Throwaway account just in case. I (19F) have been dating my boyfriend, R (19M) for about 5 months now, we met in college and things have been great for a while, but now we’re on summer vacation and we’re long distance so we never really get to see each other in person. He games, a LOT. I mean we both have day jobs so we can’t talk a bunch during the day hours, but at night when he comes home from work, I’ll see on discord that he’s been playing Destiny or whatever else for literal hours and I don’t get any messages.
There was one time where I drove 10 hours just to come see him for a week and within an hour of me arriving he was on the game with one of his friends. I felt so crushed honestly and just kind of sat on the couch on my phone while he played.
I love R to death and our relationship is so great other than that, but I can’t help feeling unimportant.
TL/DR: Boyfriend, R, plays a lot of video games and it makes me feel invaluable.
Comments
That’s not a gamer thing, it’s a him thing. He’s immature, and you are not as important to him as his games.
You deserve better, straight up. That said, have you tried communicating with him how you feel? That’s the best place to start before you make any decisions.
Reminds me of when I was young. It’ll change when he’s older. if you wait it out 26/ 27. And from my personal experience is the age when they start to care less about video games and more about actual life.
Hi! I have a gamer bf too. Our situation is definitely different though, I game with him or watch him game like he’s a streamer lol. Would you ever consider trying it out?
He shouldn’t be ignoring you regardless, and I’m not trying to excuse his actions one bit. You need to be prioritized over his video games. How long have y’all dated??
I am confused as to why you didn’t dump his ass after the 10 hours of driving just to be ignored
That isn’t normal, not even on a curved “gamer normal” scale
Tell him his gamer time is cutting into your desired time spent with him and it’s hurting you. Tell him you feel like he’s just not interested in you. This sort of pull away is just stating how you feel. It will either A, draw him in and address the issue, or B, he will neglect you more (words and actions should match) and I’d say make your own decision at that point. Your time and feelings should be respected, even if he doesn’t always agree with it. A relationship is a two way street. Not one person and a couch potato/ vegetable. I had this problem where instead of gaming, I just smoked hella weed and would veg out.
I don’t know if he’s capable of being in a relationship. Nothing against gamers. You should certainly be a higher priority to him imo.
If he is a gamer then he is loyal cause he doesn’t have time to cheat on you and as for giving you some time you should try talking to him about this because we guys are dumb we can do anything if you ask but we mostly don’t have the power to predict what’s going on, there are some exceptions though but I’m also a gamer so sometimes we don’t have any clue what’s wrong we are doing in a relationship so it’s just you should try talking him about this I’m sure he will give you time.
Uhhhh duh?
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Set boundaries. Talk to him. Let him know how you feel, if he doesn’t acknowledge your feelings, then leave him and find someone who will.
You’ve been together five months and hes shown you who he is. Why are you still with him?
having a gamer boyfriend/girlfriend as a non-gamer is not necessarily bad in itself, but having one who prioritize it over their partner obviously is, don’t waste your time here, find someone with his priorities straight.
I’m a gamer but if a girl drove 10 hours to see me I’d tell the homies I’ll see ya next weekend, I’m spending time with my girl. It’s not that difficult. He’s still a boy doing boy things.
Why not talk to him about it? Youll learn alot about your relationship for better or worse if you do. Being able to work through difficulties is essential to any long term relationship. Stuff is only gonna get more real as you get older.
Best case scenario he hears your issues and adjusts to make space for you and his other hobbies and relationships. Worse case he doesn’t change anything and you know where you stand.
Honest heartfelt conversations can be really hard to have but if you cant have them with your significant other then its never gonna work out
I play a lot of video games. I have designated nights to play with my guild and outside of that, if my girlfriend is available, I’m hanging out with her. He will learn very quickly that having a woman that lets you enjoy video games is 1 in a 100.
If he doesn’t give you the time and attention you desire, dump him.
idk tbh if he’s working all day and gaming a bit at night to unwind that’s fair lol not every night gotta be deep convos and facetime marathons 😭 gaming is prob how he clears his head or chills out esp if he’s introvertted or lowkey tired af
Aye yo, Dontavius!
It’s not a “gamer” problem. It’s a “your boyfriend” problem. I’m a gamer, been married for 8 years now, never stopped. But i know when there is time to spare for it, and when there isn’t.
