Is it okay if I (21M) never share my kink with my partner (18F) because I’m afraid it’s too weird?
And first off, I don’t want to hear any bullshit about anything, we have been together for about 8 months , I don’t wanna hear the “nothing’s too weird, kink shaming is wrong, you should be able to share anything!”
I have watched this subreddit take up that viewpoint until there’s a post where someone actually has a really weird and gross fetish and then suddenly the comments change to “not going to lie, I would leave you over this.” So let’s stop pretending.
I do not want to lose a relationship over a kink. I am perfectly okay with my kink never being satisfied. However, I also have seen other posts on here where people are shocked and hurt that they find out deep into a relationship that their partner has a “horrifying” kink that they never knew about and now they have the ick or whatever.
So am I being dishonest if I choose to never share a kink that I am not willing to risk mentioning for fear that she will never see me the same way again and leave me?
I’m really upset and kinda angered by this because looking at posts on here it seems that people think I am obligated to torpedo my relationship by sharing a disgusting fetish in the name of “honesty” even though that could be relationship suicide and I don’t even want to have this fetish or ever have it satisfied. I didn’t ask to be this way.
For what it’s worth – the fetish is being pegged. I am not gay, I simply like the thought of my women being in control every once in a while. It’s not something I think of often but when I do feel in the mood for it I wish I felt comfortable enough to talk about it with her. I’ve experienced this with my ex girlfriend and she was more than open to it tho it didn’t happen super often. It was always a fun experience as well. However with my current girlfriend, I’m just very nervous to talk about it with her because i also think society is super judge mental on these things. I wish I didn’t feel this way sometimes and was “normal” but I can’t control that. Any suggestions
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Try having a conversation with her on the subject first see what she thinks about it and then tell her or not depending on her answer
I think it’s ok but it may limit your relationship.
What if you worked your way up to talking about it. Slowly.
That’s not my thing, but I can understand why you might be nervous sharing it
My thoughts as an old fart married woman… as long as it’s not anything illegal or morally questionable AND you are ok not revealing this right now then yep, you are ok to keep it to yourself.
You may find over the course of your relationship that this will be something that comes up in a more natural way. For my husband and I, every once in a while we get in a rut and start to bring up things to try. That may happen to you. I noticed my husband was struggling to complete so I started to suggest things we might try and prostate massage was one of them. You just never know where things will lead. But you’re fine to keep it to yourself for now IMO.
Is it okay if you decide to never share your kink with your GF?
Of course… Why wouldn’t be? You’re not required to share kinks if you don’t want to.
But if you were going to approach it. There are some stepping stones you could warm her up to first without the mentioning of pegging.
You said you like it because you enjoy the woman being in complete control… Well, you don’t need pegging in order to create that environment. Can certainly have dominating sex without it.
Also could test the waters to see how she is about anal stuff on herself. Gauge if she is in to butt stuff before you request it done to you.
However, if you’re wanting to keep this to yourself. Of course that’s okay. Not required to share kinks…
You are not obligated to share this with her. Especially if she never, like, asks.
However, yes it is always a risk that in the future, someone will find out something about you and that will change their perspective. Perhaps even give them the ick. The helpful part about telling someone in the beginning parts of the relationship is that you filter out people who would react like that.
She will love it dude. Unless she is 100% vanilla, she will be down.
BUT(T) you also have a right to privacy and dont HAVE to tell her.
It’s up to you. If you are sure you are OK never engaging in this kink and you are sure it’s not gonna eat you up inside to keep this a secret, then whatever. You do you.
I’d just tell her, though. It doesn’t really seem like that big of a deal to me, and I am the most vanilla human being on Earth.
You don’t need permission to not act on a fantasy
It’s normal to have fantasies and fetishes, if you get to the bottom of why you have them (childhood usually), they will often resolve and you can enjoy your relationship without them.
It’s like not sharing a dream you have at night, that you don’t act out in real life. The fetish is like a waking day dream. You can keep it to yourself, but she may sense any shame you feel.
