So yeah, I’m kinda losing it right now. My son has food issues. Like, real ones. He’s 6, and after months of tests and doctor visits, he was put on a strict diet. No dairy, no refined sugar, low sodium. Nothing extreme or trendy just what his pediatrician and dietitian agreed on. We’ve seen big improvements since we started it. Now here’s the thing. My MIL has always thought I’m “too controlling” when it comes to food. She thinks I’m just being dramatic, like I’m depriving her grandson or something. I brushed off the comments at first. Like whatever, boomers don’t get food sensitivity. But last week, we went over to her house for dinner, and I packed my son’s food in a container like I always do. I told her again nicely that he can’t eat what she’s making. And she smiled and nodded like everything was cool. I left the room to take a call. Came back, and there’s my son with chocolate cake smeared on his face. Store bought. Frosting and all. I froze. I asked him where he got it and he said “Grandma gave it to me.” I. Lost. It. I asked her why she’d do that when she knows he’s not allowed. And she literally rolled her eyes and said, “It’s just one slice. He’s a kid. Let him live a little.” Then she added, “You’re not his doctor, stop acting like one.” I said, “I don’t have to be his doctor to follow basic health advice. You’re putting his progress at risk just because you think you know better.” She said
I was being disrespectful in her house. My husband tried to get in the middle but he just made it worse, saying I should’ve “handled it better.” Like I’m supposed to calmly explain for the hundredth time why sugar gives my kid stomach cramps and mood swings? I left. Took our son and walked out. She hasn’t apologized. In fact, she told my husband that I’m “keeping her from her grandson” and that “this is what happens when you marry someone who thinks they know everything.” I feel like I’m going insane. I’m literally just trying to protect my kid. And somehow I’m the villain for not letting his grandma feed him junk that hurts him? So yeah. I told her off. Loudly. In front of everyone. I don’t even feel that bad… but then again, maybe I could’ve been calmer? AITAH?
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A piece of cake is going to give your kid a mood swing?
info: sugar gives your kid mood swings? you say this isn’t anything trendy, but considering research shows that sugar doesn’t have an impact on behavior, it seems to be the opposite.
what other issues does your son have with food? what tests did they run?
NTA. This wasn’t a misunderstanding, she knew the rules, waited for you to leave, and then smirked when you caught her. She doesn’t get to pull the “disrespect in my house” card when she deliberately disrespected your parenting and your son’s well-being. And your husband? He needs to grow a spine. If his mom can’t follow basic boundaries, she doesn’t get unsupervised time with your kid. Period.
You didn’t overreact, you protected your child. She didn’t ‘spoil’ him, she ignored his medical needs. If someone can’t respect your son’s health, they don’t get access to him. Period.
Oh, goody, more nonsense rage bait.
NTAH I have a friend whose son is Celiac & grandma didn’t believe her. Grandma insisted the kid eat cake. Mom stood back and watched as grandma tried to manage the kid writhing on the floor in pain from “just one” piece of cake.
I have NO IDEA why some grandparents are idiots.
You know you can’t leave her alone with your kid – ever, and your stupid husband should have your back.
>boomers don’t get food sensitivity
Most boomers are great grandparents at this point….
NTA. My kids both have food allergies that give them bad stomachs for over a month from eating a mouthful. You weren’t over the top, you were protecting your son from being in pain.
UpdateMe
that’s frustrating! Kids health absolutely come first. It’s strange how some people don’t just get that
NTA SHE thinks she knows it all and SHE thinks she knows beter than medical professionals. You are simply looking out for your son’s health following the rules from your doctor. Give her a white sheet for being so extremely good at projecting.🤣
Don’t take your son to her until she shows that she understands how terrible and dangerous her behaviour is. Also you need to talk to your husband and make sure you are both on your son’s side.❤️
NTA. Here’s how you nip this in the bud – first, you get documentation from his dietician and pediatrician. Then, you provide copies of this documentation to his family. Then, tell them that you will not be taking any further unsolicited advice from the flying monkeys and that anyone who cannot abide by his diet will no longer have any access to your son.
