My son just turned four. My husband and I planned a small backyard party nothing huge. Just a few friends, cousins, and close family. I was excited to finally have both sides of the family in one place since things have been awkward for a while. Here’s where it went south. A week before the party, my husband’s mom starts blowing up the group chat. She’s saying things like, “We don’t want troublemakers there” and “Let’s keep it just the safe side of the family.” And by “troublemakers,” she meant my side. My mom, my sisters. Literally the people who helped me through my postpartum depression. The people who babysit for free, run errands with me, treat my kid like their own. I asked her what the issue was and she basically said she doesn’t feel “comfortable” around my family. That they’re too loud, too opinionated, too much. Like… okay? Then don’t talk to them? Sit on the other side of the yard? I tried to stay calm. I said, “This isn’t your event. It’s not your kid’s birthday. My family is coming.” She said, “Then don’t expect us to come.” And guess what? She actually made my husband the middleman. She had him call me and say we should “compromise.” I asked him, “So what’s the compromise? I ditch my own family to please your mom?” And he just stayed quiet. Like… really?
The day of the party, my MIL didn’t show up. None of his side did. Not even a text. My son kept asking where his grandma was. I just smiled and said maybe she got busy. But I wanted to scream. Now his family’s acting cold. His mom told him I “disrespected her” by forcing my side to be there and “pushing her out.” But I didn’t push her out. She walked. I’m so tired of walking on eggshells with her. She acts like she gets final say on everything just because she raised a son. My husband says I should’ve handled it “less emotionally.” But this is my kid’s birthday. I’m not gonna apologize for wanting my own family there. I’m done pretending she’s the victim every time. So yeah. I told her flat out she doesn’t get to control our guest list. And now I’m the bad guy. AITA?
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Nta your husband is full of it. He could have dealt with her less emotionally instead of throwing it on you. There is no way you are going to abandon your village.
As is often said in these boards, you have both a MIL problem and a husband problem and frankly, the husband problem is far bigger.
On what planet does he think it’s appropriate for HIS mother to decide that your family should not attend an event for your child (who is half and half borne of BOTH families) just because she doesn’t like them????
And that’s not even taking her to task for labelling them all as troublemakers, what a fucking cheek!
Your husband is an even bigger arse than his mother (shame you didn’t spot this issue a lot earlier).
NTA you have nothing to apologise for but I’d be demanding better of your husband, no question.
NTA. You did the right thing, and if your husband ever finds his balls, perhaps he can have a long discussion with his mom and tell her to stay out of your business.
NTA
When it’s her party, she can choose not to invite your family. This is your party. This was your house. You get to choose who is welcome.
NTA. It’s your kid’s party, who do you think should decide? Jeez. Your MIL needs to take a chill pill… or maybe not invite her.
You didn’t exclude her, you just didn’t let her dictate your life. If showing up means erasing your support system, then no, she doesn’t get to come. Being a grandma isn’t a power position. It’s a privilege, one she walked away from.
NTA
Tell your husband that you did as he asked and handled it “Less Emotionally” than you felt like doing.
She got an invite. If she decided not to show up, then that is on her.
Thanksgiving and Christmas is going to be fun in your house!
Are we allowed to cuss in here? Because F her & your big baby husband. Ignore her & her family going forward. Let your DH wallow in his indecision. Enjoy your marvelous life without them in it.
NTA and I’m going to just read the subtext here and ask: Are you not white and your husband is white?
Jesus christ I should just copy and paste ” you have a husband problem not a MIL problem” at this point.
NTA Embrace those “trouble makers” and make sure you take and post photos of them spending time with your son.
NTA your husband should be mad at his mother for not showing up for his son cause she wants to isolate his wife and be petty. That’s toxic behavior and your husband should get it together.
NTA, but I have the compromise you should make. Going forward you’ll plan and organize the parties for your side of the family and your husband is in charge of planning and organizing (which includes all clean up) parties for his side of the family.
Your husband needs to get a spine. Advocating for not inviting the spouse’s side of the family is mean, petty, and all around gross. His mom was out of line, and he’s an idiot if he doesn’t realize that.
