AITA for wanting to kick my wifes family out?
We just bought a house 2 weeks ago. We’re not even fully unpacked, when my wife’s parents said “hey next month can we come stay 3 nights over the weekend?” It would be her mom, dad and the two youngest siblings. The week they asked they changed their mind, packed the car and just drove here. They got here on a Sunday and said we’re only staying 3 nights. Then 2 nights into it said we want to stay 1 more night.
Now her sister wants to come up here and spend the weekend. This whole week there’s a few people staying over. I WANT EVERYONE GONE. I’m working late to not come home. My routine is gone. I need to mow and do other house chores. They keep our toddler up late and just sit at the table drinking beer. Yeah sure they bought us some great house gifts and I feel twisted.
I do care about them and want my wife’s family and want her to see them.
Am I the asshole for telling my wife never to do this again and asking them to leave early? Also never allow people to stay here during the week when I have to go to work?
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AITA for wanting to kick my wifes family out?
We just bought a house 2 weeks ago. We’re not even fully unpacked, when my wife’s parents said “hey next month can we come stay 3 nights over the weekend?” It would be her mom, dad and the two youngest siblings. The week they asked they changed their mind, packed the car and just drove here. They got here on a Sunday and said we’re only staying 3 nights. Then 2 nights into it said we want to stay 1 more night.
Now her sister wants to come up here and spend the weekend. This whole week there’s a few people staying over. I WANT EVERYONE GONE. I’m working late to not come home. My routine is gone. I need to mow and do other house chores. They keep our toddler up late and just sit at the table drinking beer. Yeah sure they bought us some great house gifts and I feel twisted.
I do care about them and want my wife’s family and want her to see them.
Am I the asshole for telling my wife never to do this again and asking them to leave early? Also never allow people to stay here during the week when I have to go to work?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my wife to ask them to leave early and said to never do that again
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Did they help pay for the house? I’m assuming they didn’t so NTA.
NTA. Only issue I have is your spouse should have did it instead of you. Got a problem with her family, tell her and ask her to take care of it. She should do the same to yours.
NTA. Your wife needs to tell them it’s time to dip.
NTA. You don’t have an in-law problem, you have a wife problem. Why is she allowing her family to invade your brand new home, a home you’ve been in for only TWO WEEKS? Her job is to manage her family and protect your new life together. Instead, she’s letting them turn it into a free-for-all hotel. You need to have a serious talk with HER. The two of you are a team, and she’s letting the other team run all over you.
NTA. You need to make it clear to your wife that just showing up for a weekend visit is not appropriate.
NAH I think you just need to set boundaries that might just be how their family works
Not the asshole at all and you and your wife should have been able to enjoy the start of a new chapter in your life in your new home without anyone planning visits.
As it’s your wife’s family I would suggest she tell them they overstayed their welcome and you both and toddler need your NEW space back.
NTA, but have you even talked to your wife about it? Is she annoyed with the situation at all?
Either way, she needs to be the one to tell them to leave, and also have the conversation that they can’t just show up and stay during the week unplanned.
NTA. If you know your wife will take issue with asking her family to leave, without letting your wife know prior, you should explain the situation to your family and invite them to your house as well. Really make it a full house so your wife’s fam is uncomfortable, forcing them to leave.
NTA for wanting to kick them out, but you would be TA if you just told your wife “never do this again.” That’s just going to lead to a fight and create resentment.
Instead of just telling her what to do, start the conversation by telling her how you feel. Explain that you’re uncomfortable in your own new home because her family feels free to just drop by whenever. Tell her how disruptive this is to your routine and your toddler’s routine. It sounds like you haven’t asked your wife how she feels about all this, she might be just as uncomfortable as you are but feel pressured by her family.
Start by laying your feelings out, then have a discussion about boundaries your wife can set with her family. And note I said discussion, not “never again and never while I’m working.” That’s you making unilateral decisions, that’s not partners working together to solve a problem.
NTA. It is bad enough to call asking for a visit of so many people only a month and a half after you move in; to show up immediately, even earlier than they had asked about is outrageous. Then a fifth relative wants to show up….
Talk privately with your wife, make it clear that this is incredibly disruptive, and that her sister must be told she cannot come from a weekend (you can tell her you’ll make the call if she doesn’t want to lay down the law herself). Then the other four – whatever their current leave date (NOT including the “1 more night”), they have to stick to it.