Also, you have a husband problem. It’s about time he pulled his balls out of his mommy’s pocket and decide whether he wants to be a good father or a good son, because right now he can’t be both.
It’s wild that she says you’re not his doctor, when it sounds like you are literally following his doctor’s advice. NTA
You have a husband problem.
This is easy. She doesn’t want to be disrespected in her house? Don’t let your son go there.
As a parent of a kid who had to deal with food allergies, this is a dealbreaker. NO ONE ENDANGERS
my kids.
Your husband has to choose what is more important, HIS child’s health or his mother’s ego. Look up “grandmother used coconut oil and killed my kid” posting and show it to your husband. Hopefully, it will open his eyes to the seriousness of this.
NTA but really resent the Boomer comment. I’m a boomer mom who has an autistic son with food allergies and I went through the same thing with EVERYONE. I actually had his picture put on the snack cart in high school so that they wouldn’t sell him sugar/wheat. People undermine what they don’t understand AND what they think as know it alls. Period.
Shes treating this like a power struggle between you two instead of health issue. Document all these occurrences and your husband’s passive reactions. You may need them for the divorce.
I had two people i knew with similar issues
First had cocoa allergy mil wouldnt believe it until after she had to take him to the hospital
Another friend just didnt like chocolate the aunt on fathers side (crazy) decided that the girls mum was brainwashing and tried reporting to child services
In second case they had to go no contact
NTA your child’s health and safety comes before all else. Stand strong mother
Update
Tell your husband “your mother knows the food she gives him makes him sick and gives it to him anyway. She is deliberately poisoning our child because it makes her feel superior. Why are you on my case about stopping it and not on her case about HURTING YOUR SON!”
NTA. There are many stories on Reddit about how granny refused to adhere to the doctor ordered diet of their grandchild and nearly killed the child. This is defacto child abuse from granny, and she’s doing it only to control you. Your husband is a spineless mamas boy and both of them need to deal with the consequences of their bad behaviour.
NTA. I’m so sorry this happened. Keep working with your medical team to get your son the help he needs and see if your husband will get on board.
Ignore those who think they know better than you and the medical professionals. Good luck to you OP.
A bit extreme I know, but leave him with grandma for a week and let her deal with the side effects and fall out.
NTA, but I suggest a serious conversation and possibly couples’ therapy when you’re married to someone who thinks Mommy’s fee-fees are more important than his/your child’s health.
NTAH
Ask your husband why he’s okay with his mother POISONING your child. My friends with food related illnesses let everyone know that triggering their illnesses raises their risk for cancer and chronic complications down the line. Why is your husband okay with that? Why is his mothers comfort more important than his wife and child?
And I’m certain your MIL is calling you controlling because she’s the control freak here, and can’t handle you being The Woman In Charge, even for your own family.
Your husband is a pussy… The only thing he should have been doing is backing your play with your MIL. Her disrespect is just a symptom of your larger problem, a husband who lacks the sack to set and enforce boundaries. You are following your son’s pediatrician’s instructions, your MIL doesn’t just get to trump that because she thinks she knows better.
Your husband is failing you as a man, husband, and father. He needs to get his mother in line and support you. None of this wishy washy bullshit where you could have handled it better. He should be embarrassed.
NTA
NTA and you stick up for your child no matter what she says. She is on a power trip with YOU and she needs to cut it out. Not her child; she is grandma, not Mom and if she can’t be helpful and supportive, she can stay the hell away and her son needs to get with the program and support his wife and child. I am a grandmother and mother-in-law and my job is to be there to help and support; if my dil says no sugar, then no sugar it is. I promise you, it is not hard to just do what I’m asked because I am not on a power trip.
I’m a boomer and understand health issues. Runs in my family. I also understand Doctors instructions. Your MIL is an idiot. This shows how much she “respects” you.