I usually dont post on these. But talk to him, explain your feelings, and how your trip made you feel ignored. Im a gamer. it’s how I unwind. It’s the primary way I talk to my friends.
Saying that, the man is in a relationship. If he values you, then we can adjust his schedule to accommodate your needs. Now, this doesn’t mean that he needs to instantly respond 24/7 or stop gaming altogether ( he may feel that is what you want). Communicate first. If you explain your expectations for how he shows you love and he doesn’t change his behavior, then it may be time to reevaluate your relationship.
Queen just talk to him. Try and resolve it normally and tell him it hurts you. If he doesn’t change you gotta leave.. trust me, been there, done that. Shit fucking sucks not being taken seriously and being ignored. If he does change for you then perfect, you’re meant to be. If he doesn’t then fuck it there’s plenty of others out there. Stay strong u got this
ok, so you’re dating a manlet. time to move onto a real man. boys can’t drag themselves away from a video game. men either, don’t play or they understand how to not leave their women uncummed in lieu of playing with toys.
If your girlfriend isn’t a gamer, the relationship becomes very difficult.
I was married for 8 years and he easily left me for games.
In the last 2 years I felt completely alone and the relationship was no longer meaningful.
Having a gamer boyfriend is the worst!!
So a lot of these other commenters are evidently extremist, and don’t really look for solutions to your problems. “Dump him” “leave him”. Nobody really listens to these people because they don’t have explanations or give you a thought process. You’re obviously not going to leave him yet.
It’s not that you aren’t important or games are more important; it’s that you don’t have boundaries with him yet.
5-7 o’clock, no games. Just you and me and all the attention I want. Outside of these hours are fair. And negotiate. Whatever you guys can agree on
Not necessarily all about games, but I had to do this studying for med school, overwhelmed with the high stakes exams. Was neglecting my partner, so these were the hours that worked for both of us. A lot of times I needed to just play games after frying my brain studying all day and need to recharge and I indeed forgot about my partner. I just had no idea. Now we understand and communicate and we make agreements.
Playing destiny alone is a HUUUGE red flag. But by everything else you said why not just leave? This relationship is only 5 months long. Better now to be hurt much worse after a few years.
I’m a gamer too and I love to game. But if you’re going to drive 10 hours to see me, I’m definitely going to reciprocate that effort twice as much.
I do want to mention this, and while I can’t speak for your specific situation, this is just from personal experience: gaming often makes people happy when reality feels painful. I’m not saying your boyfriend can’t deal with reality, but it’s very common for people to focus their attention and immerse themselves in a game because it distracts them from the painful reality they want to avoid.
It’s human nature to avoid pain and chase after happiness. In this case, games might be his source of happiness and a way for him to cope. I’m speaking from personal experience because video games have saved my life. I met so many wonderful people online and even met some of them in real life who supported me when I was going through depression and past life events.
Have you tried to communicate with him? Tell him how you’re feeling and that you feel neglected because of what happened. Try to find something you both enjoy doing together. Maybe even join him in the games he plays too. Relationships are about communication and making compromises.
Another thing I want to mention is that when you’re working during the day at a job you don’t necessarily like, gaming is probably something he looks forward to as a way to relax after work. That’s how I feel after a long day. I either don’t want to do anything or I just want to chill in peace, not take on more activities.
Again, you have to communicate with him and explain how it’s affecting you. Find out what does gaming mean to him. Then you both have to work on it. A relationship takes active effort, and it requires both sides to put it in. If it’s always one-sided like this now, it probably won’t last in the long run.
This is who he is- yes, of course, share how you feel- maybe the boy of you, come up with some kind of compromise-
Just remember that at the end of the day, he has already shown you and continues to show you- that he really enjoys gaming for hours-
I don’t think anyone thinks it is great. Unless you’re a gamer too.
Gaming can be a serious addiction. If you’re not getting what you need from him and you’ve addressed it and he isn’t making changes…. You’re too young to waste your time on this.
You need to have a conversation about time management.
He seems to be using his time badly. & you are resentful & you have every right to be.
How long in between times does he give contact? • Can he go days without contacting you?
I cant really advise on longterm relationships cuz I just wont do them. But if you gotta battle for someone’s time then they arent the one. You’re in love with the memory of when he used to spend his time on you.
New destiny expansion just dropped today. Give him like a week and he’ll be sick of it like every expansion they drop.
Do u guys live 10 hours apart?