I don’t know if your wife likes having them all there, or is also at her wits’ end hosting so many people while moving into a new home and caring for a small child. You are not unreasonable to want some limits. Your first priority must be to get them all out, with the agreement of your wife. Then, when things have calmed down a bit, you and your wife can negotiate on rules for house guests – none during the work week sounds reasonable, and agreement IN ADVANCE between you and your wife before ANY invitation is offered is another good rule. If she’s got a habit of giving way to her relatives, she can practice saying “You want to stay here for the month of August? I’m not sure we’ll be able to manage that; I’ll talk it over with Husband and let you know”. Anyone who shows up unexpectedly (unless they’re fleeing a fire or a hurricane with only the clothes on their back) can be told “I wish you’d let us know you were planning on coming, and we could have warned you that this wasn’t a good time for us. I believe the Holiday Inn in the next town is nice.”
Do you live in a mansion, or perhaps near a beach or some other major tourist attraction??
NTA and your wife needs to step up and do the right thing.
NTA – you need to have this conversation with your wife. You need time to unpack the house without a bunch of people in the way and without having to host anyone. They can plan visits/stays after you’ve settled in.
NTa talk about entitlement, yikes! You need to talk to your wife, set boundaries both are comfortable with and let her deal with her folks. If she refuses then not only do you have in law issues but a wife 1 as well.
INFO: do you hate your wife’s family? Why are you working late to avoid them? Why can’t you do chores while they are there? Why do you speak negatively about them sitting around drinking beer? What does your wife feel about the toddlers sleep?
Edit: typo
Remember this is Reddit bud and you’re going to have to live with whatever decision you make, so all these people stating NTA won’t have to deal with the fallout from this. Meaning they can say you’re in the right all they want, that doesn’t mean that’s how your wife will see it. You better have a discussion with to her before you do anything, and realize this might be how her family operates, in which case you could inspire a negative reaction even suggesting they leave. Personally I’d want them to leave at this point to, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to sit well with the wife. You know her better than any of us, think about how you think she’ll react and then plan accordingly.
NTA. You’re definitely nta for wanting to enjoy your new home without unexpected guests overstaying their welcome. There is an old saying “fish and guests stink after 3 days”.
I would recommend that you set some boundaries now though. Proper guests don’t upset your routines, your kiddos’ sleep schedules, and work life. It seems they are the type that don’t realize their interruptions, even with good intentions, or worse don’t care. But either way, you have to let them know. Your home is not a hotel.
NTA. Your wife needs to nip this in the bud right now and set out firm visiting boundaries for the future or it’s going to continue on ad infinitum.
NTA its your house to you have rights, yeah its ok for the family to visit but they should also ask whenever it’s a good time to come so it doesn’t disturb you or ruin your other plans
Sometimes we gotta suck it up for those we love. Esp if they’re not harming anyone or being obnoxious.
We have to pick our battles
PUT THEM TO WORK, GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO SO DAILY. Cut the grass, put up a fence, etc…
If you kick them out YWBTA in her and her family’s eyes.
Have a conversation with the wife, tell her they need to go this weekend and you guys need to set boundaries going forward with them.
No visits during the week.
You both must agree on company going forward
Lesson learned: no visitors during work week as it hurts your schedule and it’s just too long of a time that you lose your sanctuary.
NTA.
Sit down and talk to your wife. She needs to be the one to talk to her family, and I’m sure she must feel the same way. You guys just moved in and haven’t had the proper chance to actually live in your new house yet.
NTA but enjoy the house while it last. She’ll always pick them over you and will get the house in the divorce.
NTA. It’s totally understandable. But maybe tone it down a bit, especially if you haven’t said anything to them about this.
Maybe tonight, at dinner, instead of avoiding them, you open a conversation about the date they plan to leave. Let them know you would like your home back.
To them it’s a house. But to you, it’s your home. Big difference. You deserve to live in peace.
Don’t ask them to leave, instead, tell them something like, “it has been great having you here, thanks for coming. We will be needing to resume our regular life before the weekend, so I’d like to do a final farewell on Thursday evening. What kind of food would you like?”
People can only take advantage of you if you let them. Stop letting them.
Nta! Your home is your sanctuary, it’s the place where you feel 100% comfortable and at peace… you should remind your wife, gently I should think, that it is not ok to have visitors continuously, this is er house yes, but this is your house too and even since you moved into it , it has been occupied by her guests. You two bought the house so you also want time to enjoy it. I think your complaint is super valid but you need tact to approach the issue with her…
for real, they’ve turned your place into a bnb without asking 😂
Question: Why can’t you mow just because you have family guests around? It’s not the longest job and I’m sure they would understand.