Write down exactly what happened and the date. If you block her access to your son she may go for grandparents rights and you will need documentation.
Boomer here 😁 back in 1992 when my son was six, I asked his grandparents not to give him sweets when we were all on holiday together, I needed to keep a check on how much he was getting from several people, and because it was so unregulated I always had to be the one who said ‘no’ to him. After asking them not to indiscriminately give him sugar, at some point in a day out I shared a little bit of honeycomb with him, and they were so mad at me that they wouldn’t speak to me for the rest of the day.
Why people set out to make life harder for parents I just don’t understand. They are NOT thinking about the child, they are thinking of themselves and what they want above what the parent and child need. They’re so bloody selfish.
NTA. My child has dairy intolerance. It’s slightly better from when he was an infant but it still exists. My FIL intentionally gave my child, a few month old baby, a cookie that I knew had dairy. I reminded him as well and he didn’t listen. Luckily, my child rejected it. Long story short, I wish I made a bigger deal. People who push boundaries continue to do so. It’s exactly what my FIL did, kept pushing boundaries in other areas of our life as well. My husband and I no longer leave our child unsupervised with his grandparents for a variety of reasons.
Grandma needs consequences to her actions. Maybe not seeing her grandchild for some period of time will help her learn that she can’t feed him what he’s not allowed to eat by medical advice. Yes, she’s screaming these accusations so you continue to take your son. Let her continue screaming. Give her the consequences. Let her have her tantrum. She should never have access to your child unsupervised. Plan for what you and husband will do if there’s an emergency, who else can possibly help you during that time.
My biggest advice is go to marriage counseling. Was your husband present when she gave your son cake? Where was he? If he was present you have a much larger issue at hand. Why did he remain silent? Does he not understand the medical advice? Go to marriage counseling before it’s too late. Let MIL give all the accusations she wants, that’s exactly how these type of people manipulate you. They make you feel guilty for having healthy boundaries, you don’t want to be the bad guy and don’t give consequences. The whole cycle starts again because you don’t want to prove her accusations correct. Who cares what she thinks of you, I highly doubt you’ll ever have a good relationship with her. Give her the consequences and get your husband on board.
Keep a record of every time – date, time, where, who was there, how she did it, and what she said – she went against medical advice. You’ll need it to show why she needs to be kept away from your son.
>My son has food issues. Like, real ones.
Proceeds not naming any of them.
NTA.
NTA I have worked with kids whose grandparents have even fed them anaphylaxis level allergens just to spite their child’s spouse’s/childs pediatricians dietary restrictions. Your MIL cares about trying to make you look bad and is using her grandchild as a pawn. That’s horrific
Not the ashole. She does not give a sht about you or your child. So not let her around him until she respects both of you. If she can’t, she can’t see him alone ever…. or at all. Your husband should have your back
NTA
The top takeaway here is that your husband is an absolute chickenshit. He does not have your back and he will not stand up for his own child. You have married a mama’s boy.
The child cannot ever be left alone with MIL. You can’t turn away even in the same room. That has to be the rule and level of enforcement. The first time MIL complains, leave with the child and do not return.
Your battle isn’t with your MIL. It is with your husband. When he did not instantly side with HIS CHILD… not you but his child. A little human that was given something harmful under his watch/his family’s watch.
NTA but your husband better grow a spine as well.
NTA. Seriously, take her to the doctor appointment with you. Sounds a lot like my ex mil. She thought it was fine that Grandpa put Mt Dew in my sons bottle. We had to do a special diet too…he is abd was adhd and we did about 9mo of diet to see if it made his symptoms lessen. The meds were another hill to die on… make sure your husband is on your sons side first and stands up for you…. i delt with her for 25 years… I don’t miss it. I have so many crappy stories… anyway, it’s not a you thing . It’s about control . Good luck
Wait. What? You yelled at your MIL for giving your son food that you expressly told her she was NOT to give to your son? You are a monster. 😏
NTA but your bigger issue is your husband, not MIL. Either he learns to back you 110% and stand up for his child’s wellbeing or you will only have more issues as time goes on.
