I share two sons with my ex (17M & 15M). This situation involves my older son. My ex wanted a daughter, but it was not in the cards for her. So, when my son started dating a girl 2 1/2 years ago, my ex immediately welcomed her with open arms. They got quite close. My son wanted to date other girls, so he broke up with her about 3-ish months ago. The girl did not take it well. But, my ex took it even worse. My ex has been pestering our son about the breakup whenever she can. She has even done this in front of other girls my son is interested in. It has gotten so bad that my son has decided to not go over to my ex’s house anymore.
I have talked to my ex about her behavior. She claims she is simply being a “concerned” parent. We have had a number of arguments about this. Anyways, this past weekend was a surprise birthday party for my ex’s 40th. I asked my sons if they were going. My younger went, but my older son felt no desire to go. I did not pressure him and told him it was his decision to make.
The party came and went on Friday night. Saturday, my ex called & texted our older son trying to find out why he did not come to the party. He did not respond. She eventually contacted me. She asked to speak to our son, I told her unless she is intending to apologize, I am not going to have him speak to her. She got pretty mad and said he is the one who owes her an apology. An argument ensued. I ended up saying something like, “You have spent the last few months treating our son like a criminal over a fucking breakup. When you are ready to stop being a terrible mother and apologize, you can talk to him.” She started crying and I hung up. My younger son has been with his mom and says things have been tense for him. I do not want that for him.
AITA?
Comments
Sounds like you live adding fule to the fire. I don’t see you helping your son in any productive way, this seems to be more about you having a go at your ex.
NTA. Parents should really stay out of teenage romances. They come and go, breakups are common and new relationships form all the time. So the mother hanging on to the son’s ex is just a fruitless exercise to begin with and is interfering with a normal parent-child relationship. This is a form of abuse.
So no, you don’t have to force him to attend anything with his mother, he doesn’t have to go and be abused.
Unhinged woman is unhinged. NTA
NTA
Offer your younger son the same opportunity as your elder one: You don’t have to stay at moms place if your mom is incapable of making you feel guilty for HER feelings.
Her kids are not her emotional punching bags. She is way out of line and its absolutely no wonder why the 17yo refused to attend the party. From all I read, it is not beyond her lunacy that she would have invited his exgf and proclaimed that her ‘birthday wish’ was that they would reunite or something similar insane.
Good for you to show her the limits of her power (speaking from a perspective of a child who once had no chance to escape the household with the narcissist parent) and protect your sons.
Good luck!
also: just in case: keep all messages and all other viable documentation. maybe you’ll need them soon
>She claims she is simply being a “concerned” parent.
NTA – she’s concerned about the wrong person. She should be putting her son’s feeling first. Now things are tense for your youngest? Are they pressuring him to talk to the oldest?
Your ex will end up pushing BOTH of her children away by holding on to your son’s ex-girlfriend.
NTA, your son was most likely not going to marry the girl he is in high school. There are a lot of people that he will date that he will not marry. Since his mom is acting this way it is probably best for him to not bring any women around me his mom until he is engaged. Your ex needs to get a clue.
NTA. She should seriously grow up! Imagine being a 40-year-old parent who’s more immature and insecure than your minor son.
NTA, but I caution you on framing this as you won’t have him talk to her. This is about HIS decision. You need to make sure that is clear. He doesn’t want to talk to her and you cannot force him to do so. To frame it as it being partially your decision sounds like parental alienation, at least that is how she will spin it. Kudos for standing up for your kid in the face of nutty controlling behavior though.
I usually really try to encourage parents to not bad mouth eachother. To be extremely careful about attacking eachother. The kids are usually the ones who suffer. In this care though, your son is 17 not 10. Your son is making what seems like a level headed decision. You aren’t picking this fight with her, you are simply attempting to stay out of it.
She chose to keep pushing him, and then you. She is choosing to demand for you to fix her issues. That is beyond not fair. I don’t see anything wrong with you eventually feeling like she out your back to the wall, so you came out swinging.
NTA
NTA! Good on you for having your sons back!!! Your wife is angry she can’t have your son’s ex as a surrogate daughter/human therapy doll. Your ex’s attachment to the ex gf is alarming. Has she alweays treated your son like he’s a consolation/participation kid? Have there been any other indicators that she’s treated him badly/neglected her parenting responsibilities?
NTA. For reals, she’s off her rocker and will alienate both boys if she doesn’t stop her shenanigans.
Sorry I’m confused…did she turn 40 or 4? She is certainly acting like a 4 year old. Who berates their child for deciding they don’t want to date someone else? Very immature people that’s who. People whose brains gave up emotionally developing once they turned 5. Or people who are narcissistic and everything is about them. Pick one for your ex.
I understand why she’s your ex.
NTA- Your ex is supposed to prioritize her kids, not herself when she became a mother. There will be a lot of breakups in both of your sons’ future, and to hold on to the first gf is ridiculous. Instead of ending up with the daughter your ex so desperately wants, she’s going to end up losing her sons.
Your ex needs to grow up, get some therapy, and definitely apologize to your son.
NTA. She inserted herself where she shouldn’t have. Who her son is involved with is not her business if everyone is the appropriate ages. Why is she trying to be this invested in who he kisses? It’s creepy and better to kill that mess now before she becomes a problem for the next son. Emphasize that you won’t make him talk to her but he knows he can when he’s ready. And she shouldn’t be surprised if he’s not ready for a long time since she’s hindering his ability to move on by throwing the ex in his face. So very weird.
Very good response.
NTA
NTA. Why is she so invested in a 17 year olds relationship? Like what were the odds of her being his forever girl anyway. She needs to tone it all the way down.
NTA.
NTA. You handled it appropriately. Your son is still a minor, so you should definitely have gotten between him and your ex; he has a right to date whomever he wants,without undue influence from his mother. It’s none of her business.
If she’s a terrible mother, then no you’re nta. BUT is she actually terrible? She’s had 16 years of doing it, was every or most aspects of it terrible? Terrible moms neglect their kids or abuse them. Choose drugs or partners over them. Has she sacrificed for them? Does she usually support them? Idk. Terrible seems too harsh and probably inaccurate.
For the most part you handled it correctly by leaving it up to him on rather to go or not. But, when mom called you have made him answer her call because that’s disrespectful and at no time should it be cool to disrespect your parents. She as absolutely wrong for how she is acting about the girlfriend.
NTA The truth hurts when you’ve been getting away with it bad behavior.
The appropriate time to hang up was when she started the argument. Don’t play her games and let her play the victim.