
Let me know if that makes sense to you.
I know this is a hard situation but most of the time these people are 100% bluffing and just want you to stay. If this person is willing to manipulate you to this extent the best thing you can do is leave asap, I understand if you feel guilty but you shouldn’t. This is such a textbook way of guilting someone into being with you and it’s fucking evil.
If you have their friends/family’s contact details message someone who is near to them and make them aware of this persons actions. This way they either get the support they need or a stern talking to about punishing someone like this. I know this may seem harsh but you do NOT deserve this for wanting to breakup with someone. Remove yourself from this situation asap!!!
Tell them to do a flip. It’s manipulation, don’t give in to it.
make a record of them threatening that behaviour and leave them most people who do this are just using it as a bargaining chip they are responsible for themselves not you
You break up with them, they do it to keep you there, once you’ve gone they won’t bother
You leave them. The end.
Its psychological abuse. I’ll take it seriously the first time. However if an ex still uses it as emotional manipulation. Blocked and its their families problem.
That is not your burden to shoulder – regardless of outcome, that’s manipulative as fuck.
Should you feel benevolent you can perhaps contact someone close to them and inform them of the threat.
But if not, know that you’ve done nothing wrong.
It took me years to learn this, so please use it well. 1st you have to recognize their instability is not your responsibility. They will try to make you feel like it is, but no one “causes” someone else to commit suicide. Suicide is a choice someone makes for themselves. Then you tell them, “I care about you enough that I dont want to see you hurt yourself, but I cannot control your choices and I cannot comply under threat, it will not get you what you want” or “I am not responsible for your life and your happiness”. Then call 911 if they push more extremely and get them the help they need, and walk away. You cannot force someone to help themselves, and by removing yourself they can no longer perform in front of you to try to manipulate. But people who are actually considering killing themselves dont use it as threats, they hide it from everyone they love until they work the nerve up.
tell them to seek help and support and that breakups are hard but it needs to be done snd that u hope they stay safe. if they do hurt themselves it is not on u.
Still leave and guess what happened? They still alive 🙄
Only one solution to this that doesn’t turn you into an emotionally abused doormat
You say ok then call an ambulance and the police as an emergency and let the process run it’s course
You stop dealing with it, and break up anyways – oh, and if they say they will hurt themselves, you inform them that based on them telling you they will, you will have to alert the authorities as it’s your civil duty. Then you bounce call the cops telling them what happens to cover your own back. then that’s all done.
Tell their family and authorities even, then leave.
Break up, maybe ask a mutual to keep an eye out for peace of minds sake
You aren’t responsible for someone else’s actions, homie.
You have to find the strength to walk away for THEM. At a certain point you have to pick you. It doesn’t mean abandon them their actions are rooted in self-hatred and anger. You are not responsible for how someone feels, ESPECIALLY after a break up.
If you believe they may actually follow through with hurting/killing themselves; Contact someone close to them and let them know EXACTLY what they’ve told you. Make them aware of how dangerous this person might be to themselves. If that doesn’t work; Call the police. Only they can truly, forcefully, stop someone from making a bad decision. It’s better that the person is sitting in a cell than causing havoc to themselves or others.
Im sorry you have to make this kind of choice. They are incredibly selfish for putting you in this spot.
Let them. It’s complete and utter manipulation.
Still leave.. then their next birthday mail them a card that says, “Look who’s still alive you lying bastard!”. If it’s returned to sender you know they actually did
This happened to me when I was in my early 20s. I ended up calling his parents and broke up with him. He ended up meeting someone who looked identical to me, eventually married her and hopefully lived happily ever after. No regrets!
I was in this kind of relationship in high school. Im in my 30s, and it still upsets me to think about it. Honestly, you need to leave that relationship. If you have mutual friends or know their parents’ numbers, then text/call them and explain that your partner has threatened self-harm and they need to check on their child/friend. Then, you silence your phone and ignore any calls/texts from them. You have done your part by reporting it. It is not your job to suffer for someone else.
If you are a gentle, peaceful person who has never had the opportunity to develop a healthy predisposition for self-defense: both physical and psychological, do like me…
That is, you will develop a sort of Stockholm syndrome… I would marry the person who threatens you and who has coercive and all-encompassing attitudes towards you… you will also most likely have children with us.
When you have some flashes of clarity and it seems to you that you have thrown away your life out of cowardice, the pragmatic part of your ego will sooner or later point out to you that if you had the means and the ability to distance yourself from that person REALLY and not just with words or with 1000 worsening repercussions both physical and mental… well… BANALLY YOU WOULD HAVE DONE IT. Point.
