I 23 M recently discovered something that’s been eating away at me. My girlfriend, 23F, has been talking to her male best friend about everything—especially my deepest vulnerabilities and some moments that I face as well as my moments of overthinking. They laugh about it, even calling me things like “Is he still normal?” It felt like a punch to the gut seeing how often she updates him about her day—sometimes in more detail than she shares with me. On top of that, I saw her sending him the same photos she sends me, which made me feel completely unloved and unimportant.
When I confronted her, she initially downplayed it and even lied to my face. It wasn’t until I laid everything out that she finally admitted the truth, apologized, and said she wants to introduce him to me. She insists “it’s not like that,” but also thinks I’m overreacting.
I’m really torn and hurt. I’d appreciate any advice. Thanks
Comments
Dump the bitch, plain and simple, plus this should go in r/Advice .
NTA.
she’s treating your trust like a joke and her “BFF” like her emotional boyfriend. Sharing your private messages, mocking your struggles, and giving him the priority updates? That’s not friendship that’s betrayal with a side of disrespect.
And the fact that she lied until you backed her into a corner? Nah. That’s not remorse, that’s damage control. “It’s not like that” is the battle cry of people who know damn well it’s exactly like that.
Here’s the hard truth: she doesn’t value you the way you deserve. You’re the backup plan while she gets her emotional fix from him. Dump her, block her, and find someone who doesn’t treat your heart like gossip fodder. You’re not overreacting you’re underreacting if you stay.
NTA, she’s doing it for the attention, if you didn’t find any nsfw chats then I don’t think she’s cheating, atleast not physically. But it sure does sound like she’s doing what a lot of wifes/gfs do, they bitch about their husbands to their friends to laugh and have fun at their spouses expense. If I were you I’d look around for more proof, wonder if this’ll count as emotional cheating.
Forget her friend is male for now
Don’t let anyone tell you that having emotions is overreacting
Set firm boundaries and expectations with new partners (don’t assume that someone will guard your vulnerability, explicitly say that “this stays between us”)
That way if they do mention it to others they’re 101% at fault.
Pull back, meet the “friend”, have a serious conversation about boundaries and the validity of your emotions
If in this process you don’t see her actively adapting, being sincere and making permanent changes in her behavior then walk away… That’s not your person then and that’s fine. You can leave and go find them.
Dump her
Grow a pair
Some people can’t be satisfied with one partner. Seriously the worst category people. She is going to have emotional affair if you don’t dump this shithole. Please leave her
I guess you’re the side piece.
NTA, dump her. You’re being treated like shit.
Time to move on. lies to you. trust is gone .Walk away and proceed with divorce.. You do not know what else is going on with her.
update me
This also comes under cheating. She is mocking you and sharing intimate details about you with another man. She was never a lover but a hidden enemy. Block her as soon as possible. And warn them . Did they share any inappropriate pics of you then it is a criminal case. She is acting like a villian. Block whoever supports her.
Using your partner’s life, their pain, vulnerability as entertainment is sick and abusive.
You are a young man. If you want to reach your full potential in life, you can’t feel like shit every day.
You are in a romantic relationship with a woman with non-existent boundaries. You will never feel good knowing that your private thoughts and feelings are being shared with another man as a side joke for his amusement. You will never feel good knowing she is sharing more with him than she is with you. You will never feel good knowing that any time you make a mistake, have an argument, or she gets too drunk, that this guy is waiting in the wings to pounce.
Dump her yesterday. No need to explain anything to her except that it’s not going to work out between you two.
Let her BFF have her. There are billions of eligible people on Earth. Many of them are women with solid boundaries and are not controlled by their need for cheap dopamine.
Have some self-respect and move on. Future you will thank you.
NTA. The fact that she lied until caught speaks volumes. If she had nothing to hide, she would’ve been honest from the start. Her apology only came after the evidence
Ghost her buddy.
I would agree to meet him then I would go nuclear on both their asses. Time to take out the trash.
if you dont leave this women, she will ruin the next few years of your life
Its not worth wasting your time with a women who thinks its funny to discuss you with another man. She is so disrespectful
She’s telling other people about things you tell her privately….then they make fun of you.
Even excluding her acting like he’s same relationship level as you with pics and updates, the breach of privacy and rude comments would be enough for me to cut her off.
She has breached the trust of the relationship. Once you know that someone doesn’t share your ideas on privacy and boundaries what can you do? If you point out that what she is doing is unreasonable and has to stop you will be called controlling or insecure. So don’t get into that, instead point out that what she has done is a huge breach of your trust and ask her to tell you what she is going to do to rebuild that trust because saying sorry isn’t enough.
