I made a post few days back I’ll just copy the content here. And then continue with whatever I wanna say further.
I 19M feel like I’ll lose my gf 20F and I’m genuinely scared
I can’t handle myself. I feeling like crying over anything that is even slightly related to my relationship. I’m crying right now. I don’t know what to do. Info: Idr relationship My girlfriend is literally the best and I genuinely love her a lot. Our relationship will complete an year next month. But I’m scared that I’ll lose her. Ever since we started dating I have been a dick. On our first date I made a move by kissing her where she froze so I stopped.
Then after sometime we did kiss. A lot. but recently she told me that I she didn’t feel okay that I didn’t ask for her consent. I regretted it a lot. Over the past one year we had dates where we kissed a lot but a lot times I was inconsiderate which I realised recently.
At times when I asked for a handjob she said no because she wasn’t comfortable with pda and everything but I insisted her multiple times and she did because initially she didn’t want to upset me and felt compelled. I genuinely regretu actions and I genuinely wish I haven’t done that I have no justification for it. She told me how she didn’t enjoy certain parts in majority of our dates and felt uncomfortable but she did enjoy some certain parts our conversations some times our kisses and stuff.
We again met this summer and I didn’t do anything and I started listening more and tried to be a better boyfriend but I feel I alr did a lot damage. Then we recently met and had an irl conversation regarding this for the first time.
She told me how she doesn’t want us to breakup.
She considers me the best boyfriend she can ever get and she has seen a lot for the future for us and invested so much energy that she doesn’t want to breakup and want to fix all of this. I feel exactly the same. But she said she can’t guarantee anything because the feeling can’t be controlled by her completely and some things happen subconsciously. She said it’s not liked I forced her or something but it was a feeling that why didn’t I stop my boyfriend and she felt uncomfortable. She told how she felt manipulated. After our date she even said she felt more clear and got clarity and felt nice with me as well. During the date she told that initially she’ll give us one month as it can be due to our plants as according to astrology couples will fight during this time. It might be because of that. If not she’ll give this relationship 1 year and see if she gets better. If not she’ll leave and I said she can do it because I won’t like my girlfriend to feel stuck with me but at the same time I genuinely want to do everything to save this relationship because I can’t see her going because of this and I can’t see that my girlfriend will be somewhere in this world having the same feeling and will get flashbacks and I can’t do anything to make her feel better even after many years. I genuinely love her a lot and I don’t want to lose her. She’s literally the best. Yesterday she said it might be because of the planets and she felt nice yesterday and was really happy but today she got flashbacks and didn’t feel nice and over the whole day slowly I noticed she was comparatively happy so I assumed she might be feeling better. At night I was talking something about our future and how I imagine us in future together and she said that our relationship is in shatters rn and why am I thinking so much about future. She said that I should keep in mind that breakup is a possibility but on our date she told me not to think about it so much because it’ll manifest and she believed in me and she knows I won’t repeat it’s just her mind which needs to be convinced and now she said this. I’m not blaming her for anything but I can’t stop crying and it’s like I am ready to put all my efforts and energy into this relationship because there’s no one better than her and I love her a lot and the love I recieved is also something I never expected. I’m in a rollercoaster of emotions and please guide me? I’m ready to put as much as time this needs but I genuinely want her by my side and want her trust back
TL;DR: I initially manipulated my girlfriend unintentionally and I regret my actions and want to gain her trust back
So moving forward, 2-3 days goes well but then my girlfriend again feels low about this situation. She expresses that if I express too much love she feels pushed back and trapped. I don’t know what to do but this is killing me. This is genuinely the best relationship and she is someone I wanted to spend my whole life with and not someone who I thought I’ll just breakup. She’s genuinely the best girlfriend but I really don’t know how to make her feel better. Everytime I’m thinking about this I can’t even stop crying I can’t lose her
Please someone help