What to do about bf repeatedly touching/moving my pillow?

My bf of nearly 2 years will repeatedly move or place objects on top of my pillow after I’ve repeatedly told him to stop.

I work late and frequently will come home to bed to find my bf laying on the bed with my pillow in the middle of the bed or on the opposite side of the bed. Several times I have come home to find things sitting on top of my pillow like dirty t shirts, my bf’s headphones (that I’ve seen sitting on the floor before), and charging cords (also from the floor). I have isues with acne and allergies, so when I see this I get behavior I get frustrated and ask him to please stop touching my pillow or putting things on top of it. He usually says that he forgot but then continues to do it. Maybe this is an overreaction, but some days I have broken down in tears over seeing this if my day was especially bad (I work at an animal hospital).

For example, the other day I was sick and laying in bed taking a nap. I woke up and noticed my bf’s blanket on his side of the bed stunk really bad of onions/body odor so I asked him if he could wash it. He said ok and then took the blanket and left the room. I assumed he washed it and went back to sleep. I later woke up and found him laying with it on the couch. I asked him if he washed it and he said no and that he’d wash it tomorrow. I was upset because now the couch was contaminated in my mind and I would have to wash the couch cover. I dropped it because I knew if I asked him again to wash it he would get defensive and I didn’t want to cause an argument. Tomorrow came and I came home from work at 11pm and found the blanket laying on top of my pillow. I became upset and asked him if he ever washed it and he said that he was tired and forgot. He didn’t get up to wash it and kept doing what he was doing (watching videos on his computer) so I ended up washing the blanket and changing my pillowcase.

Yesterday, I brought it up with him again and told him that it makes me upset. He told me that he would try to remember to move my pillow back or remove the stuff from my pillow before I get home and see it. I told him that this still was missing the point, because all of the dust/bacteria from the objects would still be on the pillow after moving the things off of it. I said I would prefer he not do it in the first place. He acted like this was an impossible request and said said that he doesn’t it unconsciously. I said that this is not a new request and I’ve been bringing this up to him now for almost 2 years and that it is possible to try to make an effort to change unconscious habits. He said that he doesn’t like how I talk to him and that I speak to him like he’s stupid or beneath me. I didn’t think I had an aggressive tone in my voice, just an assertive tone because I’m asserting a boundary. He also said I was yelling but I wasn’t raising my voice. I told him this and he said “you don’t yell normally” and compared me to my mom which confused me even more. I asked him how he would like me to talk or what tone I should use and he said that I should say “____, can you not do blank?” in a neutral, emotionless tone. I told him that I’ve phrased it like that to him before but it didn’t make an impact because because the pattern continues.I also feel like it’s an unrealistic expectation to place on a person to not show any amount of frustration or upset in their voice when they’re upset about something. Obviously, I shouldn’t raise my voice or name call which I already don’t – but I feel like people can understandably sound upset or exasperated when they are expressing something that makes them upset. He said that the problem is that I get disproportionately upset about things. So basically, I am overreacting about something minor.

He started raising his voice and asked that I define the word unconscious. I told him that I was hurt that he was essentially saying that he is unable to avoid doing something that makes me uncomfortable because it’s an ingrained habit. I tried to speak to explain that even if something is done unconsciously, people can still make an effort to change habits – especially after 2 years. When I tried to speak, he kept saying “What does the word unconscious mean? What does the word unconscious mean?” over and over before grabbing his things. When I tried to speak, he said “Stop talking” and stormed out of the room to sleep on the couch.

I’m not sure how to address this issue differently in a way that he would understand and be receptive to.