Updateme
NTA, your husband is, even more than your MIL, for not telling her to slow her roll when she tried appealing to him
Your husband is TA.
NTA
You need to sit hubby down and set some ground rules. He gets on your team, or he goes. You and his Child is his family, his mommy is now 3rd best. I’d put my foot down now, he needs to deal with his mom.
Updateme
No you are NTA, but you married into a family of them…….
NTA, this is a hill to die on. Either your husband stands up for your or it is over. He needs to decide if he is a man baby or a father and husband? There is no middle ground.
Nta-JustNoMIL
NTA your husband is a douche canoe, he should have handled his mother and told her to get back in her box, this is a child’s birthday party not time for her ridiculous nonsense behaviour. I’d be having a full on conversation about his behaviour and his mother behaviour with him and drawing a very big line in the sand about how this will go in the future, and what will happen if he doesn’t step up and deal with his mother’s sh!t .
NTA this hubby and his family totally.
I would tell hubby he can leave and go live with Mommy or tell his mother straight up she was wrong.
NTA. Your husband is spineless and your MIL is TA.
NTA – Excluding your family is unacceptable, unless its your choice.
I’ve always felt that when this sort of thing comes up it is the responsibility of the family member in the relationship to handle it initially. In other words, this is his side of the family, so you take your issue to him. His to handle as your voice. If he doesn’t, your grievance is with him.
Ugh!!!!! You have a HUGE husband problem!!!!!! How in the world could he dare ask you to uninvitr your family in “compromise” to please her???? Less emotionally? Maybe if he handled her petty, selfish self himself he wouldn’t have had to worry about emotional. He’s a doormat and has no spine and your marriage will be ruined because of her if this continues. NTA. But your husband is, and he’s spineless at that.
NTA. Your husband needs to stand up for you and set his toxic hag of a mother straight. She hurt your child’s feelings, and that is wrong. Period.
Did your husband support you or try to coddle his mother?
NTA
She made the decision that she would only come if it was only her family. That’s on her.
If your husband thinks splitting up family time is fine then perhaps y’all should divorce and his child can see his family on his parenting time.
NTA. Your MiL and husband on the other hand…
NTA but your husband is.
your husband sucks in case you missed it
NTA tell your husband to get his head out of his backside and make a choice. This family he created or his mommy. This is what happens when you marry a mommas boy. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again mommas boys should come with freaking warning labels so women know to avoid them like the plague. Best yet just jump to the end and divorce him.
LOOOOOL
This is ridiculous, and to be clear Op your husband 100000% meant “ditch your family in favor of mine” when he suggested a compromise…
NTA Op your MIL IS awful don’t get me wrong (rolled my eyes at the “forcing your family to be there” BS) but the real issue is your testicly challenged husband
You need to tell your husband he either needs to support you against his mother or, drumroll please, you’ll…leave him! I’m not usually one of those people, but I only see this kind of behavior getting worse as time goes on if nothing is done about it.
You asked him how you could ‘compromise’. He didn’t know. If his mom is making any family event an ultimatum between her or your family, that’s a ‘her’ problem. That’s the thing with ultimatums. Don’t be surprised if the outcome isn’t what you’d bargained on.
NTA
NTA
The only rude and inconsiderate people here are your in-laws.
NTA
First, there is no compromise when her ultimatum is “them (meaning your side of the family) or us (your husband’s side of the family)”. She’s drawn a line where no compromise is possible. She is entirely in the wrong and your husband’s family is on her side, since none of them showed up either. They made their choice and are now trying to gaslight you and your husband into thinking that this was your doing.
And no, you didn’t handle this “emotionally”, as your husband says. You simply refused to bow to his mother’s demands. She’s the one with emotional opinions about your mother/sisters/etc. You are trying to be inclusive to both sides of the family, and she’s demanding your side be ostracized? How. Fucking. Dare. She? So damned entitled.
You also have a husband problem if he isn’t going to stand up to his mother. You need to tell him that you will not demand he cut his family out, but he and his family can never demand the same from you. The extended family can make their own choices, but excluding any of them is never an option on the table.