Does it suck? Yeah man…that’s really shit.
Let it be on them. This happened to a friend of mine years ago. It kept her in an abusive relationship longer than it should have. First he just threatened to 💀 himself and then it turned into him threatening to do it to her as well. Luckily she was finally able to get away.
You can’t let their mental health issue dictate your life. My only suggestion would be maybe to tell someone they are close to in their own family what’s going on if that’s something doable.
Paradoxically the more empathetic you behave, the worse you make it. Threats of self harm are a 100% instant deal breaker, not because you don’t care, but because the same reason you DONT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS.
Break up with them.
I realize I’m being manipulated and get out as quickly as I can
Record or screenshot the threats and send them to their family/friends and let them know that for your your own well being you can’t continue being involved with them, but as a human you ate concerned for their well-being and worried they might hurt themselves. Let their family/friends decide if the threats are real enough to contact the police to get them to a hospital.
This will cover both options, if they’re just bluffing, this will call their bluff. If they’re sincerely suicidal, this will show you did your best to make sure they get help.
Most importantly, DO NOT give in and stay with them. Walk away and DO NOT look back.
You leave them and if they threaten suicide you call the cops and tell them to do a wellness check. That way any “responsibility” you may feel will be passed to police, and the police showing up and questioning their mental state may make them re-evaluate how serious crying wolf is.
If you think they’re serious, you call 911 or if you know any of their friends or family, call them. If they’re really suicidal, hopefully they’ll get help. If they’re only doing it for attention, they’ll learn a lesson about crying wolf.
95% of suicides is done by people who never mention it before they do it. That means if someone really want to kill themselves they just do it. Those who say they will is doing a cry for help or seeking attention.
This is not your responsibility or concern to be honest. That they say that is just more justification that you should leave them as it’s a toxic relationship.
Yeah just call the welfare check and let the pros handle it. I had an ex who did this a lot and I finally had to realize (after doing all kinds of crap like hiding knives or anything she could use to self harm) that when someone really wants to hurt themselves, you won’t be able to stop them. And the calls to police will create a record for future intervention.
If you leave, you’re better off. If they actually do it, you’re still better off.
It’s a manipulation tactic, you just leave them.
You break up with them and call in an anonymous call to have them checked on.
Don’t let anyone emotionally blackmail you I’ve had people do that to me in the past and in the end they just shit all over you
i just say go for it its not my fault maybe provide some help if they have good attitude
at best, it’s an empty threat. at worst, it’s clear that they need help that is beyond your scope to provide.
take some space or break things off, but if you can first provide them with links to lifeline resources, encourage them to call a hotline, if you know anyone else in their circle let them know about these concerning threats.
intentional or not, it’s emotional manipulation, and as harsh as it sounds, their safety is not your responsibility. protect yourself, OP. ♡
Horribly i can admit it. It’s happened twice. The problem, I dont do extortion or ultimatums. At all. I. Both cases I let them know this. Was so respectful and basically begged them to never drop an ultimatum on me, that they may as well leave before that comes because I was definitely going to after the fact. I did notify their family’s , law enforcement, jobs and friends. Wanna make sure they get all the support they needed also.
It’s not you hurting them.
This is very manipulative behaviour and it is intended to hurt *you*. Your happiness is not less important than theirs, and if you don’t want to be in a relationship, then you are not obliged to.
It’s a form of abuse related to coercive control. And you shouldn’t stay where you are abused. So, leave, and don’t look back.
You can arrange support via mutual friends or you can call in mental health professionals on their behalf if that’s possible where you are; but you are not best placed to support that person whether you are in a relationship or not, and you should not try to; and it’s not necessarily wise to feed their manipulation by taking on any responsibility for finding them support – this their mental health not yours.
The very vast majority of people who make this type of threat to a departing ex are either not going to hurt themselves at all (it’s all talk) or are not going to do anything seriously damaging to themselves; the objective is to get your attention, not to ruin their own life. One of my friends ended up going back to a horrible abusive partner (they’d known each other since they first started school at 5 and dated since high school) for almost ten years because he made those types of threats every time she tried to leave… and in the end, when she finally did leave because she’d had enough of the verbal abuse and manipulative selfishness, he did… NOTHING. Not one single thing.
So, you can either block all contact and just move on without worrying about what happens next, or you can call them an ambulance if they contact you repeating the threat or carrying it out. Whatever happens, do not directly communicate or reply to any messages about self harm. Send an ambulance so they get appropriate medical care. And then block.
