So here’s the mess. I’m 23, married, got a toddler, and life’s already been non-stop. My husband’s doing what he can. I’m working part time, barely holding things together some days. And out of nowhere, my stepmom decides she’s got some say in our lives. She’s been nice over the years, I guess. Helped out a bit after I gave birth. Brought food, babysat once or twice. But it was never anything big. Still, she acted like she was raising my child. I brushed it off. But last week, she pulled me aside and said she wants my kid to live with her. Not for a visit. Not part time. Live. Full time. Like… huh? She said it’d be “better for everyone.” That I “look tired all the time” and “need space to breathe.” She literally said, “Just leave her with me. You can still see her whenever you want.” Like she was offering to watch my dog or something. I told her straight up that it’s not happening. That my husband and I are the parents and we get to decide where our kid lives. She got this look on her face like I was being ungrateful or selfish or something. Then she started crying. Said I was “pushing her away” and that she’s “just trying to help.” Said I’m unstable.
That she’s the only one thinking clearly and I’m going to ruin my daughter’s life. I lost it. I told her to stop trying to take over, that she’s not the mom here. She stormed out. Now she won’t talk to me. My dad called saying I broke her heart and should’ve “heard her out” more. But seriously, what the hell was I supposed to do? Sit there and consider letting my kid go live with someone else just to keep the peace? This whole thing’s got me second-guessing everything. Was I too harsh? Or was she the one crossing the line? AITAH?
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what the even hell? ur step mother is crazy sorry to say it. that’s literally YOUR child 😭
NTA – stepmom is the unstable one. Also it’s weird that she wants someone’s kid that she’s not even related to.
What does your husband say about this?
Does your dad have no brain? What do you mean ‘hear her out’?????? Fuck her feelings! What kind of person says something like this and thinks it’s normal? NTA
NTA. It sounds like she’s trying to turn your child into her child.
Fake AI post. All the quotations, evil stepmother, plus this wildly unrealistic scenario.
Your stepmom is trying to play the long game in the parenting Olympics. But guess what? You’re the gold medalist here.
NTA. From now onwards, you need to limit what she does for you and keep her away from your child. She would not even be grandma to my kid because she sounds unhinged. Anyways, where is your mom????
I would suggest you go low or no contact with your step mom and if necessary your father as well. Your step mom sounds like she is one bottle of wine away from planning on kidnapping your kid
NTA Take the silent treatment as a big win and keep it up. You don’t need crazy, entitled nuts in your life. So enjoy the silent treatment!
NTA. She didn’t offer help – she tried to take your child. That’s not support, that’s control. You’re allowed to be tired. You’re allowed to struggle. That doesn’t mean someone gets to swoop in and act like the better parent. She crossed a huge line, and you were right to set a boundary.
Never ever leave your child alone with this woman
News flash: EVERY new mother is sleep deprived and looks tired all the time. I’m sorry your stepmother is such a pill. Enjoy the silence while you can because she’ll be right back at trying to run over and around your boundaries pretty soon. If she brings it up again, ask her, “Were you [or if she doesn’t have kids ‘Would you have been’] such a terrible mother that you would have willingly given away your child? Because I am not. This subject is not up for discussion ever again.”
I would research grey rock/yellow rock techniques. Basically you become the most boring person in the world around her. She gets no reaction, no anger, no crying, no lively conversation, no information on your life, nothing. Just simple answers like, “sure,” “whatever,” “fine,” and lots of shrugs before you walk away. Just don’t engage. And never let her babysit again or be unsupervised, especially as your daughter gets older. Goodness only knows what she will be telling your daughter when you are not around.
NTA. That’s not trying to help you. That’s trying to take your kid. Shut that shit down promptly; parents that “help” by overstepping or pushing you out will undermine your role and your relationship with your child.
I know this because I couldn’t push my parents back alone, and now I have more of a distant aunt/cousin relationship with my oldest. He’s an adult. My parents are long dead. We will never have a normal parent/child relationship due to their “help.”
It took a while to forgive my parents. I know that they loved me and there was no malice, but the damage was all the same. Don’t let it happen to you and yours.
You need to start documenting things in case she tries to claim you’re unfit. She is seriously unhinged. NTA.
This is super creepy and that woman needs to be in therapy. Do not let her babysit, do not let her around your daughter unsupervised. Sleepovers/babysitting at your father’s house are off the table.
NTA you need to cut her off entirely before she uses access to you, your house, and your child to gether “evidence” to present to CPS that you’re unfit and she should have custody.
And tell your dad that HE might be happy to give away his child to a step parent, but you won’t be giving away your children ever.
