I borrowed his laptop and he was receiving iMessage notifications and his friends were talking about me and girls. So I opened it because I wanted to know what was being said.
He told his friends I was fine for now but he wants to do better than me and they said he can and they were sending pictures of girls from Instagram. My boyfriend included and he said he was speaking to a girl already.
I honestly feel sick. This was last night, I still feel nauseous.
I don’t think I’m horrible looking. Sometimes I get compliments from random strangers outside, I’m not sure if they’re just being nice. And he always made me feel so attractive. I have gotten the vibe sometimes that he thinks he’s better than me but I’m also in law school and I still try my best to be a good girlfriend and make time for him. I can’t think of anything that I did wrong. I guess he just wants better.
I just don’t know what the hell even happened. I thought he was gonna propose.
I thought we were very locked in especially since he told me about all his traumas and said he never told anyone. It was a very emotional moment and I just thought he trusted me for a reason and he felt like I was it for him. After that, I never second guessed our relationship or how he felt about me.
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Leave him. Even if you chose to stay together, he will always view you as someone he settled for, especially if he’s already taking now to other women.
Just dump him. You don’t even owe him an explanation.
This would be my motivation to kill it in law school and dump his ass. This man doesn’t like you he said it. And don’t let him explain because he will lie to you. You now know he’s a two face.
This is much more about him than you. He’s a jerk. Leave him—let him find someone better, if he even can. You CERTAINLY can.
In fact it will be much more satisfying to NOT even mention what you discovered. Just tell him that most relationships eventually end and this one has run its course. He will understand that he was nothing more than a convenient placeholder.
“He told his friends I was fine for now but he wants to do better than me…”
And this is where you gracefully exit. Sucks it happened, but there is better out there for you. Way better than someone saying this shit behind your back…
Oh sis just leave him
Bounce bro, you can do better.
Dump him. “No longer feel like being your placeholder”
I would dump him and tell him I can do better.
Don’t walk. Run.
That’s absolutely awful. No one deserves to feel less than. Don’t let this snake ruin your self confidence. YOU are not the problem. He is. You’re in law school and you’re making something of yourself.
You deserve someone who sees that and isn’t looking in the other direction for something “better.” That’s not love. Remember that there is always “something better” out there. When we choose to love someone, we decide that they are the person we want to build a life with and work toward that goal together, despite all the challenges. We choose to hype them up and make them feel like the bees knees, not tear them down to our friends. That’s what you deserve.
He sounds like an asshole.
Okay, so assuming he meant this and wasn’t just blathering with his buddies, it is heartbreaking to see you so hard on yourself. Maybe he meant “better for me”, as in there might be someone who he shares more in common with, or who has a similar background.
None of this means he doesn’t trust you or care about you. It might mean he’s a 30 year old man who needs to blow smoke with his buddies, or it might mean he just doesn’t see a future with you.
Either way, why aren’t you just so angry that he said these things? Why don’t you know that you are so, so good and he won’t ever find better than you? Why aren’t you raging that if he didn’t see a future with you, he told his friends before you?
If you live together, one of the days when he’s at work or whatever, move out. (Or pack his bags) Dump his ass and tell him you feel you can do better.
You now know what he thinks of you and your relationship, so it’s up to you what the next step is. If you want a serious, solid relationship with someone that’s going to consider you in the same light, then staying with him is only wasting your time. If you want to enjoy yourself while you’re in law school until you’re in a better place for a serious relationship, then go ahead and do so. It’s all about what your priority is, but his isn’t likely to change.
Most guys talk like that to friends but don’t really mean it but it’s not up to you to put up with his immaturity so talk to him if you still wanna be together or just leave him. You’ll do better without him.
Dump him. If he asks why, tell him you think you can do better, and you want to end things properly before you start looking for someone new. If he’s smart, he’ll read between the lines.
He is emotionally immature. He is already talking to another woman. Honestly who knows how many times he has cheated because he’s been out there looking. There is always someone hotter out there. None of us are perfect and always looking for better is a terrible quality to have that will not lead to any fulfillment. None of us keep our looks forever. I am sure you are beautiful and you have a bright future ahead of you. This isn’t a you problem, this is a him problem. Dump him and never look back. Best thing you could do to get back at him is leave and go no contact like he’s nothing to you. If you choose to stay you will regret this some day down the road when he leaves you for someone else or you find evidence of more cheating.
I worry for you that you are trying to think of things you did wrong and reflecting on how you tried to be a good girlfriend. This is not on you at all – he is a terrible person. It’s great that you got this information so you can get away from him.