If what she comes up with is nothing or doesn’t make you feel that she has any appreciation for the gravity of what she has done, then tell her that the way she behaves is incompatible with growing your relationship which means it continuing is pointless and wish her well.
Dump her. She’s a liar and a cheat.
She’s already cheating on you dude. She’s sharing intimate moments with a man you do not know, and it’s upset you. You decide what constitutes as cheating but I personally would already call this an emotional affair
If your safe space becomes someone else’s gossip, that’s betrayal not friendship. You’re not overreacting. You’re protecting your peace
Nta.
That’s something called an emotional affair.
You are in training for a doormat haha.
But no, I’m serious, you are on track to become one.
Read what you wrote again and imagine someone else posted it… Yeah, your thoughts are right, you leave her immediately without giving the chance for her to sway you.
Probably they spoke about it and they kept laughing at you.
Men these days need to grow some self respect and a spine
Nope. Get rid of her. The trust is gone and you will never be able to believe anything she says again. Life is too short.
Introduce him to you?
“It’s not like that”?
I have a bridge to sell you.
NTA
You can’t trust her. She could be a FWB but you can’t really have any serious relationship with her.
Fundamentally, her male BFF is her real BF, even if their relationship is not physical. And she is happy to lie to you about it.
NTA. You should get away from her at ludicrous speed.
Which one wants the other? Does your ex-GF (assuming you’re going to dump her ASAP) want a relationship with BFF but he said no? More likely it is BFF who is in love but GF said no. But she keeps him around by treating BFF like an emotional boyfriend.
Wait, you haven’t even met this guy? Pfsht. Your girl has two boyfriends. She’s dosen’t respect you or the relationship. Run.
Honestly, her male BFF is more of a priority than you. Know your self-worth and leave her for someone who puts you 1st.
It sounds like you’re just the side piece to me. They are just playing with you. These two are awful people. You know what you need to do.
How long have you been together that you’ve never met her BFF?
Nta she broke your trust and will likely keep doing so i suggest breaking up with her so she can be with her BFF.
Updateme
Nah, it’s bad enough and then she lied on top of it. She doesn’t respect you
Why are you posting this on AITAH?? Go try somewhere else for advice although at this point, you should know you’re fucked. She has a male bff that you never met yet she bashes you in front of him. You’re a chump for putting up with it.
Remindme! -7days
NTA
Sorry OP, I’ve known a lot of women that pull this shit. Many of the men consider this as a betrayal of their trust.
Discussing what you considered to be private conversations with someone else is a perfect way to get dumped. How are you supposed to trust her with anything again?
I don’t want to tell you to get her out of your life, but for betraying you so deeply, it may be your best course of action.
Updateme!
Tell her you can keep him and hit her with the nastiest peace out known to mankind
NTA. She is untrustworthy and disrespectful. Do you really want to be in a relationship with such a person?
NTA. Introduce him to you? Hell no, cut off contact with him. She has already gone behind your back and shared personal information and lied to your face about it. What is the point of introducing home now other than do he can meet the guy who she has been humiliating behind his back?
Move on from this relationship as she has already shown a tremendous lack of respect for you and your relationship.
She ain’t the one, bro. Cut her loose.
Leave they aren’t going to change this is just him trying a power trip. I want to meet him then you can compare us side by side.
Healthy relationships need trust, respect, and boundaries. She failed all three.
She’s not your girlfriend anymore. Sounds like she hasn’t been for a while.
Dump her and find a girl who does respect you.
NTA
NTA Dump her.
Women often talk about these things with their ‘girlfriends’. In this case, is the BFF being male what bothers you? Not saying you should stay with her, but if you think the next girl isn’t going to do the same thing, you’re likely wrong.
NTA dump her get on with your life
I think your girlfriend had probably hooked up with him in the past and still walks the edge of sexual attraction and tension with him. Telling him all the embarrassing stuff and how annoying you are all in the negative context that she is will cause him to pay attention, give sympathy or what ever she is getting from him. Sort of like devotion. And he will talk shit about you to make her feel better about herself and a situation she created that didn’t really get happen or totally distorted it. Meanwhile he is feeding her ego and she is sustained in the emotions she is extracting from him.she sounds like a narcissist to be honest.
Meanwhile she is playing him at the same time she is playing you.
She is not very loyal to you. Even If she isn’t having sex with him. And she absolutely has zero respect for you. She is very much fuck your feelings. And how dare you speak up and stand up to me you tool. That is how she is treating you.