TELL YOUR HUSBAND THAT HE NEEDS TO HANDLE HIS UNHINGED, NARCISSISTIC, ENTITLED, MASSIVE B1THCH OF A MOM OR SHE WON’T BE COMING TO ANY EVENTS IN THE FUTURE AND UNTIL SHE CAN ACT LIKE A NORMAL ADULT SHE WON’T BE SEEING HER GRANDSON EITHER!!!!
I HAD TO DO THIS WITH MY MONSTERS IN LAW BECAUSE MY HUSBAND WOULDN’T!
SOMETIMES PETULANT CHILDREN NEED A TIME OUT TO REALIZE WE ARE RUNNING THE CIRCUS NOW!!!!
STAND YOUR GROUND AND DON’T CAVE BECAUSE THEY ONLY GET WORSE!!!!!!!
His side of the family choosing to hurt your child on his special day revokes all their further priveleges until they apologize for hurting the CHILD, while acting like children their self.
Nta. You have a husband problem. And you’re right you get to decide who you invite to your own home. If his mom doesn’t like it she doesn’t have to go. Honestly I would just block his family. Anything they want or need they can deal with your husband and just tell your husband that until they apologize and act like adults you don’t want to know anything about them. And then I hope you’re super mad at your husband for not dealing with his mom and instead trying to make you into the villain. All of this is his fault. If he had set boundaries with his mom none of this would be happening.
Tell husband to find his backbone. HIS family chose to punish his young child on his birthday, when they could have acted like adults and behaved for an afternoon. HE needs to be angry at them, not you.
Part of adulting is doing things we are uncomfortable with. How often do we go to work parties and talk to people we’ve never met. They go to the dentist even though we don’t like it. Put up with family members. We don’t really like, but we do it anyway because we’re adults and we have emotional intelligence.Sounds like your mother-in-law just wants everything her way.
NTAH, I’ll never understand marriages where a spouse won’t back up their partner and side with a parent or whoever is causing the issue.
It wasn’t complicated. If he had a spine, he would just tell her and his family that it’s a birthday party and that the people giving the birthday party invite people and that the parents of the kid having the birthday get to invite their own family and if anybody is invited and isn’t comfortable or doesn’t wanna come they don’t need to But the deal in life isn’t too enforce your preferences on others. That’s inappropriate. That’s taught in kindergarten. So they can feel and think anything they want but that’s just plain off the table and ridiculous. And if they are no longer around, I would say that’s no big loss. And if he isn’t mature enough to take the specifics of this situation and generalize them into his values and cross reference them with what’s normal and grow a spine and decide to have a moral character, and I am feeling sorry for you. Then he’s a little tiny enmeshed boy.
NTA – your husband needs to grow a pair and put his mother in her place. Until he does you will always be a punching bag for her.
I strongly suggest couples counciling for you and your husband before this ruins your marriage. I’m sure no councilor in the world will side with your MIL but they will give you both a better way to handle her demands. As an example, when MIL calls your husband to tell you to “compromise” the councilor will give him the tools to stand with you and shut it down right then and there!
NTA. You have a husband problem. Tell him to man up and shut your mil’s b.s. down.
Quit going around her at all.
You need to straighten out the husband, he should have backed you up the moment his mom started her crap! If he won’t, then you need to decide if this relationship is right for you. NTA.
Yeah that’s a hars nta. Who does she think she is trying dictate the guest list for your son’s party. No pushed her anywhere she literally made a conscious decision not to show because her feelings were more important than celebrating her grandson. Your husband is weak for not putting his mommy in her place.
>She’s saying things like, “We don’t want troublemakers there”
And she is the troublemaker. It’s a case of trash taking itself out.
The main problem of course is your husband, who asked for the most absurd of “compromises”, which was no compromise at all.
Unfortunately, momma’s boys make nightmare husbands.
You have a husband problem. You and your son will always come second behind his mom and his mom will call the shots in this relationship.
NTA and your husband needs to stand up to them That’s HIS job. HE needs to tell his mother “if the only compromise is that you come and they don’t, that doesn’t seem like a compromise. That’s YOU dictating terms. You’re welcome to come and sit away from people you don’t get along with but this is my house, my kid, my rules, and my wife is not going to ban her family from an event because of your feelings. They never had a problem with you, I don’t know why you have a problem with them. And they were there for her when she needed them after kiddo was born, so they are absolutely a part of his life. You get to decide if you want to be a part of his life. Because I’m telling you right now: skip another birthday because you can’t act like an adult, and you’ll never see him or us again.”