What’s you wanting your house back to normal is perfectly acceptable. I know when I bought my house.I refused to let anybody come over to my home until everything was unpacked, and I was settled. Moving and buying a house, it’s exhausting. And the days going forward afterwards are even worse. So having your extended family there is a lot when your house isn’t fully situated. You need to talk to you significant other and talked to them about your boundaries going forward so that this doesn’t become a repeat pattern.
NTA.
first of all, speak to your wife. Let her know that you need everyone to go home. That you are stressed out, it’s not the time to have a visit, and they lied about how long they were going to stay.
And then you and your wife sit down with the family and say, “we really enjoyed you staying with us, thank you so much, but we really need you guys to head out by next day because we do have plans. In the future, while we do enjoy your company, you cannot just show up unannounced. We just moved into this house, we have a lot going on, we love you, but you need to go home.”
Make sure that your ‘I don’t like people staying long at my house’ rule also applies to your own family. And don’t get angry if your wife ends up having the same mindset when your family comes over to visit.
Before you go around ‘kicking people out,’ discuss it with your wife first. Most Redditors who are saying NTA will probably support your action. But remember one thing, whatever happens after this, you’ll be the one dealing with it alone. The people supporting you won’t be affected at all.
NTA. It’s early enough you are setting a precedent so talk to your wife. Tell her you are literally avoiding coming home, are exhausted and that you feel invaded ( hopefully she feels the same but if not she has to understand how disruptive this is). Have her say ( with your support, but she has to voice it) the guest room is now closed and there will be house rules going forward that you set, there will be no visits without a formal invitation from you and your wife BOTH, no weeknight visits, and there will be conditions and no extensions. If they comply they will be invited back for a preset time. If not they will not be houseguests in future. Only dinner guests… …
Good luck.
NTA. They are guests in your home. It is not th either way around.
NTA but you’re going to have to eat this
NTA – Houseguests are annoying and them keeping your toddler up late is not cool.
That being said, have you talked to your wife at all? How does she feel about this? Telling her to “never do this again,” does that mean “never invite her family to the house again”? Because I could see that becoming an issue in your marriage. Need to mow the lawn? Mow the lawn! If they complain that you’re not hosting, politely remind them that they’ve extended their stay and that the lawn won’t mow itself. Need to do other chores, go about your routine? Just do it. It’s your house!
While I sympathize with your desire to have your space clear again, you can take some proactive steps even if you don’t feel like you can kick them out early after talking to your wife.
When people stay for more than 3 days, you are not expected to entertain them. Mow the lawn. Do your regular routine. Go to bed early. Definitely send your toddler to bed early.
YTA if you continue sulking.
ESH. You’re the AH for this: “never allow people to stay here during the week when I have to go to work.” That’s unreasonable. It just is. It’s also your wife’s house, and you don’t get to set those kinds of hard lines without her agreement. Your wife’s family sucks for the presumption of showing up to someone’s house when they’ve barely moved in and expecting to stay and keep prolonging their stay. Your wife also sucks because she needs to stand up for herself against her family and against you, apparently.
House guests, like fish, begin to stink after 3 days.
NTA, except you shouldn’t ‘tell’ your wife anything.
You should sit down like adults and discuss the situation and come to an agreed up plan for the future.
How often do they come visit? When is the last time your wife was able to visit with her family? Is this the first time it’s happened? The biggest thing for me would be the short notice and the fact that you have not even unpacked your new house!
NTA…It’s important to set boundaries now or your entire life will be like this. Communicate with your wife instead of holding on to your animosity.
NTA Definitely they should leave.
I was waiting to hear that they extended their stay by weeks or something.
Someone saying they will stay an extra day or two although not ideal is not as messed up as you are making it sound. And a sister, joining, to not miss the family excitement is also not overly messed up.
I get hosting inlaws sucks, especially at a busy time but that’s just life. Suck it up. It’s only a week or less. And you haven’t indicated they were being hostile or mistreating you or anything.
Did you confer your wife before asking them to leave?
You can still mow the lawn and do house chores. And you can use your words and tell them to STFU if they are keeping the baby up.
You are an adult, and it’s your home. There is a middle way here, which you are overlooking for the nuclear approach. You open your mouth and say, “You all have to keep the noise down; I have a sleeping child. Thank you.”
YWBTA if you don’t at least try handling this like a mature adult first.