Make it clear to everyone that yes, you are keeping your child away from someone who is happily willing to endanger your kid’s health and go against medical directives.
And next time MIL pulls that bullshit (I’m guessing your hubby will allow it since he doesn’t get it) she can manage your child’s discomfort and behavior till he recovers. Your husband can help since I have the feeling he hasn’t in the past. If he had I doubt he’d let his mom get away with this crap.
NTAH – but MiL certainly is a big one. She knew the rules and went all out to break them just so she could rub your nose in it and insult you. I would not let her near your son again unless she promises to behave. Tell her she is in the last chance salon – one more food rule break and she is banned totally from seeing your child.
Does your husband agree about your child’s diagnosis? Does he take it seriously? If so, why is he repeatedly allowing his mother to sabotage his well-being, leaving you to have to stand up to her alone?
If he agrees then clearly you should both be in the same page about denying his mother any unsupervised access to your child.
If he doesn’t agree with the diagnosis then you guys need to have a much bigger discussion.
NTA – I grew up before pediatricians recognized that diet in kids was not just the food pyramid. I spent 16 years getting stomach aches so bad I had to lie down for 3 or 4 hours after eating certain foods, became anorexic because I did not want to risk eating anything more than an apple or banana. The 2 dogs we had got really fat as I was feeding them my food under the table, this was the era of clean your plate or you get the leftovers for your next meal until it was gone. To this day I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. If you controlling your son’s food saves him pain and keeps him healthy then you absolutely need to insist that his physician approved dietary restrictions are followed. Given the deep denial on grandma’s part and lack of understanding and enforcement by your husband you may need to get a written statement from the pediatrician as to the restrictions, copy it 100 times and hand it to her every time she is around your child.
Updateme!
NTA. You set boundaries and she crossed them. If you’re going to be so strict with your kids diet, you shouldn’t allow him to eat anything without your permission. I understand your wanting to follow doctors orders and I kind of understand what grandma was saying but it all comes down to you and his doctor determining what he can or can’t eat and her thinking she knows better than that.
No. You’re the parent and if she’s not going to help and support she needs to step away or told she can’t be with the kid unsupervised. Put your foot down and keep strict boundaries
My own mother did this to my son. Once. I made the rule “no sugar” when he was a baby. It did not come from a doctor…it was just something I wanted for many reasons. It was all explained to my mom but she disregard the rule anyway. When she laughed and served my son a bottle of sugar water, I looked her straight in the eyes and told her she will never be alone with her grandchild again.
Everyone was told I was keeping my son away from his doting granny and I said “Yes, I am. She refuses to follow his food rules therfore I cannot trust her.”
Most people shut up about it after that.
To others i would say, “Really? You want to get in the middle of an argument between my mother and me? Are you fricken serious?!?”
I was always polite with her and smiled and talked to her while around her. She made comments in public at first but I would chuckle, shake my head and walk away. Not an argument for public consumption.
When he was older, I let her be alone with him from time to time but she continued to disrespect any rules in place at the time. Food, bedtime, TV… whatever. So again we would go months with no apology from her, no acknowledgement she did anything wrong and no alone time with my son.
It has always been her choice and I’m not here to make her feel like a good grandma. My job is protecting my son and raising him to be healthy, strong, happy and a viable member of this world. I will do that with or without her.
NTA
You don’t have to be the doctor, you are following the doctor’s order.
You have a husband problem, he needs to explain to you why he feels it’s ok to hurt his kids to please his mother.
If he doesn’t think it’s ok, he needs to grow a pear and a spine and tell his dear mother that it’s not ok hurt his kid.
Keep your kid away from grandma until she understands boundaries and rules.
And for you, I live by that it’s ok to be the villain in someone else’s story if you are protecting your kids and it gives you peace ❤️
So if the husband stepped in when you got mad, was he just sitting there while she fed him the cake and never said a thing?