You tell them you can’t be held hostage in a relationship, block them, and tell them other people close to them that you are worried, but aware that your continued presence will make matters worse. What’s he is doing is not just manipulative, but a straight abuse tactic. You aren’t responsible for the actions of others, and a person who would try to use your empathy to trap you isn’t someone you can reason with.
I knew a guy who left a woman who sent text messages of her with a gun threatening to kill herself. He called the cops because he had proof she was a danger to herself and he figured he might be held legally liable if she did it and he didn’t report it. She was put in a mandatory psych ward for three days and her guns were confiscated until she was deemed ‘safe’ (go America). She didn’t kill herself and never threatened to again.
That’s their choice and runaway
It’s a form of manipulation they use most of the time. But in the case where the fear of that is legit, call EMS for them and leave. You did your part.
break up with them, then when they make that threat you immediately call emergency services and let them assist the person.
Still break up and block him so he can’t guilt you into staying in a situation you don’t want to be in.
In my younger years I had several guys threatening self harm … and you know what? They were with someone else 2 weeks later. Don’t fall for it … just walk away.
I don’t.
Leave and call their bluff. Who wants a relationship where you’ve been emotionally blackmailed into staying in.
So yourself a favour and make a clean break.
Leave them and if they hurt themselves that’s on them. Its manipulation and if you stay with them then they will manipulate you in other ways as well.
You call the police on the non urgent line asking for a self are check
Call the police and let them know they need to check on a suicidal person, call the parents and friends and let them know. Make a huge production out of it. Trump their drama, then block. Either way, it’s their choice. You make a choice to have peace.
You break up with them
I mean 98% of the time it’s for attention. The only guy that said that to me was dumb enough to do it through text. I called the non emergency number for a wellness check and was able to show the officer and EMT the text. They put him in a 72 hour hold at the hospital. I didn’t hear from him ever again.
My ex used to do that as a manipulation tactic. He never did or was even close. Other people’s decisions are not on you.
Do what you will, bye
That is a form of emotional manipulation, best I would do is tell someone close to them that they are threatening self harm
When my friend (f21) threatene to kill herself after her boyfriend broke up with her, and had a plan to do it, i took her to the hospital and checked her in for suicidal ideation. She never threatened that again.
You are not the reason that they are being hurt. They are. 9/10 times its just a threat in an effort to control you. If you worried about it you can call in a wellness check.
Break up anyways. What they do to themselves isnt your responsibility you’re not in charge of their mental health. Been in the same situation and I thought if I stayed with them I could’ve helped them but they just ended up messing me up too; whether they’re unstable enough to actually do it or it was just a cry for attention you wouldve dodged a bullet either ways
Breakup and just let them be
Hurt yourself and see how they like it
^do ^not ^actually ^do ^the ^above
So, I’ve actually had this happen where the worst actually did happen. Also had it happen to my sister.
Not to get into a bunch of technicalities…but, if you’re genuinely concerned you need to call in a wellness check.Either during or immediately after you do it, or give the cops a heads up or something?
Do they have feasible ways to harm themselves? Access to guns? Have a history of self harming? Etc
I’m not sure on the exact specifics but I will say even if it’s not your fault you still feel partially guilty.
But people that act like this aren’t healthy for you to be around. And they’d likely do it with or without you.
So find a way to leave safely for your safety and also call in for theirs.
Many times, people who threaten suicide or self harm do it in silence. This person is seeking attention.
You’re NOT the reason. My ex said this, so I crawled back and he never changed, left again for good, and he’s alive and unhurt 🤷♀️ it’s NOT ON YOU! You have every right to leave someone, and personally I don’t understand it anyway. I’d rather my partner stay with me because they like me, not because I emotionally blackmailed them.
“I am sorry that you are hurting, but I am not responsible for your actions or decisions”
You then contact the needed people that your country has to let them know that they are threatening self harm and need their help. That could be the police for a welfare check or even their friends and family.
You don’t deal with them. Simple
you’re not their therapist. you won’t be the reason for their self harm. their inability to cope with life is their reason.
You hurt them first 🧠
Notify the police that a person has threatened to kill themselves, they might have you fill out a form but the reality is the form for such a thing can be done by anyone (regardless if you are a therapist or not). If you have proof of the threat (such as a text message) provide it to the police as well, the form will then be put on the desk a magistrate who will review it and make the call themselves. Note, this isn’t the process that doctors use, this is the process that anyone can use. A simple example is if you are in north carolina: https://www.nccourts.gov/assets/documents/forms/sp300_1.pdf?VersionId=g5XCAbBSrImmAKwc5p8sxXd2WbAV4ocM
Call 911 and let them deal with it.