I’ve only been with my partner for 8 years but my fiance has kinks that most people would think are “weird”, but I could never think that about him even if I dont enjoy said kink, relationships are about trust,honesty and compromise. Also to add when my partner shared his kinks i was very happy because that meant he trusted me to share something so personal and vulnerable. Good luck OP🖤
Part of relationships is growing and evolving and learning more about your partner. If you have the same sex forever it can be boring and unfulfilling so it’s quite handy to have conversations about trying new things. As long as your kink doesn’t become the only way you both satisfy each other and you continue to make sure her needs are met, there’s no reason she can’t learn about yours.
As for how to broach it, you know better than most as to how she might react. Coming from a gay man, it definitely makes sense that you might enjoy it. It gives over control and allows her to take the lead which can be incredibly satisfying and sexy to see your girl get assertive. On top of that, the male g spot is in the ass so the pleasure there is 10 times higher. I feel for most guys who haven’t had a prostate orgasm. They have no idea the highs they are missing.
Maybe start off by asking more about what turns her on, if there are other things you can do to make her more satisfied, things she wants to try/explore because you want her to be fulfilled. Then segue…
for what it’s worth pegging as a kink is REALLY not weird dude i promise
No shame. Just ask.
Thats a really normal kink. Is it barely even a kink? It’s just prostate stimulation, just another kind of sex. It’s not even really based on a fantasy like dressing up or role play. Its kinda vanilla dude. Id just tell her. You should be with someone who wants to please you and be honest and open, and if she ain’t that then why be with her? If youre happy never having it again, okay, but youre clearly not. And in three years time when she finds your dildo, shes going to feel like you lied for years instead of just saying it now. I think this has more to do with your worry that it reflects poorly on your manhood or is ‘gay’ somehow than it does about being mad at Reddit comments. Just talk to her. She can say no, but she might say yes.
When op mentioned disgusting i was thinking some of the worst ones i heard and turns out it isnt something even crazy
Pegging is definitely gay. Be honest with yourself.
No, it’s not like she’ll ever know. What are you feeling anxious about because telling her isn’t it. Because you aren’t.
Bro I’d keep that shit to myself personally. Your young and if she doesn’t work out she could blast ur kink to your friend circle. Unless u trust her 110% I’d wait longer
I don’t find that to be disgusting. Frankly, I find more men have this desire than will admit to.
You don’t have to tell her this is YOUR fetish, but you can raise the topic about it, and see how she responds.
Then act accordingly.
I think you are missing one key and crucial element here – trust is established, not guaranteed.
So, how you do this is you start small. You take the step together. You get her to trust you with her wants and kinks. You have fun doing this together. Then you read the room and make the conscience decision to explore something like this when the time is right.
For what its worth, I don’t think your “kink,” is way too out there. You are going to find a woman that will be super into it.
you definitely don’t have to tell her, but i also don’t think it’s that crazy or weird or “gross”. i don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of and i don’t think it would be a big deal!
It’s not weird in that you are definitely not the only person to be afraid of telling a partner about a kink.
But something to remind yourself of is that if you never tell your partner about your kink, it is highly unlikely that they will make it a part of your intimate life spontaneously. You wanna get pegged? You’ll need to tell your girlfriend “I would like you to peg me”.
Jesus buddy, all that preload about how disgusting your kink might be just for it to be pegging? I thought you were gonna say you wanted her to shit on your face or something.
Just bring it up subtly and gauge her reaction lol. Work it into a conversation like “Have you ever had anyone ask to be pegged?” And if she has a hard no reaction, drop it. If not, prod a little deeper and see if she’s maybe into it.
Pegging seems pretty normal compared to a lot of the stuff I see people mention on this site lol
I like when dudes talk about wanting to be fucked in the ass and then saying they’re not gay. You’re gay.
It sounds like you have some inner shame around this desire. I would deal with that first. If you tell her about it from a position of shame, of ‘please accept me and tell me this okay,’ you’ll get shot down 110% of the time. But! Even if she does accept it, and wants to do it, your inner shame with still be there to eat away at you and the relationship.
It’s up to you to decide how important that kink is to you and your long-term sexual satisfaction.