I guess you can say you can do better.
Can someone explain how anyone could make their partner feel like a mere placeholder? Like, come on, who does that? I’m so damn sorry you’re dealing with this crap, OP. It’s gotta be rough out there for someone to talk about wanting better and not appreciate what they’ve got. Really though, babe, don’t let him get to your head. You’re amazing and deserve someone who appreciates you just as much.
That is literally the opposite attitude of what you need in a long-term partner.
React accordingly.
Truthfully no one who’s in love with someone says those things about them. He might view you that way, or he might have gotten comfortable and be blowing smoke for the boys, but either way he’s definitely not good enough for you!! Ditch this clown and move forward friend!!
He’s clearly not being honest because he’d just be single
He’s insecure af. Throw him away
I’m so sorry this happened and you must feel horrible I know I would- but there’s really nothing more to discuss
dump him right now you’re done there’s no coming back from this he’s already seeing someone else anyway. Ugh I’m so sorry!!! U deserve better
YOU can do better.
Dump him. He said he is already talking to another girl so he is planning to cheat. His friends are also trying to help him cheat on you. You deserve better than that. Focus on your schooling and career and leave that fool on the dust.
You’re beautiful enough that you get compliments from strangers, and you’re smart enough to be in law school. You’re too good for him, and he knows it. Cut him loose. You’re the one that can do better.
Lady, He is the loser, not you. Pick yourself up and feel your self worth. You are the one who is better than this ass. Leave and be happy. He can go fishing for some loser.
Get. The. Hell. Out.
Dump him now. Men like this will wear down your self esteem and ruin your life. Dump him and tell him he was fine for now but you want to do better than him and you know you can.
What a pig.
See this is where I’d play the long game, focus on my studies, kill it in my exams and then tell him that you just don’t see a future with him, he’s not the kind of guy you see yourself settling down with, it’s been fun whilst you were studying but you’re ready for a serious relationship now and want to find ‘the one’.
He’s probably waiting for you to breakup with him. Make it good by telling him he’s a placeholder for you
Leave him. You’re on a great path and he’s stuck looking at girls on Instagram. He’s gross. He’s already talked with another girl. Leave him in your dust. You’re off to bigger and better things than him
There is nothing wrong with you. The problem is 100% him. You deserve so much better.
What you should do is tell him that you’ve been thinking about things and you’re going to be a lawyer soon and you really just feel like he’s been a decent option while you’re a student but you don’t think he’s really… ideal once you’re a professional, so you’ve decided to be single to focus on finishing school and sitting the bar exam and then will look for someone better suited for you than he is. That he’s been fun, but you’re growing in a different direction.
People don’t do things because of you.They do things because of them. There is nothing wrong with you. He’s just not ready to settle down. Men don’t settle down and marry a woman because she’s the best. They settle down and marry the one that is in front of them when they’re ready to get married.
FYI – Just cause he lusts after those girls doesn’t mean they want him. This is a HIM problem, not a you problem. He’s a low integrity dude. DUMP him!
Yeah move on , he sounds like a jerk .
This is a good thing that you discovered this and didn’t waste one more second of your time on him.
You have a lot going for you – not everyone can get into law school and yes if random strangers are complimenting you they are not doing that out of the kindness of their hearts. Maybe you are not his specific type that he likes, ie you are blonde; he likes brunettes – doesn’t matter everyone has a type that doesn’t mean that you are unattractive just because you don’t fit into his preferred type.
You may hear from him sometime after you’ve broken up wanting to reconnect. Please don’t reconnect.
I wouldn’t share that you discovered his messages; I would just say that the relationship has run its course and you want to end it – this isn’t being dishonest. It has run its course and you do want to end it.
Sis… whether or not you’re attractive or a lawyer… He said he’s actively talking to another girl. He thinks he can do better, let him. I’m sorry you’re going through this 🥲. You’re beautiful either way and you got this…. YOU can do better!
Grass is always greener for some people. For them, familiarity breeds contempt. He will die alone. Perhaps an ex-wife or two and perhaps some children but people like him always die alone.
Dump him and don’t even mention that you know what’s been said. Crush his ego and his nasty spirit.
Oh, yeah, there’s someone in this story who can do a lot better, and it’s not him.
I’m sorry this is happening. You deserve someone who respects you.
I am DEVASTATED for you!! 😢😢😢How ugly and mean! I am BEGGING you to please end the relationship and don’t look back! You deserve more than this. Know your worth! I pray you are strong enough to leave and that you find your forever person!❤️❤️❤️
Well you dodged a bullet.