How old is he? I had a bat shit crazy ex when I was 19/20. He was never abusive or mean, I just didn’t love him so we broke up. While I didn’t “love” him, I did have humanity in me and cared for him. So I literally just told his mother so she could keep an eye on him and make sure he was getting the help he needed but distanced myself well away from him.
Call a hotline and give their information
Block them and move on. They most likely won’t do it, and it’s not your problem if they do.
Let them. I was 16 with a 30 yr old man. He said he’d kill himself if I told anyone, so I didn’t for a long time until I was 18 and thinking about how horrifically he treated me, and how awful you have to be to date someone who’s 16 when you’re 30. I told his friends. He’s still alive.
Let them do their tomfoolery, they’re not gonna hurt themselves. Anyone who says that is far too self centred to actually do it.
Ask them to see a professional for help, consider telling someone close to them what’s going on and let them know you’re going to break up with them and are worried about them.
It’s manipulation, and they are responsible for their decision to live or not, as hard as that is for anyone to acknowledge. You aren’t responsible for it. Be very clear that you won’t be communicating with them in any way anymore, and they need to go to other people for support. Obviously word it as empathetically but firmly as you can.
I have been through it before and it’s the best thing for everyone involved to do it that way.
Warn people around them that you are worried
Still leave. They wont. If they do, oh well
Let them lol
Wellness check after you break up with him
break up
I’ve had this happen to me, I went and talked to her parents and apologized and told them I was just going to cut her off and that it was on them. To find her the proper help. Years later, I ran into her, and she thanked me for what I did it was tough, but I definitely felt it was the right decision. Just don’t fall victim to the threats you need to be happy in life , and I wish you the best you got this
you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved
Register them for mental helpline, and tell them maybe u need therapy, not me.
You can’t limit your life like that for someone to not harm themselves. Plus, they won’t even be happy knowing you are with them for pity and not because you want to. That’s not love, that’s toxic behaviour from that person. It’s better for both of you if you break up: you find someone you like, that person may find true love, and not pity disguized as love (though it will be hard)
You can even stay by their side AS A FRIEND and help find someone else who loves them because they want to.
You just gotta call their bluff and tell them you’re not staying with anyone who threatens that. BUT as you leave if you think he will then call the emergency services
Call his bluff and leave, he is the only one who can make that choice if he chooses, it will not be your fault , he is a emotional manipulater. He will get over it , he’s a big boy, he needs to put his big boy pants on and move on!
I break up with them and block them everywhere. It’s just cheap threat to keep you close. If they do so – it’s on them.
Distance yourself from them, as fast as you can. They are using a toxic manipulation tactic of using your care for them against you, more often than not: it is not reciprocated.
It’s pure manipulation. Break up anyway, if they sekd you something like “I’m going to kill myself now” you call an ambulance and let them deal with the consequences. If they are actually suicidal, you saved their life with this and there’s literally nothing more you can do for them, if not they get all the trouble they deserve.
you call the police for a welfare check. if they were serious they’ll get help and if they weren’t they know never to do that nonsense again
Still fucking leave girl. My ex done this to me for so long and I believed it like an idiot every time. He left me with black eyes and I ran away in a strange city by myself without my bag and everything. He ended up trying to take my son off me out of sheer spite. Get out and stay safe.
Break up with them faster. That’s emotional manipulation and will 100% turn into abuse if you don’t dip immediately. And if you believe them, call the appropriate authorities. But other than that, do not get involved do not give in, do not stay with them. Block and run.
Give them the local suicide crisis hotline number.
Tell them you will call the hotline/their friends or family or police if they are a danger to themselves.
OR
If you’re with them when they threaten this call the crisis hotline and talk with them.
Remember when they are threatening this they are trying to manipulate you.
Hey op, as someone that had a lot of undiagnosed mental illness as a young adult and would hurt myself… It’s not on you.
The best thing you can do for you and them is to set boundaries, remove yourself from the situation, reach out to someone that cares for them and relay they are in danger of self harm. If you happen to be their only “support” your best bet honestly is to call the cops to do a welfare check.
Staying around is only going to cause more harm for the two of you.
Call the police. Let them know you believe that someone is going to harm themselves because you broke up with them.
The police will respond and do what they do best “protect and serve”
As someone who wasted 3 years of my life being with someone for this exact reason, the only right thing to do in this situation is to leave him.
You break up with them soon.
Any other person’s responsibilities are their responsibility, not yours. It includes mental health, emotional management, and behavioral choices. All of them.