I personally have some kinks that are more important to me than others. I could easily lead a sexually full life without experiencing them with a partner. Others? I would feel unsatisfied without having those needs met.
For what it’s worth, from someone twice your age, that’s a pretty tame kink and one that most women are open to at least trying.
Gonna be honest, your kink isn’t even that weird. Your partner should want you to be sexual satisfied. I get some people feeling the way you feel but yours seems like on the edge of mild lol. I’ve had relations with a few people into this or a mild version of this. I don’t think it’s that uncommon. Find a girl that wants to make you feel good homie 👍
Nothing wrong with being pegged, its where our prostate is, unless you and your partner have some sort of internalised homophobia / consider it only the realm of being gay (based on your calling it not normal I suspect that) I dont see the issue.
On a personal note, the beginner size we tried didn’t do much for me, gunna have to go bigger. I’m also very straight.
But no, you dont have to share it.
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Technically you are being dishonest if you don’t share your kink. But only to yourself. But I would say take time to think about how much you need this kink? Is it something you need to ‘finish’ each time or is it just a nice addition? Has your current partner shared any kinks? How open do you think they are to kinks in general? Do you have any other kinks that are, maybe by others standards, a little more common/acceptable/tame? If you can at least have a conversation with your partner about some of it then that will help. And while it would suck to lose a relationship over kinks, it would suck more to force yourself to stay a relationship where your needs aren’t being met. (Personally I don’t have any issues with any kinks, I don’t think poorly of any kinks, and I never kink shame. I think it’s always worth it to bring it up because that’s how you’ll know where the compatibility lies.)
You seem really angry…whats with having a go at everyone from the start? Telling us what not to say? Just trust your own judgement if you already know the possible answers on here.
It’s perfectly fine to keep your kink a secret especially if you don’t intend to indulge in it.
It’s also ok, to change your mind later if needed.
Try dating someone out of high school then, they’re typically better with communication
Sir… you wrote those first paragraphs as if your kink was something reprehensible… wanting to be pegged isn’t that. Is pegging even a kink? Like it’s just anal sex right? But I’m guessing you also like the domination aspect of it? Then that’s your kink
With how young you both are still, 100% I understand your hesitation to tell her. My bf and I both have kinks. I’m into bdsm, bondage, etc and even have r word fantasies and more. My bf looooves stockings most but also enjoys anal on occasion including pegging. Our kinks have nothing to do with if we are good or bad, and they’re okay as long as it’s being done in a safe and consensual way. Just because I have a r word fantasy, doesn’t mean I want that. BDSM and bondage satisfies the itch for me and it’s safe and consensual!
Truthfully, that’s a way more common kink for men than you realize and there is nothing wrong with that kink at all! There are absolutely lines but you aren’t hurting anyone with this kink which is WHY it’s okay!
My suggestion is similar to what others have said but this is how I’ve approached the topic with my current and past relationships. This is not necessarily a topic you should bring up randomly, it will be best if you guys are talking about anything sex related first. Maybe you could start with simply asking her “do you have any kinks or things you’ve wanted to try before?” Maybe give her some obvious examples such as bdsm, leather, stockings, etc. and see what she says. When it’s your turn to say yours, you can either just say it if you feel like she will accept it, or you say something like “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be pegged. I like the idea of the woman being on top and being a bit more dominant.” Honestly, most of your explanation you wrote in your post would work just fine to explain! You know your gf best on if you should mention your ex doing it to you though. If you don’t want to say it right away, just say the part about having a woman be dominant and see where that goes. If it goes well and/or you try that, then that could lead to pegging later on being a topic of discussion!
Another helpful hint if she IS accepting of the kink but maybe not crazy about doing it – I’ve never pegged my bf but when he’s in the mood, we have sex while he has a plug in. It satisfies his craving when it happens and I don’t need to do anything different. That being said, I totally would do it but we don’t have a strap on right now lol
Okay, last thing. In my opinion, if she judges you and/or shames you for a kink that is actually very normal, she might not be your forever person. She doesn’t have to do it, but if she’s gonna be with you, you need to be able to accept each other good and bad.