Husband needs a spine or else HE can go join THEM for the day and also miss kiddo’s birthday, and holidays, per the custody agreement that results. From now on I literally would be asking the “loud” side of the family to host everything. Can’t ban them when its AT their house, lol.
NTA, she must be a giant AH to not have the social grace to make nice with people she doesn’t like for 2 hours. She absolutely doesn’t get to dictate the guest list and it’s insanity to ask you to uninvited your whole side of the family because she doesn’t like them. Your husband is another AH for taking her side, because he can’t be Switzerland, there’s no neutral. He’s either on your side or he isn’t. And he has the nerve to say YOU are being emotional? His mother’s behavior is calm, cool logic? Gtfoh.
NTA. You have a husband problem even more than a mil problem. She’s a liar and a manipulative piece of work but he’s her silent accomplice. He’s as guilty as she is. I’m not optimistic about where this goes over time unless he grows up and draws boundary for his crazy family. He’s too old to still be breastfeeding and his mama has no interest in weaning him so he’s going to have to grow up. Updateme
NTA your MIL totally disrespected herself into not coming. The compromise would have been everyone turns up and anyone who causes trouble is kicked out, regardless of which side of the family they are. Sounds to me like MIL was the only one being a troublemaker and that was before the event even happened. It’s quite usual that people from either side may not get along but most of us just hold our tongue and be civil at family events because we want to focus on having fun and not causing a scene.
NTA. If your husband can’t stand up to his mother, then tell him the solution going forward is simple.
Your house your rules. All special occasions held in your home or hosted by you involving “family” will be handled by inviting both sides of the family no exceptions. It’s an invitation not a summons and you will respect anyone who chooses not to attend.
If anyone has a problem with your guest list, then they are free to have their own event and invite who they want. BUT if they are including your child, then you will be there, or you and your child will stay home. Hubby can do whatever he wants.
Not even close. NTA.
As a husband, you have a husband problem. When you married, his focus needed to shift from being his mother’s son to making a family with you.
My wife and I are lucky, our issues with parents are minimal, but we decide things together, communicate to our parents our decisions, and then back each other up. Period. There is no back door channel. Mom can complain to him, but he needs to support your decision.
At the same time, with MIL who demands you abandon your family for her comfort, work with your husband to figure out how you can do things differently. You can celebrate with both families separately if need be. Ridiculous, yes. Worth it for your kid(s). Yes.
Keep both families front and center in your children’s lives. When they’re young it can be hard, but when they’re older, they’ll see and know the difference between their grandparents and make their own decisions.
Your husband, however, needs to grow a set or nothing will change.
You married a weak man, good luck with that mess.
Your husband is married to you, not to his mommy, and he better start acting like it. MIL made the choice to not attend, that’s on her not you. Her loss. Unfortunately your son noticed, but now he’s beginning to see that grandma doesn’t care as much for him as she does for spite. She just bit off her own nose. Hubby better remember he took certain vows with you, not mommy, or he’s going to be living with her. NTA.
NTA. She doesn’t get to control your household. You have a husband problem here as he should have stood up to her BS.
lol this can’t be real
Your husband is the AH for not standing up to his mother. Them not coming was her choice, it seems to me there is clearly a troublemaker here, and they are NOT from your side of the family.
NTA. If MIL can’t share the outdoor space, at a backyard birthday party for a 4-year-old, with OP and her family, that’s MIL’s problem. It’s a good thing the preschoolers weren’t subjected to the bad behavior of an adult who doesn’t want to share during sharing time.
You have a husband problem.
This gives me some weird “old world” vibes – where the wife’s identity/family ties are eclipsed by the husband’s. Especially his response (or lack thereof) when you asked if you’re supposed to ditch your family to please your MIL. It’s the modern age and this sort of thinking should be left in the past where it belongs.
NTA! Your insufferable mother-in- law is the one that caused these problems. She’s toxic. Your husband sounds like the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree. Is this how you want the next 10 years?
