Me 26M and my gf 25F have been together for a little over 5 years now. We are awesome together and I have never felt more connected with a person than I do her. The past 1-2 years have been even better and we rarely ever get in arguments. I love her so much.
However, there is one small thing that kind of bothers me and I don’t know how to bring it up to her. I think she is a little insecure about herself. It’s hard to explain, but a lot of times if there is another young attractive female in our vicinity, she starts to act weird and almost focuses on me to make sure I am not looking at the other female, or she will do something to get us off track and away from this other woman. Another couple examples that are similar – She won’t let me watch love island because “there are hot girls in bikinis”. I’m not even slightly interested in the show, but I feel like there is a deeper meaning behind her not wanting me to watch the show, like I mentioned above, she is insecure. Another smaller one is we like to go to college football games often, and if she thinks I’m looking the cheerleaders way she just goes mute or even sometimes says “what are you looking at” when I am just minding my business taking in the atmosphere … now this one is less frequent and has gotten better but still slightly annoying.
Also, to be clear I am not thirsting over these women or even checking them out. It doesn’t bother me she does not want me looking at other women and I understand that, thats not the point of any of this. It’s just odd when she switches up so quick in these situations and I feel like she doesn’t trust me fully.
How do go about bringing this up to her without it backfiring on our relationship? Or do I just leave it be and hope it gets better with time. (it has maybe slightly improved within the past year or 2)
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these insecurities could be a reflection that she doesn’t feel seen or beautiful. while i’m not entirely sure how often you compliment her, but everything she does her hair, or her nails, or puts makeup on, or does none of those things you should notice her. Make sure she feels beautiful with or without the makeup, when in public stand behind her hold her by the waist. Run your hands down her cheek when she smiles. Do the love booty smacks when she walks in front of you. While you may do some of these things, maybe you can address and ask her what she needs to feel more loved and more beautiful. She might not feel admired enough. It is most likely not a reflection of you looking at other girls, but more about how she doesn’t feel seen by you?
If it were a man acting that way toward a woman everyone would be calling him toxic and telling her to dump him. Idk if you should do that, but her trying to exert dominance over who your eyes happen to glance past is extremely controlling. She needs some therapy for her control issues as much as her own insecurity.