Man, the way you hyped this up, I thought it was going to be something illegal.
Being pegged is quite a common request by men, they just don’t talk about it because of how it can be viewed.
That being said, I don’t think it’s weird, per se, to keep it from her, I just feel bad that you don’t feel comfortable enough with her to share it.
>the fetish is being pegged
You need to work on your homophobia. That may be what ends the relationship if your GF finds out. If you are attracted to women then you’re not gay. If you are not attracted to any men then you are not bisexual. If you are not attracted to any nonbinary people then you are also not pansexual.
Wanting a woman to massage your prostate or f**k you means you’re heterosexual.
The good news for you is you are living the dream. Most guys want their GF to try anal play but refuse to try it themselves. That refusal usually kills any excitement their partner may feel to explore that. Since you want to try this yourself, I feel like this gives you an obvious plan.
Bring up being interested in analy play with your GF. Explain you want to start doing things like inserting fingers or tickling during oral, both giving and receiving. If she’s down you can give that a try. If you both like it, escalate to butt plugs. Move at your own pace as a couple. You’ll figure out your level as you explore together.
If she’s completely against anything like that, she’s not for you. There are a lot of girls and women who’d love to experiment with a partner who doesn’t expect them to do all the heavy lifting. Find yourself one of those.
OK, so it’s literally in the first few minutes of the original Deadpool movie.
Use that as your bridge buddy to open the subject – whether she thinks that’s kinky, gross, thinks less of Deadpool / wade wilson for it, etc.
You’re welcome.
Dude… that’s it? Im thinking here your kink is fucking stuffed animals while listening to barney music or some shit. It’s like a super common thing. Your partner will really think low of you for this?
I hope links are allowed. I think this might be somewhat relevant.
It’s ok if you don’t share it. It’s ok if you share it in a way that communicates it’s something you enjoy, not a deal breaker. It’s ok if you change your mind. Just try not to bully yourself about it.
Of all the things you could’ve said, the one that the future king of England is (allegedly) into is not one that I’d say is that scandalous?
pegging is NOT weird bestie, don’t worry about it
this really isn’t that weird haha. don’t get in your head about it before you even know what she thinks
I’ll throw a potential resource out there, though this would obviously require her participation as well.
There are a few online resources that pose a kink survey to both partners individually, then only make visible to the other partner the ones that their partner answered either “yes” or “maybe” to.
The idea being, as long as you both answer honestly, you’ll both quietly know which ones you answered “yes” to that the other person declined, but your partner will be none the wiser.
If yours pops up, then it’ll be way easier to broach the subject. Worst case scenario, you at least know her position on it without making it awkward, provided she’s open to the idea of taking the survey in the first place.
I’d link some specific sites, but I can’t guarantee which ones don’t require memberships or paywalls or whatever. A simple Google search should put you on the right track.
Hope this helps.
Totally fine imo
Bring it up casually in conversation. Obviously don’t make it about you, just talk about different fetishes and mention pegging. See how she reacts and what her thoughts are before pushing it further.
Here’s my take, she’s 18 and you’re 21; you ain’t gonna be together forever. Now you can take that either as what the hell do I have to lose or if this isn’t going the distance then why bother.
Your kink is not weird
But I don’t think you are going to find many 18 year old girls who would react maturely to being asked to peg their boyfriend.
This may be a kink you have to wait til later in your life to explore…which is fine
pegging is a pretty normal kink. and pretty accepted. I’d say that if ur gf thinks smt bad about pegging or that changes her view of you that’s a pretty bad red flag. i know a lot of girls that would love having a partner that’s into pegging, it’s very common.
One day you’re gonna want it.. you’re just young now. Maybe if you tell her she might like to try it.
You’re absolutely within your rights to never bring it up, but that’s not your only option. Personally, I’d consider having a conversation about it, especially since your kink is quite common. You could also give it some time, maybe a year or two, until you feel more comfortable. Another approach is to test the waters subtly to get a sense of how she might feel about it. All of these are valid options. It’s a harmless kink, and ultimately, you should do what brings you the most happiness.