I don’t know if it’s too late to nip it in the bud, but perhaps marriage counseling is the answer as you probably need a mediator to have your husband, see things through your eyes since he’s clearly not capable of doing that on his own.
Your son is the one that got hurt, please make sure your husband is very aware of that. I would cut them off completely if I were you. Life is too short to have such disgusting people in our lives being bad examples for our innocent children. Who knows what kind of poisonous vitriol your son would be exposed to from that side of the family?
How ironic that MIL doesn’t she is the problem, but do they ever?
I also would post this on social media so everyone knows what you are dealing with and why you are choosing to stay low contact.
NTA. Your husband really needs to get his head out of the FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) that his mother has instilled in him. Your MIL sounds like she has main character syndrome.
You know the AH is your husband and his mother
What does he mean by “should’ve handled it less emotionally.”? What is “less emotionally”? How would have he handled it?
You having a family that helps you every time is “disrespectful” to her?
There’s no possible way you could have make her happy unless you resign to your “too loud, too opinionated, too much” family, so don’t even bother!
I’d go petty on her. I’ll tell her “I am going to tell your grandson YOU didn’t attend HIS party because YOU don’t like my family”
Nip this in the bud now or it will get worse and impact your marriage. Terrible, controlling mother in laws are the bane of any marriage. It will end in divorce if you and your husband don’t get on the same page.
NTAH and MIL plus all that side of the family need a followup text
“We are so sorry you couldn’t make it to (name)’s birthday party. It was a wonderful party and he asked about you multiple times! Next time, if you’re not attending en masse, would you please let me know beforehand so we don’t buy as much (insert delicious foods and drinks)?
Then forget about their rude asses.
Kill em with kindness.
NTA. First, if you aren’t the host, you don’t get to decide who is and isn’t invited. If you are a guest and wish to avoid someone who’ll be there, you can always decline the invitation, without saying why. That’s how well mannered people act, as there is still a etiquette to follow.
As to your husband? My understanding is that either spouse is the one who handles situations on their side of the family. He did not, instead he listened to what his mother had to say. He should have defended your right to have a party and invite whomever you wish. He’s the arsehole, as is his side of the family.
NTA… it’s fucking ridiculous how some MILs try to control every damn thing, like they’re still raising their own kids instead of respecting boundaries. I get why you stood your ground, OP, sometimes you gotta put your foot down and say “no, this is MY party.”
Tell your husband that since he has no balls, his family is cut off from your kid until they apologize for trying to take over your kid’s birthday party and ostracizing your side of the family. That his mother needs to learn to respect you and yours or you can make it very easy on all of them and never let her be involved in anything at all. Then if there is any family member on his side that you can talk to, find out what she’s been telling people behind your back, a whole lot of lies, I bet. This is a hill to die on or your husband will always put his mommy first. Updateme
NTA. The MiL is incredibly entitled. I’d stop inviting them to anything : holiday dinners, cookouts, celebrations. When she complains say that you were just respecting her feelings.
Hon, you don’t have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem. Your husband should have shut his mom down with extreme prejudice. He should have loudly and vociferously had your back. There is no middle. There’s mommy’s side and HIS family’s side. He picked. You are NTA, but you need to have a come to Jesus with you putz (exchange the t and z with two s) of a husband.
NTA
But you need to get your husband on your side, and let him know the consequences if he doesn’t.
Nooo way! You’re fanily is always going to come before your husband’s side.
MIL asked, you said no. She shouldn’t have asked in the first place but since she did, she should have respected your answer.
She choose not to come. That is on her and only her.
Good on you for seeing this issue. Stock to your guns. Don’t let anyone walk over you for this.
Ask him if his mother throwing a temper tantrum was a “less emotional response.” Your child has better emotional regulation than her.
NTA. It’s your home and your child. Your MIL can accept that or not participate. Your family didn’t magically disappear when you got married. Your husband needs to get on board. Ask him if this was your family who did this, would he have the same response? I doubt it.
Your husband is full of shit. He should have had your back on this. He should have told his mother that families are invited, and it’s non-negotiable. And if that meant she wasn’t coming, he’d miss her. Instead, he let her turn you into the bad guy.
