So for clarification, I (29M) have been with my partner (30F) for over 4 years now and she has a child of her own. Our relationship has been solid for some time, but once i moved to a different town. It felt like it has dwindled significantly. I told her about the move to a different town a hour away, and she was on board with living with me and okay with the fact it will be an hour away. But now it feels like she hasn’t made an effort to get prepared to live with me now. We first started looking into places but everytime we tried applying it showed we werent able to get accepted. Then i asked one of the people why and they mentioned that since we both applied we were averaged for application. So then i tried myself and i got approved with no questions asked. with that in mind i asked her why and she told me her financial situation was bad, with 4 years in i figured that would be a topic for us to discuss at some point. I mentioned that she should do the work to get it all sorted so she can move in. at first it was clear she would then now I am almost a year into this and i asked periodically if she has made any progress in the financial situation. and she kept deflecting it or eventually get mad. I eventually stopped asking because i knew it bothered her, but i was here waiting for her to move in and not a single bit of progress has been made.
Now in moments relating to intimacy or just conversation i get this feeling that i don’t think i am meant to have a future with her. As much as i want to, i don’t see the growth of this person anymore. And don’t get me wrong i know that growth comes in all shapes and sizes, but i don’t see anything coming from this anymore. it feels like she has no clear cut goal to live with me or secure a job or anything. I don’t know if i should keep going or not. Because i want her to have her support system and her family. I knew that i would have to start fresh, not to mention that she has a child and ripping her from a family setting like that is already hard as it is. I get it if we moved in back in the town before i moved. I just need some help with navigating this. is this worth salvaging? Because now i am slowly growing resentment towards her. Every conversation leads to something with us arguing, i can’t talk about my favorite topics without a argument erupting now.
TL;DR: I (29M) wants my (30F) to move in after years of discussion and being togrther for 4+ years but no progress has been made on her part. I feel this relationship is falling apart
Comments
> she kept deflecting it or eventually get mad. I eventually stopped asking because i knew it bothered her
If she isn’t willing to talk about things like an adult, there’s nothing you can do. Actions speak louder than words.
Okay, so it sounds like the actual situation is, “My partner hasn’t fixed her credit rating in one year.” Which, yeah, no shit. It takes longer than a year to fix shit credit.
If you are serious about a future with this woman, then you’d need to understand her full financial situation. You and she need to be able to talk about stuff like this. It might be embarrassing for her, so you have to ask gently and then work extremely hard to listen non-judgmentally, solution-focused only.