Think about all the shit you buy for her or do for her and what does she do for you in return? I bet it’s not the same.
What’s the point of meeting this guy? Other than putting on a display to show that she isn’t sleeping with him. But she is arrogant and likely doesn’t have any empathy and has no concept that the damage has already been done. Telling that guy all the personal information about your relationship, mocking you and then her reaction when you called her out is totally a narcissist or even a sociopathic response.
If I were you? And you’re asking for advice. I think you should leave. Just let her go. There really is no coming back from this. She has made it Clear that her bff is eternal and you are temporary or she wouldn’t have this mentality about you and so carelessly share intimate details about you and mock you the way she does.
I know this example isn’t the same circumstances. But her behavior pattern is pretty similar to a parent who beats their kid and bullies them and mocking them infront of people to humiliate them going and bragging about it to other people who have the same mentality and laugh about abusing others.
She basically brags about abusing your trust and mocks your very existence. She makes it clear that you are not that important to her.
What is important is consistent attention from anyone. She is playing that guy the same way she is playing you. For a constant feed of attention good or bad. She is getting loyalty and devotion from the both of you.
She is keeping you around for the physical affection and what ever resource she siphons from you. While keeping him on board for The what ever resource she gets from him.
You deserve better. If you stay with her after this? You are teaching her that she can continue to do what ever she wants and shit all over your feeling and boundaries. And I’m gonna tell you that what you allow will continue.
She is not going to change. Not for you, not for anyone. She will continue to lie to you an cover up her tracks better. She assumed you’d never find out what she does and I bet there is more that she does that would shock you.
It’s really in your best interest to cut ties with her. And any tears coming out of her face are all liquid manipulation. She is only Gonna want to stay with you for you to keep paying for her or whatever. It’s not good man.
Just do your self a favor and dip out of that whole mess. She is gonna keep on manipulating you and it only gets worse.
How ever you stumble across that information what like the universe stepping in to make you see the light. It’s almost a sin to continue on with this relationship. The version of the woman you have loved all this time doesn’t really exist. And you have been given the opportunity to see her for who she really is.
You deserve better. I wish you the best.
There are other possible clues, like financial. Are you supporting her in anyway financially? Does she have access to your funds? You also don’t disclose how long you’ve been in a relationship. If you don’t get her out of your life rest assured she’ll start into the next steps. She’s currently an emotional grifter possibly moving into full grifting with her partner. You’re NTA.
Shes cheating. Dump her.
I’m not necessarily the biggest fan of jumping straight to breaking up…but omfg 😂
The amount of disrespect is almost hilarious, I say this because I think it’s best for YOU….FCK THAT BTCH
You NEVER EVER tell ANYONE ANYTHING that your partner told you in a vulnerable moment…EVER & she’s using it as gossip to impress/entertain her male “best friend” ??
Get the f*ck out of my face.
All this has been going on and you haven’t even met this douche yet? Wow, fk that chick! What are you thinking? Kick her ass to the curb no one should be cheated like that.
Dude, you’re NTA, she is. End it now before you get married or get her pregnant. That’s pure disrespect which is bad enough to a girlfriend, but that kind of disrespect to another man? How do you think he sees you?
Never allow that kind of disrespect. It doesn’t get better.
She wants to introduce you to the dude she shits on you with? You’re an idiot if you stay with her
NTA, and if it was me, I would breakup. Not because of the guy. Because she lied and down played it all. She does not have the emotional maturity to be in a relationship. I would tell her exactly that.
“…she wants to introduce him to me.”
Nice of her to introduce you to her other boyfriend.
NTA. Talking about the partner to a close friend isn’t automatically something bad. It is something very bad though if it’s ridiculing, respectless, gossiping.
Not ok and not acceptable.
lol, you are a pussy. Get the hell out of that relationship. She doesn’t respect you at all. What a loser GF
Walk away, she’s not worth the drama… she’s still banging her ex and wants to introduce you so that she can stay doing it. Don’t waste your time with a lier… she’s already lied to your face, and that’s only what you know if… truth be told- I’d bet there’s a lot more going on then you’ll ever know! She’s not the one for you! NTA
NTA. She doesn’t love you. She might not even like you. I would have broken up without confronting her.
You need take everyone’s advice here. She is more emotionally attached to BFF, probably wanting to be with him.
Even if is not sexually attracted to him (which seems unlikely) he is her boyfriend. Show her the door
It is AI. Forgot to remove the “—” symbols…
Male best friend. Would’ve blocked her as soon as I found that out.
She’s getting stacked man (not by you)
Male BFF 🚩