NTA. It’s your kid, your party, your rules. MIL doesn’t get to dictate who’s “allowed” just because she’s uncomfortable. She skipped her grandson’s birthday to make a point – that’s on her, not you.
NTA.
And keep enforcing your boundaries. Also, your husband needs to grow a backbone.
Tell your husband that if he wants to raise a kid with his mom he should get her pregnant.
You don’t have a MIL problem. You have a husband problem.
Please let him know how much we all see him as a spineless asshole.
I didn’t want my ex MIL in particular to come to our kids’ parties. I compromised and let her. The wrestling match between my ex and her mother in the bounce house that nearly came to blows was both cringeworthy and entertaining for most of my family. NTAH.
MIL lives for Drama! Give her some that she can’t handle. Go to the next gathering of MIL’s clan and create a HUGE scene–type “this is so nice, I do wish MIL could adjust to my relatives as I have adjusted to, accepted and love all of you! Lots of tears and sobbing! Play up how much her grandson missed her at his fourth birthday party!
Put her in a timeout and tell her exactly why. Tell your husband he better step the fuck up and start protecting his own family against his mother. His wife and child better damn well come before his mother.
Wow – your husband is an @$$ and a wimp, and your MIL is garbage. You and your husband need to get on the same page. Based on what you wrote, if this is everything, your MIL is 100% wrong. Personally, I’d go no contact with her and that extends to my child, simply because I don’t want drama in my life. Look at what she did to her grandchild? Nope, nada, no more. Your husband needs to understand your side and get on your side. He wants a relationship with his family, no problem. But MIL did this and this will continue. Sad that she got the whole family on her side. I would have reached out to other people who said they were coming and didn’t and find out what happened. When they explain whatever lie MIL told them, I’d laugh and say that was not what happened, but thanks for taking a side and hurting my child.
When she said to leave the troublemakers out, you should have said you couldn’t because you would then have to uninvite her! 🤣
OK, I was that husband… the key word is was. Your husband needs to understand he has a narcissistic mother, FYI again I was him, HE DOES NOT KNOW!!!! Yeah that flashing neon sign above his head saying she a NARC!!! he cannot see it. Right now he is trying to make you and mommy happy, he can’t and he never will be able to which will end one of two ways, divorce, or NC with mom.
I learned painfully over the years that my mother controlled everything in my life, and would manipulate what was said and done to everyone around us, everyone got a different story so she would always look good and the person she was attacking would look bad. Everything was a carefully crafted lie which is why I did not see it because your supposed to trust your parents right?
So how did I finally deal with all this? because it was driving my wife and I apart. My wife did several things, but what mostly helped was I got therapy, I had to learn my “normal” was not normal, it was toxic. it lead to anger issues and many more things I hated.
So, my suggestion, show hubby the above, say yep see! (FYI my wife side? they can drown out jet airplanes they talk so loud. My side? oh we were “cultured, and perfect in every way.”) HA!!!!! Perfectly controlled is what we were. Then? therapy for him as a therapist is impartial but will see the control part, though he has to admit there is an issue. If he has anger issues as I did, and wants them gone a therapist will help.
2, ALL communication goes through your hubby, you get nothing, block the whole family on everything. 3. He reads the following books, which he will hate and say these are just B.S. but deep down he will know… Changes that Heal, and Boundaries by Dr. Cloud. in that order. If he is really like me and was overly controlled he also needs The Body keeps the Score by Bessel von der Kolk.
I wish you luck!
That loser you married is a son before a father or husband. Send him back to her, she’s the only one he cares about.
NTA. Your husband dropped the ball. Ask him how he would feel if your mother told him she did not want his mother at the birthday party and demanded they be uninvited. That is exactly what his mother did to you. This is his problem to solve. He needs to tell his family that if his mother cannot accept your family, then she will not be invited to events and can only blame herself. The rest of the family should ignore her and show that families should be open and accepting, and not petty and hurtful.
NTA and your husband is spineless. MIL is completely wrong here. She is also controlling and cruel. Oh, and she’s stupid, too. She will have NO relationship with her grandchild because she’s so stuck up.
