I am still a little heated so I’ll keep it short and hopefully it’ll all make sense. Was best friends with this woman for 5 years married for 2. She left because she was scared of commitment and wanted to sleep with other people and didn’t want to do that to me because that was how my previous marriage ended (literally her words). She absolutely has broken my heart and this was very out of the blue for me. Well it’s been three months since we separated and Friday I found out she is 2 months pregnant. So potentially not my kid.
I’m a firefighter and we have an ambulance at our station that is ran by the county not the fire department. She works for that ambulance. The most recent news (that i found out Sunday) is that one of the people who work on that particular ambulance at my particular station is one of the people that possibly got her pregnant.
Last night she asked if she could work with him. In my station. With him.
I told her “respectfully I can work with him and I can work with you, but I would not be comfortable working with the both of you at the same time”. She kept pressing the issue and asking and saying she didn’t understand why I didn’t want that. She said he was mad at her, that “she was respecting my wishes instead of his” and he was “extremely pissed” at her for that and he was “making her cry and really wanted to just make him happy” and wasn’t understanding why I wouldn’t let them work together.
The more she pressed the more upset I got. I called their boss due to her pressing me so much and told him everything and made sure that they would not be able to work together at my station at the very least while I was there.
AITA for “not respecting her babies father”?
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I am still a little heated so I’ll keep it short and hopefully it’ll all make sense. Was best friends with this woman for 5 years married for 2. She left because she was scared of commitment and wanted to sleep with other people and didn’t want to do that to me because that was how my previous marriage ended (literally her words). She absolutely has broken my heart and this was very out of the blue for me. Well it’s been three months since we separated and Friday I found out she is 2 months pregnant. So potentially not my kid.
I’m a firefighter and we have an ambulance at our station that is ran by the county not the fire department. She works for that ambulance. The most recent news (that i found out Sunday) is that one of the people who work on that particular ambulance at my particular station is one of the people that possibly got her pregnant.
Last night she asked if she could work with him. In my station. With him.
I told her “respectfully I can work with him and I can work with you, but I would not be comfortable working with the both of you at the same time”. She kept pressing the issue and asking and saying she didn’t understand why I didn’t want that. She said he was mad at her, that “she was respecting my wishes instead of his” and he was “extremely pissed” at her for that and he was “making her cry and really wanted to just make him happy” and wasn’t understanding why I wouldn’t let them work together.
The more she pressed the more upset I got. I called their boss due to her pressing me so much and told him everything and made sure that they would not be able to work together at my station at the very least while I was there.
AITA for “not respecting her babies father”?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for not letting my pregnant separated wife not work with her possible babies dad at the same place I was working at the same time as me working?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – She is completely unreasonable, you are NOT the AH; they are. Sorry but who could have prepared oneself to be so blatantly disrespected to make them happy. YES, keep supervisors updated with facts, remain professional and do not budge. This will get further away in the rear view mirror; better days are ahead.
NTA. They are both being insensitive. It would be very uncomfortable for you. It looks like she met a man with a bit of an abuser tendencies.
NTA, but this is an HR nightmare. It’s not totally clear to me how much control you have over them or their schedules. Definitely NTA for telling her you don’t want to work with them and talking to their boss. If you actually control their schedules though and have any supervisor-like relationship with them i’d consider passing off those responsibilities to someone else or at least making your HR-equivalent aware of the conflict. That’s so awkward. Nobody would want to work with them together, especially considering how high-stakes your job is.
NTA. You are completely reasonable. She sounds like a very immature and selfish person who can’t consider others’ perspectives and feelings.
I hope it’s not your child and I urge to stay away from both of them.
Have your lawyer send a carefully worded letter to the legal counsel for the municipality of the fire station. Holding them responsible for any stress related job action taken by you. Including long term disability.
NTA. Your soon to be ex wife is looney. Not only did she get with someone that works with you, now she wants to transfer over so you have to see them together at work? That’s not cool. Please keep HR/supervisors in the loop with relevant info.
I hope this is not too hurtful, but you not being the father would be for the best in this situation. It sounds like a hard situation to be in.
YTA. She needs to stop working and rely fully on child support payments from you even if you arent the father of the child. You need to work to support her kid and be a good person. If you dont do this, it would be extreme abuse.
Sorry, tell her to fkkk off and never see you again? esp with new dick in town. Argh. Be strong dude.
How do you get to decide who the county staff is on a county ambulance? Isn’t that set by a completely separate management, and one none of the 3 of you have any say in?
Also, if you’re feeling petty, couldn’t you just inform said management that those two have an ongoing relationship and shouldn’t be scheduled together?
NTA. What she is pulling is unacceptable. What he is doing is trying to torment you. There’s no reason for him to insist on this otherwise.
INFO: Why is this even up to you if they don’t work for you and you don’t make staffing decisions?
You’re NTA for not liking the idea or for bringing it up to her boss. I’m just curious why she even asked…
Nta
Also maybe she shouldn’t be working the ambulance while pregnant, I don’t know the rules where you live but it’s a risky job.
Shes been watching too much Station 19 😂
Like how inconsiderate and selfish can a person be ?!
She sounds like real trash. Lucky you are shed of her. No reason to accept her and her “current ” BF and maybe baby daddy work with you
She “doesn’t understand ” why you have a problem with that? Im afraid she absolutely understands why you have a problem with that. She hurt you, and this other guy hurt you. It is very reasonable of you to even be willing to work in the presence of one of them. For them to expect you to be cool about working with both of them together is too much, and they would have to be stupid not to get that. I think they are both well aware of how bad they acted, but are afraid of either feeling guilty or of looking bad, and so are trying to make you think that you are overreacting so that you will be persuaded to let them have their way without consequence. You are not obligated to do that for them.
NTA. By constantly trying to pressure you, she’s creating a hostile work environment that would only get worse if her baby daddy started working there.
Good on you for going to the higher-ups to put a stop to this foolishness.
NTA, she sounds like a drama bomb, you’re best off not being anywhere near a drama bomb.
NTA and most companies(I am a recruiter for many companies) do not allow couples to work together. It is for very good reasons, it rarely works out well. There is no reason for them to have to work together. More times than not, one of the two is very controlling and trying to get tabs on the other. I have seen a ton of drama from couples who work together. She has really got nerve! Considering how much drama she is, they would be way more drama then it is worth and you know she will try to sleep with everyone she can. If he isn’t the baby daddy, she will need to lock one down.
I know you are hurting but how did you stand being with her so long? This could not be new behavior.
wait wait. she really doesn’t understand why you don’t want to work with her, and the dude she left you for and got pregnant with (which is a huge commitment) right after she left you claiming she didn’t want commitment?
No offense, but is she mentally disabled?
NTA. Sounds like the other guy has some issues too. They will have a falling out and she’ll be in the same boat again. I’d consider finding an attorney and preparing yourself in case the child is yours.
NTA but she and maybe baby daddy are. Good for you ending her BS.
Those two people are so selfish and mean. They would highly distract your work day.
I cannot believe I’m single when people like this woman manage to find people to love them.
NTA. Get a dna test asap to verify if the baby is yours. Once that is done you can go from there.
UpdateMe
Seriously hire a lawyer & get the divorce ball rolling. You do not want to be the legal father or involved with this dumpster fire