Youshould have been HARSHER. NTA
Heard her out? What more did she have to say? I assume more irrational blather.
Did your stepmom cross the line? Way over, way past, the line.
Keep your boundaries, and let your dad know that any more of that BS will have overt, negative, consequences. For both of them.
NTA
NTA best to drop a nuke on that bridge. People like that don’t change only change tactics. She also doesn’t sound like someone who should be around young kids. I’d take the stepmother isn’t talking to me as a massive win for you.
Is she childless and trying to compensate with your child??
She won’t talk to you? I’d never talk to that nut job again, much less let her anywhere near my family. NTA.
Your stepmom is crazy and your dad is an AH.
OP this is ground for permanent no contact. I wouldn’t put it past her to straight up take your kid without asking.
It’s definitely hard when you’re young & just starting out. We lived in a small trailer & my husband didn’t make much money. I had left my job to move to be with him & we struggled a lot. My MIL made similar comments implying my children would be better off with her. No way was I giving my children up even for 1 night. I never asked her for anything. She was never alone with them as I feared she would talk crap on me. MY little family didn’t have money but we had lots of love. Your stepmom was definitely out of line. I’m curious as to your living conditions & the environment in which you live. Don’t answer to me but answer to yourself. Is it possible that she was trying to help your family? Even though she went about it all wrong. Good luck to you & your family. P.S. We eventually made more money, got a better trailer 😊then a beautiful home. Our kids are grown & doing fantastic.
Gotta wonder what the other side of the story is. Is there a rationale behind her offer? Without more information this seems crazy but I’d like to hear the other side of this.
NTA. Tell Daddy Dearest that if is wife wants a baby it is HIS job to give her one, NOT yours!
Whoa. Yeah document, as soon as her tears are dried she will start calling child protective! Don’t be having her babysit from here on out either!
She’s a psycho, no more unsupervised visits, infact I’d be seriously considering not allowing her any access to your kid. She unhinged, get cameras incase she decides to pick her up and leave with her. Updateme
Plus your Dad is an asshole
What would make her think you are unstable? Are you acting unstable?
I wouldn’t ever let her in the house again, because she shown that she’s willing to go into the mental health problems as a reason to try and take your child from you. She was also likely to call child protective services to try and get your child from you. Basically what she wants is your child. She has no kindness or regard for you. A normal person would offer to help Moore to take some of the stress off. Instead, she’s made her wishes known. She wants your child and she’s willing to do whatever it takes to get her.
Nope, not the asshole. She is the one crossing the line. WTF
When someone offers to kidnap your kid, you should push them away.
You weren’t harsh enough.
See how when you said no she showed her hand and tried to say YOU were unstable meanwhile she’s crying because she cannot take someone else’s child away from them…
Have your house CPS ready, food in the fridge, relatively tidy etc.
She’s nowhere near done.
Tell your dad to take a look in the mirror and ask himself what kind of father he is that he’s advocating for his wife trying to steal your child from you.
NTA.
Take a long break from both of them. Find a new support network, these people aren’t it.
NTA…What the actual hell! I am the grandmother to 11…I have offered to take kids to weekends to give parents a break…recently watched 9 at once so Mom and Dad could go away for the weekend…that’s my job…have fun with the kids and give Mom and/or Dad a break when needed…I do NOT want to raise my grandkids!
“Hey dad, since you’re perfectly fine with your wife trying to steal my child, you are out. For good. Hope your fee-fees can handle that. You and your wife are psycho”
Attempting to take custody of your child is not helpful its delusional. If she wants to play mama tell her to get a dog instead of claiming someone elses child and trying to pass it of as a kindness. NTA. Tiredness is part of being a parent, her taking you child would leave her no different kids are hard work and its yours. Helping would have been “we’ll take her for the weekend let you breath and reenergise” not lay claim to your child then have a tantrum when she doesn’t her way because you as the parent tell her no.
NTA.
Your father is one and step mom for sure.
She has no rights and she is entitled as hell.
I’d go no contact until she respects you two as parents and humans
The irony of saying you’re unstable while trying to claim a child that’s not hers. That’s some special kind of crazy. NTA.
>So here’s the mess.
So, a fake post, then.
Shite. Just a karma farming account.
NTA- but Reddit makes me think the worse. Look up what cps looks for In your state and make sure you’re covered . Clean place, food/formula, diapers, dr number etc
NTA. The only unstable person here in this story is your SM. Your dad is an AH for enabling his dumba$$ wife.