Uh, it sounds to me like you have a husband problem. His mom is his responsibility to deal with and if her “compromise” was to ban your family he needs to be the one to step up and say that is not happening.
I’m so glad you stood up for yourself this time, but you need to have a serious convo with hubby about how he sees this going in the the future. Does he expect you to allow his mom to dictate your life? Is he going to help you establish clear boundaries with his mom. She is forcing him to choose between you and her, so what is going to do about that? Better to find out where he stands right now than letting these little battles continue for another 10 or 20 years until everyone is completely miserable!
NTA and Updateme
NTA but you do know you have a husband problem as well as a MIL problem, don’t you.
Your husband needs to grow up and support you. I
I’m sorry that your husband is the asshole.
He’s making this about his mother instead of defending his wife and making it so that his son can enjoy both sides of his family.
Your husband needs to work on himself and how he deal with situations. I wouldn’t invite MIL to anything again. She wants to create drama, don’t give her the opportunity.
You my dear have a husband problem. One that will not stand behind his wife. So from now on I would make every event be about your son and your side of the family. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter everything. If they want to see your son they will have to participate on your terms.
NTA your husband is a spineless pos who wants to crawl back into his mommy’s vagina
OP–please seek marital counsel. If your husband will not go then please go by yourself. You have a major husband problem . You need an impartial observer on your side . It helps to vent. It helps to get good counsel. It can help you stay in a marriage if that is the best outcome for you and your child, But you DO have a serious husband problem…
NTA. Your husband is a spineless wimp. How else could you have handled it? He means you should have caved in to his mothers demands. He (and his family) are 100% in the wrong here.
Nta. Head over to r/justnomil and you will see that you are not alone. You set a boundary and she had a tantrum. You did not push her out, she chose not to participate. Your SO needs to stand up for his family – you and LO.
It’s easy to see your spineless husband was raised by an entitled Mother! NTA, and i would carry on, invite YOUR relatives every time, and be grateful MIL didn’t come!
NTA. Your husband is a mama’s boy. He needs to grow a spine and learn to stand up for himself and his family.
HE failed you.
HE failed your son.
Do not back down from this or else MIL will rule your life.
NTA. You have a massive husband problem. He needs to put his mom in her place and back you up or go back to mommy and live with paying child support. He is a massive red flag. I’m sorry you married a momma’s boy. This will never change. Trust me.
Once against n a wife with a husband problem. He should have spoken to MIL and the lad her to butt out, and later to lose the attitudes de if she wants a relationship with him and family
NTA, sounds like you have a husband problem in addition to the MIL problem.
NTA. But your husband is. “Less emotionally” than telling her your family is coming? Your child is four! How have you/he/both dealt with his mom in the past? You and hubby need counseling, he should be standing up for both you and his child.
NTA
Your husband is spineless. I get that he needs to be diplomatic about this situation, but tell him to grow a backbone!
It was your son’s birthday at your house, so your MIL doesn’t get to dictate who comes or not.
BTW, is she right in that your family is a bunch of thugs and hooligans?
Doesn’t seem like there will be a next time, but if there is, have your side show up in the most docile garb possible. Amish wear, some other Puritan traditional clothing, etc.
You married a jellyfish. Time to evolve and grow a spine.
NTA
Nta. Your husband is not stuck in the middle he’s choosing to be there. He’s your husband he’s your child’s father. He’s your fucking family and he has a choice to be in that middle and that’s what he’s doing
NTA
MIL is ruining her own relationships. I don’t much care for my in laws mum, but I still go to events and I’m civil because it’s not about us. It’s about the small human we are celebrating.
Your husband needs to sort it and himself out as well. His mother is a manipulative b word who is basically demanding she be centre of attention.
It’s her loss if she doesn’t go. Stick with your family, ignore her. Do not give her the attention and validation she is seeking. Bend once and you’ll be doing it forever.
It’s a party you were throwing, at your house, with the guests you choose to invite. If they choose not to come that is their problem.
What the hell makes her think she is more important than your son’s other grandmother?
Keep up the good fight.
NTA but your husband definitely is
NTA; the trash took itself out of the party!