When to say “enough” I(43yr male) have been in a relationship with my partner(50yr female) for 14 years.

We have your average life. Jobs, house, holidays etc. We arent rich, we arent poor.

Anyway. For me to be posting on here is telling. In a nutshell i feel completely taken for granted, and have done for years. I’ll use this year as an example… Back in March, it was her 50th. I told her one day that i had paid for a holiday for her/us to Morocco. That very night, when she was on a night shift. Her ex bf from a long time ago decided to dm her, as he saw she was online. What started as a “hi, how are ya” quickly turned into him making it clear what his intentions were. Anyway, she sent a couple of recent photos of herself(not sexual photos) to him. She was subtly flirting back. If he made suggestive remarks. She would be like “oh my….lol” … She finally shut the conversation down when he started becoming very explicit in his sexual tone.
I discovered this convo by pure chance when she was asking me how to do something on her phone.
Weeks of arguing etc followed. Since then. Everything has been “ok” … She recently went on a 5 day girls trip to Italy with her friends. She also had a 2 day trip to Barcelona with our son.
I always show up for her in every way i can. Emotionally, supportive, financially. I always help around the home. Yet she walks around, and ive seen her moan to her friends as if im this sort of burden. Almost replaceable. She has this subtle misery, like her life is so hard. And im the problem. Or the kids. And its starting to become very draining… At what point do i stop excusing her because of menopause, and actually put myself first. And tell her straight, that its not ok. And ive had enough.

TLDR: Help…