Your stepmother‘s bat shit crazy and tell her that. Is your child your husband‘s child and y’all will raise her without interference from your stepmom? she didn’t overstep she jumped continents. and your dad I cannot believe he entertained this. You are his child and he should protect you from crazy. NTA
NTA
But, please take a deep breath and think this out for your own protection. Stop with the angry knee-jerk reactions and start with the cold assessment of what is really going on.
Are your marriage and homelife generally good and stable (despite the toddler and work chaos everyone experiences)? If so, I think you should hold off on any visits by your stepmother and dad for at least a month.
There could be some underlying factors here that you know nothing about (such as menopause), but none of them should prevent you from protecting your family and your child. Toddlers hear everything, and if your stepmother says anything around them, questioning your ability to handle motherhood, your child will hear that you are arguing about them and assume it is their fault. That’s what little kids do when adults argue about them.
After some time goes by, you can attempt a reasonable conversation with your dad, outlining that what your stepmother is asking/demanding is completely inappropriate. People don’t just hand over their child to their stepparent, or even their parent, just because their life is tiring and chaotic. They do what all other parents do that have ever had children and get through it. And the fact that you wouldn’t even consider doing this is the NORMAL reaction. Him telling you that she is heartbroken is a completely ABNORMAL reaction.
I agree with others saying that you should document everything. If your dad and stepmother have a key to your home, change the locks. If they are the emergency contact on anything related to your child, they should be removed until this is resolved (if ever).
Best wishes to you, OP. Stand strong.
NTA. DO NOT second guess yourself! Your step-mother is unhinged. Sounds like she just wants to pretend like she is trying to help in order to gain access to your daughter. She can tell you whatever you want to hear to your face then use it against you to possibly try to take custody (worst case scenario here).
You need to have a one on one conversation with your dad and ask him how he would feel if someone other than him decided they wanted to take you off his hands when you were a toddler because he “looks tired.” Being a parent isn’t easy. Anyone with kids knows you are going to look tired (because you are) and face challenges. BUT at the end of the day you have your family, your health, your home, and your love. That’s what counts.
I would prepare myself to have to stand against her. She might try to go the legal route (though I am sure she can’t do much). Just be prepared. I would start documenting all exchanges between you and your stepmother when it concerns your family.
UpdateMe!
Your stepmother wants your kid. Permanently.
Ban her from your home and from ever seeing your kid. Make sure your home is in good shape. She seems like the type who might call CPS on you.
NTA
NTA – no she’s just reached that point in her life where women get menopausal and go batshit crazy. Seriously, who asked someone for their kid and then get pissy when they won’t give him up? That’s absolutely insane.
NTA
She sounds absolutely insane
I would cut her out of my life and not let her near the child
She sounds unhinged
This isn’t a thing that happens. Fake/10.
NTA – it sounds like she just wanted a baby to raise. The answer is going to be no so why does your dad tell you that you should have heard her out more? Your choice wasn’t going to change
NTA. Your stepmom is mentally ill for thinking you’d just give your kid away to her. What are you second guessing here, and what “hearing her out more” would make it ok for her to try to decide your kid should live with her.
You need to set your dad straight that she was crossing lines in a big way and he should be worried about her mental state if he thought you were going to give her your kid to live with her. That’s absolutely mental, and if he thinks its ok and you should “hear her out” he’s absolutely mental as well.
Updateme
Like, WTH?!?
Only thing I can think is that she never had a child of her own and sees this as her chance to be the mother she always wanted to be. It’s sounding more than a little unhinged, TBH. And your dad? What’s to “hear out”? Your stepmother proposed taking your child away and accused you of being unstable and unable to think clearly when you told her absolutely not.
I’d be telling daddy dearest that until his wife gives up this insane demand that you give her your child, they are not welcome in your home. That if they persist, you’ll be looking into legal steps to keep her away. Make it clear that you’re willing to go scorched earth to protect your family. And make sure anyone who watches your child knows that stepmother is a danger to the safety of your child.
And give yourself a break. You have a toddler. You are not ruining her life. Barely holding it together some days is part of parenthood. Looking tired is part of the role. And giving space to breathe does not justify “let me have your child”. Your stepmother blew up the line and your father is enabling her obvious delusions.
Yeah I’d just cut her out of daughter’s life and your life all together. Tell dad stepmom is in timeout until she can learn her place.
Poster has no history, and this post perfectly follows the fake post template.
Good, now that she’s not talking to you,set some major boundaries!!!
Not to go off the deep end but I live by a better safe than sorry motto.
Starting documenting everything. Make records of everything do not let daycare or anyone but your husband and you take kid.
She’s can set a precedent by constantly saying she’s raising the kid for custody.