It’s hurts and sucks.
But move on.
If you can somehow swing it.
Like another posted.
Mention about how you’re looking for someone better.
Either he’ll put two and two together. Or it’ll just bruise his ego. Either way win win for you
Leave immediately chile
You can do better. It is understandable that you’re heartbroken, but with this behavior, it shows that you don’t know the true him because he purposely hid his shallow, nasty personality from you. It isn’t easy, but you should move on.
You are looking at this all wrong. You are lookin at this like there is something wrong with you when it is actually something wrong with him. He doesn’t have good moral character and is using you. Time to step up and take out the trash. You deserve better than this.
Leave. Your partner has 1 main job – to have your back.
He does not.
And it’s not just natural ”what ifs?” or cold feet about getting more serious – it’s a full on public THEME with his friends that you (he sees you as) are a joke and less than and you’ll stoop to being with a guy that treats you like shit – even if you don’t realize it.
You deserve better. The best revenge would be to cut him off completely with no explanation, no fight, no nothing. Just get your stuff and go. SHOW HIM that you’re the “better” of the two of you, and you can’t be bothered to fight it out with this little man. That there’s nothing he could say to convince you to stay, and he doesn’t deserve an explanation after how he’s treated you.
Someone who even needs a “placeholder” (wtf is that anyway) is wayyyy too immature, and just gross for a chick who’s going places. He’s not your guy.
Please leave him. He doesn’t love you if he’s telling his friends he hopes to ‘upgrade ‘ someday.
You deserve someone who appreciates you and loves you.
TBH, any time I’ve been with a guy who feels they are too good for me, they were also crappy partners who took their insecurities out onto me in the relationship.
Of course, they always try to make you feel like its you. But it’s not. He uses his partners to make him feel better about himself. He wants an upgrade because he thinks that will fix whatever feelings he’s having about himself.
There’s nothing you can do to fix this situation. He needs to work on himself. However, instead of that, he’s choosing to externalize the responsibility onto other people.
You’re better off letting him go and finding a man who doesn’t place how he feels about himself onto the women he dates.
I’m gonna be controversial:
Use him as a placeholder, get yourself to the level of hotness you want to be when you meet your person. Use him to get through law school and become stable. Use him in every way possible and then when you feel confident. Cut him off, look him dead in the eyes, and say “well according to you I’m not good enough for you, have fun doing better than me.”
And move on, you’ll get a bf within like 2 weeks.
There is nothing wrong with you. It’s his own insecurity. Don’t stay with this person. He is talking poorly about you to his friends instead of sticking up for your relationship. Don’t even tell him what you saw. Just end it and if he asks why say “I just think I can do better”.
Leave him and when you do tell him you can do better.
I mean…he already has a side piece. Is that the life you really want?
You are in law school; your time is too precious to waste on a man playing games. Dump him, tell him you were feeling it with him but just think you could do better. Don’t elaborate. Don’t explain you found his messages. He doesn’t deserve your sincerity. He’s playing games. If he persists just say you find him lacking. No further explanation needed. But if you do, say you can do better than him, he’s holding you back.
Don’t get hung up about your looks, you are fine. Everyone has taste, short or tall, thin or thick, make-up or natural, wherever he wanted it wasn’t you so he shouldn’t have been dating you. He’s allowed his preferences, and it doesn’t speak against him that he has them, and it doesn’t speak against you that you aren’t his match. It speaks against his shitty ass self that he played you with this placeholder mindset. He’s waiting for an opportunity to cheat. Do not stay. Break up with him. Tell him the reason is him (because it is), be vague, and let him wonder why this girl he thought beneath him saw him as the one beneath her.
Likely a ‘grass is greener’ type moment, unfortunately. He doesn’t even realize what he’s missing! You are in your prime, studying to enter an in-demand and well-paid career that is INTENSELY DIFFICULT to enter and requires not just academic skill, but public speaking, persuasive argument, the ability to sift through dense legal documents and information, and remember everything under pressure! That takes incredible force of will and confidence as well as book smarts. Don’t let this asshole take that confidence from you; this is his fuckup, not yours.
You deserve better, and you will find it when the time comes. Let yourself grieve the loss of relationship however you need to, but remember that you deserve love and respect. Not just because of professional prowess or looks, but intrinsically, as another human being. You are alive and therefore you deserve to thrive, love, and be loved in return.
(Edit for formatting/clarity)