It sound like a very “acceptable” kink to me… bring it slowly… maybe suggest a finger while she gives you head and build from there. She might be into it as well.
If this is not a relationship where you feel emotionally safe enough to even discuss sexual or other vulnerable subjects, is it the right one for you?
Regardless of whether or not you and a partner would ever engage in pegging, not being able to have that discussion isn’t a good sign.
If it’s because she has expressed disgust over it or something similar e.g. men being penetrated by other men, then staying with her is not kind to yourself as your kink will become a “shameful” secret. If she has said that she wouldn’t date a guy into pegging or you strongly suspect that is her view and you don’t feel like you can ask her that question, you have to break up with her whether or not you share the reason why, because that is her sexual boundary and it needs to be respected even if she would never find out your kink.
In contrast, if it turns out that she is completely fine with it, and she finds out later, her feelings would be hurt that you didn’t trust her or you thought so harshly of her.
As a woman who’s pegged men, it’s really not that unusual. But I absolutely understand your hesitance.
If you’d like to see if you could share it without ruining her view of you, you could talk about kinks in a broad sense – things she is wanting, willing, not willing, and 0 tolerance. That might give you an idea if thats something she would end it over.
As far as whether its wrong to not tell her? As long as this is something you can live without, then no, you absolutely don’t have to tell her. There are kinks I’ll never share with anyone because I don’t want to do them with a romantic partner, but I would do in a domme/sub or dom/sub dynamic. But they’re also things I wouldn’t need to be satisfied.
In the end, you’re allowed your privacy and secrets as long as no one else is being hurt in the process.
I’d try to find a gentle way to talk about it. I think you’ll be happier if you do. I try to never have secrets with those that I love.
Dude pegging isn’t abnormal. Also you might not want to hear it, but the reality is, you SHOULD be able to talk to your gf about this. You say you don’t want to because “society” is judgy. Well your GF is not all of society. Whoever you choose as your partner should be someone you trust and are comfortable enough to tell this sort of thing to. At the end of the day, you’re certainly not obligated to tell her anything. But do you want to be with someone you don’t trust enough to tell this to? Maybe you guys will get to a place where you feel more comfortable, but long term relationships should not be marred by shame or hiding kinks. Also, if you want to have a fulfilling sex life and you hide something you’re into, you’re probably going to feel resentment about not being able to explore that side of you.
That’s a pretty tame kink.
To me it’s important to discern between a kink & a fetish. If you feel it’s necessary for you to be pegged periodically, you should tell her. If you’re interested in it but OK not having it, you don’t need to tell her.
I thought this was gonna be like scat or clown gang bangs or something. Pegging really is not a big deal dude. It’s up to you if you take it to your grave but you could also… not do that and be with a woman who likes to fuck your ass when the mood strikes?
That kink is pretty mainstream
There are women who would get the big ick from that. But thats a small portion of extremely shallow women. If you honestly think thats her, then go ahead and hide it, and if she doesnt like that you hid it, thats her fault for being that way. If your girlfriend actually cares for you and tries to understand you, I’m pretty sure she wont care.
Honestly dude this is pretty tame in this day and age. You just pretty much frame it as u getting to have a different and supposedly better orgasm.
You deserve the right to chase your best orgasm buddy. 👍
Man I thought you wanted her to pee in your mouth or something that’s actually like… gross. You don’t have to tell her but I also don’t think she would find it that odd. And it’s not gay/bi if she’s a woman lol. She may be shocked at first, but she won’t leave you for something that moot.
You said you don’t want to hear it so I’ll tell the general audience….don’t listen!
Men being penetrated isn’t a kink …it’s just a sex act that society shames men into hiding about themselves. It has no correlation with homosexuality or any similar bullshit.
Don’t settle for not being fulfilled.
Commenting on an aspect I haven’t seen covered so far in the comments- I don’t think pegging is generally associated with sexuality. If you bring it up with her and she isn’t into it, totally fine, but if she makes comments about your sexuality that go against what you’ve mentioned about your identity, I’d consider that to “torpedo the relationship” rather than your kink preferences