I (30M) found messages on my fiancée’s (29F) phone from her bachelorette weekend. She met a guy (also on his bachelor party), asked for his Instagram “for a friend,” joked about his relationship status, and later said her friend wanted his number.
When I brought it up, she laughed and brushed it off like it was nothing. I got upset and said some things I regret, but I felt disrespected. Now she’s saying I violated her privacy by checking her phone, and that I’m reacting based on old trust issues.
We’ve already done therapy twice, and the wedding is two months away. I’m now seriously questioning whether I can trust her or if this is something I should walk away from.
Help!
Comments
Most people don’t get the red flags until after they are married.
if she’s already giving out her information to other men it’s just better to break off the engagement you deserve so much better. she brushed your feelings aside that’s so not cool
I’m sure there are things you left out. For example, “reacting based on old trust issues” makes it sound like she’s been inappropriate with others outside your relationship in the past? If so, what has she done to try to rebuild the trust?
To me, the biggest red flag here is being dismissive of your concerns. In a way, it feels like she’s taking your role in her life as a thing that cannot be changed. She’s assuming you’re getting married. She’s assuming she can get you to accept what happened at some point. And as such, she doesn’t believe she has to respect the fact that your feelings on the matter might be different.
A life partner should not be dismissing your concerns like that. And she absolutely should not be implementing DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) to make it your fault instead of her fault.
This is worth another conversation but before you do, you need to take some time to truly reflect on the relationship and decide whether or not this is something you want to commit to for the rest of your life. And if you’re having doubts, the sooner you figure this out, the better.
Shes for the streets. Move on.
Invitations usually aren’t in the mail two months out, so I’d stop it now.
You found out because you went through her phone or become her and her friends talked about it?
If you had to go through her phone. Then it are not ready for marriage.
Here are the MESSAGES!!
Guy (gray):
Orlando
Guy:
Yooo y’all still going out?
Her:
Yes! We’re walking to the front rn
Guy:
Haha we are also
Where y’all going first?
Her:
Wherever the vibes take us 😂
Guy:
Bet maybe we’ll see you out
Her:
Come up here!
Guy:
We got a bottle in the bottle floor 😅
Her (next day):
Hi! My friend Arin was wondering if Jose has an Instagram
Guy:
Nah he literally has no social at all…
Heba weirdo low key
Shoot me yours and Lauren’s lol
@biglando310
Her:
Is he hiding his wife or something?
Guy:
Lol tell Erin that Jose is a bimbo 😂 he looks like a bimbo lol
Haha wooow he has none… it’s hard to believe haha
Her:
Lol! Wait now she wants his number 🥴
Don’t get married. It’s a sign.
What did the messages say?
Don’t marry this girl man. She’s showing you all the red flags now that will end in horrible divorce down the road.
Why does it seem like women on bachelorette parties do this type of stuff constantly?
Her being dismissive of everything is a huge red flag and if I was you, I would put a stop to things at least get some further clarity on things seems like you already don’t trust her and if you break things off now and not get married well and you’re not gonna lose half of your money. You wanna make sure you marry somebody that you can trust. Do you trust her?